


Drapetomania

by StarReads



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Accidental crime, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Breaking and Entering, Canon-Typical Violence, Child Abuse, Childhood Memories, Childhood Trauma, Dimitri will live if I have to drag him through this story, Edelgard tries her best, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Romance, Excuse me sir this is my emotional support headcanon, F/F, Ferdinand is a big ol softie, Ferdinand's character development is fast and furious, Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, Hopefully the Enemies to Lovers stays on schedule, Hubert bearly murders Ferdinand, I Blame Tumblr, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I am going to attempt to write grieving, M/M, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Minor Injuries, Multi, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Other, POV Ferdinand von Aegir, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Child Abuse, Recruitment Shenanigans, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, Trauma, Violence, Vomiting, crazy update schedule, i am back on my bullshit, more tags will be added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 40
Words: 112,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23870131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarReads/pseuds/StarReads
Summary: Ferdinand looked up to his father as a child. His father was the pinnacle of nobilty, a strong and powerful leader. He had high expectations for him, and Ferdinand could only hope to live up to them.So then, why does Ferdinand leave?What starts as innocent curiousity spirals out of control rather quickly.
Relationships: Ashe Duran | Ashe Ubert/Sylvain Jose Gautier, Dorothea Arnault/Petra Macneary, Edelgard von Hresvelg/Bernadetta von Varley, Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra, Others to be added
Comments: 182
Kudos: 332





	1. Genesis

**Author's Note:**

> I got the title from vannamelonpie on tumblr, I just wanna say thank you you singlehandindly resurrected me from the grave.

Ferdinand's father was the picture of nobility. He was large and commanding, and everyone praised him for his bravery and intellect. The people of Aegir, they said, had never had a stronger leader. 

Ferdinand looked up to his father, and his father looked down at him with pride. He was the only son, the inheritor of the Aegir name and the future Prime Minister of Adrestia. His expectations for him were high, but Ferdinand was confident he would someday meet them.

From the moment Ferdinand first learned to walk, he spent every second of the day outdoors. His skin was always tan and his hair bleached lighter by the rays of the sun.  
He spent much of his time in the stables, with his horses. His favorite was a smaller one, who he called Madeline. Madeline was his dearest friend, second only to his younger sister. When he wasn't with Madeline, he explored. He loved wandering around their home, inquiring about everything he came across.

He was curious and a quick learner. His father tasked him with learning ettiquette, politics, and strategy as soon as he could read. And Ferdinand complied, studying for hours sprawled out over the floor of his bedroom. His eyes always burned by the time he was finished, but his heart burned with pride when he mastered a new concept. 

His father demanded perfection and again and again Ferdinand delivered. Yet he was never quite satisfied. His father expected him to be the best, and he would be. He would excel at everything he attempted because that was what it meant to be nobility.

And Ferdinand von Aegir could not have been prouder to be a noble. The Aegir name was ancient and grand, and every heir born to their house was destined to do great things.

His father himself was well-respected. He spent much time off at the capital, helping the Emperor in his duties. His father told him that Emperor Ionius was often sick, and needed the extra help around the palace. His noble, brilliant father was a kind-hearted and patriotic soul, doing his part to keep Adrestia and all its territories safe. 

Aside from his responsibilites, Ferdinand often spent his time with his younger sister, Stephanie. She was two years younger than him, small and bubbly with large orange curls and a big smile. She adored the gardens, and so Ferdinand spent much of his time running around them with her.

His other two sisters, Christine and Amarantha, seldom spent time with him. Amarantha spent most of her time talking to suitors, or speaking in hushed tones with their mother, and Christine never left her room. So while their mother attended to business, it was often just him and Stephanie, alone in the gardens of their home.

And his mother, his darling mother, was an intelligent and kind woman. His earliest memories were of him clinging to her skirts as she led him about their home. Her voice was warm and loud, and it commanded respect. She never backed down, she was unshakeable. To hear her say "I am Emily von Aegir" was his favorite thing in the whole world. 

His mother was often busy, but when she wasn't, he loved to curl up next to her and listen to her speak. She had many things to say, and they were always new and interesting. She was never boring or strict, rather, she was full of the same endless curiosity and passion that he was.

He loved her dearly. 

  
Despite his picturesque life, Ferdinand longed for change. By the time he was ten, he was desperate to leave home, asking his father about leaving frequently. It had occured to him that despite his father stressing his future as Prime Minister, Ferdinand had yet to even see the next emperor. No matter how much he asked about it, his father never budged on the issue.

He got hostile, even, when Ferdinand brought it up. It irked Ferdinand. How was he supposed to do his job properly if he didn't have all the details? What if the future emperor didn't like him? What if he failed to perform his duties properly because he had no experience?

Yet, his father never listened to him, and gradually Ferdinand stopped pestering him about it. Surely his father had his reasons for not allowing him to join him in Enbarr. 

But still, he grew restless. He was a boy whose only friends were a horse and his sister, and he was desperate for human contact. He wanted a life of his own, and he wanted to finally join noble society. What good was ettiquette if he never used it?

  
Ferdinand contemplated this very thing, as he wandered through the halls of his home. His sister was with her tutor and he didn't feel like going for a ride, or studying. Nothing seemed to be catching his eye today, and the pages seemed blank and lifeless. 

Perhaps it was the heat. Aegir territory was sweltering during the summer, and he was sweating buckets. He wanted to slip off towards the lake, but doing so would require walkong at least a mile in the heat, and he wasn't sure it would be worth the effort. 

As he approached the end of the hall, he spotted the door to the guest room wide open. This was confusing, as the guest room was typically reserved for, well, guests and messengers. Ferdinand peeked through the doorway, and saw no-one inside. The only thing amiss was the collection of papers on the desk. 

Ferdinand knew better than to snoop. It was rude and nobility didn't stoop to such lows. Yet before he knew it he had slipped into the room, closed the door behind him, and picked up the letter from the desk. Part of him screamed to put the letter back, but as if of their own accord, his eyes began to skim the letter. It was definitely his father's handwriting. 

And then, unbidden, his treachorous brain began to read the letter.


	2. Altered Perceptions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes reality can be more frightening than fiction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this is good because I cannot stop myself from writing this.

Dear Marquis Vestra,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I trust the matter with those associates of yours has been solved? I would hate for this to come to bloodshed. With all the work we've put in to ensure that we can maintain power, it would be a disgrace were that power to be compromised.

Ionius, that old fool, had no idea what was coming for him. Perhaps he should have listened to us the first time, and ceased his attempts to seize total control over the Empire. The coup was a result of his own hubris. But forgive me for getting distracted. I am not writing this letter to reminisce about our victory.

I suppose he is still sick? The "war" certainly took its toll on him. I shall send for some better doctors. We cannot have him die too soon. The citizens would riot.

Speaking of the war, I am glad we resolved that issue with Dagda before it reached the mainland. How is that whelp, Petra was it? It would not reflect well on the Empire should she fall ill as well.

Now that we have finished suppressing what was left of that weak fool's supporters, what's next for us? The seven of us have total control over the Empire, certainly, but we could have far more. I hope you will consider my previous idea. Given a little more time, I am sure we can make that girl even stronger.

If her body can handle two crests, perhaps an additional third would grant us an even more powerful tool. The extra time to break her in would be useful as well. I understand your concerns about her current condition, but sacrifices must be made. Even if we have to resort to cutting her open once more, we should strive for a more weapon.

Though, it certainly is a shame that _she_ is the only one left. I thought the heirs to the throne would have been hardier than they were. Who would think that such prime specimen would die from a little blood loss?

Nonetheless, I will be in Enbarr again in two moons, to assist with bringing the girl home. Until then, safe travels.

-Prime Minister Aegir

As Ferdinand read the letter, color drained from his face. Even with his tanned complexion, he still appeared white as a porcelain doll as he processed the new information. Placing the letter down, he strode wordlessly out of the guest room and down the hall.

As he raced away from the scene of his crime, his head swirled with disgust and regret. He should not have read the letter, but it was too late, and he could not forget what he had learned.

With shaking hands, he unlocked his bedroom door and scurried inside like a frightened pegasus. His door closed with a quiet click, and he was alone in his personal safe haven. Stepping over a pile of books, he slid to the floor and rested upon his knees.

The things his father had written were direct contradictions to the world he knew to be real. If it wasn't so clearly his writing, Ferdinand could just dismiss it as fiction and continue with his usual business. Now, he couldn't be certain of anything.

He knew of the Emperor's ill health and the war, but not of a coup. Who was the seven that his father had referred to? If he included Marquis Vestra and his father, that left five others. But who would dare overthrow the Emperor? And why hadn't he been told of this?

A change in power structure would be a huge event. Certainly, everyone for miles would be talking about it. Did his father hide this from him on purpose? Why?

And then there was the matter of the imperial heirs. No, *heir*. What happened to the rest? Who was the girl? Was it the eldest daughter or the youngest? And why would they be cutting her open?

Never mind that two crests should be impossible, but the idea that one could simply be given a crest was absurd! Unless one were to somehow acquire new blood...the idea was too ghastly to even consider. Everything felt too horrible to even think about.

How could his father allow this? This went against everything nobility was supposed to stand for. They should have been helping people, not...whatever this was.

Ferdinand sat in shock, not sure how to feel or what to do. Should he tell someone? But if all of this is real, then there would be no higher authority to go to. There was nowhere to turn if the people supposed to be aiding Adrestia were the one's in the wrong.

A knock on his door broke him from his panic. He then noticed that his face was wet. Had he been crying? He must have been. Weakly, he pulled himself off the floor and bade the person at the door to enter.

His sister opened the door to his room, head bowed to stare at the floor. Christine's mere presence felt strange. His sister who he never saw, standing in front of him was as likely an event as the Goddess herself appearing in her churches.

"Christine, what brings you here?" he said, frantically wiping his frustrated tears from the corner of his eyes. Not that Christine would notice. She continued to stare at his floor as if the planks in the wood were fascinating.

Christine's refusal to meet his gaze felt like a deliberate snub. They were supposed to be family, yet she never spent time with him. Come to think of it, did anyone spend time with him anymore? Apart from Stephanie, he seldom saw his family save for mealtime. Where did everyone run off to during the day?

"Mom just wanted me to tell you that dinner is in an hour," Christine said. Her voice was thin and weary, as if she was struggling to find the energy to speak. For a moment, he felt sorry for her.

"Are you alright?" Ferdinand dared to ask. He was met with only silence, as Christine floated away like a ghost, disappearing from his doorway. Well then, if she wanted to be rude, Ferdinand wouldn't bother. No point in talking to walls or shouting at the wind.

Sitting on his bed, he stared up at the ceiling. The weight of all he'd just learned and his conscious dragged him downwards into his sheets. Unable to muster the energy to close his door, he simply buried his face in a pillow and tried to clear his head.

He didn't go to dinner that night. By the time morning arrived, he was still anxious, and the lack of sleep didn't help. On his way to breakfast, he passed his father in the halls.

"Good morning," his father said, without even looking at Ferdinand. Ferdinand mumbled something back, but found he could not tear his eyes away from the floor.

He wasn't certain what he ought to be doing, but he was certain that things could never be the same again. He doubted he would ever meet his father's gaze as he used to.

He sat down to eat alone, as Amarantha and his mother were away meeting with a suitor, and Stephanie had awoken earlier, and was already out in the gardens. With a heavy heart, he decided to forgo his studies for the day.

Somehow, he didn't feel like impressing his father mattered anymore.


	3. The Silent Passenger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand does some more thinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy birthday Ferdinand! I hope you all like this chapter. Please forgive any weird spelling errors, my spellcheck is being an asshole right now. 
> 
> Enjoy!

  
Over the next few weeks, Ferdinand found himself feeling lost. Before he found that letter, he would spend almost all of his time studying to become the perfect heir for his father. But it was complicated now.  
On one hand, his duty to the people of Aegir, and to the Adrestian Empire, was still important to him. But if his father truly betrayed those ideals, was it really his duty anymore?  
What would he even do if he wasn't Prime Minister? Ferdinand had never considered being anything other than the person his father wanted him to be.

Who did he want to be? 

  
Ferdinand ended up pacing more often than usual. Before long he'd created a worn path from the gardens to the stables. He seldom played with Stephanie, preferring to watch with a heavy heart from a distance. He couldn't explain to her the reason for his sudden disinterest in their games. She didn't deserve to carry this burden as well.  
He spent almost all his time anxious and closed off from the world. Before long, his mother had noticed. No longer did he chatter away at dinner, or speak of war and strategy with his father. In fact, he scarcely spoke to his father without prompting.  
When they did speak, the argued. Ferdinand found himself rebelling against his father's every action. The more he examined him, the less he made sense. He was paranoid and obsessive and made so many questionable decisions. How could Ferdinand ever trust him in the first place?  
One particularly bad day, his mother corralled him into an empty parlor with a concerned frown on her sweet face. She took a seat on an old couch and motioned for him to sit with her.  
"Ferdinand, you seem troubled. What's the matter, dearest?" she asked. She ran her hands over his head, smoothing down the wavy locks that had been mussed up from the wind.  
"I'm alright, mother. Just...thinking," Ferdinand said. He couldn't bring himself to drag his mother into this. If she didn't already know, he'd rather she live on in blissfull ignorance.  
"About what?" she prompted gently. He sighed a little, leaning into her hand in a search for warmth and affection. Come to think of it, it had been awhile since he'd gotten to be so close to his mother. It was nice.  
"Well, just about..." he trailed off to stare at the wall. After a beat, he continued, " my future. Mother...do you ever wonder if things could be different? Where we would be if we weren't...here?"  
His mother's hand continued to mess with his hair, but he watched as she too began to stare off into the distance. The hand in her lap clenched tight for a second. She looked back to him, and the smile on her face seemed to stretch a little thin.  
"In a way," she said. Ferdinand furroweed his brow in response. What does that mean? He knew what he meant by that, but what did he mother mean by "in a way"? He echoed his thoughts out loud to his mother, and she shifted in her seat.  
Clearing her throat, she explained," Marriage is difficult sometimes. And on ocassion, yes, I do wonder if my life would be easier elsewhere,"  
"But darling, I promise you that there is a silver lining in all things. Even when it's tough for me, I know that your father means well. He's trying, okay? I'm not sure what happened between the two of you, but..." she trailed off.  
Her eyes squeezed shut as she pulled him closer. Ferdinand relaxed a little, closing his own eyes. "Promise me, no matter what, you'll stay positive. I know it's hard, I know your father doesn't always make much sense.I know he can be...thorny. But he loves you," she said, her voice wearing down into a whisper.  
When had she become so tired? She used to be so bright and full of energy. Her voice used to carry him in waves. Now it was only a stream, barely moving anything. Did something snuff out the fire in her eyes, or was this just what marriage did to a person?  
The conversation, having left him with more questions than answers, was still a pleasant distraction. He was calm for the rest of the day. His mother just had that effect on him. She did that with everyone, really. People just liked her, and she had such a way with words.  
The next morning, he took Madeline out for a ride. The wind was high that day, and the fresh air was calming. He rode out past hills and small farms, apprecitating the beautiful scenery that he knew so well.  
At the top of the hill over-looking the lake, Ferdinand stopped to rest. Madeline grazed happily while he stood, looking out towards the distant town. He had never visited it before, and he realized how strange it was that he had never gone anywhere in his life. People came to visit father sometimes, so he knew some people, but he had never gotten to leave their small world.  
Was he trapped here? As he stared out at the lake, the thought occured to him that he could just...keep riding. He could leave right now and never return. What was stopping him?   
He didn't like the idea. He loved his fanily, and even if his father wasn't a good person, shouldn't it be his responsibility to change that? He was the next Prime Minister. He couldn't just abandon that.   
But he wanted to. Something tugged at his very being, and the thought of leaving stuck with him, a silent passenger, all the way home.


	4. Distant Horizons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If anyone was an angel walking among them, it was probably his sister, and she wasn't hiding it all that well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is nearly 2000 words. I have no clue how I keep writing this much so quickly, but I promise it's not cocaine. Hope you like this one, Stephanie gets a lil more screentime!

Two years passed before Ferdinand knew it. Seasons changed, yet Ferdinand remained as he was. He grew only a few inches, his hair darkening slightly along with his skin. He spent more and more of his time outdoors, as his attention began to focus more on weapons and riding than studying in the traditional sense. 

Over those two years, he picked up on more of his father's strange habits. Knowing of his father's dark deeds casted much of his behavior in a new light. He continued to sneak letters from his father to Marquis Vestra before they were mailed. The stealth required to pull this off was immense , but the information he acquired was valuable.

As more of his father's scheming was unveiled to him, their relationship grew tenser. Their conversations were short and left him with a sour taste in his mouth. He felt the beginnings of a pessimistic frame settle upon his starry-eyed reality. 

His father spent much of his time behind locked doors. He worked endlessly on an assortment of things, yet he never seemed to have anything done. He was constantly expecting company, and yet not a singular person ever arrived. 

Most of his time was spent in his office, alone. Only one servant was allowed in his father's office, a spindly grey man whose name Ferdinand could never recall.

He called him Mr. Spider instead. He had a venomous voice, and he skittered about their home without so much as a passing glance to any of its inhabitants. Yet he seemed awfully close to his father. The two of them often spoke in low voices in dark corners. 

His father's supposedly busy schedule meant that he rarely spent time with the family anymore. Not that there were many of them to spend time with. The Aegir family had dwindled considerably over the years.

His oldest sister, Amarantha had gotten married last spring. Before he had realized it, she was gone. The man she married had seemed nice, if quiet, so he couldn't help but hope Amarantha would fare better with him.

Christine had ran away. It had shocked his poor mother, but Ferdinand couldn't bring himself to be mad. She left a letter explaining that she no longer felt safe in their home, and then disappeared. His father had been furious, but even that had passed eventually.

He understood her, and why she had run away. His silent passenger followed him as well, tugging him away from his world and towards the horizon. He wanted to abandon everything and chase after that feeling, find where it was leading him to. Did it have an end? Or would it tug him away always, constantly pushing him to keep moving.

Did he even have the right to just run away? His whole life had only been so easy because he was expected to serve his country. If he left, would it not be selfish of him? If his mother, a truly noble and courageous woman, could suffer through it, then why shouldn't he? 

His mother, despite everything, tried to stay with them. At first, his mother had done her best to be there for him and Stephanie. She spent a lot of time with them, trying to ease their worries. She seemed to be the same affectionate and brilliant woman that she always was. But her marriage to their father took its toll on her. Her hair and eyes greyed and the passion that once coated her every word dulled considerably.

Before his very eyes, his mother withered away. No longer did she walk the gardens of their estate with them, speaking of her many interests in an excited hush. Now she spent all her days confined to her bed, weakened by age and stress. She became so weak she could barely hold a quill, and her gentle voice grew quieter. 

Her vibrant smile became hollow and lost. She no longer filled the room with energy as she once had. Ferdinand found himself growing restless every moment he spent with her. It was as if all her abundant energy and life had been poured into him instead. 

He spoke to her as often as he could. Sometimes all he could do for her was sit there, quietly, and hold her hand. She always remarked with a sad voice how much he had grown. She looked at him with pride, but not as his father did. His father had valued him, he supposed, as an heir and an extension of himself. When his mother looked at him, he felt like a person. 

When he wasn't training or sitting with his mother, he did his best to watch out for Stephanie. She was lonelier, now that their other siblings were gone. She neglected her own studies, and instead threw herself into her gardening. At 12, she was already beginning to look older, her face pinched with the unmistakable signs of stress.

One morning, he pulled her away from her flowers and herbs and led her to the stables. Her face, staring down at her beloved plants with a pained expression, was enough to worry him. They walked hand in hand as they always did. Servants passed, rushing about. From their rapid whispering he gleaned that their father was in a bad mood. 

"Let's go for a ride. I'll saddle Daffodil for you," he said as they entered the stables. Stephanie nodded, stopping in front of Daffodil's stable. Daffodil was a cream-colored pegasus, with gentle blue eyes. Its soft face, Stephanie said, reminded her of a cloud.

Ferdinand swiftly saddled her pegasus, and then moved on to saddling Madeline. She had grown along with him, and they were both a head taller than they used to be. He ran his fingers through her dark, reddish-brown mane with a slight smile.

"Ferdie?" Stephanie said. He turned to look at her, and winced at the sad look on her face. Wordlessly, he motioned to the door. She nodded glumly, and the two of them led their mounts out of the stables. Once they were far enough away from the main buildings, he motioned for her to continue. 

"Why is Daddy always so mad?" Stephanie asked. Ferdinand paused for a moment, the air around them heavy. He pulled himself up onto his horse, and his sister followed suit. A quick glance at his sister revealed her furrowed bow and squinted eyes. He sighed rather deeply in an attempt to shake off the unbearable sadness.

"It's complicated," he muttered. She looked displeased with his answer, so he tried again. "Father is just...like that. Some people are just so filled with negativity that it spills outwards," he tried to explain. There was no real way to explain his father's behavior without telling her about his illicit activities, and he didn't want to get her involved. 

He knew how the knowledge affected him, and wouldn't wish that burden upon anybody. Especially not his innocent, wonderful sister. She deserved better than that. She deserved better than all of this, she deserved to lead a life of her own. She deserved so much, and some of his anger at his father returned to him. 

What right did he have to deny her that? Why keep all of them hidden away from the public? What purpose did it serve, besides feeding his own ego?

The two of them rode on, making light conversation. He led Madeline gently, watching his sister out of the corner of his eyes. Every once in a while, Stephanie and Daffodil would fly a little higher, and her smiling face as she soared about was worth any amount of gold in the world. 

They arrived at the top of their favorite hill, overlooking the local town. Ferdinand let Madeline wander about grazing as he sat beneath a tree. Stephanie took Daffodil down to the lake, giggling as several butterflies flew up from the forget-me-nots that scattered the hillside. 

He watched her dance about, speaking to her pegasus as if she was a playmate. Ferdinand rested his head against the tree behind him and watched her fondly. Madeline splashed water from the lake at Daffodil, who whinnied in protest. The two of them poked and prodded at wild flowers together. 

When Madeline nipped at her long orange hair, as she often did to others with similar hair lengths, she shrieked and playfully swatted her away. Her hair was her pride and joy, and she often lamented that no one else in their home had enough hair to style. She loved to practice her braid work on Daffodil, since their mother had cut hers down to a light bob, and their sisters were absent. As he watched her frolic like a child again, she was just as vibrant as their mother had been. 

She deserved better, he thought once again. Keeping her cooped up at home was criminal, when she should be surrounded by people who valued her as more than a crest machine. He wondered, vaguely, if she would be better suited to a simpler life. Would she be happier walking busy, crowded streets surrounded by people? What would that even be like?

He closed his eyes and dug in deeper, trying to conjure an image of somewhere that was not their quiet estate. What would the nearby village look like? Would it be noisy? What was life like for other people?

As he pondered this question, he felt something, a flickering presence at the back of his mind. He chased it for a while, until finally the thing took root in his head. It was a memory, a series of short bursts of life that just barely evaded his senses.

It was a fuzzy memory, to be sure, but a memory all the same. He remembered...winding hallways and cold air. And he remembered a little girl, with violet eyes. She sat alone, or so it seemed at first. But right behind her was a shadow, a boy with yellow eyes. Like a cat. Who were they again? He must have been quite small when they met, he can scarcely recall it. 

He could tell it wasn't his home that he had been in. The walls had been plain stone and brick, while their home was made of wood. And the girl was unfamiliar to him, though her hair was the same color as Christine's. 

Somehow, knowing he had once left soothed him. The world outside Aegir territory wasn't as far off as it seemed to him now. Maybe someday, that world could be something he was a part of. 

The thought carried him for a while on a wave of emotion, indescribable as it was bittersweet. But eventually he opened his eyes, and he was left in the same place as before. The only difference was that the silent passenger had become louder, and now it tugged him over the horizon, towards a place found nowhere except for the empty maps in his mind.


	5. Parting at Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All angels return to heaven, eventually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Character death and descriptions of blood and injuries.

Three weeks later, Ferdinand was woken up by the sounds of movement in the halls. He slid out of bed to investigate. Several servants rushed through the halls, chattering excitedly. Ferdinand stood quietly and tried to catch some of their conversations.

"Master Aegir....Leaving at noon...carriage wheels....horses..."

From what he glimpsed, it seemed that his father had another meeting in the capital to attend. He breathed a sigh of relief. With his father gone for at least a few days, they'd all fare much better. 

That noon, when his father left for Enbarr, Ferdinand pretended to be deep in study so he wouldn't have to see him off. As soon as he was sure his father was gone, he crept out of his room to see Madeline.

Madeline, for all his coaxing, still did not enjoy company. Aside from Ferdinand and Stephanie, she liked no one. Not even his dear mother could touch her without issue. So it was often left to Ferdinand to tend to her needs, as the stablehands all refused to approach her. 

When he arrived in the stables, he stopped first to feed Daffodil an apple slice. She brayed appreciatively, nuzzling his hand. Aside from Madeline, Daffodil was the only pegasus or horse in the stable that did not belong to his father. She had been a gift for Stephanie's 10th birthday. He remembered how happy she had been to receive her. 

She was also one of the few pegasi to not mind his presence. Most pegasi favored women over men, but Daffodil had always liked him. Perhaps she thought he was similar to Stephanie. The servants did often comment on how similar the two of them looked. With one last pat on her head, he continued on to Madeline. 

When he reached Madeline, he found her with her head half out of the stall. She whinnied as Ferdinand approached, and butted heads with him as he entered her stable. He laughed it off, petting her behind her ears. "Yes, yes, I will feed you now darling." He said. He reached over to grab a bucket.

He busied himself with drawing water for Madeline, a pain as the crank for the well was rusting away. The weather had been poor in Aegir territory as of late. It was not normally as wet in the summer time as it had been the past few months. He could practically smell a storm on the horizon.

Once he had filled Madeline's trough, he rifled through his horse bag for a brush. Madeline's mane and fur was delicate, and he rather enjoyed the effort he needed to maintain it. It was calming, far more relaxing than even tea time with his mother. Speaking of which, he would have to go visit her soon. Perhaps he should gather some flowers...he became lost in thought, methodically beginning to brush and comb through Madeline's hair by instinct alone. 

Once he was done, Madeline's mane was smooth and shiny. He planted a kiss to her forehead, and then offered her an apple slice. '"We shall go for a ride after tea," he promised her as he departed. 

Tea with his mother was nice. She sat up in bed and spoke more than usual. Just a few hours apart from his father had done wonders for her health. Some part of him filled with grief at the idea that his father's mere presence caused her so much pain. Part of him wanted to whisk her off to safety, but he was barely 14. There was nothing more he could do for her.

"..talk to her for me?" his mother said, ripping him out of his internal dialogue. He blinked, trying to recall what they had been discussing. His mother sighed. "Stephanie has been acting strange lately. She's been spending more and more time out with Daffodil. Will you ask her if she is okay? She has been dodging my questions for weeks now." His mother repeated. 

Ferdinand looked down at his cup of tea, Bergamont from the north with hints of vanilla, probably due to the farm the leaves grew in. Had his sister been acting off lately? He could not recall her behavior seeming out of the ordinary. Did he really not notice her leaving more often? He nodded as he finished his cup

.

"Thank you. You're the only person here she really speaks to aside from me, so I think she'll be willing to confide in you. Now, tell me about that book you were reading," his mother said. He smiled and launched into an explanation of the book on sailing he had picked up the other day, and the two of them easily slid back into their normal routine. 

The next couple of days, Ferdinand tried to speak with Stephanie, but she somehow managed to avoid the subject. She would make up some excuse, and then rush away before Ferdinand could get a word in. So he resorted to sneaking around and trying to gather information on his own.

She left during the mornings, typically. She always dressed as plainly as possible, stripped of her normal fancy ribbons and frills. She had at some point learned to saddle Daffodil by herself, which made Ferdinand a little proud of her. She stayed away for at least four hours each time, and she was always glowing by the time she returned.

Eventually, he guessed she was simply enjoying the countryside, and he couldn't blame her. While he didn't understand why she felt the need to hide that, he stopped pressing her for information and the two of them returned to business as usual. 

Then, six days after his initial conversation with his mother, he was awoken before the sun by movement in the halls. Curiosity got the best of him, and he slipped out of bed to follow the source of the noise.

He followed it all the way to the stables, where he found his sister saddling Daffodil in silence. He noticed that she had a bag over her shoulders and seemed nervous, eyes darting around the stall like a spooked horse. 

"Stephanie?" He said. She startled, whipping around to meet his gaze. Her eyes were as wide as Daffodils, and they reflected the light of the singular lit candle well, making them appear almost white. 

"I can explain," she whispered frantically. Ferdinand stepped fully into the stall with her, quietly so as not to wake the stablehands sleeping upstairs. 

"Where are you going? It's still dark out," Ferdinand asked. Stephanie dropped her gaze to the ground, staring at the dirt floor sheepishly. Ferdinand noticed that she was wearing a scarf he'd never seen before. Was it new? 

"I'm going into town. A friend of mine wanted to watch the sunrise with me," she said. Now it was his turn to be surprised. When had Stephanie been into town to make a friend? Was that where she had been sneaking off to recently? 

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," she continued," It's just she's the only other friend I've ever had and I was worried you'd forbid me from seeing her, or you'd tell father and he would forbid me from seeing her." Stephanie's voice cracked as she spoke. The sheer emotion in it was enough to set Ferdinand off balance. 

Ferdinand felt...conflicted. He was happy for her but at the same time..."It's too dangerous. You shouldn't go out all that way by yourself in the dark," Ferdinand said. Stephanie looked up at him, and he saw the determination her eyes 

"I have to. Ferdie, I really want to see her, and she was so excited about this," Stephanie said, placing a hand on his shoulder. Her touch was light, gentle like she always was. "Please," she pleaded. 

Ferdinand stayed silent, thinking deeply. He wanted his sister to be happy, and she deserved to do things that made her happy. But it might not be safe! But the main roads were generally well lit, and there wasn't usually a lot of crime in the area, at least from what he knew. What were the odds?

Besides, his sister looked so desperate. She really wanted to do this, and he didn't want to break her heart. She would be fine, right? He couldn't say no to her like this. It just wouldn't feel right, even if he had a bad feeling about it.

"Please be safe," he conceded. She cheered quietly, hugging him. He hugged her back, feelings of worry subsiding as she thanked him under her breath. This was the right choice to make, then. Anything that made her happy was alright with Ferdinand. 

"I'll be back before breakfast," Stephanie promised him. He saw her off, and as he watched her leave, he offered a silent prayer to the Goddess that she would be okay. 

He stayed up till dawn, staring out his window and silently praying for her return. By the time everyone else in the house was beginning their daily routines, she still was not back. He went to the stables to tend to Madeline. Madeline brayed at Daffodill's empty stall, and he could not help but wish he could express his own worry so simply. 

She did not arrive in time for breakfast. The whole staff was in a wild frenzy of panic, as every person was pulled aside and questioned. Ferdinand paced back and forth in the entrance hall, begging for his sister to walk through the door. By noon, when she still had yet to be found, men and women alike fanned out from the estate in search of her.

Ferdinand told his mother what had happened, tears in his eyes. She comforted him, promising everything would be all right. By late afternoon, with still no sign of her daughter, his mother gathered herself and the servants and began talking of sending word out to Duke Aegir. Ferdinand stayed in her chambers, staring silently at the floor and praying to the Goddess that she would turn up soon.

It was dusk when finally, he got the answer he had been waiting for. But it was not the one he wanted. He heard wailing downstairs, and he rushed out of his mother's room and through the halls. As the desperate sobbing grew louder, his blood began to grow cold.

He burst into the entrance hall to see his mother clinging to someone. One glance confirmed his worst fears had come to pass. 

She was still, silent. Her hair was matted with mud and debris, the orange locks she had been so proud of ruined. Her eyes were closed, no trace of emotion on her face. She looked to be at peace, as if she was simply resting. The scarf around her neck was torn and bloody, and covered with brambles and leaves. 

In the middle of her chest was a large, dark red stain. It was somewhat dry, recent but not fresh. She looked to have been impaled, her shirt torn around the wound almost dramatically. He would think this was some kind of sick joke, if his mother did not look so devastated. 

He felt like he was falling, like the floor beneath him had opened him up and swallowed him whole. He could scarcely breathe, as if he had been the one stabbed through the chest. He tore his eyes away, though he could not move. The window was fogged over. Had it started raining? Seriously? 

'This must be a bad dream, and any moment now I will wake up and feel rather foolish for believing it to be true,' some distant part of him thought. But he knew this wasn't a dream, just a nightmare brought to life like the Goddess herself was punishing them. 

He stood motionless, floating away on the wind and far from the room, till even his mother's desperate sobbing was only the faintest of noises. Somewhere Ferdinand cried, but he was not there to see it.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sorry, man. Should I tag this as major character death? Does this count?


	6. Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Funeral ahead. This is angst heavy so be careful!

  
Ferdinand did not come down for a long time. He went through the motions of daily life but nothing seemed real to him anymore. He stared endlessly at the flowers Stephanie had adored so much and he thought of nothing and yet thought of everything. 

  
The sun rose every morning and every morning Ferdinand rose with it, though never by choice. He cared for Madeline as best as he could, spent so many of his waking hours in the stable that the smell of dried hay and mud never left him. He would stand silently in his mother's doorway often. Their eyes met but there was no longer understanding between them. She was oh so tired and he was without rest.

  
There was a chasm of empty space between them. There she was, living and breathing, but there was no life behind her eyes. His mother once again withered away behind closed doors. They no longer took tea together. There were no words, and Ferdinand did not feel like searching for them anymore. He didn't think he could ever find the right ones anyway.

  
His father came home five days after Stephanie died. He did not speak to Ferdinand, kept his eyes locked forward. He talked of grief and pain and yet his eyes betrayed the absence of any emotion whatsoever. Ferdinand had never hated before but now he hated so much and so strongly.

  
His father was incapable of love or affection. He did not comfort his mother, did not reach out to either of them. He went right back to work, shoving the funeral arrangements away to be handled by some servant, and he didn't bother to visit her body. Ferdinand himself visited Stephanie often, always clutching flowers in his hands. It was all he had left to give her. She had died and taken the last of what was left of his family with her.   
  
He felt purposeless. Stephanie had been his only friend and now she was gone. Her life was stolen from her by fools looking for easy profit. They had killed her, and he found out later they had killed her friend too. He couldn't help the feeling that it was his fault. He had let her go. If he had prevented her from leaving, she would still be among them.

  
He hoped she was with the Goddess, in a beautiful place where no harm would come to her ever again. It was the only thing comforting him, the idea that there might be a better place waiting for her on the other side. He wished he could have gone with her. But it wasn't his time yet. It shouldn't have been hers either, but life isn't fair to anyone. 

  
Funeral arrangements were made quickly. He listened to the staff discuss the funeral often. He watched them send out letters informing others of her death in somber silence. If nothing else, the servants seemed to mourn her absence just as much as he did. They all took turns watering her flowers, forget-me-nots and cassagrandas thriving in spite of the absence of their devoted friend. 

  
Ferdinand went into her room to tidy up occasionally. He kept it dust-free at least, because some part of him felt averse to the idea of her beloved space gathering dust. It felt as if letting her room be eaten by time would be admitting that she was no longer with them.

  
He organized it often, rearranging books and washing sheets as if she was still present. She had a lot of books on plants. He would read them, sometimes. He found that her books on flowers were always written in, her clean handwriting found on the margins of every page. The notes about her own findings on certain plants made him cry. It felt like she was still speaking to him from wherever she was, her memories perfectly preserved like pressed flower petals.   
  
He read them over and over again, commiting each flower to memory. She sketched often, the tiniest details of a flower brought to life by her careful hand. Individual petals drawn out in methodical detail, until they sprung from the page as if they were real. She devoted so much love to her plants that it felt as if she lived through them.

  
Ferdinand did not have a green thumb, but for her he tried. He kept her flower bed as best as he could. He would study them for hours, wishing that he could see just what she had seen in them. The way she wrote about them, it was almost as if they spoke to her. Her heart was entangled in leaves and vines and he desperately wanted to find her again, buried in rich earth and thick roots.

  
Her funeral was a quiet affair. Their small extended family came, some aunts and uncles and a few cousins. The priest spoke for about an hour, and Ferdinand did nothing but stare at her coffin. It was open, her face still and the coffin flooded with flowers. It didn't feel real that she was gone.

  
"...She was a pillar of the Aegir family."

  
Ferdinand turned to look at his father without being obvious that he was doing so. His eyes were dry. He was standing there without a trace of grief or remorse.

  
"A tragedy that she was taken so soon."  
  
His mother cried next to his father. His father ignored her, more focused on looking proper. His posture was perfect, his face even. He didn't even seem to be listening to the sermon.

  
" She will be missed, but she has found her eternal place at the Goddess's side."  
The ceremony closed. Ferdinand watched them lower her coffin into the ground. Two servants pushed the earth back over her. It was as if the hole had never been there. Now the only thing marking her presence was the elaborate headstone.

  
His father turned away. Everyone began to speak amongst themselves. His mother got up and left, still crying. He wanted to chase after her, but his legs felt like mush. He watched his father drone on to one of his brothers. Neither of them seemed upset. None of them did. They were all gabbing away like this was some summer party.

  
It made him sick. His stomach churned and he wanted to vomit. He hated it here. He hated his self-centered, greedy father and the gossipy servants. He hated every room in the house but his sister's. He scrambled to his feet and left. They probably said something about that, but he was too livid.   


He wandered into the stables and sat with Madeline. His anger was stifling. How could it not be? He had been angry for so long and now there was nothing stopping him from feeling it. No hand to hold him back and remind him that he had bigger things to worry about. 

  
He stared at the saddle on the wall. That familiar tug came back and he realized quietly that there was nothing keeping him here anymore. His mother was here, sure, but she would understand like she had when Christine ran away.

  
And so he made up his mind to leave. As soon as that thought took hold in his brain, he relaxed. He would be gone soon, and he could finally have a chance to be someone other than his father's son. 

  
He just hoped it would be worth it.


	7. Escapism

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road less traveled.

  
He planned his departure for three days. He took a bag and packed it carefully, making sure to take what he felt was most important. A notebook, a quill, two changes of clothes and a book from his sister's room went in first. Perhaps the book was purely sentimental, but he couldn't leave without taking some part of her with him. 

He stole some fruit and bread from the kitchens and added that as well. He laid out sturdy warm clothes and good boots for the day he would leave. He did all of this detached from his surroundings. Somehow knowing he was leaving made the world around him seem less solid. The details no longer mattered. He was determined to never walk these halls again.

He tried to sleep at night, to no avail. So he instead spent time with Madeline, knowing that soon neither of them would know where they would sleep next. He snuck food out of the stables for her, hiding it in a second riding bag. In that he also left a brush, some treats, and a blanket for the two of them in case they couldn't find shelter. 

The last day came sooner than he really anticipated. He got dressed quickly before dawn, grabbing his bags and saying one last goodbye to the room of his childhood. Things would never return to the innocence of his youth ever again. He found himself, for a second, questioning his judgement. How could he guarantee that life would be better out there? 

But he was past the point of no return. He slipped out of his room and almost went right past his mother's quarters. However, he noticed the door was open and his mother was alone, staring out the window at the rising sun. He knew he had to be gone before the stablehands were awake, otherwise there would be questions. But it didn't sit right to him to leave without saying farewell to his mother.

He walked into her room to stand by her bedside. She turned to look at him. His heart sank at the emptiness in her eyes. Was the mother who raised him even there anymore? What made a person themselves anyway? Was there a tangible self aside from the physical form? 

"You're leaving, aren't you?" his mother whispered, pulling him back into the moment. He stared at her, mouth moving but no words coming out. How had she guessed? 

Oh, right. The bags and the cloak probably gave it away. He averted his gaze to look out the window. The sunrise had never looked more promising. By this time tomorrow, he'd be watching the sunrise from a different place. Did it look the same everywhere? 

"I have to," he said without really meaning to. His voice moved on its own, as if he was compelled by some outside force to speak. "I cannot stand to live here with him a second more. I have to go," he said, his voice strained. Who was he trying to convince, his mother or himself? He could no longer tell.

His mother was quiet, lips pursed. He looked back at her and saw that she was staring at him, searching for something in his face. He could not tell what. "...I understand. Ferdinand, I..." she took a deep breath and it sounded like she was on the verge of tears, "Ferdinand, I promise no matter where you go, you can always come home. I will always be here." 

He nearly cried himself at that. Even now that he longed for freedom and a life outside this place, it was comforting knowing that home was always an option. Because home had never been the estate. Home had been his mother and his sister and their quiet understanding. He was leaving the estate but as long as he lived he would never leave home.   
  
"Mother, I love you. I will come back someday, I promise," he said softly, hugging her one last time. It was warm and bittersweet, the kind of hug that can only be shared at the end of a journey. What journey he had ended today, he did not know. But some part of his story had come to a close in that moment, and he could not help but grieve its absence.  
  
He left with Madeline, taking the normal route to their hill. Overlooking the lake and the nearby village, he stopped to breathe. This was it. He would never again stare out over the lake and wonder about the world beyond it. He took his first step and he didn't look back.

The next few weeks were a flurry of travel and work. He knew he would eventually run out of money, so he picked up odd jobs here and there. He found he was good at more physical labor, so he stuck to working for farmers and the like. 

Most of the time, this meant making deliveries and working in fields. He was sturdy enough to pick crops or fix fences or hoe fields. Some days he would be out from dawn till dusk working. 

Madeline was a huge help because he could take jobs that required him to deliver messages or ride out and intercept trade wagons when someone needed something right away. When she wasn't helping him with work, she was usually eating, grazing, or drinking water. They might not have been at home, but Ferdinand strived to take care of her just as he always did. 

It wasn't good money, doing odd chores for people, but it was enough to keep himself and Madeline fed, and occasionally sheltered. He bought a tent as soon as he saved up enough money so that they didn't have to brave the elements when there wasn't an inn nearby. It was a tight fit, but it worked and he couldn't complain. 

As he traveled around Aegir territory, and later the rest of Adrestia, he noticed that conditions weren't exactly the best. Many of the villages and towns he visited were poor, with the citizens working tirelessly for little reward. Yet whenever he caught a glimpse of nobility, they were living large and prospering.

How is that in a country with so many starving poor, that the nobility could live in luxury? It had never even crossed his mind before, how much different his life had been compared to the general populace. Some of the things he heard and saw were so foreign to him that he felt alien and strange. 

It...frustrated him, to see the people of Adrestia suffer like that, while men like his father lived such good lives. Nobles were supposed to protect commoners! It should be their duty, their moral obligation to assist the downtrodden and protect the weak. 

It should be his duty. But he had abandoned that. The trade off for his newfound freedom was crushing guilt. Would he have been better situated to help Adrestia from his place at home? Even if he was miserable there, did he owe it to his country to try to make things right?

Who was he, really, without his father's name and title? He was just some boy with a horse and basic combat skills. His father may not have been a good person, but he did feed and clothe him for a long time. And all that money was taken directly from the people of Adrestia. Did he owe them his service? Did he want to serve? Did he ever have a choice in the matter?

He knew at one point he had wanted to be Prime Minister. Was that still his dream? What did he want to do with his life? Sure, wandering Adrestia was sort of nice. He got to see and meet so many people and learn so much. And even with all the poverty and heartbreak, Adrestia's citizens still had hope. It was refreshing to see such optimism. 

He held that unyielding hope for the future in high regard, and it reminded him of his mother's request from way back when. She had asked him to try to stay positive, even when it was tough. Maybe, if he could not find the strength to return to his duties, he could find the strength to keep a promise to his mother.

That would have to be enough for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YOU DONT GET HOW EXCITED I AM TO FINALLY BE OUT OF THE AEGIR HOUSE. FINALLY, WE CAN GET TO SOMETHING OTHER THAN DADDY ISSUES.
> 
> 4 chapters till we finally meet the other members of the main trio :)
> 
> I think this is the first fic I've gotten a good rhythm going when it comes to writimg and updating it. I think it's because unlike all the other fics I have the plot planned out from the start.


	8. New Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand meets a new character.

Time passed, and soon Ferdinand found himself in Enbarr. The city was nothing like he'd imagined. The streets were crowded and noisy, the air heavy and thick with smoke and dust from smithys and bakeries and open fires. The poor were everywhere, always just out of sight. 

  
  


On the surface the city seemed prosperous, its citizens wealthy and joyful. But Ferdinand saw the homeless, the destitute, and the damned on every corner. So many people resorted to begging, and he watched as many were carted away by city guards. It made him sick to his stomach, watching how the wealthy treated those without money or power. 

  
  


No wonder his father was the way he was. The whole damn system encouraged it. Yet, he still clung to his ideas of nobility. Surely there was some merit to the idea of a ruling class that could protect those without the means to protect themselves. Without such a system, what would happen to the weak? 

  
  


It must be the people in charge ruining it for everyone. Ferdinand was determined to fix the system someday, if he even could. At this point he wasn't sure where he would end up in the future. It all seemed so distant.

  
  


He wandered the streets for a while in search of an inn. It was warmer now, the air slowly turning from winter to spring. This made the city, dense and smoke-filled, seem even more crowded.

  
  


He turned a random corner near the middle of the city and came across a surprisingly empty pavilion. In the center was a large fountain, and a girl stood in its water, bathing herself. She was about his age from the looks of it, dressed in old faded clothing and lacking shoes. 

  
  


As the dirt came off her arms and legs, he realized that he was staring. He realized quietly that she looked a little like Christine. They had the same color hair, though Christine's had been far shorter. And she was singing, he realized as he got closer. She had a rather lovely voice.

  
  


Suddenly, the girl whipped around, catching him by surprise. Ferdinand nearly tumbled over, steadying himself with Madeline's reigns. She whinnied at him, almost as if chastising him. He turned to give his horse the stink eye. Madeline looked thoroughly unamused, or some horse-ish approximation of it. 

  
  


"What are you looking at?" the girl snapped. Ferdinand froze, a little embarrassed. He really hadn't meant to be rude. He shifted away from her on instinct. The air was heavy and the tension thick.

  
  


"My apologies. I just wanted to say hello," Ferdinand said sheepishly. He felt the need to run away again, strongly. The girl was glaring holes through his skull. "Um, I can see that you are busy, so I shall just take my leave now," Ferdinand mumbled.

  
  


The girl sighed. "What, not so eager to make fun of me now? You going to run home to your mother?" the girl asked in a huff. Ferdinand evidently made a face at her, because she scoffed. "What's the matter with you? Cat got your tongue?"

  
  


"I think perhaps you've misinterpreted my intentions. It would be rather cruel of me to pick on someone trying to care for themselves," Ferdinand stammered, fumbling for the words to explain himself. 

  
  


"I was just taken in by your singing, and you look a bit like my sister so I suppose I lost myself for a moment. I did not mean to disturb you, Miss," Ferdinand continued. The girl stepped out of the fountain, eyes narrowed. The sun gleamed off the water in her hair, and he found himself comparing her to the fairies and water nymphs he saw in books. 

  
  


"Why are you still here? Don't you have something better to do?" She snapped. Ferdinand stepped back slightly. His boots made a scuffing noise against the stones beneath him and he winced.

  
  


"I am just trying to find an inn. I think we got off on the wrong foot. I am Ferdinand v- Ferdinand," he said, trying to be polite and not anger her. The girl's expression changed, as gears in her head began to turn.

  
  


"Do you not live in Enbarr?" The girl asked, her tone of voice softening a little. Ferdinand nodded, relaxed now that the girl seemed less angry.

  
  


"I used to live in Aegir territory. Some...issues occured with my family and I decided to try my luck on the roads. Are you from Enbarr?" Ferdinand asked. The girl sighed, looking back at the fountain.

  
  


"Yes, actually. I just got an interview with the Milfrank theatre today, which is why I was in the fountain. I get the whole family issues thing. There's an inn about three blocks over," the girl said, pointing in the direction of the inn. Ferdinand beamed.

  
  


"Thank you very much," Ferdinand almost turned to leave, but thought better of it," May I ask for your name?" The girl seemed calmer now, clearly having decided that Ferdinand posed no threat to her. 

  
  


"My name is Dorothea. It was nice to meet you, Ferdinand, but I should get going for my interview. I'll see you around, if you're staying in Enbarr," the girl, Dorothea, said. Ferdinand nodded.

  
  


"I think I may stay for awhile. Madeline and I thank you for your help," Ferdinand said. Dorothea's mouth twitched, hiding a smile.

  
  


"Do you mean your horse?" Dorothea asked. Ferdinand puffed out his cheeks and defensively shielded his best friend. 

  
  


"Madeline is not just any old horse," he said. Dorothea laughed, shaking her head in amusement. She turned and headed away, but not before waving goodbye.

  
  


Ferdinand watched as she left, smiling to himself. "I think we just made a friend, Madeline," he mumbled. Then he turned and headed off towards the inn. 

  
  


The inn was a small one, just a three-stall stable and a small building with a leaky roof. But as soon as he stepped in he was greeted with warm laughter. Three men sat in the corner, smoking and playing cards. At the desk in the back of the room, a woman sat writing. Ferdinand approached her, standing up straight in hopes of looking a little older than he was.

  
  


The woman looked up at him as he approached. "Need a room?" she drawled, her accent thick. He faintly recognized it as being from the rural areas of Herving territory. 

  
  


"Ah! Yes, actually. I was also hoping to rent out a stall in your stable for my horse," Ferdinand said. The woman nodded, reaching into a drawer in her desk and pulling out a sheet of paper. 

  
  


"That'll be 10 gold a night for the horse and 15 gold a night for you," she said, handing Ferdinand the paper. Ferdinand read it over, and filled out his information using a quill from the woman's desk. 

  
  


The woman checked his information quietly. "Ain't you got a family name, boy?" she asked. Ferdinand coughed awkwardly. She looked at him suspiciously. "Well then, speak up," she snapped. 

  
  


Ferdinand looked down at his feet, quickly trying to think of a surname to give the lady. "It's uh," he started. 'C'mon, think Ferdinand. What names do I know? Can't use Aegir...oh, wait, Amarantha married a Mr. Vaughan!' he thought.

  
  


"Vaughan. Ferdinand Vaughan," Ferdinand said. The lady nodded, though she seemed confused. He coughed into his elbow to avoid making eye contact.

  
  


"You related to those merchants down in Macuilia?" the woman asked as she wrote down his surname. Ferdinand decided that since it wasn't technically a lie, he could say yes. So he nodded.

  
  


"Well, enjoy your room. Need help tying up your horse?" she asked. Ferdinand shook his head. "No, I'll be fine. Thank you," Ferdinand said.

  
  


He brought Madeline into the stable and set about taking care of her. He filled her trough with water and food, and then brushed her mane and fur until it was just as shiny as ever. The stall was smaller than she was used to, but he figured she still had enough room to sleep and it was only temporary. With a kiss to her head, he left to go to his own room. 

  
  


The room was small, but the water closet was at least not in his own room and there was a basin for washing up. He ate some of the food he had bought in the last city and then checked his funds.

  
  


"Enough money left for three days here. I'll have to go find a job," Ferdinand murmured to himself. He set about getting ready for bed, washing his face in the basin and stripping down to his shirtsleeves. He threw his coat over a chair in the corner, and set about removing his boots. Looking up from his task, he spotted a calendar on the wall. All the days up to a certain point, likely the current date, were crossed out. 

  
  


It took him nearly five whole seconds to recognize the date, but when he did he stood up straight in surprise. It had been his fifteenth birthday today. He had been gone for nearly six months now. The thought baffled him. Had it truly been six whole months since he had last seen his mother? 

  
  


He sat down on the bed, dazed. He hadn't felt like much time had passed at all. But he was fifteen now, somehow. The thought was a bit scary. Where had all that time snuck off to?

  
  


With a sigh, he laid back on the bed. It felt like everything was changing far too quickly for him to keep up with. What was he going to do now? Enbarr was a large city. He could probably live here for good, completely anonymous, though his father visited often.

  
  


Did he want to stay or keep moving? He had seen almost the whole country by now, hadn't he? Maybe he could go to Faerghus, or the Leicester Alliance, or perhaps hail a boat to Brigid or Dagda. The possibilities were endless. The mere thought of making such a huge decision made him weary, and he drifted off to sleep without even noticing.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm excited to finally introduce Dorothea! These next few chapters are gonna go by quickly. It's time to get the other main characters on the chess board :)


	9. Old Enemies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand commits a crime.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're only 9 chapters in and well over 10k words??? I literally have 30 chapters planned so far and I haven't even planned out the post timeskip stuff???? I think I may have signed myself up for a long, long ride. I'd like to thank you all for all the kudos and comments! I appreciate the feedback and I'm glad you all are enjoying my writing!
> 
> Now, read and enjoy!
> 
> HOW DID I FORGET TO PUT THE CHAPTER NAME?!?!?

  
Ferdinand woke up the next morning with an ache in his shoulder and a slight chill. Sleeping in such an awkward position had made his back muscles sore, and he winced as he set about getting ready for the morning.

  
"I'll have to start looking for a job today," he mumbled, grabbing his bag. Once his shoes were on, he left the room to go check on Madeline. The innkeep waved goodbye to him as he left, and he smiled back politely. It was always nice when the innkeepers were friendly. He could no longer count on one hand the amount of innkeepers he had met who were rude or even openly hostile. How they stayed in business was anybody's guess, though he supposed it was not their fault entirely. 

  
Madeline brayed as he entered the small stable, and he chuckled. He reached her quickly, and immediately began to rub between her ears. He set about feeding and watering her, and he did so with his usual gentle care. 

  
"Do you mind staying in here today? The streets are crowded and I would rather avoid trying to navigate them as a team," Ferdinand asked her. Madeline did not respond, but as she did not nip him he decided that she would be okay for today. They had just done a lot of walking to get to Enbarr after all. 

  
Once he ensured that Madeline was comfortable, he left to roam around Enbarr. The city streets were already in full swing, the sun having risen only a few hours ago. People all around him were starting their days, the crowds bustling off to their jobs. There seemed to be a performer on every street corner, singing or juggling or playing instruments. He felt rather sorry he couldn't spare any money for them, since they were all working so hard.

  
His attempts at finding work were not going well, and by midday he had covered nearly half the city in his search. It was starting to get hot, so he ducked into an alleyway to catch his breath. A stray cat raced past him, and he watched it disappear around a corner, its matted black coat blending in with the shadows.

  
As he stood, panting, commotion in the streets caught his attention. Several large carriages made their way through the busy road, pedestrians darting away from them to avoid being crushed or knocked aside. He peered through the crowd, trying to determine who was inside the carriage.

  
Through one of the slightly fogged windows, Ferdinand spotted a very, very familiar face. He was as flushed as ever, red in the face from some combination of frustration and the heat outside. His lips were moving fast, presumably complaining about something.

  
It was his father. The knowledge made him shrink back reflexively, as if he could spot him in the crowd with ease. He realized that he was likely going to the castle to see the emperor. Why did he take such a large procession? Usually he took a single carriage with him to Enbarr. Was he escorting someone? Increased security? 

  
Ferdinand found himself following the carriage without even thinking. He slipped into the crowd and let it wash over him, moving quickly but not as if he was in a hurry. He had to keep up with the carriage without actively appearing to be following it. He wasn't sure why he was doing what he was doing, but he just felt like he needed to. 

  
He followed his father from a distance all the way to the castle. He watched from afar as the gatekeeper leaned into the carriage at the front of the procession and spoke with the driver. They were let into the castle grounds with a wave, as the guard returned to his post.

  
Ferdinand should have turned around and gone back. He could have looked for a job, or maybe tried to find Dorothea again. Yet, he found himself walking along the castle walls, staring up over it. One particular stretch of wall was right between two guard posts, and yet the guards were positioned such that neither of them could see the wall. 

  
Perhaps that should have alarmed him, considering it was a definite breach in security. Yet before he knew it he was up and over the wall. It took him a minute or two before he realized that he, Ferdinand von Aegir, had just committed a crime. Breaking and entering into the Imperial Palace wasn't just illegal, it probably counted as some form of treason! He panicked, quickly running his eyes over the surrounding area. He appeared to be in the gardens, yet no groundskeeper was in sight.

  
His second mistake was scurrying away from the wall, instead of just hopping back over. Without even thinking, he dashed through the gardens and into a door of the castle. So he was definitely trespassing. The hallway, thankfully, was empty. The walls were made of grey stone and it was cold inside, despite the sweltering heat of the midday sun.

  
He snuck through the halls as his anxiety subsided. Once he was done panicking, he began to think over his situation. Surely, if he could just get back to the gardens unseen, he could hop back over the wall. Or perhaps he could disguise himself as a servant and leave when someone inevitably went out on an errand. As long as he didn't run into anyone important.

  
As fate would have it, as soon as he thought that, he heard footsteps from around the corner. He dashed forward and hid behind a pillar, just as a servant walked past carrying a broom. She entered a room, and as soon as she was out of sight Ferdinand fled down the hall. He had never done something so inherently immoral in his life. Sneaking around the Imperial palace of all places, like nothing more than a common thief!

  
Though, as it was unintentional Ferdinand could not entirely fault himself for it. It was simple curiosity! A moment of weakness! He thought this in an attempt to rationalize his actions while he moved about the castle, ducking for cover whenever he heard anything at all. Even the smallest sound had him hiding like a frightened toddler clinging to their mother's leg. 

  
He had walked all the way from the ground level to the second floor in an attempt to find a good place to think things over. He was about to turn back around, when he spotted from around the corner a large group heading straight towards him. He easily picked out his father's face among them, his loud voice dominating the chatter despite many people talking at once. 

  
"Taxes from the Hyrm territory seem particularly abundant this year," one of them said, though his voice was completely unfamiliar to Ferdinand. Ferdinand began to breathe erratically as he realized they would be upon him soon. Without a moment's hesitation, he flung open a random door and dove inside.

  
Shaking, he closed it and stopped to compose himself. That truly had been close. If anyone had spotted him...

  
"Excuse me, but would you care to explain who you are and why you are in my room?"  


Just his luck, then, that this happened to be someone's room. This day could not get any worse.


	10. A Horrible Start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand finally meets the Imperial Heir.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw: canon typical violence, and non-consensual drug use in the form of a chloroform like substance.

  
"You still haven't responded to my question," the girl said. She sat primly in a chair, legs crossed at the heels. She was striking, with long white hair and lilac eyes. She seemed a little younger than Ferdinand, perhaps by a year or two. And she was staring him down with all the strength of a person far, far more mature than her age might suggest. 

Ferdinand coughed awkwardly. He scanned the room quickly for hints of who this girl was. The room in question was well-furnished and tidy, not the sort of quarters one would expect of a servant. And her demeanor and attire indicated status of some sort. Suddenly a thought crossed his mind, and it came tumbling out before he could stop himself.

  
"Wait, are you the Imperial heir?!" Ferdinand asked, slightly panicked. The girl's eyes narrowed, clearly unamused. He found himself backing up unintentionally, and he clipped his shoulder onto the door. Ferdinand winced, reaching back to rub at it. That might actually bruise.

"Don't tell me you have broken into the castle and yet you cannot even recognize the future emperor. What kind of thief doesn't know the layout of the place they plan to rob?" The girl snapped. She did not stand up, but Ferdinand got the feeling she was not only perfectly capable of doing so, she might easily overpower him in a fight.

Well, it really could get worse after all. Why was she alone anyway? Should she not have at least one guard? Unless he had missed a whole person standing in the hallway. It was unlikely but not entirely impossible. He scanned the room anxiously for a means of escape, but the only way out was behind him.   
  
"There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why I am here that is not in any way criminal," he said slowly. The girl did not look impressed, as she crossed her arms like a mother scolding a spoiled child.

"I suggest you explain, then, before Hubert returns," the girl said, though she was not looking at him. Her gaze seemed fixed on the door. He too, glanced back at the door.

"Who ..who is Hubert?" he asked. The girl did not answer. He took a deep breath and attempted to compose himself. "Well you see, it was purely a coincidence that I stumbled upon your room. I was actually trying to-" he didn't get to finish his sentence, as suddenly the door behind him opened.

"Hubert, wait-" was the last thing he heard before he felt a cloth hit his nose and a strong arm squeeze around his ribcage. The smell was noxiously sweet, and after only a few seconds he began to feel lightheaded. His eyes closed soon after and he was out like a light.

  
He came to some undetermined amount of time later. With his eyes still closed, he attempted to get a feel for his surroundings. His head felt fuzzy, like it was enclosed in cotton. Two people were talking somewhere near him, in hushed voices.

"We should alert the palace guards," one of them said. Their voice was lower, a bit gravely but pleasant all the same. Why was Ferdinand even thinking about the quality of their voice in the first place? He remembered something covering his mouth. Had he been knocked out? 

"I would like to hear him out first. Perhaps this is all just a misunderstanding," a gentler voice said, though it was still just as strong as the first. The voice, he recognized, belonged to the girl he'd spoken to mere moments (?) before. The other person made a sound of disagreement.

"As you wish, Lady Edelgard," the deeper voice said. Ferdinand finally opened his eyes. He was propped up in a chair and...his hands were tied behind his back. He immediately began panicking. Were they going to kill him?

His fuzzy memory helpfully reminded him that he was still, in fact, in the Imperial palace. Right, he'd committed a felony. They were definitely going to execute him for this. 

He focused on the people before him. The girl, Edelgard he assumed, was now standing up. Standing slightly in front of her was a new person. He was a boy, around his age, with greasy black hair and mean, yellowish-green eyes. Ferdinand suspected that he was likely the Hubert that Edelgard had referred to earlier.

"State your name and business in the Imperial palace, and perhaps I may spare your life," Hubert said darkly. Edelgard shook her head for some reason, as if Hubert's statement was bothersome instead of disturbing. He swallowed, his mouth drier than a desert during a drought. Ferdinand thought for a moment. He couldn't lie about his identity to the future Emperor, but he was worried that they might alert his father to his presence. Perhaps he could convince them not to hand him over, but he had a feeling that he was in no position to be making demands.

"I am...Ferdinand von Aegir," he said, attempting to sound confident, though the tremor in his voice betrayed his hesitation. Edelgard sighed again, rubbing at her temple. 

"Why wouldn't you just say that in the first place? Duke Aegir will not take kindly to the mistreatment of his son," Edelgard said, stepping forward. But she was stopped by Hubert's outstretched hand, as he shielded her. Why would he need to shield her? Ferdinand was tied to the chair, so it was not like he could harm her. 

"And pray tell, Aegir, why are you here? If I am not mistaken, you have been missing from the Aegir estate for six moons," Hubert said. Ferdinand averted his eyes, realizing he was now in a tight spot. How much could he reveal without incriminating himself? Could he even avoid doing so?

"It is true that I have been missing, but the reason for my disappearance is a good one. Though I am not sure it would be wise to discuss the reasoning now, I promise that I had no ill intent. As preposterous as it may sound, I entered the Imperial Palace by complete accident. I have been trying to leave without being spotted because I did not wish for my father to see me," Ferdinand explained.

Edelgard raised an eyebrow at his explanation. She and Hubert shared a look, its meaning lost on Ferdinand. They seemed to communicate subtly, with no need for words or grand gestures. 'They must be close,' he thought, shifting his arms in their restriction. The rope was starting to burn a little.

"We should return you to your father," Edelgard said thoughtfully. Ferdinand made a panicked noise at the back of his throat, immediately shaking his head. Hubert glared at him, and he froze like a child caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"I am begging you not to. It is a complicated reason that drove me away from the estate, but I assure you that if I must return I fear the situation will get worse," Ferdinand said quickly. In truth, he was worried that if he returned to the Aegir state he might never be allowed to leave. Besides, Madeline was waiting for him back at the inn and he could never abandon her.

Once again, Edelgard and Hubert shared a look. Hubert's eyes flickered with an unpleasant emotion, but he stayed silent as Edelgard spoke once more. "Hubert here will help you leave the palace unseen, provided you tell him how you got in. Perhaps you can return later to tell your story if you so choose," Edelgard said.

Hubert walked over and untied him. As soon as Ferdinand's hands were free, he stretched out his aching shoulder. Hubert yanked him up by his arm, and wordlessly said goodbye to Edelgard before he dragged Ferdinand out. 

The two of them made their way through the palace undetected. The air between them was tense, and Ferdinand found himself fuming at the harsh treatment. Hubert turned to Ferdinand just before he led him out of the main building. 

"While my lady might have been so kind as to 'invite' you back, I would remind you that it is unwise to return. Not only would you jeopardize yourself, you would also be wasting Lady Edelgard's time. Do not return," he said. His voice was menacing and his words dripped with poison, but Ferdinand felt appalled not at the intent but at the perceived slight. How dare Hubert refer to him as a waste of time! 

Hubert led him over to the wall that Ferdinand had first come over. "This is how I got in," Ferdinand said, gesturing to the wall. Hubert sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"How a simpleton like you managed to notice the route taken by Vestra spies is anyone's guess. Get going," Hubert snapped. Ferdinand did not need to be told twice. He hopped back over the wall as gracefully as possible, though his bony knees knocked against each other like a newborn foal walking for the first time.

He had not initially been planning to return, but his annoyance at Hubert's unfair assessment of him made him consider otherwise. Perhaps he would return just to spite him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE'RE FINALY GETTING TO THE ACTUAL PLOT SWEET JESUS HALLEJUAH. 
> 
> And now all the *main* characters have been introduced.


	11. In With A Bang

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand finally tells his story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of Torture, Graphic Violence, Death, Child Abuse, and Heavy Religious Themes.

  
  
Ferdinand returned two days later. He had found some work at a local smithy, polishing weapons and armor and dealing with customers. It was much less physical then he was used to, but it paid decently. It kept him busy, but he found that the hustle and bustle of the inner city was far more enjoyable than the quiet solitude of the open road.  
  
He still tried to get Madeline exercise as often as he could, despite his busy schedule. Usually that entailed riding her around the city and often to the Milfrank Theatre Company's quarters, where Dorothea now stayed. The two of them got along well enough, and he was even considering telling her how he ended up in Enbarr.  
  
Not the full story, of course, because implicating major political figures in human experimentation and child abuse would probably get him hanged. But he just felt like she deserved to know some of it, at least. Lying all the time was driving him crazy. So he supposed this visit to the palace might do him some good.  
  
He left Madeline in her quarters, opting to go on foot instead. The wall he had jumped the last time was similarly unguarded, though this time he had the foresight to check the gardens for servants before he scaled the wall. After he was safely on the palace grounds, it was easy to navigate his way to Edelgard's room.  
  
Just like before, it was suspiciously unguarded. He had a feeling that was on purpose. After seeing Hubert's ability to subdue someone himself, he would bet his right hand that the lack of guards was supposed to lure would-be evil-doers into a false sense of security. Goddess help the poor unfortunate soul who thought Edelgard would be an easy target.  
  
He knocked as quietly as possible on the door. He did not want to draw the attention of a servant or guard, as that would lead to some rather awkward questions regarding his identity and how he had gotten in unseen.  
  
"Enter," Edelgard said. He did so at once, opening the door and hurriedly stepping in. He did not wish to linger in the open for any longer than absolutely necessary.  
  
Edelgard was once again sitting at the desk, her arms folded in her lap and her gaze steely. Hubert stood just off to the side. He looked thoroughly unamused at the sight of Ferdinand. Edelgard, however, looked different. A little pleased, even.  
  
"You returned. Here to tell your story, I take it?" she asked. Ferdinand nodded, looking around the room. It was rather small, for someone of her status. The lack of bed indicated these were not her chambers, as he had first assumed, but a study of some sort.  
  
"Out with it then. We do not have all day," Hubert growled. Edelgard shot him a pointed look, and Hubert seemed to begrudgingly refrain from further comment. Ferdinand took a deep breath to compose himself.  
  
"It started when I found a letter from my father to an associate of his, Marquis Vestra. I had not meant to snoop, but the contents of the letter were...disturbing. They detailed an apparent coup of which I had no prior knowledge of, as well as some...more gruesome accounts. The first letter was not incredibly detailed in the matter, but as I began to find more correspondences, I learned of..." Ferdinand choked on his own breath at that point.  
  
Having not lived through it himself, he could not claim to understand the pain Edelgard must have endured. But if his memory of the accounts were true, she had undergone great pain for the sake of another man's greed. And she was the only one left. To lose one's siblings in such a manner...he could barely fathom the pain.  
  
Edelgard stared straight through him. He continued, this time with much less composure. "I cannot fathom why someone would do such horrible things to another person. I could scarcely believe it at first. I stayed there, conflicted, for some time. And then...something else happened. And I could no longer suffer living under the same roof as that man," Ferdinand finished.  
  
The memory of Stephanie's lifeless body formed a lump in his throat. He wanted to shake his whole body in hopes of flinging the memory away, but he stayed put. Edelgard looked at him, and he saw a hint of something in her eyes. Sympathy? Grief? Disbelief? He could not name it.  
  
"Ferdinand," she said. He looked back at her. Hubert was eyeing him skeptically, as if evaluating his story. He felt like he was being examined, the contents of his heart laid bare for the world to see. He prayed, silently, that they would not press for further details. If he spoke of Stephanie, he would surely vomit.  
  
"Ferdinand, do you believe in the Goddess?"  
  
It was a simple question, and the practiced response nearly tumbled from his lips on instinct. Yet, his breath hitched in his throat and he was caught with a tidal wave of emotion. Did he truly still believe in the Goddess after everything?  
  
He thought of sermons with his family when he was still a boy. The quiet prayers and the long lectures while he sat perfectly still and well-behaved. His sister, Stephanie, wiggled in the seat next to him impatiently. She had never had the attention span to sit and listen to doctrine and faith, and she had hated praying.  
  
He thought of flowers blooming in the springtime, the gift of life. How miraculous, it had seemed to him, that everything grew on its own, with no prompting or instructions. That from a single seed such a beautiful thing could begin, life itself pushing up from the dirt.  
  
He thought of Madeline, when she was still a foal. Her dewy eyes and new coat, her wobbly walk and her first true run, sun streaking through her perfect mane. He had been in awe of her, this marvelous being that sprung to life before him. He had never seen anything like it before, the energy she had from the moment she was born. He was sure of it then, that both of them had been born to run.  
  
All these good things, he had long attributed to the Goddess. She had gifted them this life, she was in every soul, a constant source of energy. Without the Goddess's protection, the world as he knew it could not exist. Yet, doubt had crept in somehow, someway. She was meant to protect them, wasn't she? So then why did all these horrible things keep happening?  
  
He thought of his father's letters, the conjured images of people in cages. He thought of the descriptions of torture, of cut flesh and bruised skin, of broken bones and oceans of blood. He thought of screaming and destruction and nine bodies lined up perfectly, all looking a little like Edelgard.  
  
He saw the girl before him. She was not weak, not diminished in any way. Her force of personality filled the room, keeping everyone's eyes on her. Yet she was frail, arms boney as they struggled to fill in muscle. Her skin was deathly pale, her hair dead-looking and brittle. She seemed tired even without any obvious signs of sleep deprivation.  
  
He thought of the unnatural magic used to make her this way, of the crests in her blood destroying her body. He thought of the lead quality to her eyes that reminded him of his mother.  
  
He thought, once more, of his mother.  
  
Was she alone now? Her house empty of all joy, her children gone, one stolen from her, and two having ran away? Was she being cared for as she should? Did her husband, his useless, cruel father, even bother to visit her? Could she make the trip from her room all the way to Stephanie's grave on her own anymore?  
  
He thought of his mother withering away in solitude. He thought of Christine, hidden away from the world in her room. Had she too pressed a hand against the glass of her window and dreamed of a place far away? Where was she now?  
  
He thought of Stephanie's grave, far from the house. He thought of Daffodil without her, alone in the stable. Was she being cared for properly? Was she too wasting away without her former master? Did anyone but him feel so empty at the thought of her? For all the good she did, was he the only one who grieved her absence?  
  
He remembered that day as if it had happened only yesterday. He had prayed so fervently, begging for Stephanie's life to be spared.Yet she had returned to him as a corpse. How could a benevolent Goddess allow such cruelty? How could she take someone so young?  
  
He realized, quietly, that he no longer knew what to believe. He loved the idea of a kind overseer of humanity, of someone who was always rooting for the good guys to win. Yet he could not reconcile that belief of an all-powerful deity with one that allowed such horrors.  
  
What did he believe?  
  
"...I want to," he finally spoke, the flood gates opening ,"I want so desperately to believe that there is someone looking out for us. But how can that be, if she allows such horrible things to happen to good people? How can there be a Goddess watching over Fódlan if there is so much suffering?"  
  
He grew silent afterward. Even his breathing was reduced to a mere whisper. He pleaded silently for some sort of reaction. Let them laugh at him, accuse him of heresy, throw him out of the room, anything! Instead they stared back at him just as quietly. The air in the room changed, fell thick with an emotion he would be hard-pressed to describe.  
  
Edelgard broke his gaze first, looking back to Hubert. Hubert made eye contact with her, and something in his expression changed. The miniscule muscles in his browline twitched. Ferdinand noticed, for the first time, that he lacked eyebrows. Did he...shave them off? Why would he? Would it be impolite to ask?  
  
Edelgard glanced between him and Hubert. Hubert raised an eyebrow. Edelgard made a strange face. Hubert's eyes widened by a mere fraction. Were they communicating? How? Ferdinand watched, fascinated at the range of expression the two of them used to carry out some sort of wordless exchange.  
  
Ferdinand could see that Hubert was disapproving of something. How he could tell, Ferdinand wasn't sure. Maybe it was in the way his eyes moved between Edelgard and Ferdinand in disbelief, or perhaps it was entirely in the subtle movements of his lower lip. But where did his disapproval lie?  
  
Edelgard finally returned to meet Ferdinand's gaze. "Ferdinand, as heretical as everything you just said was, I cannot help but agree with you," she said firmly. Ferdinand could not hide his shock. Had the Imperial Princess just agreed with his religious sentiments? Surely she was a follower of the Church of Seiros, as so many of the Emperors before her were.  
  
"Lady Edelgard, I do not think this is a good idea. I implore you to reconsider," Hubert said. He was glaring at Ferdinand suspiciously, like he was a raggedy child eyeing apples at the market. What a disgusting metaphor, truly, that a merchant would begrude a starving child of a singular apple. Too many times had Ferdinand had to step in on their behalf. Could people not care for the poor and weak a little more?  
  
"Hubert." Hubert refrained from further comment, but his glaring continued. Ferdinand's blood near-boiled at the thought of it. Had he not proven his trustworthiness already? Twice now he had been here in this room, and not once had he attempted to hurt her. Surely if he had ill intent, he would have acted upon it by now.  
  
"The truth, Ferdinand, is that the Church of Seiros is no religious organization. It is a front for a tyrannical dictator who seeks control over all of Fodlan. She covers up the truth about Crests and Relics in order to maintain power. Humanity cannot progress until this false leader is removed once and for all," Edelgard stated. Ferdinand felt like he had just been slammed into a wall.  
  
"What?" he asked incredulously. Edelgard sighed and shook her head. "I understand your confusion, it is a lot to take in all at once. But the truth is that the leader of the Church of Seiros is a near-immortal being that has abused her power over Foldan for far too long. It is her fault that our current system is so broken. The Church's false emphasis on Crests has corrupted our nobility and doomed thousands into a life of poverty and suffering."  
  
Ferdinand had to stop himself from falling over from the shock. Inhuman creatures? A secret dictator controlling all of Fodlan? It all sounded like some mad conspiracy theory, yet the firmness of her voice only served to make her story more credible. If this was true then it changed everything. It was one thing to change corrupt nobility and dismantle a government, but an entire religion? It simply wasn't possible!  
  
"Do you have a plan, then, for ending this tyranny?" Ferdinand asked. Edelgard looked back at Hubert for a moment. He looked resigned, if displeased. "I plan to dismantle the oppressive regime of the Church myself. If we can remove the corrupt leadership, perhaps the faith itself can be reformed. There are also...other enemies we must deal with, but those will have to wait."  
  
Ferdinand raised an eyebrow in silent confusion. "Having to fight both at once would severely disadvantage us, and it is unlikely we could win against the Church without their help. Perhaps if we had more allies, but with the current state of things...it is likely that this path of ours will be lonely," Edelgard explained.  
  
Ferdinand nodded in understanding. "You are confiding this in me, and I thank you for your trust. If there is anything at all I can do to help, you can rest assured that I will do my best," Ferdinand said solemnly. He had not woken up today thinking he would be let in on a plot to dismantle an entire religion, but then again he never could have predicted any of this. To think this had all started with a letter...the world truly operated in mysterious ways.  
  
"Thank you, Ferdinand. I am sure we can find some use for you. It is...nice, to have more allies. Certainly you are one ally we would not have expected. You may return at any time, though perhaps spread your visits out. If you are spotted...well, I do not have the power to keep you from being returned to your father just yet," Edelgard explained. Hubert stepped away from Edelgard.  
  
"I trust you can find your way out unseen?" he asked. His tone was still hostile. For some reason it greatly upset Ferdinand, but he decided not to test the waters by being hostile back. He had just been granted a great deal of trust. No need to jeopardize it immediately.  
  
"I can. Thank you, Lady Edelgard. I shall take my leave," Ferdinand said, bowing slightly before departing.  
  
Hubert watched as his figure disappeared around a corner. He then returned to Lady Edelgard's side. "He's a nice boy, isn't he?" she asked of him, reaching once more for her textbook. Hubert scowled while her back was turned.  
  
"He is a fool," he said lowly. Edelgard shook her head with a small chuckle. For what reason was she trusting this...noble brat with such delicate information? He had not even had the chance to run a background check on him. Did she want to jeopardize the plan?  
  
"I do not think so. Call it an intuition of mine, but I believe he can be trusted. And he does seem to be a friendly face. We could do with that. You know, a little more diplomacy might do us some good," Edelgard explained. She picked up a quill, the long black one she favored, and began to write something. A quick glance confirmed that they were strategy notes.  
  
"Intuition it may be, but respectfully Lady Edelgard, I do not think it is wise to involve him in this just yet. We still do not have all the information," Hubert said. Edelgard sighed. "I understand your concern Hubert. But trust me on this."  
  
Hubert groaned internally. He admired his Lady's tenacity, but it always had a habit of popping up at the most inconvenient times. If she would not be cautious, he would have to be for the both of them. He'd arrange for some spies to start digging into his past. If he had anything to hide, he'd find it.  
  
And for now, he'd keep an eye on him himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, we've finally gotten to the thick of the plot! The next couple chapters are gonna go by fast! I swear we'll get to the monastery soon, I just really wanna play around in the pre-canon area for a bit :D


	12. Oil and Water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand amd Hubert mix about as well as oil and water

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mentioned child abuse involving a horse whip, and denial from the abused child that said child abuse was abuse.

The next time he returned, it was with far more confidence. He had spent two weeks hard at work, and now that he had his first paycheck, he figured he could take a break. He was enjoying working in the smithy, and his boss had even let him try working the forge himself. It was tough, but something about seeing a blade he'd helped to shape delighted him.

He had ended up arranging to stay permanently in the inn, seeing as he had no plans to leave Enbarr anytime soon. He got on well enough with the innkeeper and her wife, and the guests were usually respectful. Plus, Madeline enjoyed hanging out with the rotating assortment of horses and pegasi in the stables.

He hopped the wall once more, and made his way through the castle. He found that the hallways were familiar already. And somehow, it was always cold inside. He'd have to ask sometime why that was. How did they keep the whole building cold?

Edelgard was in her study again, head bowed over a stack of papers. Hubert hovered near her. He too was looking at papers. As soon as he noticed Ferdinand, those papers disappeared in a whirl of motion to...somewhere. His even, calm face changed to a slight scowl as Ferdinand approached the two.

"Ferdinand." Edelgard greeted him, eyes still fixed to her papers. Ferdinand bowed in greeting, because let it not be said he was without manners. He glanced at her work. It was mostly complicated, formulaic math, the sort of stuff that used to bore him to tears as a child. He had never had the patience for math, finding it far less practical than battle strategy or history.

Besides, most advanced mathematics required him to focus intently on a multiple-step formula for far too long. It was mind-numbingly boring. How anyone could stand it was beyond his understanding. But Edelgard seemed intently focused on her work and he did not wish to disturb her.

"Color me impressed. You have once again managed to sneak in unseen. I did not think it was possible for an Aegir to be anything other than obnoxious," Hubert said. His tone was quiet and overly polite but the venom dripping from his words betrayed his malice. Ferdinand grimaced.

"Now what does that mean?" Ferdinand said. He felt his blood boil beneath his skin. What kind of baseless insult was that?! He had so far been nothing but quiet and polite, so where could he possibly be drawing this assumption from?

"I said exactly what I meant. But I suppose I should not have expected much from an ignorant fool like you. Clearly your brain is too empty to help you parse even the simplest of sentences." Edelgard's pen slowed, as she glanced back over her shoulder at Hubert.

"That is entirely uncalled for! I do not understand what issue you take with me. I have been nothing but polite to you," Ferdinand snapped. He clenched his fists and jaw, barely containing his rage. Hubert clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

"Do not be so quick to anger, Aegir. If you cannot even exercise a modicum of self-control, you will be of no use to us," Hubert said. Edelgard placed her pen down and turned in her seat to look at the two of them.

"You are insufferable! You would provoke me and then deride me when I react? That is nothing short of manipulative!" Ferdinand threw his arms up in the air, defeated. There was no use arguing with him if he was determined to find any excuse to berate him.

"Hubert, I am begging you to stop," Edelgard said, her voice betraying her exasperation. Hubert nodded in acknowledgement, though he continued to drill holes in Ferdinand's skull. "Ferdinand, thank you for visiting again. We will be with you in a moment, I just need to finish up this last problem."

Ferdinand nodded, leaning against the wall to wait. As he waited for her to be finished, he glared back at Hubert. This man was impossible to deal with. Hubert had not known him for very long and yet had already written him off as a fool!

Once she was finished, the three of them began to discuss some history. It took up several hours of his time, and before long the room was sweltering. Ferdinand knew if he stayed in that room much longer, the heat would make him snap at the two. So he excused himself into the hallway for a moment.

It was strange to think that summer might already be approaching. He dabbed at his brow, sweat beading on his forehead. He was almost ready to return and say goodbye, when he heard a noise from the end of the hallway.

He panicked. He whipped around too fast and stumbled backward, crashing into a cabinet. The vase on top of it tumbled over, and his arms flew out to grab it. The water from inside poured over his chest and stomach, soaking the shirt through.

A small black cat with white paws appeared from around the corner. Ferdinand stared for a moment, face flushed. Well now he just felt foolish. He set the vase and the flower inside back in place and then stared down at his shirt.

"Well, I suppose that is one way to cool off," he joked to himself. He pulled at the fabric, and it made a squelching noise as it moved from his skin. "Gross," he mumbled. With a sigh he began to unbutton his shirt.

He removed the soaked garment and held it out. He'd have to dry it soon, as it was his only nice shirt. Just as he was about to turn around, he heard a coughing sound from behind him.

"I'm shocked that a noble such as yourself would do something so immodest," a dry voice spat. He turned around to glare at the source.

"Seriously, immodest? It is just a shirt. It is not as if I am naked," Ferdinand said. Still, he crossed his arms over his chest to avoid being stared at. Damn him for making Ferdinand feel self conscious. Must he be so difficult?

His gaze felt like a deliberate attempt to provoke him. "Defensive, aren't you?" Hubert said, with a tone that more easily fit a discussion of the weather than a taunt.

"I am simply refuting your observation, nothing more. And before you ask, my shirt got wet, which is why I removed it. Please inform her highness that I had to leave. Good day," Ferdinand said. He quickly slung his soaked shirt over his shoulder and took his leave. He would not allow Hubert to have the last word. Even if it was tactless of him to leave without bidding farewell to his host.

Ferdinand decided to visit Dorothea the next day. She had come to be a good friend of his. He enjoyed discussing theatre with her, and she found his anecdotes about his travels to be entertaining. That day, he found her sitting outdoors. She was talking with a fellow member of the company, a young woman he had learned was named Lavender.

It was a fitting name, given the color of her hair. The outdoor area they were in was warm and full of greenery, and Ferdinand found that the set-up reminded him of the gardens he grew up in. As soon as Dorothea spotted Ferdinand, she waved him over.

"Dorothea, Lavender! How are you?" he called out as he approached her. Dorothea smiled, standing up from her seat. Lavender busied herself with the script in front of her, waving to acknowledge Ferdinand. She wasn't much for conversation.

"Ferdie! I am doing just fine. It's nice to see you," Dorothea said. Ferdinand smiled to himself. The nickname she had adopted for him was sweet. Stephanie had called him that as well, actually. He brushed that thought aside, because thinking about Stephanie still hurt.

"It is nice to see you as well. How is rehearsal going?" Dorothea walked past him and over to an assortment of props lying on the pavement. There were a couple fake pieces of fruit, a (hopefully) fake skull, and several wooden swords.

"It's going fine, thank you for asking. Do you want to practice the sword scene with me? I asked Lavender but she said she can't use a sword," Dorothea said. Ferdinand grinned. "That sounds great, actually. I have not used a sword in some time, so forgive me if I am a little rusty."

"That's fine," Dorothea said, tossing Ferdinand a sword. "The scene I'm talkin about takes place during the final battle of a grand war. So we start on a hill like this," Dorothea explained. The two of them began working on the choreography.

When they were finished, the two of them went to go get a drink. Dorothea chugged some water, before turning to Ferdinand. "You're pretty good with swords. Where do you learn?" she asked. Ferdinand finished off his water, and placed the cup back on the table.

"My father taught me," Ferdinand responded. He stretched out his shoulders. It was nice to practice with weapons again. He missed the thrill of wielding a blade or a lance and slicing through training dummies. He should see about getting a lance of his own, actually.

"Oh, really? That must have been nice," Dorothea said. Ferdinand nodded absentmindedly, picking up the wooden sword again. He jabbed it in the air before him. It was lighter than he was used to, but the grip wasn't bad.

"Yeah. He used to watch me train for hours," Ferdinand rambled. "Whenever he had a moment to spare, he would supervise me during my training. It helped me improve, because if I missed a target or fumbled my blade, he would hit me with the riding crop he carried on his belt."

He continued to mess around with the wooden sword. Behind him he heard shuffling, and he turned just in time to see a flash of lavender hair disappear into a building. Dorothea stood just in his field of vision. She looked like she had just seen a ghost.

"Dorothea? Are you okay?" he asked. Dorothea wrinkled her brow and covered her mouth with her hand. She stood there for a bit, her face morphing from shock into a deep frown.

"Ferdie...that's not normal," Dorothea started. "And it's terrifying how casually you said that." Ferdinand blinked. Not normal? It was how people were trained everywhere, wasn't it? Pain was a conditioning factor used on horses all the time, though Ferdinand never once used it on Madeline. If such methods worked well for animals, in theory they should also apply to humans.

"Dorothea, I assure you that the practice is perfectly commonplace. It is not unlike spanking a misbehaving child," he asserted. Dorothea continued to look horrified. She turned to look back to the main building in silence. Ferdinand returned the sword to the prop pile.

"I have no clue how to explain to you all the things wrong with what you just said, and I have to get going to my afternoon rehearsal," Dorothea explained. Ferdinand nodded.

"You should get going then. I will see you soon," Ferdinand said. Dorothea looked back at him one last time. There was concern in her eyes that quickly returned to the same guarded gaze she always had. It had an easy charm to it, but there was no mistaking the intelligence in her eyes.

He had heard before, a conversation where the other girls in her company compared her to a flower. The few shady rich men who came to visit her would drone on about her beauty in a similar manner. Yet Ferdinand could not help but think she was beautiful in a different way. Others reduced her to soft leaves and sweet smells, but to him Dorothea was sharp and dangerous. She was intelligent, crafty in a way that was more befitting of a sword. She was an elegant blade that could not be written off as fragile by any means.

As he left, it began to rain. The rain in Enbarr smelled different. In Aegir it smelled sweet and clear, a distinctly floral scent. But here the rain smelled of spice and earth, a sharp scent that fit the city better. It carried him all the way back to the inn, like a roaring river.

It was about a week later, and the rain refused to let up. It was dreary and cold outside, windows fogging up. No matter how close Ferdinand stood to the fire, he never got any warmer. He found himself drifting into the forge room during work in search of that heat. The blacksmith, who insisted on Ferdinand calling him Smokey without a Mister or Sir in sight, let him help in the forge more often. It was nice.

He was off work today, but the foul weather made him reluctant to go anywhere. He had half a mind to stay in bed all day, but he knew Madeline needed to be cared for. He trudged outdoors and to the stables, where the only thing keeping out the cold were the dozens of strips of cloth jammed into every crack and crevice in the walls.

He entered, expecting to be alone. As he walked to the back of the stables, he heard Madeline stamp her hoof against the ground. "It is me, Madeline, do not get antsy. I will feed you now," he called out. As he passed other horses, he gave them all a quick rub between the ears. The only one he did not touch was Lily, as she was a pegasus and would definitely bite him.

He went into Madeline's stall and retrieved the scoop. He filled her food trough and then sloshed a bucket of water over. He was thinking about his last conversation with Dorothea, the look of horror on her face. Surely it was not that out of the ordinary! His father's father had done it to him, and it was common practice. She simply must have been shocked because it was not common here in Enbarr.

As he finished filling Madeline's water, he heard a crunching noise behind him. It startled him, so he whipped around at top speed. There, for a second, he thought he saw a flash of black fabric.

"Huh...weird. Well, Madeline, I am going out to buy some things. I will see you when I get back," he said, rubbing between her ears. Then he turned away and gathered his things. Off to the market he went, humming to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man this was a long one! I hope you all liked it :D


	13. Steps in the Right Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand tries honesty on for size.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is a pun. 
> 
> CW: Mentions of death.
> 
> Edit: Forgot to mention that a lot of these ideas were given to me by Telsiree! Thank you for the help, you have some great ideas :D

  
  
Hubert was on a mission today.  
  
Ever since Ferdinand came crashing into their lives, he had been hard at work trying to figure out exactly who he was. Which, as it turned out, was not an easy feat. Spies were finding it difficult to integrate with the staff, and it seemed like that particular mission would have to be a longer one.  
  
But Hubert could not afford to allow Ferdinand to remain...in the know if he was a threat. He needed more data on him, what he was like and how he behaved when they weren't looking. Sure, his goading had revealed that he was easy to rile up and very prideful, but those were more annoying than threatening.  
  
He could, of course, think of several ways that said traits could endanger his Lady or her grand designs, but neither were things that warranted extreme action.  
  
This led him to decide that he needed field research. So after ensuring that Lady Edelgard was one hundred percent safe, he slipped out to tail Ferdinand for the day. It was nearing noon, and Ferdinand had finally left out to town, bag in hand.  
  
He followed from a distance, as one should. It was easier to slip through the crowds unseen than it had been to watch him from inside the stable. He had very nearly been caught, like he was some green spy on their very first mission. He would not make that mistake again.  
  
The first place they stopped was a small outdoor market. Ferdinand walked over to a merchant and began to converse with them. Hubert slinked in closer to eavesdrop. The easy-going smile on Ferdinand's face made him feel strange. He ignored the feeling. He could deal with it late later, he had work to do.  
  
"Good morning, sir!" Ferdinand to the merchant. The older man looked up from whatever task he'd been doing and smiled back. Ferdinand extended his hand outwards and the two of them shook hands. He was overly polite, it seemed. What was the point of formally greeting a merchant?  
  
"Morning, Ferdinand. What are you looking for?" he asked. Ferdinand informed him that he was in need of...cooking oil? Did Ferdinand cook? Hubert could not imagine it himself. "Did Cheryl run out again?" the merchant asked.  
  
"Yes, she did. I figured I would go pick some up for her so she did not have to brave the weather," Ferdinand said. Hubert reflected on this for a moment. Ferdinand had willingly offered to perform an errand for someone? He knew from his current research that the inn he stayed at was owned by a Cheryl. Was he close with the inn-keeper? What was the point of that?  
  
"How is old Tom doing?" the merchant asked as he turned around. He began rifling through a few crates, most likely looking for the oil. Hubert watched Ferdinand pull a small coin purse out of his leather bag. The thing was plain. Everything he owned was plain, surprisingly. He figured that a noble like him would be just as overly flashy and self-centered as the rest of them. Perhaps it made sense he ran away, then.  
  
"Mr. Tom is doing well. His leg is healing nicely. A shame that he got injured at work, but these things happen. He told me to say hello for him so....Hello!" Ferdinand said. Hubert nearly snorted. Mr. Tom? Who adds a Mister to someone's first name? And who was Tom? Maybe Cheryl's husband? The 'Hello' indicated that they must all know each other.  
  
To have a circle of friends (maybe just acquaintances) after a short time in Enbarr (three weeks and four days, not that he was counting) was impressive. He mentally noted that Ferdinand seemed social and...surprisingly kind. He fit in here, among the streets of Enbarr, despite clearly being an outsider.  
  
"Glad to 'ear it. Tell him hi for me. Here's your oil, that'll be ten gold," he said. Ferdinand nodded and pulled ten gold pieces from his bag, sliding them over to the man. The merchant handed him the oil and Ferdinand gently put it back in his bag. With a smile, he turned to depart. "A pleasant day to you, sir!"  
  
Hubert slipped after him. It was strange, seeing him cheerfully interact with merchants and soldiers. Sometimes it seemed as if he barely knew these people, and yet he was just as polite to them anyway. It annoyed him, almost. How could someone who grew up with a father like Prime Minister Aegir turn out so...kind? Not even normally kind, exceedingly kind.  
  
He spent a good portion of his day following Ferdinand on his errands. He picked up a few things here and there, mostly necessities, though at one shop he purchased a box of tea. Every time, he greeted the storekeep with a wide smile and a handshake. He stopped to help when someone spilled something or dropped an item, and occasionally random children from who knows where would run up to him.  
  
Every time, he would ruffle their hair and stop to speak with them for a bit. It perplexed him, how he behaved. He was almost comically pleasant and everything he did was overly dramatic. And yet, people seemed to genuinely like him for some unknown reason.  
  
Hubert had been able to tell from the moment they met that he was an idiot, and yet somehow no one else seemed to mind it. Perhaps because they could not recognize him as the spoiled son of Aegir that he surely was.  
  
Even if he could not get much information at all on his past just yet, he could tell from the obnoxiously proper way he spoke and the near-perfect manners he exhibited at all times that he was just like all the rest. Superficially polite and noble without a trace of intention behind his actions. He simply pranced about without a care in the world, all sunshine and kittens.  
  
How Lady Edelgard possibly thought such a silly man could be of use to them was a mystery. At best, he might make a pretty figurehead for the public to gawk at while they did all the real work. Not that he thought Ferdinand was pretty. He was gangly and awkward and not at all handsome whatsoever.  
  
When Ferdinand returned home, Hubert did as well. He had enough information for one day, and besides, Lady Edelgard would be back from the doctor's office soon.  
  
A week later, Ferdinand had another day off. Recently, he had been allowed to assist Smokey in the forge. He had even made two practice swords. They were okay for a beginner and, as Smokey told him, would be fine as practice swords. Though the blades would definitely break under any actual pressure, he was proud of them.  
  
It was hard work, forging weapons. It was a lot of lifting heavy materials and working in hot conditions, especially when it came to actually melting the metal. He was sore all over come nightfall. But it was fulfilling and he was excited to do more of it.  
  
He and Madeline rode over to the Milfrank Theatre Company that morning. Ferdinand found that he liked spending time with Dorothea when he was able to. He spent plenty of time with Hubert and Edelgard as well, but with Dorothea it was always casual and fun. He liked being able to just relax with her.  
  
When he arrived, she was in the middle of rehearsing a scene. Her voice was caught in the throes of sorrow as she went through her monologue, kneeling over an imaginary body and weeping. He watched in silence, impressed by how real her voice sounded. She was truly a fantastic actor.  
  
Once she was finished, she trotted over to Ferdinand. He had tied Madeleine up in a nearby patch of grass and weeds, and he watched as she munched the head off a dandelion. Dorothea wiped the sweat off her forehead with a handkerchief as she approached. "That was great," Ferdinand said with a smile.  
  
"Thank you, Ferdie. How have you been?" she asked. Ferdinand stepped aside as she walked past him and sat down on a tree stump. The wooded practice area was probably the prettiest place in all of Enbarr, when he thought about it. It reminded him of home.  
  
Speaking of home, he looked back to Dorothea. They had known each other for a full moon now. Didn't he owe the full story to her by now? Maybe not the full story, but at the very least, part of it. It felt strange to continue lying to her like this.  
  
"I am doing well, Dorothea. And you?" he asked. Dorothea launched into a tale about the recent practices for a smaller production she was in, and Ferdinand listened. He idly fiddled with the strap of his backpack as she spoke. He supposed he would tell her, but how would she react? How could he even begin to explain?  
  
"Ferdinand? Are you alright? You're staring at that tree like you want it dead," Dorothea teased. He looked back at her, a little red. He must have spaced out. With a sigh, he turned around to fully face her.  
  
"Dorothea, I must admit I have not been fully honest with you," he began. Dorothea raised an eyebrow, looking at him curiously. He took a deep breath. "I ran away from home, as you know. But while I told you I lived in Aegir territory...well, that was the truth. But I am not... like you, exactly. I am... I lived in Aegir territory because my father owns it. I am the only son of Prime Minister Aegir. I am hiding from him, which is why I came to Enbarr."  
  
Dorothea went quiet. He could see her face turn from shocked to confused to angry to some emotion he could not place. She chewed at the side of her cheek as she thought. He wanted to tell her not to, it was not good for her, but he was frozen in place. Eventually she began with, "You don't act like any other noble I've met."  
  
Was that supposed to be a compliment? Ferdinand couldn't read the emotion in her voice. Dorothea sighed and continued," I do not have a very high opinion of nobility. You all are spoiled rotten, and have no clue how the world actually works. But you, Ferdinand, seem different for some reason. So tell me why you ran away. I can't understand why someone in your position would give up such a cushy life." Ferdinand swallowed. He knew he could not tell her about Edelgard and all the shady things that went down, because that was almost certainly treason. But there was something he could talk about.  
  
"...My younger sister was murdered," he began, studying the look of shock on his friend's face. "She snuck out of the house because she wanted to see her friend. We were never really allowed to go into town since our father kept us fairly isolated. So she was desperate to leave, and even though I had a bad feeling about it, I allowed her to go. And then she was killed by bandits on the road. I could not stand to live there anymore, so I left." It felt like a confession, like a weight removed from his chest. He had not spoken to anyone of Stephanie since he left home. Yet the feeling of missing her had never subsided.  
  
Dorothea looked at him quietly, once again lost in thought. He shifted away awkwardly, feeling like maybe he had shared too much. Despite his best efforts, he could never tell when he had gone too far. Had he made Dorothea uncomfortable? What was the etiquette around telling someone about your dead sister?  
  
"...I see why you left," Dorothea said, standing up. "Grief does funny things to a person. It doesn't quite explain why you are so different from the others, but at the very least it makes sense as to why you left. I won't bug you about it again." Ferdinand felt himself relax slightly. At least she wasn't holding it against him.  
  
"Anyway...I have to dance for a scene in this production. Would you like to practice with me?" Dorothea asked. Ferdinand blinked. Dance? He had not danced in years, not since he was very little.  
  
"Well then? Surely you had to take lessons as a child? Isn't dancing one of those stuck-up nobility things you all are always bragging about?" Dorothea teased. He chuckled a little to himself. Yes, he remembered those lessons. He stepped on his sisters' toes near constantly. Amarantha quit after an hour, so it was usually just him and Christine. She had hated it.  
  
"Fine, but I am a bit out of practice. Do not laugh at me when I inevitably crush your feet, Ferdinand said. Was this...banter? It was nice, being able to joke so freely. He was at ease here. Dancing had been a chore as a kid, but when Dorothea led him out to practice a waltz, it was actually quite fun. Even when he messed up, and did in fact crush her feet, Dorothea laughed it off.  
  
There was no pressure to be perfect here. He could simply want to be good at something without having to be forced to. It felt nice, to simply want something all on his own. And in that moment, all he wanted was to have fun with his friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, this one was a long one. I'm starting to get a routine going for these updates though, so that is nice. Thanks for reading, enjoy!


	14. Dotting the T's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand gets all his affairs in order, one step at a time.

Two years passed in the blink of an eye. Between spending time with Dorothea, planning and plotting with Hubert and Edelgard, and working in the forge, Ferdinand did not have the time to sit and idly count the days as he did in his youth. He was taller now, his scrawny body having filled out considerably. He was by no means a big man, and yet he was fairly muscular now. It was a welcome change.

It was autumn, and the colder weather made his trek to the castle far less pleasant than normal. He rubbed at his arms through his coat, trying to keep warm. As soon as he hopped the wall, he made a beeline for their normal place. Even two years later, his heart still sped up while he snuck through the halls.

Hubert and Edelgard were waiting in the study, like always. Over the years they had learned to predict his visits down to the minute. He was almost offended that he was so predictable, but he supposed that was just how things were now. Two years in and suddenly Hubert and Edelgard knew everything about him.

"Afternoon, Ferdinand," Edelgard said. She turned to face him as he entered, a recent development. Before she would not have stopped working to acknowledge him, and that little detail was enough to make him smile to himself. They really did feel like a team now, rather than Hubert and Edelgard working as a pair and Ferdinand scrambling to catch up. Though it still felt like they kept things from him constantly. He couldn't blame them. After all Edelgard had been through, had he been in her position he would keep his secrets just as fiercely.

Hubert did not acknowledge him, but that he was used to. He was typically reserved when he was not slinging insults at him in every other sentence. You would think the two of them would get along better after all this time, but alas they still fought tooth and nail.

"Afternoon, Lady Edelgard. Afternoon, Hubert. How are you?" he asked. Even if Hubert was being needlessly hostile, Ferdinand would still mind his manners. Though Hubert was glaring at him like a madman, which he had been doing a lot as of late. It was very unprofessional of him, but Ferdinand knew better than to bring it up.

"I'm doing well, thank you. We actually have some things to discuss " Edelgard said. Ferdinand raised an eyebrow. He was curious, admittedly, about what sorts of things they needed to discuss. Edelgard gestured to a chair, and Ferdinand graciously took a seat. Then she turned to her shadow and very pointedly looked from him to the chair nearest to her. Hubert reluctantly moved to take the seat.

"What did you have in mind?" Ferdinand asked. Edelgard reached for a small notebook and set it in her lap, most likely for later. "Hubert and I have decided our best course of action is to enroll in Garreg Mach," Edelgard began. Ferdinand furrowed his brow. Garreg Mach? He had heard of it before but he could not fathom why it was so important.

"Garreg Mach, as you most likely already know, is both a learning institution and the center of the Seiros church. Thus, it is imperative that we take control of it if we are to win our war. I have decided that it would be useful to have some first-hand knowledge of the layout. Thus, Hubert and I will be enrolling." Edelgard flipped through her notebook as she spoke. He could glimpse a few rough diagrams and some walls of text. Research, perhaps?

Ferdinand cleared his throat. "That does sound like a fantastic idea. I am assuming you want me to enroll as well?" he said. Edelgard nodded. "Yes. The only problem is you need someone to pay your tuition, and there is no way you'll be able to hide your identity from such a major institution," Edelgard explained. Ferdinand nodded, but some part of him sensed a little white lie in that statement. But he refrained from mentioning it, as he had far more pressing matters to attend to. He could ask about that later.

Ferdinand thought for a moment. There was an obvious answer, one that encompassed both his need to follow Hubert and Edelgard to Garreg Mach and their eventual plans to depose his father. The only question was, would Edelgard approve of it? "What if I went back and convinced my father to enroll me?" Ferdinand said. Hubert immediately tensed up.

"That is a horrible idea. I doubt you could actually convince that man of anything. The likelier eventuality is that you get sucked back into his way of thinking, and then we would have to kill you," Hubert snapped. Ferdinand winced at the response. Sure it was a little far-fetched, but how could Hubert believe that he would ever willingly go back to that man without a good plan? Edelgard chewed at the bottom of her lip before speaking.

"No, no. That is a good idea. Ferdinand alone would hardly have a convincing case, but I suppose if I used my connections..." she trailed off. Hubert looked at her almost skeptically. "I can tell Aegir that I found his son, and then I will inform him that the Crown has decided to take him to Garreg Mach for closer observation. If he resists, my uncle might be able to convince him otherwise." The angry bite she had when she said 'my uncle' made Ferdinand grimace. Clearly she did not like the man, but if she thought he was useful, he supposed he had to stick around.

It was a shame that Edelgard was forced to work with people she hated. And Edelgard never hated anyone without good reason. She just didn't have it in her to be needlessly cruel. It was why he was certain she would make a wonderful emperor someday. Come to think of it, since when did she have an uncle? She had never mentioned the man before.

"If you believe that to be the best course of action, then do as you must. I shall prepare myself to leave as soon as you send word for it. I may need a few days," he explained. Edelgard closed her notebook and placed it back on her desk. She began to go over the logistics of the plan, when she would reach out to his father, how she would convince her uncle to go along with it, things of that nature.

"You will most likely have to pretend to have had a change of heart where it concerns your father. Are you prepared for that?" Edelgard asked. Ferdinand clenched his jaw at the mere thought of seeing that man again. Having to pretend like he trusted or even admired his father after everything he did sounded like hell. But this was by far the easiest method of getting himself to Garreg Mach. And it would put him in a prime position to exact justice against his father when the time came.

What was a few months of suffering compared to freedom for all of Adrestia?

"I can do it," he swore. Edelgard nodded approvingly, and he felt a wave of relief. This was trust, plain and simple, and hard-earned at that. Hubert's face was impossible to read, but Ferdinand knew he was most likely disapproving as usual. That man hated everything and everyone aside from his precious Lady. It annoyed him to no end. Did that man not have a personality of his own?

They continued to discuss their plans for Garreg Mach, the three of them mostly focused on getting as much information on the Church's operations as possible. Ferdinand voiced a possibility of gathering allies as well, but even he knew such a radical movement was unlikely to garner much support. As he left for the day, it was with a nagging feeling in his chest that his whole world was about to change once more. Last time he had felt this way, someone had died. So he wasn't thrilled.

As soon as Ferdinand left, Edelgard returned to a paper on agricultural laws she had been studying, which left Hubert to his own devices for a time. He sat down on a stool next to her desk and simply thought for a bit.

Ferdinand was foolish. Perhaps not in a practical sense, he was just as knowledgeable when it came to math and science as anybody else, and he had a surprising amount of more specialized knowledge, but he was too rash. If he believed himself to be right he would simply act first and ask questions later. Sure, that lack of hestance could be useful but it was just as likely to get him killed.

He was overly trusting and optimistic to a fault. He could no longer count on two hands the number of times he had bought obvious lies from Hubert without being even a little skeptical. Yet, despite that, Hubert could admit that he was a decent ally. He was compassionate almost to the point of absurdity. Keeping a close eye on him had only revealed that he was so thoroughly good it almost felt fake.

He loved people, he was hard-working, and he was constantly going out of his way to help people. He was a skilled problem solver and an excellent public speaker. And he was strong, physically, if that mattered. Which he supposed it would in combat. He had been forging weapons for two years now to make money, a concept that had harshly conflicted with his initial attempts to write him off as a lazy, spoiled noble brat. That hard work had filled him out considerably.

Not that Hubert cared about his physique, but he knew with his weapon training he would be an asset on the battlefield. Sure, he was still quick-to-temper, overly competitive, loud-mouthed, and infuriating, but perhaps he was less of a nuisance than he had first seemed. If Edelgard trusted him as much as she did, he could extend a little faith of his own.

But only a little. He knew, deep down, that some of the tasks required for their new world were not ones Ferdinand could stomach. He knew these were tasks he would have to bear alone. Any blood that had to spill would fall to him.

Though perhaps Ferdinand would not mind killing Aegir himself. The thought amused him. Aegir would truly hate being betrayed by his own son, and after the childhood Hubert managed to glean from his spies reports, he could not blame Ferdinand for wanting to. And with that he dived back into his assasination plans and other daydreams of political natures. Ferdinand von Aegir had consumed his thoughts for far too long that day.

Ferdinand made his way back to the theatre two days later. With the plan being ironed out, he knew he had to say goodbye to Dorothea. It was unlikely that he would see her ever again once he left Enbarr. He recited the cover story in his head, about being caught while conversing with a chef from the palace kitchens, who he had met and befriended at the market, and then Edelgard's insistence on keeping an eye on him personally.

Honestly, it sounded rather fishy, but hopefully he could be convincing enough to sell it. When he arrived, Madeline in tow, Dorothea was sitting outside having tea. He waved to her, and Dorothea moved her chair over so there would be room for him.

"How was your day?" she asked as soon as Ferdinand sat down. Madeline grazed nearby, though he could tell she was listening. Horses were far smarter than anyone gave them credit for. "My day has been fine. And yours?" he asked.

Dorothea pushed a teacup towards him, and Ferdinand busied himself with preparing his own tea. "My day was great. That new production in a few moons is going to be a grand one. Everyone is running around like a maniac preparing for it," Dorothea said. Ferdinand smiled to himself. She always complained about the rush to get everything done on time, but he knew she enjoyed it all the same.

"It does sound like it will be one for the history books. But actually, I came today to tell you something," he said, dropping some leaves in his tea and setting it aside to steep. Dorothea looked at him curiously. "Oh, really? What is it?"

"I have to go home. I was caught in the Imperial castle, conversing with a friend of mine, one of the kitchen staff I had met at the market-" he paused to clear his throat,"- and by the Imperial Heir no less. She has effectively demanded to keep an eye on me herself, so I am being shipped off to Garreg Mach with her in the springtime. Though it is likely I will have to return home first," he said.

Dorothea was quiet, but he could see gears turning behind her eyes. He avoided her gaze, checking on his tea. It was at the right color, so he took a sip and nearly scorched his tongue. He did that every time they had tea together, and it never failed to be amusing. Dorothea did not react though, not even with the tiniest of chuckles. She took another sip of her own drink, and then set the teacup down a bit too forcefully.

"I don't buy it," Dorothea said firmly. "You aren't the type to be so careless as to get caught by the Imperial Princess of all people, nevermind the fact that there's no way to get into the castle without going through the guards first. And why would she insist she be allowed to keep an eye on you? Something else is going on here." Ferdinand flushed. Dorothea had seen right through him almost effortlessly. Perhaps it was his fault for underestimating her.

Well there goes that plan. He chewed on his bottom lip for a bit, a horrible habit he'd picked up as of late, before deciding that he should tell her the truth. Part of it, at least. It would be foolish to tell her everything when he had no proof of it aside from his own word. "Alright, you caught me. In truth, her highness has been aware of my presence here in Enbarr since...well, shortly after I arrived. She wishes for me to attend Garreg Mach with her, so this is the excuse we came up with," he admitted.

Dorothea's eyes widened. "So you're telling me that her highness the future Empress of Adrestia specifically wants you to attend Garreg Mach? And that she's known that you were here in Enbarr this whole time? How did she find out?" Dorothea said. He coughed a little, taking a moment to drink some of his tea before he answered.

"Well, first of all she prefers Emperor to Empress," he explained. Dorothea nodded and waited for him to continue. "Secondly, we met when I accidentally broke into the Imperial Castle. I know that sounds crazy, but there is actually a rational explanation for it." Dorothea paused for a moment, and then began to laugh. It was a hearty, deep laugh, and Ferdinand found himself joining her in it.

"How do you accidentally break into the Imperial Castle?!" she wheezed. Ferdinand told her the story as best as he could with his sides splitting. Truthfully, even though it had been nerve wracking at the time, it was hilarious to think about. It was the sort of thing that one would hold onto to tell their kids someday. And it was nice to consider the absurdity of his situation every once in a while. If this had been an opera or a play, the whole chain of events would have felt rather contrived.

But life had a funny way of feeling stranger than any story ever could he. Almost everything about his own life was highly improbable, and yet here he was shambling about in some approximation of a normal person, if normal people plotted to topple religions and reform whole political structures.

When they were done laughing, Dorothea poured herself another cup of tea with shaking hands. Ferdinand pulled a handkerchief from his bag and wiped the tears from the corners of his eye. "Okay, okay, I think I'm alright now. So you've been going up to spend time with her highness when you're not spending your free time here?" Dorothea asked.

"Well, her and her...something. Retainer is probably the correct term, but they are honestly more like family than anything else. Which is a shame because he is intolerable," Ferdinand said. He bit his tongue afterwards, angry with himself. "My apologies, that was rude and I do not like to gossip behind people's backs." Even if Hubert was horrid, that gave him no excuse to be two-faced.

"Seems this Hubert character must be truly awful if even you can't find good in him," Dorothea teased. He puffed out his cheeks, glaring at her. Sure, he was very good at analyzing people and finding their strengths, but that didn't mean he couldn't think poorly of someone. It just didn't benefit him to be cruel to someone unprovoked.

"Well, he is a detestable man who seems determined to push all my buttons-," he cut himself off and shook his head,"-but he is incredibly intelligent. He might be rude but he knows what he is doing. I just wish he could stop picking a fight with me at every turn," he finished.

"Sounds like a real piece of work. I'm sorry you have to deal with him. Is he going to go to Garreg Mach?" she asked. Ferdinand nodded, finishing his tea. "Well, at least you'll have me. I'll be attending as well." It took him some time to process her statement, but once he did he grinned from ear to ear.

"That is wonderful! I am glad the two of us will still get to see each other," Ferdinand said. Dorothea smiled slightly and the two of them finished their conversation as the sun began to travel down the sky towards the horizon. Before he left, Ferdinand made her promise to write to him once he left, scribbling his address down on a spare scrap of paper.

Somehow, armed with the support of his co-conspirators and his dear friend, facing his father seemed less daunting of a task.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I'm not sure if this was as good a chapter to read as it was to write, I am javing a lot of fun with it. We're finally gearing up to head to the monastary! Get excited y'all, we're finally getting to the really, really good stuff.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	15. Crossing the I's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdiannd prepares to leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not coubting this one, we have two more chapters until he gets to GM!! WOOHOOO!!!

Edelgard worked fast, that was for certain. Within a few days of their conversation, he was already given a date for when he would arrive in Aegir and a date for when he would leave for Garreg Mach. It seemed that he would stay for three moons with his father, and leave for Aegir in a week's time.

This gave him complicated feelings. He hated the idea of seeing his father again, but he knew that it would only be for a short while. But leaving Enbarr after all this time felt...wrong. He wouldn't get to see Dorothea or Edelgard for three whole moons. He wouldn't get to see Hubert either, but he wasn't too concerned about that.

Even if the thought upset him, for some strange reason. He chalked it up as being a side effect of missing everything else. He did not know when he would return to Enbarr, and it just felt odd. Luckily he was not leaving everything behind. He would still have his two closest friends, and Hubert, when he left for Garreg Mach.

He just had to get through the next three moons without going insane. He was confident that he could handle it, after all he had lived with the man for years. But other parties were decidedly less sure of his abilities. And by others parties, he meant Hubert.

Ferdinand had been sitting on his own, minding his own business that day. He was just a touch emotional after saying goodbye to Smokey, so he was calming himself down with a nice cup of tea. When he looked up from his drink, Hubert was hovering nearby. A few patrons glanced over at him, muttering to themselves. He stuck out like a sore thumb in all black. He was taller now, and he towered over most of the other guests.

He sighed and put his cup down. Hubert had a habit of just randomly appearing wherever he went. One moment he would be minding his own business and the next Hubert would be there suddenly and his day was ruined.

"What are you doing here?" Ferdinand asked. Hubert was glaring at him, and honestly Ferdinand was tired of his attitude. He had literally never done a thing to wrong him in his life! Except for that time he pushed him down the stairs, but that was mostly an accident! And Hubert had not even been injured!

"I don't think you should do this," Hubert said. Ferdinand furrowed his brow. What 'this' should he not do? Could Hubert be any more vague? He crossed his arms anyway, used to being on the defensive when it came to Hubert.

"What do you mean by that?" Ferdinand asked. Hubert stared at him as if he was stupid. "I don't think you should go back to live with your father," Hubert said. Ferdinand sighed audibly.

"This argument again? I have told you a thousand times, that is not for you to decide. My father is a disgusting man, sure, but it is nothing I cannot handle. And frankly, your insistence that I cannot be trusted with this task is insulting," Ferdinand said. Hubert shook his head as if Ferdinand was the one being unreasonable.

"Even if you could handle your father on your own, which I highly doubt, there is simply no need for you to return at all," Hubert said. Ferdinand went back to drinking his tea. He thought for a moment about offering him some tea, but the last time he did so he made a face and informed him that he would never be caught dead drinking 'that stuff'. So he enjoyed his tea all by himself.

"And as I have explained before, having my father believe me to be back under his influence could prove useful when we inevitably depose him," Ferdinand snapped. He could not count how many times they had had this exact argument. It was becoming frustrating.

"You cannot help us accomplish our goals if you are dead," Hubert snapped back. Ferdinand rolled his eyes. "And you call me the dramatic one. My father is not going to kill me," he said. Hubert moved in closer, looming over him menacingly. "You cannot be sure of that."

"Oh, come off it. I am not going to die in the three moons I have to spend with him. So you can either get over it or leave me be," Ferdinand said firmly. Hubert grimaced, but said nothing. That was new for him. He usually never let Ferdinand have the last word in an argument.

"Now, if you excuse me, I am going to go check in on Madeline," Ferdinand said, setting aside his tea. He rose from his seat and grabbed his coat. He moved to leave, but found that Hubert was following him.

"Now what is it?" Ferdinand groaned. Hubert said nothing, simply following him to the stables. He kept his distance from Madeline's stall, but he still stood to watch as Ferdinand checked her water and gave her some more feed. They would have a long journey to make soon, so he wanted her to be prepared and well rested.

He stayed there for another hour or so, with Hubert hovering behind him. Hubert left without a word, and Ferdinand quietly wondered whether he had been going to say something more after all. However, he convinced himself that he simply didn't care, and that put an end to that train of thought all together.

The day of his departure arrived, and he was waiting outside in the Palace stables for his father to arrive. Hubert and Edelgard were there to see him off. He fiddled with Madeline's riding bag and saddle, adjusting it so she would be comfortable. She had been reluctant to leave this morning, and he honestly could not blame her. Even though he knew this was the best choice, he loathed leaving his life in Enbarr.

He especially would miss Dorothea. She was his first friend in Enbarr, perhaps ever if you did not count Stephanie and Madeline, and he could scarcely imagine not seeing her for three whole moons. Enbarr had been kind to him in a way he knew Aegir would not be, and he would miss it.

He finished fussing over Madeline and turned to his co-conspirators. Hubert was glaring at him as usual, but Edelgard had a surprisingly soft smile on her face. It was almost shocking how much closer they were now. Had a few years truly been enough to earn her trust? Even though she did still lie to him, however small those lies might be, he had a funny feeling that the answer was yes.

"I hope you have a safe trip," Edelgard said to him. Ferdinand smiled a little. It was nice to know someone here cared for his safety. Hubert looked like he would rather stab him then wish him safe travels. "Thank you. The weather is shaping up to be quite pleasant. A few weeks sooner and it would have been a rather wet journey," he said lightly.

"Hopefully Minister Aegir does not give you too much trouble," Edelgard said. Ferdinand sighed a little. "My father is always a pest, but that is of little concern to me. He is easy enough to handle as long as you are dripping with praise and sufficiently obedient," Ferdinand said bitterly.

Hubert shook his head. "I am still adamant that you not go," he said firmly. Ferdinand nearly threw something at him, and Edelgard silenced him with a glare of her own. "I suppose this is goodbye then. I shall not see you two for three moons," Ferdinand said.

"We will most likely already be at the monastery by the time you leave Aegir. Write to one of us if something goes wrong," Edelgard said. Ferdinand smiled and nodded. He doubted anything would go wrong in such a short period of time, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

"Who's there?" Hubert growled, suddenly turning on his heel to stare at the doorway of the stables. Ferdinand and Edelgard both turned around cautiously to check as well. From around the corner, Dorothea peeked in. Ferdinand sighed in relief. "Do not worry, it is just Dorothea," he explained.

"Sorry if I startled you! I just wanted to say goodbye to Ferdinand before he left," Dorothea said. Ferdinand strode over to give her a hug. "It is sweet of you to come see me off, I thought you had rehearsal today?" Dorothea squeezed him tight and he winced. She was far stronger than she looked.

"I have rehearsal everyday," she stepped back before continuing," But not today, the director is out sick so we were given a day off."

"Well it is good to see you before I leave. Oh, Hubert, Lady Edelgard, this is my friend Dorothea Arnault. She'll be attending Garreg Mach with us," he said with a flourish. Dorothea bowed slightly but she looked entirely disinterested. Right, she hated nobility. That was something he might have to contend with later.

"How did you get in?" Hubert asked. He winced. If he decided to interrogate Dorothea he would have to step in on her behalf. There was not a cruel bone in her body, except for her right hand that she sometimes used to break the bones of particularly touchy street-urchins. Even still, Hubert could be particularly persistent when it came to matters of security and he would not wish that on his worst enemy.

"I have a friend who works in the kitchen," Dorothea said plainly. She crossed her arms and all of a sudden her aura changed. She stood in a way that was not than the normal friendly and harmless way she carried herself, but rather in a way that exuded confidence and a cold sort of intelligence.

It was almost as if she was absorbing Hubert's energy and spitting it back at him. He looked between the two in mild horror as they locked eyes. It was a battle of wills, and he could almost hear Dorothea daring him to say anything. He would be impressed by her bravery, if it weren't for the fact that Hubert was not a man to be tested.

Just as quickly as they had begun, they both eased up. Dorothea smiled at Ferdinand again and gave him a final hug. "You should go out to meet your father. I'll see you in three moons," Dorothea said. Edelgard nodded in agreement, though Ferdinand caught the confusion in her gaze. He could not help but relate. What in all of Fodlan had just happened?

"Yes, you should get going. Send us a letter as soon as you arrive in Aegir and not a moment later," Edelgard said. Ferdinand grabbed Madeline's reins and led her to the entrance gently. "I will do just that. Goodbye, Lady Edelgard and Dorothea. Goodbye Hubert," he said.

The two girls waved goodbye, while Hubert just continued to glare at him. He felt a strange pain in his chest, but waved it off as nerves, returning Hubert's glare tenfold. As he left, he could hear Dorothea asking Edelgard if she had ever been to the Opera and if so what did she think of it? He smiled a little to himself. It seemed his two friends might get along just fine.

He had no clue how Hubert would fit into the equation, and frankly, he didn't care. He had not the energy to spare, after all. As soon as he caught a glimpse of his father, he knew he had a long three moons ahead of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thiis next chapter may take longer, as I'm not 100% sure how to write it out. Thank you all for sticking with me thus far, hopefully the next update arrives on schedule!


	16. Homecoming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand goes home, both literally and figuratively.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Toxic parental relationships, mentions of patricide, mentions of dead sisters.

The trip to Aegir was hell. His father complained about everything the whole way there and he contemplated murdering him many times. The man who once seemed powerful to his childish brain now seemed incompetent and rather cowardly. He hated using violence as a means to an end but never before had he itched to punch someone square in the jaw.

Patricide was a newer concept to Ferdinand, but he could not deny that he saw it as less of a grave sin as other forms of murder, at least where it concerned his father. And since he had to play the 'good, reformed son, eager to please his father' he allowed himself to indulge in the fantasy. It was the only thing keeping him from blowing up at his crooked old man.

The rain started on the fourth day, despite his hopes to avoid a wet journey. The cold downpour made it even more unbearable, what with his father's bumbling, obnoxious bravado and the frequent stops to call upon some of his father's 'friends'. They were all just like him, sleazy nobles who thought far too highly of themselves despite being a direct contradiction to the idea of nobility.

As soon as they arrived at the estate, his father instructed him to place his things in his old room and then review some of the materials about Garreg Mach. He seemed pleased that his son would go to such a fine institution, even if he had not made the decision himself. That or he was simply worried that saying anything to the contrary might anger Lord Arundel.

Lord Arundel, Edelgard's strange uncle, had come to stay with them until it was time for Ferdinand to leave for Garreg Mach. He had not had the chance to speak with him, but there was something unsettling about him, and Edelgard seemed to loathe him. That was enough for Ferdinand to carefully keep him at a distance. He was not sure he wanted to know just how horrible he truly was.

As he walked himself through the empty halls, he found his mind wandering back to his friends halfway across Adrestia. By now Edelgard would be arranging the details of her own trip, pouring over travel routes and debating the best method of transportation. Would they ride out ahead of their luggage or stick with a group? Perhaps they would send their things ahead of time? It was little details like that that Edelgard loved to iron out.

Ferdinand could be detail-oriented as well, but usually only for the things he enjoyed. He could spend hours making sure a weapon was flawless but even a few minutes of math bored him to tears. It was one of the things he envied in Edelgard, her ability to focus no matter the task at hand. It made him feel strange, thinking about it. She was so perfect at everything she did it was almost maddening.

He coasted his way into his old room. It smelled like dust and the whole room felt cold and unused. Everything was exactly the way it had been when he had left it nearly three years prior. The overwhelming wave of nostalgia nearly knocked him off his feet. He walked over to the desk where a stack of papers were waiting for his review. He could indulge in that nostalgia later. Right now he had work to do and a letter to write.

Dear Dorothea,

You told me to write to you as soon as I arrived in Aegir, so here is your letter as promised. I hope it arrives in Enbarr in a timely manner. The weather here in Aegir is quite dreadful as of late. It has been three weeks in this dismal house, and I fear the dreary atmosphere may be affecting me.

My father spends most of his time in his office, so I have not had to suffer too much of his pointless conversations. I suppose crop care and yields are important factors for the health and safety of Adrestia, but it is a rather dull conversation topic. I will spare you the details, but it is safe to say it is much more tolerable to bury myself in the materials he alloted me than to attempt conversation with him.

Speaking of materials, if I have to read one more paper on Garreg Mach complaining that commoners are allowed to enroll, I will do something drastic. Goddess help me if my father ever starts that conversation, for I may very well arrive to Garreg Mach in a coffin.

I hope you are doing well. If you are able to, send me a letter back, I would appreciate it. And do take care on your trip to Garreg Mach, the roads leading to it can be rather rough. I almost wish I had left you Madeline, at the very least I am confident in her skills more so than the skills of a horse I hardly know.

With love,

Ferdinand Von Aegir

Three weeks in, Ferdinand willed himself to visit his sister's room. Her things were covered in dust, but not a detail had changed since his departure. The bed was still made, books still in order, and her dolls were still tucked away neatly in a cupboard, glossy hair perfectly styled even after years of neglect.

He set to work immediately, fetching a duster and cleaning the room thoroughly. As he worked, his mind drifted back to her smiling face and the life she had lived in this room. This had been a safe haven, one far removed from their father, a place where she was free to speak as loudly as she pleased.

He missed her. He sank down into the bed, head in hands at the thought. He missed her and being back in her room only strengthened the feeling. This had been her room and now it was only a space. A place that once held life reduced to a hall of ghosts.

He had thought by now he could lay her memory to rest, but it followed him like a ghost, always hovering just out of sight. As soon as he tried to grasp her presence it slipped between his fingers. She was here, in this room, but at the same time she was long gone.

He allowed himself some time to mourn, a luxury he knew others could barely afford. It made him sick, remembering all the people he had met who were forced to keep working after a loss, so that the rest wouldn't starve. He hated it. What kind of government left its people to starve in the streets, what kind of government could not even allow families time to grieve their deaths in peace?

He wrapped up his cleaning, and then trudged off to his room in morbid silence. He thought for a moment, on how similar Stephanie was to Edelgard. They were both surprisingly optimistic given their circumstances, though he did admit in recent years Edelgard had slowly become more guarded. He seemed to be the only one of the three to still cling to the idea that people might sympathize with their cause. Edelgard had her dreams, but she was far more practical in her vision at times.

Ferdinand knew that they could not afford to get caught up in fantasy, but it still stung to see Edelgard give up some of her innocent hopes for the future. She no longer spoke of allies and righteous victory, but of long and lonely wars in which she would have to walk alone.

And what sort of statement was that? He understood her sentiment, but how could she think he and Hubert would ever allow her to walk alone? Did they not count? He hoped someday she would see that she did not have to do this alone, that allies could be found in any place, but as of now he would simply have to deal with appearing naive. He knew how the world worked, just that perhaps it was more complicated, less black and white than Edelgard seemed to think.

He wanted to be her equal, truly. Perhaps even better than her in some ways, though he could accept that in certain areas she would always have the upper hand. It seemed puzzling to him, that sense of rivalry that bubbled up between them, even if it was fairly one sided. He always felt like he had to prove to them that he belonged.

He did not want them to think of him as useless, not when he knew he was just as smart as the two of them and twice as strong. He just had to keep striving for excellence, and hopefully he could continue to prove his worth as a member of their...alliance? What even were they? He considered Edelgard a friend, but he knew for all the trust that she had in him, that they did not have a normal relationship. And Hubert seemed to despise him and yet refused to simply get rid of him like he always threatened to.

He did not want to think about that. He closed the door to his room behind him and tossed himself onto the bed. He needed a nap. All the thinking had tired him out for the day.

Dear Lady Edelgard,

I hope the past moon has treated you well. My father has given me a fair bit of information to sift through about Garreg Mach. It is nothing you have not mentioned before in your own research, though I find it peculiar that there are no surviving texts from any of the previous archbishops. I of course know the reason behind this, as we both know why Rhea would be eager to...erase any descriptions of prior church leaders. Yet not even a passing mention of her aliases irks me. How could she so thoroughly hide the truth? Surely some articles must slip through her grasp and into the hands of the public.

Nevertheless, my time here at Aegir is just as dull as I feared it to be. I have had no luck with gathering additional information on my father, but I have managed to gleam which of the servants will be more than willing to aid us should we need a quicker disposal of my father. I have not managed to speak with him for more than a few seconds at a time, but I find that I do not mind that.

There is not much to report. The estate is quiet, and movement in and out has slowed down in the presence of your uncle. I must say, Lord Arundel leaves an odd impression. He is rather calm at first glance, but he is oddly sinister and he seems to speak at length with my father's side. I have gleaned that he is a Mr. Walter, family name unknown, which is a step up from his childhood name of Mr. Spider.

And having written that, I have realized how childish that epithet is. Please do not repeat that, especially not to Hubert or Dorothea. I can almost hear them mocking me.

I hope your trip to Garreg Mach is easy. The roads can be a dangerous place, especially with the large party that I know Hubert will insist you take. Do try to convince him that multiple guards and carriages will only draw unwanted attention to you. The bandits in that area are not difficult to deal with but there is always a chance that something may go wrong. I have seen myself too many travelers get taken unawares on that main road.

I wish you a safe journey and a pleasant day. If you have the time, send me a letter before you depart. I look forward to seeing you when we next meet.

Sincerely,

Ferdinand Von Aegir

Dear Ferdinand,

Thank you for writing to me! I am sorry to hear that the weather in Aegir has been poor. It is similar here as well, we had to cancel our last meeting because the downpour was so horrible. And now I have to prepare my things to leave, so I cannot even enjoy the weather as it gets better.

I have been spending time in the Palace recently. It really is a beautiful building, though a bit cold. While there, I have talked quite a bit with her highness, and honestly Edie is not as bad as I thought she would be. I pictured her as stuck-up and spoiled like all nobles are, but she is strangely gentle and incredibly intelligent.

There is a sadness in her eyes as well, sometimes, that I can not quite place. I am sure you know why that is, but I have a feeling you would scold me if I asked. You always are such a stickler for manners; I understand wanting to maintain appearances but you do get bossy from time to time. But enough of that, the point is that perhaps I judged her a bit too harshly without even knowing her.

Some nobility may not be all that bad, but considering people like your father and my own father exist, it's safe to say there are many, many bad apples. I think with the two of you in charge, though, that things might change in Adrestia for the better.

I leave soon for Garreg Mach. I am not sure if you have time to send me another letter before I depart, but I hope you are doing well. I miss you, somehow. Perhaps because I cannot find anyone else to practice my swordplay with, as everyone here is busy with the upcoming Opera. I will miss the theatre company, but I know this is for the best.

I will see you soon. Take care, and tell Madeline hello for me. Don't worry, I have a very sweet horse to take me to Garreg Mach and I trust him immensely.

With Love,

Dorothea Arnault

It took him a while to gather the courage to see his mother. He had been putting it off, if only because his memories of her were so painful. He was scared he would enter her quarters to find a skeleton instead of the gentle, warm mother he could scarcely remember but was constantly chasing after.

How long had it been since they'd all been truly joyful, anyway? A memory came to mind of a picnic, Christine out by the lake catching frogs with Stephanie and his mother and Amarantha sat talking quietly on a blanket not too far away. He had been climbing trees, laughing and scampering about like he was a squirrel instead of a little boy.

He remembered seeing Christine pull a snake from the water and immediately fling it across the field, shrieking. It had only been a corn snake, they weren't even venomous, but she had been terrified. He had laughed so hard he fell face first into the lake. His mother had rushed over only to find him still laughing, soaked in muddy water. It had been a nice outing.

They had been having a pleasant day until they returned home. Father had been in the entrance hall and as soon as he saw his children, knees caked in mud and hair wild from the wind, he had started shouting. Ferdinand had been too young to really get why, so he had simply stood there frozen. His mother had started shouting as well, hadn't she? She never shouted but that day she had reamed out his father, before yanking Ferdinand away to get cleaned up.

He had scrubbed mud off his knees and arms as she ranted and raved, something about how 'that man only cares about his status' before storming back out into the halls in a huff. He learned later that his father had been mad that they had wasted time on something unnecessary instead of studying or whatever meaningless task he shoved down Amarantha's throat if she so much as spent a second unoccupied.

No wonder she had been so keen on marrying someone from a far off territory, if it meant escaping their father. The consequence of his father's horrible behavior was that every one of his children had run for the hills as soon as they could. And unfortunately, that had also meant abandoning their mother.

He entered her quarters in complete silence, the air inside stifling. It felt like the air inside had not been disturbed in years. His mother was sitting by the open window, and the site of her punched the breath from his throat. She was thin and pale, like a wilting flower, but she was still there and perhaps that was all that mattered.

"It is nice to see you again, mother," he said, voice hoarse. He almost wanted to cry, but he held back. He was too old for tears, and he did not feel like bawling in front of his mother. She turned to look at him. Her face was hollow and worn, but as she met his eyes he saw light flicker behind them, the tiniest spark of life. Had that been all she could cling to? The tiniest spark of life, existing in defiance of the world around her?

"Ferdinand...you've grown," she whispered. Her voice was also hoarse, but the edge to it was an odd blend of pride and sadness, so powerful it nearly knocked him off his feet. Without thinking he made the quick journey to the table where she sat and wrapped his arms around her. It was all he could do not to begin bawling.

His mother squeezed him gently, and he could feel how small she had become. Or had he become bigger? "I heard you would be returning home for a bit, but I could hardly believe it. Your father...he missed you too, you know?" she said. The mention of his father made him tense. After all these years, would she still try to defend him? "At least he says that, but...oh, nevermind me. You've changed so much since you've been gone. How was Enbarr?"

Ferdinand finally moved away, half-worried he would snap her in two with how fragile she felt. He sat in the other chair, pulling it to sit beside her. "Enbarr was lovely. I made...I have friends now. I wish you could meet them, I am sure they would love you," he said.

His mother chuckled. "I'm a bit too old to be gallivanting about Adrestia like I used to. But perhaps someday I'll make the trip to Enbarr myself," she said. Ferdinand could not picture his mother out on the road, but his mind painted a picture of her at the inn he had called home, drinking tea somewhere warm and cozy, where the halls were alive and there was no menacing presence looming over them.

That was where she belonged, really. Somewhere kind and warm, a place where the surroundings wouldn't drain her energy and leave her weak and depressed. He knew his mother could be strong and brilliant if she could only escape this oppressive atmosphere.

"I think it would be good for you. A lot of the world is going to change soon, and I want you to see it,' he said. He realized a moment later that maybe that was too much information. He cursed at himself. His mother was trustworthy, yes, but Edelgard would be furious is he jeapordized the plan with his big mouth.

"I know, darling. You are destined for great things. I've known that since you were a baby. I'm sure you'll change the world," his mother said, reaching over to smooth down his hair. "Now, why don't I make us some tea and then you can tell me about the last two years?"

Ferdinand smiled softly at his mother. "That would be lovely," he said. She stood up, graceful as ever, and left to go prepare tea. Ferdinand repositioned his chair, and then looked out the window to the sky. It had stopped raining, and he could see a rainbow peeking out of the clouds.

It felt like a silent promise of some kind, though he could not decipher who it was for. He just knew that it meant something beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey funny story originally Chapter 16 and 17 were gonna be one chapter, but I looked at the word count up till this point and it was over 3000! So it got split into two. 
> 
> Also Ferdinand can have a little hope, as a treat.


	17. Hiding In Plain Sights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand's last few days at the estate.

Dear Hubert,

I suppose I am writing this letter only out of a sense of obligation, seeing as I have written to Lady Edelgard and Dorothea. On the subject of Dorothea, she informed me that she and Lady Edelgard have been spending time together as of late, but she did not mention you. Am I correct in assuming you are unwell? I cannot recall a time when you have not been by her highness' side. Unless she has simply neglected to remark on your presence, though that seems out of character for her.

As for me, these past two moons have been uneventful. There is not much to report on my father's activities, and the servants are not much in the way of conversation. I almost miss our arguments, at least they passed the time.

Despite your cheerful disposition, I hope you are not doing too horribly. No need to respond to this letter either, I know you will be on the move soon and I do not particularly wish to hear from you. I wish you safe travels, if only because Lady Edelgard will be with you.

Sincerely,

Ferdinand Von Aegir

Edelgard's letter had come rather promptly, but as it was in code he spent a good three days deciphering it. The contents did not seem to warrant that level of security, but he supposed it could not hurt to be careful.

Dear Ferdinand,

Forgive me for the briefness of this letter, but as Hubert and I are about to depart for Garreg Mach, I cannot spend much time on this.

The trip to Garreg Mach will be safe, I assure you. I know you have a tendency to worry about these things, but Hubert has it under control. I did manage to convince him a large party was unnecessary, in part because I prefer to travel alone and also taking into account your own advice. A compromise was necessary, however, because it would be a cold day in Ailel before Hubert would allow me to travel without guards. The both of you worry too much. Despite your inability to get along, you both are incredibly similar in some regards.

Do try to avoid looking too suspicious, Ferdinand. I understand that we need information, but it is too risky to poke around with my Uncle so close. Keep your head down and stay out of trouble. You have only a little while longer before you can get away from the estate, so do not compromise your own safety.

I will see you soon. Communication will be difficult on the road, but if there is an emergency do not hesitate to contact us. Do stay safe while we are seperated. If something happens to you I do not think Dorothea will let me hear the end of it.

Sincerely,

Edelgard von Hreslveg

The gardens were still well cared for after all this time. Bushes and vines were delicately manicured and sprung to life in bright greens and earthy browns. Ferdinand, however, did not care about the main garden. He made his way through the worn paths towards the plot where his sister had spent so much of her time. It was tucked quietly into a corner, hidden away so that it felt almost like its own little world.

Stephanie's flowers were still in full bloom. Even with her gone, they grew proudly, bright colors exploding out of monotone greens like stars in the night sky. He ran a hand over a vine and was thrilled to find that not a single plant had wilted in his absence. He supposed that the staff must have been caring for her garden even after all these years.

Somehow it comforted him, knowing that the flowers she had loved so much still flourished. It felt to him like she was still living here in her garden, like any moment he would turn and there she would be, smiling and talking to her plants. He knelt down on the stone path and checked their roots. He could see a few stubborn weeds trying to leech sun and water from flowers surrounding them, but the garden itself looked healthy and happy. He decided to do a little cleaning, so he stood back up and went to retrieve a shovel.

Ferdinand occupied himself with unrooting weeds and poking about the flowers to insure that all of them really were healthy. It felt wrong to him to leave this garden untended, so he was glad that someone had been looking out for it. Maybe the staff really had cared about them, despite how rarely he saw them. He made a mental note that once his father was gone, he should ensure that everyone working here would be okay. He had no clue if his mother would want to stay, but he did not want the workers to go hungry without a job.

As he was tending to his sister's flowers, he reviewed his knowledge of plant life. In the past he had only known their names, their preferred soils, how often Stephanie had watered them, and what they meant to her. But now he could look at a bloom and instantly know that if it was boiled and prepared in a certain way that it could be deadly. He blamed Hubert for that, with his constant paranoia about someone poisoning Edelgard.

He would never shame him for being worried, but sometimes his caution felt excessive. Edelgard had enemies, but rarely was anything she ate or drank prepared by an unknown individual. Ferdinand supposed that knowing antidotes and building poison immunities was just how Hubert comforted himself. He could not begrudge him that, if it helped him then he supposed it was not that annoying. He would also hate if something happened to Edelgard.

Though really, there must be irony in flowers so beautiful being so deadly. Much like Dorothea, their beauty meant many mistook them as weak or fragile. And while it was true that if they were neglected they would wilt, there was no denying their strength. He remembered telling her this once, only to have her tease him for sounding like 'something straight out of a bad romance novel'. He had not even been flirting with her!

Maybe it was overdone to compare people to flowers, but they just had so much meaning behind them. It was easy to write comparisons between roses and strong-willed heros and between sunflowers and confident leaders. It was easier to think about people if he compared them to things he knew well.

He was deep in thought, and so when he heard the crunch of leaves behind him, he shot up in fright. He whipped around, prepared to defend himself if necessary. He was almost relieved to see it was only Lord Arundel.

"You are quite anxious, aren't you?" he said, with a dark chuckle. It was almost as sinister as Hubert's, though Ferdinand typically found Hubert's laugh to be more annoying than intimidating. Ferdinand tried to loosen himself up but found that he could not shake the feeling of dread that formed in his chest. He decided instead to distract himself with his gardening.

"I just...was not expecting company, that is all," Ferdinand said, trying his best to retain his composure. Arundel moved to stand beside him, but Ferdinand kept his gaze focused on his work. He would not show this man any sign of weakness if he could help it. There was something off about him, the way he moved and spoke seemed very artificial, as if he was reading from a script.

"I must say, we have not spoken much during your stay here. I was starting to think that you were purposefully avoiding me," Arundel said. Ferdinand winced internally. Had he seen through him so easily? "I promise that that was not my intention. I have simply been busy with the materials my father has instructed me to review."

Arundel chuckled again, sending a chill down Ferdinand's spine. He stood up, still avoiding eye contact and focusing instead on the surrounding area. He was already plotting escape routes, tensed like he was about to enter combat.

"I see. Well, I hope in the future you see

to it that your actions do not mask your intentions. If I was a less honorable man...well, let us just say that some men possess less mercy than I do," Arundel said. Ferdinand felt his shoulders stiffen, fingers twitching. He had to stop himself from reaching for the dagger on his belt.

Instead he feigned innocence. "My lord, what do you mean by that? " he asked, using a voice he reserved only for placating hostile nobles. It always seemed to work. Most of the corrupt nobility thought of themselves as untouchable, and so any praise no matter how obviously fake sounded real to them.

"I mean, boy, that you should be more cautious, lest you find yourself at the end of a blade," Arundel said, as casually as if he had been commenting on the weather. He dismissed himself, walking off and leaving Ferdinand with the burden of his obvious threat. As soon as he determined that Arundel was long gone, he sighed deeply.

He put away his trowel, and realized that his hands were shaking. "I have a feeling that there is more going on with him than I first thought," Ferdinand mumbled to himself. Clearly, he had to keep a closer eye on the man, especially in relation to his father. He went back to his room, deciding that he ought to prepare his things to leave, as he knew he would be leaving within two weeks.

If he could survive that long.

The next letter that arrived was harder to decipher. It took him a week to break it's code, which clued him into exactly who had been writing it. Well, that and the fact that it, unlike the rest, had not arrived by official mail. Hubert was dramatic like that.

Dear Ferdinand,

I am writing only to tell you that you should be putting your letters in code, even the mundane ones. It is a horrible habit to write so plainly, for anyone could weaponize your words against you. I would think after two years you would know something so basic.

Your inquiries about my health were also unnecessary. Even if I was ill, I am not so foolish as to admit that even in writing. Unlike you, I hold myself to a certain standard of professionalism. To so blatantly flaunt my weaknesses in front of potential adversaries would be a mistake.

If you must know, I have been busy doing actual work. I trust that her highness can be alone for an hour or two without endangering herself, and thus I see no need to hover while she interacts with Miss Arnault. If nothing else, at least Miss Arnault is not as frustratingly unintelligent as you are.

And even if something were to occur, Lady Edelgard and Miss Arnault can handle themselves long enough for someone to arrive to their aid. In fact, I almost think that Lady Edelgard would leave me very little work to do. She outshines you in every way, and that includes combat. I doubt you could hold your own against any assassin of merit.

On a final note, 'Mr. Spider'? Really, that is the name you came up with? One would think a bastion of manners such as yourself would have at least bothered to learn his name well before now. Nevertheless, I trust that you will arrive at Garreg Mach on schedule. Do not make Lady Edelgard worry.

Signed,

Hubert Von Vestra

The day before he was set to leave, Ferdinand made his way to the stables. Madeline would appreciate a longer ride to warm her up for the journey, and he needed to get away from the state before he suffocated. Arundel's presence unnerved him, and he figured clearing his head would be good for him.

He saddled Madeline quietly, taking the time to brush her coat and examine her hooves to make sure her horseshoes were clean and completely on. Horseshoes protected their delicate hooves from damage after all, so it would not do if a rock got lodged in it or it fell off mid-ride. He wanted only the best for Madeline, after all.

The two of them rode out to the lake like they used to. Madeline was vocal today, chattering and enjoying the fresh air. He loved seeing her happy. To others she might just be a horse, but to him Madeline was a living being with dreams and hopes. She had been there for him through everything, and that was what mattered.

He let Madeline go at the top of the hill, and she quietly trotted over to graze on the aild grass. Ferdinand looked out over the lake as she did so. It was gorgeous, the wildflowers dotting the green canvas and the rippling water reflecting the landscape around it. He sat down in the slightly damp grass just to relax.

He realized that looking over the lake left him breathless. The last time he had been here, he was running away from it all. This very same view had been a promise of adventure and a better life. He could hardly fathom that that had been two whole years ago. The memory felt ancient.

He was still running now, but it was towards a brighter future. There were still shadows ahead of him, but now he had a torch, when before he had been completely unprepared. He was no longer braving the unknown alone, and the thought comforted him.

Whatever happened next, he had friends this time. And with them, no obstacle seemed too big for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a fun one. Arundel got some screentime (finally). And now, onto the monastery!


	18. New Scenery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand finally arrives at Garreg Mach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE HERE BOYS! THE TIME IT TOOK TO GET HERE IS WORTH IT I SWEAR!!!!

The journey to Garreg Mach was...uneventful. His father declined to accompany him, instead sending him on his way with a few guards for 'protection'. Ferdinand had a feeling that they were really there to ensure he did not try to escape again.

Ferdinand was excited to arrive. The monastery loomed over him, and for a moment he forgot completely about why he was really there. He was just like any other student, in awe of the grand towers and elegant glass windows. It felt like a picture straight from an old storybook.

They entered the school grounds and were greeted by a knight. Ferdinand received directions to the stables, and went to put Madeleine up. It took him a little while to find them, even with directions, as the monastery was rather large. But he did find them eventually, and he was pleased to see that they were roomy, and filled with new friends for Madeline to make. She seemed a bit antsy, but that was to be expected from such a new environment. He knew she would be used to it eventually.

He fussed over her saddle for a bit, before leaving her to adjust to her new lodgings. He would probably have to unpack soon, but first he wanted to take a peek at the classrooms. The monastery seemed large and busy, people and staff rushing past him from all directions. He noted that it might make it difficult to poke around during the day. Too many witnesses. Hubert probably had that covered though.

That man always had about fifteen different plans for everything. He was almost overprepared, though with the world as it was, he could not blame him for being careful. If something ever happened to Edelgard....Ferdinand decided not to think about that. It would certainly destroy Hubert, and Ferdinand himself would not easily recover from such a loss.

The classrooms were decorated with their respective houses' flags. The bright red and gold of his own houses stood out very well against the backdrop of greenery and tan stone buildings. He made his way over to the classroom. He was hoping that his other classmates would be there, because Ferdinand wanted to make a good first impression. It was imperative, to him at least, that everything go smoothly and that he didn't stand out too much. He didn't need the extra attention, not with all the work that still had to be done.

Just as he was about to enter the classroom, he heard shouting and a large bang. He froze immediately, concern flooding his senses. He could not tell if someone was hurt until he heard laughter. He sighed with relief, and then entered the room. One of the students was dusting themselves off, a table overturned next to them. They must have knocked it over somehow.

The room was filled with people. A quick count confirmed the number to be seven, three of which he already knew. Hubert, Edelgard, and Dorothea were standing in a clump together, Dorothea directly next to Edelgard and Hubert off to the side, hovering in the background.

The person dusting themselves off had blue hair and seemed to be loudly talking to another individual, a sleepy green-haired student. Underneath a nearby table was a mousey looking mop of purple hair, the person it belonged to curled up. They seemed scared, maybe because of the loud noises. Hovering nearby was an individual who appeared to be from....well, not Fodlan. They had darker skin, and a hair color that was uncommon in Adrestia.

It was odd, actually. Most people he had met had very normal hair tones, black and brown and sometimes blonde, but here in this classroom there were all kinds of colors. There must be an explanation for that, but he hadn't the foggiest idea of how to go about finding it. He knew most everyone here would be nobility, save Dorothea, since commoners could very rarely afford the tuition fee or the recommendation required to get in. Maybe that was related to the odd hair colors?

"Yo, is this the last person?" the blue-haired individual barked. They bounced on their heels as they turned to face him. They seemed excitable, and they were definitely loud. Ferdinand half-wanted to cover his ears, but that would be impolite.

"Ah, yes. Hello everyone! I am Ferdinand von Aegir! It is an honor to meet you all," Ferdinand said, projecting as much as he needed to so everyone could hear him. The blue-haired individual paused for a second, before a flicker of recognition crossed his eyes. "Oh, wait! Are you the Prime Minister's son?"

Ferdinand nodded. The shorter person crossed the room and snatched his, shaking it almost too vigorously. Ferdinand winced. "I'm Caspar von Bergliez, my father is the Minister of War!" he exclaimed. Ferdinand could vaguely recall that that had been the name of the Minister of War. He had...two sons, if Ferdinand remembered correctly. Judging by his proximity in age to Caspar, Caspar had to be the younger one.

"Nice to meet you, Caspar," he said. He turned to the person half-asleep at a table. "And you are?" The person popped his head up, looking thoroughly disinterested. "Linhardt von Herving," he said simply, before lying his head back on the table. Caspar pouted and poked Linhardt.

"You can't just take a nap after introducing yourself! C'mon, let's get to know everyone," Caspar whined. Ferdinand watched as Linhardt looked up again, face blank as a sheet of paper. Yet somehow, Caspar understood what he meant and began pestering him more. Was it like Hubert and Edelgard, and their uncanny ability to have silent conversations? They had to have been friends for some time, then.

Ferdinand decided to leave them be, scooting over to where Dorothea and the others were. Dorothea pulled him into a big hug as soon as he was within range. "Ferdie! I'm glad to see that you got here alright," she said.

"Thank you, Dorothea. I am glad to see that you are unharmed as well. How was your trip?" he asked. Dorothea released him from her bear-hug and stepped back. Ferdinand then noticed that her uniform looked quite different from his. She was missing the jacket, and it seemed that she had modified hers a bit. Looking around, most everyone was wearing their uniform differently. Ferdinand had thought that the dress code would have been a bit stricter, given the academy's reputation, but it seemed he had been mistaken.

"My trip was fine. Oh, Edie, you should introduce him to Petra," Dorothea said. Edelgard looked back from her conversation with Hubert. Ferdinand noted that her uniform came with a bright red cape. He had read something about those in the material he had referenced, but whatever it was escaped him. He chewed at his lip trying to remember what exactly it was.

"Ferdinand, this is Petra Macneary. She is the daughter of the King of Brigid. In Fodlan terms, she would be a princess. She's here as the Empire's...guest," Edelgard said, prompting Ferdinand to snap out of his thoughts. The red-haired individual from before had crossed the room to stand in their little cluster.

"Greetings, Ferdinand. As Edelgard is saying, I am Petra of Brigid. It is pleasing me to be meeting you," Petra said. She extended a hand, so Ferdinand shook it. She seemed genuine, with a bright smile. And he could tell he would enjoy speaking with her, even if her Fodlian was a little off. He supposed since she was from Bridgid, she grew up speaking Brigadian, and the language did have far different sentence structure from what he recalled. He didn't speak or read it, but he had seen it in a textbook at some point.

In fact, from what he remembered, they had been fighting with Brigid at some point. It had something to do with Dagda, and it had ended with them basically conquering Brigid and turning it into a territory. Petra being here could have been a show of goodwill, but it was more likely she was a political prisoner. The thought made him sick. She looked younger than him by maybe a couple years. How long had she been in Fodlan? He had not seen her around the castle, so she must have been staying elsewhere.

"It is nice to meet you too, Petra," he said. He finished the handshake, stepping backward and clipping Hubert's shoulder with his own. When did he move behind him? "My apologies, Hubert, I did not see you there."

"I am surprised you can see anything, given the state of your hair. Did you not have time to cut it or are you fine with looking like a slob," Hubert said. Ferdinand scoffed, reaching to brush aside some of his hair. Sure it was a little messier than it usually was, but he yet to have time to style it given he had just arrived. And it was not like Hubert's hair was any better.

"Why must you always torment me, Hubert? I apologized and yet to insist upon goading me like I have gravely offended you. Quite honestly, your behavior is embarrassing and completely contradictory to the ideals a noble such as yourself should uphold" Ferdinand snapped. Edelgard shook her head, clearly unamused. Petra looked between the two of them curiously. He could not help but feel like somehow they were judging him, even though he had done no wrong!

"Well, Ferdinand, if you would just stop being so careless, I would have no issue with you," Hubert said, with as little emotion as if he had been commenting on the weather rather than making such a personal attack. It grated on Ferdinand's nerves how callous he could be.

"Why I never! Hubert, if you have nothing productive to say, kindly keep it to yourself," he retorted. He crossed his arms against his chest, glaring at Hubert. Hubert opened his mouth as if to say something, but was quickly stopped.

"Hubert, Ferdinand, must you do this now?" Edelgard said, cutting in. Ferdinand flushed a little. It felt almost like he was being scolded by his mother. But he was not some petulant child being unreasonable. He was completely innocent here; Hubert was the one unfairly targeting him.

"Lady Edelgard, it is not my fault Hubert cannot seem to leave me be," Ferdinand said. Edelgard did not look convinced, and next to her Dorothea shook her head. Petra just continued to look between the four of them like she was witnessing some odd occurrence. He supposed this was strange behavior for nobles to engage in. No one else in the room seemed to be paying attention. Caspar and Linhardt were off in their own little world, and the person beneath the table had yet to move.

"My apologies, Lady Edelgard. I am aware that arguing with such a simpleton is beneath me," Hubert said dryly. Ferdinand whipped his head around to openly glare at Hubert. "How dare you!" he said.

"Oh, will you two quit it! You are acting rather childish. You ought not to antagonize Ferdinand, Hubie. And Ferdie, quit your buzzing. You always let him work you up and then you go flying around complaining. Sometimes I wonder how either of you get any work done," Dorothea snapped. Edelgard nodded in agreement.

"And besides, you two have known each other for almost two years. Don't you think that warrants a little respect?" Edelgard added. Ferdinand frowned, looking between Hubert and Edelgard. As much as he did not want Edelgard to think he was acting childish, he could not let Hubert have the last word.

"I do not complain that much," Ferdinand grumbled. Dorothea sighed and shook her head. "I disagree. How many times have you complained about Hubert to me in the past two years alone? And this was before I even knew who he was!" Dorothea said.

"It is not my fault he insists on behaving so unprofessionally!" Ferdinand said. Hubert rolled his eyes. "And it is not my fault, Ferdinand, that you refuse to stop talking. Does the endless river of filth ever stop flowing from your mouth?" he said. This, of course, set Ferdinand off. He started tearing into Hubert, as Edelgard tried in vain to get them both to calm down.

Petra turned to Dorothea. "I am confused. I thought you all were being friends? Why are Ferdinand and Hubert fighting?" she asked.

"They are friends, Petra. It is just that neither Hubert nor Ferdinand are willing to admit it," Dorothea said. She gestured to where Ferdinand was standing, though Ferdinand did not notice. By now he was red in the face from how fast he was speaking.

"Ah, that is making more sense. You were telling me that they and Edelgard were being close. But why is it that Hubert and Ferdinand will not be...admitting that they are friends?" Petra said.

"It's probably an ego thing. Sometimes people get all sensitive about their image, and since they both cultivate such appearances, they're bound to clash. Don't worry about it too much, dear," Dorothea said. She placed a hand on Petra's shoulder to reaffirm that everything would be fine.

"I would rather you not speak about me as if I am not right here," Ferdinand said suddenly. He stepped away from Hubert and Edelgard, still fuming. All the arguing was making his head hurt and he just needed to get away from Hubert. Otherwise, it might have ended in a fistfight. "Oops, sorry," Dorothea said. She did not sound sorry.

"Miss Dorothea, I think you are mistaken. We are not fighting. Ferdinand is simply getting upset over nothing. He can be rather...overemotional," Hubert said. It was the last straw. Ferdinand threw his hands up in defeat as both Edelgard and Dorothea groaned.

"I am tired of this. I should go get unpacked. Lady Edelgard, Dorothea, Miss Petra, I will see you all later," he said. He gave a quick, polite bow to Edelgard and then excused himself. He purposely did not acknowledge Hubert on his way out. It was petty of him, but Ferdinand was too upset to care. "Bye Ferdie!" Dorothea called out after him. The others, barring Hubert, called out after him in a similar manner.

Ferdinand made his way through the monastery to the dorms. Luckily, he had a map and had specifically pointed out on it where his dorm would be. It was easier to find than the stables had been, at least. As he walked, he took note of the people who roamed the grounds. There were priests and nuns and church-goers, but there were also knights and servants and children. Actually, there were a lot of children.

Some seemed to be working with their parents, others training as squires, and still more simply playing among the stone buildings. He watched as one brave little girl scrambled to get down from a tree at the shouting of her mother. It brought a smile to his face. Garreg Mach felt like a world of it's own, not unlike Enbarr had. He'd like it here, even if he wasn't really here to be a student.

His dorm room was on the second floor. It seemed nice enough, but he found that he missed his old room at the inn. Sure, the roof had leaked sometimes and the draft was awful during the winter, but it had felt like a home. He missed it.

Rather than dwell on his feelings of homesickness, he focused on unpacking his things. It was rhythmic and routine, something he could easily slide into without too much thinking. Eventually his mind strayed to the rest of the monastery. He wanted to get a better feel for the grounds. Ferdinand decided to explore the next day. For now, though, he just focused on unpacking. Everything else would have to wait.


	19. Exploration Mode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand explores. That is it. That's the chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAHA IM AHEAD OF SCHEDULE, BITCH YOU THOUGHT. 
> 
> This might be :/ but I swear its gonna get good. We got PLOT a'coming.

The next day, Ferdinand decided to have a look around the monastery. He woke up earlier than he had in awhile, the noise from the outside world having started as soon as the sun rised. Many of the people in the monastery were early birds, and Ferdinand had no problem with getting up that early himself. It was almost peaceful.

He made his way over to the stables, taking in the cool morning air. The early morning sky framed the buildings around him in soft light and made everything feel rather magical. It was almost as if the monastery had a life of it's own. The walls sang out some sort of unknown, warm melody that could put you at ease instantly.

As he was walking past the classrooms, he spotted a familiar head of snow-white hair standing in front of one of them. Her arms were crossed as she stared off into the distance, deep in thought. He looked around and sure enough, not too far away away stood Hubert. He picked up his pace as he approached them, waving.

Nearby, two people stood talking. One was tall, with blonde hair and a blue cape. The smaller person next to them had a darker complexion and was sporting a yellow cape. He recognized those now as the capes house leaders wore. They must be the Blue Lion's leader and the Golden Deer's leader.

"Lady Edelgard, good morning!" he shouted as he approached. The two individuals as well as Edelgard herself looked up as he approached. All three politely waved. In the background, he caught Hubert's cold gaze. He swallowed and shook it off, determined to not let it get to him.

"Morning, Ferdinand," Edelgard said. Ferdinand stood in front of her. The shadows from the various trees made odd patterns of light against her face and clothes. She looked almost like a kaleidoscope, the pattern changing with every miniscule movement. Ferdinand took note of the large axe slung across her back. Was she going somewhere?

"Princess, who's your friend?" the person in yellow asked. Edelgard turned to look at them, gaze carefully guarded. Ferdinand could tell that she didn't seem to trust either of them, but as she rarely trusted anyone he knew that was to be expected.

"Apologies. Claude, Dimitri, this is Ferdinand von Aegir. He's the eldest son of the Prime Minister. Ferdinand, this is Claude von Riegan, future head of the Alliance, and Dimitri Blaiydd, crown prince of Faerghus," Edelgard said. Ferdinand's eyes widened. He had not been expecting to meet two prominent political figures so early in the morning. He had not even known they went to this institution. Leave it to Edelgard and Hubert to know details like that.

"Greetings, Ferdinand," Dimitri said. He seemed a little stiff as he spoke, standing very rigidly. He had an...odd feeling about him, like he was not quite alone. There was something about him that made Ferdinand want to both run away and come closer. Dimitri held a plain iron lance and gripped it in his right hand tightly, as if he was expecting an attack at any moment.

On the complete opposite end of the spectrum, Claude seemed almost too relaxed. His posture was informal and his smile was wide and charming. But there was something off there as well. He could see behind his eyes the same calculating look that Dorothea often had. He seemed intelligent, but friendly, and the way he held his bow made it seem like he was in no rush to use it.

"Nice to meet you, Ferdinand," Claude said. Ferdinand debated whether he had to make a verbal response, but relented and did anyway. His voice still sounded like morning to him, grating and rough. "It is nice to meet you as well, Claude, your highness," he said. He punctuated each greeting with a small bow. He did not need to be overly reverent but he did want to show some respect.

"We were just heading out for a training exercise," Dimitri explained. "The Black Eagles' professor wanted us to spend a little time together." Edelgard nodded to confirm his statement, turning around to wave at the approaching figure.

"It will hopefully make for a nice bonding exercise. I don't know about you princess, but I'd like to get to know the two of you," Claude said. His voice seemed sincere, and for a second Ferdinand almost believed he was just being honestly friendly. However, one look at Edelgard's face told him that she wasn't so sure of his intentions. Claude winked after he spoke and in response, Edelgard rolled her eyes.

"Sounds like one of your schemes," Edelgard said. Claude scoffed as if he was deeply offended at the idea. "Me? Scheming? Never," he retorted. "I am not so naive as to take everything you say at face value," Edelgard shot back. Dimitri shook his head, and gestured to the teacher now within earshot. "We should go."

"We should. Ferdinand, I'll see you later," Edelgard said. Ferdinand watched as she and the other house leaders began to head off in the opposite direction, the teacher following close behind. "Goodbye, Lady Edelgard," he called out after them.

He turned to Hubert and noticed that he was not following them. That raised a red flag with Ferdinand. Hubert would normally never allow Edelgard to go somewhere without him, or at least without a guard of some sort. She was strong on her own, try as Ferdinand might he had never beaten her in a fight, but Hubert was always concerned about the possibility of assassins. Something was fishy about this.

Ferdinand approached Hubert reluctantly. "You aren't going with them?" Ferdinand asked. Hubert looked at him, face impossible to read. Even after all these years, Ferdinand could never quite figure out what Hubert was thinking. Even when he was being hostile, sometimes there was...something else there, that he could not place. It frustrated him to no end.

"I do not need to accompany Lady Edelgard everywhere," Hubert said sharply, as if Ferdinand was accusing him of something. Ferdinand recoiled, his immediate reaction being to snap back at him. He just barely managed to contain the urge to goad him.

"My apologies. I suppose I am just used to seeing the two of you together," Ferdinand said. "And although I know she can take care of herself, I would have thought you'd be more worried about her safety." Suddenly, the look on Hubert's face morphed into something...sinister. It was like Ferdinand had just told a particularly dark joke, but neither of them were laughing.

"I trust Edelgard will be safe with the other house leaders. Very safe indeed," Hubert said with a dark chuckle. Ferdinand frowned. There was something being implied with his tone and word choice but Ferdinand could not tell what. Maybe they had a scheme in the making? But what kind of scheme? And why would Hubert need to be so cryptic about it?

They were allies after all. If Edelgard and Hubert were planning something, surely they would tell him? Or, Edelgard would tell him. Hubert might not, but only because he was paranoid. Caution was necessary, of course, but he was always so cautious that it bordered on obsessive. He had to maintain perfect control over every little detail or he would go nuts. Honestly, he had not missed Hubert's constant nagging in the three moons they'd been apart.

"Well, if you are so certain that she is safe, I will believe you. I am going to go check on Madeline," he said. Hubert rolled his eyes, surely about to make some scathing remark about his bond with his dear friend, but Ferdinand truly was not in the mood for it. "I will be seeing you, Hubert."

"I will be seeing you as well, unfortunately," Hubert said. Ferdinand sighed pointedly, before turning on his heel and speeding off. His blood turned to molten lava beneath his skin as he walked. Could Hubert simply not help himself? It felt like their every interaction was a game to Hubert, like he was testing how far he could go before Ferdinand snapped and attacked him.

He was so close to doing so as well. A younger him would be appalled at the thought, such behavior not being proper for the 'future Prime Minister of Adrestia'. But Ferdinand was unsure whether he would be Prime Minister anymore, and as much as he still clung to his ideas of nobility and honor, punching Hubert right in his smug face was tempting.

But it would upset Edelgard, and he did not want her to be cross with him. She was too dear of a friend to him to commit such a foul and risk losing her approval. It was paradoxical sometimes, how deeply he wanted her trust and yet how strongly he wanted to be better than her. He had noticed it before, the way he vyed for her approval while at the same time wishing he could beat her just once. Maybe that said something about him, but Ferdinand shoved that thought aside. Self-reflection was...uncomfortable.

The stables were unsurprisingly just as busy as the rest of the monastery. People rushed back and forth, sometimes with horses in tow and sometimes just with buckets or brushes. It was far more hectic than any stable he had ever been in. At the very least, it seemed well-kept. Madeline's stall was already clean, and she had been fed by the time he had gotten there. Still, he did a once-over of the environment to make sure she was set for the day.

Madeline seemed to be getting on well with her new friends. As Ferdinand fetched a brush, she seemed to chat with the horse in the stall next to her. He smiled fondly knowing that Madeline was adjusting well to their new environment. He wanted her to feel comfortable there, for however long they had to remain. Madeline might not be human, but she was family all the same.

"Sorry for the wait, Dorte. But I got you more water," came a quiet voice. The door to the stall next to him clicked open and over the wall he could see a small person, around his age, carrying a bucket of water. Their hair was thin and bright blue, clinging to their face and hiding most of their other features, at least from that angle. The horse in question whinnied affectionately and nuzzled their outstretched hand.

Ferdinand paused while brushing Madeline's mane to watch as the other caretaker poured water into their horse's trunk. They seemed to be wearing the student uniform, so Ferdinand figured they were also attending the Officer's Academy. He shuffled around Madeline to stand nearer to the other stall, and then leaned slightly over the wall. "Hello there!" he said, smiling as brightly as he could. First impressions were important after all!

He was not expecting the other person to jump, but Ferdinand supposed that they had simply not seen him when they entered. They looked back at him, and he noted that their eyes were the same color as her hair, much like him. Seriously, what was up with that? There had to be an explanation why so many of them looked so...mono-colored.

"My name is Ferdinand von Aegir. It is nice to meet you! What is your name?" he asked. Ferdinand watched as the person turned fully around, and he spotted a small silver pendant around their neck. It looked like some of the symbols he had seen in church when he was very small. He noted that they must be devote, as most people didn't carry around religious paraphernalia. But it made sense that they would be, as Garreg Mach was...well, a monastery.

"Hello," the individual said, quietly.They were not looking directly at him, but rather down at their feet. It reminded him a bit of Christine, and how she never seemed quite capable of looking at him. There had to be a reason, but as they'd just met, Ferdinand figured it would be rude to point it out.

The stranger did not give him their name. Instead they turned back to give their horse a few pets, and then exited the stall. Ferdinand leaned further over the walls to call out after them. "You never told me your name!" he said. The stranger did not look back at him, so he barely heard their response.

"You should stay away from me. I'll only cause you harm," they mumbled before making a rapid escape. Ferdinand frowned as they disappeared from sight, turning back to Madeline. "That was odd--" he reached once again for his brush and returned to brushing Madeline "--Was it something I said? Why did they run away?" Madeline snorted as if to say that she didn't know.

" Well, I'll have to try again some other time. I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding," he said. He continued his task until Madeline's coat and mane were dust free and soft. Then he gave her a hug, before exiting the stall. "I'll come visit you soon," he promised her.

He walked away from the stable and down the stone path, passing a small building that looked to be a staff area of some sort. He caught glimpses of people speaking inside, but they looked mostly older than him, no possible classmates in sight. Ferdinand continued his journey, and his mind once again strayed to his friends...and Hubert.

It had been a long time since the three of them had just gotten to be around each other. Sure, three moons seemed short on paper but it had felt like ages. He was almost excited to see them every day again. Hubert was the exception, of course, as he could live the rest of his life never seeing him again and be perfectly fine.

'But that's not quite true' some part of him whispered, unbidden. 'You would miss him too' it insisted every time Ferdinand tried to ignore it. He did not believe he would miss him, but some part of him was confident that he was important, that he mattered in some way. In a way that was about more than their goals and their work.

As much as that felt untrue, it was coming from his own brain. Surely there was an explanation for that feeling. But he would have to deal with that later. For now, he wanted to do some more exploring and get a feel for the monastery. He had a feeling that this place had many more secrets for him to unlock.


	20. A Not So Popular Plot.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand continues his exploration of the monastery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: For mentioned murder.

Ferdinand eventually found himself wandering past the great hall and onto the large bridge connecting the school to the part of the mountain where the chapel resided. Looking down from the bridge, he could see the sheer cliffs beneath. It almost made him a little dizzy. If someone wasn't careful, they could tumble right over the side.

He was not scared of heights, but anyone would find themselves disoriented staring at the cloudy, distant hills. In his time on the road he had gone higher than this, but there was always a sense of connection with the ground below. On the bridge, it felt as if he was walking on air, despite the sharp tapping of his boots on the stone path.

He was so busy staring off the side of the bridge that he failed to watch where he was going. He collided with a smaller figure, sending them both hurling in opposite directions. He landed heavily on the ground, badly bruising his elbow, though he would not notice until much later. The smaller figure groaned from their position laid flat out by the impact.

Ferdinand sat up and immediately recognized the purple-haired stranger as being one of his classmates. They had been hiding when he had first introduced himself, so he had yet to speak with them. A closer inspection revealed that they were pale, almost as pale as Hubert, and that they looked frightened. As soon as they made eye contact, the stranger scrambled to their feet. Ferdinand stood as well, wincing at the pain in their sides.

"My apologies, I was not paying attention to where I was going," he said. He expected the other person to be either cross with him or brush it off. He was not expecting them to begin flailing about like they were on fire.

"Ahhhhh, I'm so so sorry! I didn't mean to run into you! Oh god, Bernie, you've done it again," the person (Bernie?) said. Their voice was shrill and loud, like a mouse backed into a corner. He frowned, confused. He had been the one to run into them, so why did they need to apologize?

"No, really, it is okay! I was the one who ran into you," he started, but was cut off by Bernie's shrieking. "Please don't be mad!" she screeched. He stepped back to give her some space, head reeling. "Uh...miss? Please calm down," he said, genuinely worried now that the fall had perhaps rattled her senses. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"You're...not?" Bernie said, dropping the shrieking and instead speaking a quiet, nervous voice. Ferdinand wanted to jump for joy as now he could properly think. It was difficult to do so when it was noisy and he had no automatic response to rely on for 'giving a stranger a fit'.

"No, I am not. I have no reason to be mad at you, I am the one who was distracted. Are you quite alright?" he asked. He took a step or two back to give Bernie the space to breathe. She took a few sharp breaths before beginning to speak," I'm...I'm sorry. I, um...ohhhhh, nevermind. Don't mind me!"

"Ah, I am sorry. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Ferdinand von Aegir. May I ask for your name?" he asked. Bernie shook her head, beginning to mumble something. At that point he became concerned, and he moved forward to see if he could hear what she was saying or ask if something was the matter. In doing that, he must have scared her off, because she shrieked.

"Stay back! Go...go away!" she said. In a flash she was running off into the distance, leaving him to stand embarrassed by himself in the middle of the bridge. He could not understand what he had done to upset her, but he would just have to apologize later. That is, if she did not run away the next time they met.

Two days passed in relative peace as Ferdinand adjusted to his new surroundings. Hubert was strangely distant, working on something in his own time. Ferdinand had tried to ask him about what he and Edelgard were working on, as something still felt off, but everytime he tried, Hubert would just dismiss him.

He was sitting outside, reading over a textbook on the evolution of swords over the centuries. When he looked up, he saw Edelgard walk past in a hurry, Hubert hot on her heels. Ferdinand stood up from his seat and followed after the two of them. The three of them ducked into a small, hidden cranny between two buildings.

"Lady Edelgard! Hubert! How are you?" he asked. The two of them jumped, but he watched Edelgard visibly relax when they realized it was just Ferdinand. "Ah, Ferdinand. Apologies, but we were just stopping to discuss...an issue, that we are dealing with," Edelgard said. Ferdinand furrowed his brow, wondering what issue they could possibly be having.

"It does not concern you," Hubert said. Edelgard gave him a pointed look, and Hubert tensed up. "I thought you said telling him would be a bad idea,' Hubert said quietly. Ferdinand watched as Edelgard pinched the bridge of her nose and turned to him. "You have to know about this, if only because it went wrong and the situation has now become...unpredictable," she said.

"Know about what?" Ferdinand asked. Edelgard looked once more to Hubert, as he seemed to silently and vehemently disagree with her decision. "Ferdinand, you are well aware that two days prior myself along with the two other house leaders left for a training exercise. However, that was simply a cover for our actual plan," Edelgard said.

Ferdinand frowned. "Cover? What else could you have possibly been intending to do?" he asked. Edelgard took a deep breath, as if steeling herself to say something drastic. "Hubert and I...well, we hired a group of bandits to kill Claude and Dimitri."

Ferdinand felt like he had been punched in the stomach. This seemed...so out of character for the two of them. They had kept plans a secret from him before, sometimes out of necessity and sometimes simply as a precaution, but to keep him in the dark about such a serious and frankly, horrific deed? He almost wanted to ask them if they were joking. But Edelgard was not the type to joke about such serious topics, and Hubert's grim expression was confirmation enough.

Ferdinand clenched his fists, feeling his blood boil beneath his skin. It took all of his composure to not lose it then and there. "My question is why on Earth you would believe that to be a necessary action to take?" Ferdinand said, careful not to sound too aggressive. Hubert scoffed. "Our reasoning does not matter," he claimed.

"I believe it does! Neither Claude nor Dimitri have posed any threat to us. Need I remind you that senseless murder is one of the things we are supposed to be fighting against?!" Ferdinand said, throwing his hands up in frustration. Edelgard looked a bit shocked to see his obvious anger, as if she hadn't expected him to react.

"Getting rid of them would have prevented further conflict down the road, when they inevitably side with the church," Edelgard said. Ferdinand sighed, crossing his arms. "How do you know either of them would side with the church?" he asked.

"Because they, like everyone else, have been brainwashed into believing the church's lies," Hubert interjected. Ferdinand began to pace up and down in the short alley, clearly annoyed. "So was I, but if you showed them the evidence I am sure they would come around, just like I did," he said.

"The circumstances are different," Edelgard said. Ferdinand almost wanted to smack some sense into her, but he refrained. "We've known them for less than a month," he pointed out. They could not possibly have enough data to come to a conclusion so soon.

"It is too risky to allow extraneous variables to go uncontrolled," Hubert said. Ferdinand wanted to smack him upside the head for real this time. They were talking about people! Real, living, breathing people who had yet to pose any threat to them. "Must we treat them like...pieces on a chess board? It seems awfully crass. We need to stick to what we came here to do," Ferdinand said.

"I was unaware that you had a say in our course of action," Hubert snapped. Edelgard held a hand up to draw both of their attention. "Ferdinand, I understand your concern, and I agree it was foolish of us to act without considering the larger picture. Quite honestly either of them dying here could easily have jeopardized our entire plan. We should have considered it more," Edelgard said.

"Lady Edelgard, all due respect, but I do not think you need to apologize for your reasoning," Hubert said. Ferdinand clenched his jaw, feeling like a lion let loose in a crowded theatre. "Hubert, I understand that you want what is best for Lady Edelgard and her vision but if we resort to such underhanded tactics then...then we are no better than the very people we wish to eliminate!" Ferdinand said.

Edelgard seemed to freeze at that statement, like it was something she had not considered. Ferdinand took their silence as permission to continue. "We cannot claim moral superiority if we refuse to so much as attempt diplomacy. Claude and Dimitri are innocent and murdering them would have been horrendously amoral even if doing so would further our goals. Not to mention the risk it could have imposed on you both. I wish you would have at least thought to mention this to me before now," Ferdinand said.

Hubert did not look convinced. "I apologize if our methods were 'distasteful', however--" Ferdinand cut him off right then and there. "Hubert, the morality of murdering two teenage boys is not, in fact, up for discussion. I understand you are coming from a good place, but will you listen to *me* for once?" Ferdinand said.

"He's right, Hubert. You do have a habit of speaking over him," Edelgard said. Hubert looked at her, once again communicating in a way that only they could. He sighed, some silent reservation of his pushed aside at her command. "Fine. You are...right, Ferdinand. Our methods were not perfect nor were they pleasant," Hubert said.

Ferdinand was shocked at that statement, as Hubert had not once in the two years they had known each other ever admitted to being wrong. Maybe miracles truly did exist. "Thank you, Hubert. Now, you mentioned that said...attempt at murder went wrong? Pray tell, what happened?" he asked.

"The bandit, we had hired to carry out the deed...may have attempted to kill me," Edelgard said. Ferdinand blinked, utterly and openly confused. "Now why would he do that?" Ferdinand asked. How could someone they hired have messed things up that badly?

"He did not know what Lady Edelgard looked like, but I cannot stress how unprofessional it is to target anyone not on the list. He will pay for his rashness," Hubert said. Ferdinand looked at Hubert in bewilderment. "You mean that he wasn't apprehended?" Ferdinand asked.

"No, he got away. The person who came to my rescue was too concerned with ensuring I was unharmed to attempt an arrest, and he slipped out of the Knight's grasp," Edelgard said.

"Who is this person who saved you? Anyone we already knew?" Ferdinand asked. Edelgard shook her head. "Her name was Byleth. Claude and Dimitri asked for the help of a couple of mercenaries staying in Remire in dealing with the bandits. I was caught unaware and she defended me," Edelgard said. Ferdinand caught a hint of...admiration, in her voice. Then again, he could not blame her for admiring someone who had saved her life.

"Byleth's father, as it turned out, used to be the captain of the Knight's of Seiros. She, her father, and her brother are all in the monastery right now," Hubert informed him. Ferdinand scratched his head, thinking. "Can we trust them?" Ferdinand asked.

"It is unclear, however, I do owe Byleth for saving Lady Edelgard's life," Hubert said. "We need to determine her motives later, then. For now we should discuss how to move forward from here. Hopefully with less murder," Ferdinand said pointedly. Hubert rolled his eyes, but with no further negative comments, the three of them began to speak amongst themselves.

Ferdinand left the two to their own devices after a few more hours of serious discussion over what they would and would not do going forward. He was still sick to the stomach at the mere idea that they would willingly put two innocent people in harm's way. Regardless of their goals, it did not justify murder! Battlefields are one thing, when both sides are aware of a fight, but an assasination is...cowardice. Nevermind that Ferdinand would gladly dispose of his own father, because that was a different scenario altogether.

Their reasoning, while understandable, was incredibly flawed. He chalked it up to inexperience on all parts. Hopefully, in the future, they could avoid doing things so rashly. And that perhaps next time he would also be included in the planning, since he knew what he was doing as well.

Lost in thought as he was, he still noticed Dorothea and Petra sat outside on a bench, talking loudly. He smiled a little at the sight and approached, waving to catch their attention. "Dorothea! Miss Petra!" he said, grinning.

"Ferdie! Petra and I were just discussing a play I had performed in. Come sit with us," Dorothea said, beckoning him to sit on the bench beside her. He did so, careful not to take too much space up on the bench.

"Ferdinand, it is nice to be seeing you again. Dorothea was just telling me about...the opera? And she was saying that you were being a good singer," Petra said. Ferdinand beamed at the high praise from his friend. It was nice to hear that she spoke of him when he was not around.

"Well, yes, but not as good as her. Has she told you about the time she played the lead in 'Towards Scarlett Skies'? That was one of her best performances," Ferdinand said. He had seen that performance from one of the cheaper seats. It took him three months to save up for it, but her performance was worth it.

"No, she had not. What is that being about?" Petra asked Dorothea. Ferdinand watched Dorothea's eyes light up at her interest in the subject Dorothea dedicated most of her life towards. "Well, that particular opera was based on a true story about a Kingdom noble from the days of old," she said.

Petra nodded to confirm she was listening, and soon the three of them were discussing in depth the story and it's crushing indictment of the modern concept of chivalry, a rare subject for a mainstream play to tackle but an interesting one nonetheless.

"It sounds like a good thing in theory, chivalry, but it cultivates this complete lack of...of..." Dorothea waved her hand around in the air searching for a word. Ferdinand drummed on the bench while they waited for her to continue. He knew words could sometimes be tricky, even for someone like Dorothea who spent almost all of her time studying them.

"Respect! It cultivates this complete lack of self-respect or concern for one's own well-being. You basically end up chained to your work," Dorothea explained. Having never interacted with a proper knight, Ferdinand could only speculate at a correct answer but it did seem like a job like that would become all-consuming. Where did you draw the line between your duty and your personal life? Where did it end?

"They will keep knights in chains?" Petra asked suddenly. Ferdinand held back a snort at the absurd notion of chaining knights up like they were some kind of great beast. "No, Petra, not literal chains. It's an expression," Dorothea assured her. Petra seemed relieved at that.

"That is good. I am thinking that Fódlan has many strange expressions that are not existing in Brigid. It is confusing how these phrases came to be," Petra said.

"There are! Like, when did we decide on 'it's raining cats and dogs'? What kind of day was that guy having?" Dorothea asked, giggling a little.

"A furry one," Ferdinand said off-handedly. There sure were a lot of strange ways of saying things in Fódlan. Sometimes their language felt like six different ones cobbled together haphazardly. Who had even begun speaking Fódlian in the first place? Now that was something he could research on his own time.

"Come to think of it," he said out loud, "are the any records from before the formation of the Adrestian Empire?" Dorothea turned to him, clearly also thinking over the question. No easy answer came to them, so they sat in silence mulling it over.

"Brigid is having some! The dates are not matching up to your calendar, though," Petra said. Dorothea furrowed her brows, thinking. "Why did we change our calendar system back in the year zero?" Dorothea asked.

"Is it not being because of Fódlan's Goddess?" Petra said. Ferdinand very nearly said 'what goddess' but stopped himself. He did not need to be so openly agnostic in front of two people who...well, Dorothea did not seem to be a strict believer and he assumed Petra had her own religion not from Fódlan. So where did that leave their opinion on the Church of Seiros? Could he risk prying?

"It is supposed to be because Saint Seiros had some divine revelation from the Goddess or something. Must have been nice, having the Goddess willing to help you with such minor things," Dorothea said. There was an edge to her voice that Ferdinand instantly recognized. Once, when discussing her work, Ferdinand had mentioned a man who often came to view rehearsals. The way she had spoken about him was the same way she was speaking about Seiros.

"Does the Goddess of Fódlan not speak to everyone?" Petra asked. Ferdinand shook his head. "Usually, if you say you're talking to the Goddess, you land yourself in a mental hospital," Ferdinand said.

"What about your spirits, Petra? Do they talk to people in Brigid?" Dorothea asked. Petra shook her head. "We are not praying like followers of your Goddess do. We ask for protection and guidance from the spirits of the Earth during harvest and the flame spirits during war, but we are doing it differently," Petra said.

"Are their spirits for everything?" Ferdinand found himself asking. He could not really grasp the concept of having multiple...deities (?) for different things. Perhaps it was simply because he had been raised without knowledge of other cultures and religions. He should change that.

"There are spirits that do many things. It is important to be honoring them for what they do," Petra said. Dorothea seemed focused entirely on Petra while she spoke. Petra began discussing in depth some of the roles spirits played in day to day life, and before they had even realized it the sun was going down.

As Ferdinand returned to his dorm room, he couldn't help but think that even if he was only here to fulfill their mission, he was glad to have met Petra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trying to assasinate your classmates will earn you a 0 on your final assignment. 0/10, would not recommend.


	21. Training Grounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand meets his new teacher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Its 4000 words and very little plot relevant stuff actually happens. However, comma...the ending....well, see for yourself ;)

Ferdinand awoke the next morning with a...feeling, of some sort. It hovered over him ominously, like some tremendous event was about to transpire, one that would change the course of history permanently. He got dressed quickly, deciding that he should poke around the classroom before classes started this week. Come to think of it, where was their teacher? He had not seen them since the house leaders had gone out for their training exercise.

And the attempted assasination, though Claude and Dimitri were unaware of that particular detail. Ferdinand really needed to keep an eye on the two of them, so they did not pull that stunt again. And they called him the rash one! At least he was not orchestrating what could amount to decades of political turmoil with next to no evidence. Sometimes he wondered if the two of them were even capable of considering smaller details. They seemed so focused on their grand designs sometimes that they lost sight of the consequences of individual actions.

He admired their dedication and resilience, but their shortsightedness was liable to get them killed. They had good hearts and they were smart but sometimes...the actions they felt were best could be baffling. But that was why they had him, wasn't it? They were planners and leaders and intensely intelligent, and he had the understanding of how people behaved and the diplomacy skills (rudimentary as they were) to keep them from falling flat.

He walked down the hall of their dorms, debating whether to go straight to their classroom or eat first. He also wanted to visit Madeline, thought that might have to wait until later. As he passed by Edelgard's room, he could hear her and Hubert discussing something. Suddenly the two of them exited, narrowly avoiding colliding with him. That would have been the second time in two days Ferdinand had ran into someone, so he was a little relieved.

"Ah, Ferdinand, I was wondering when you'd wake up," Edelgard said. Ferdinand quickly glanced out the window to find that the sun had barely risen. He could not be quite sure. but he figured it was close to half past six. The three of them were probably the only ones awake out of all their classmates.

"Good morning, Lady Edelgard. Good morning, Hubert," Ferdinand said. He noticed the bags under Hubert's eyes were ever so slightly more visible than before. How was he already pulling all nighters? They had barely arrived here in Garreg Mach, surely there was not that much work to handle!

"Do you remember the Byleth character we told you about yesterday?" Hubert asked blunty. So they were skipping the small talk, then. "Yes, I do. Why, has something come up?" Ferdinand asked. He was almost a little concerned. Had they stayed up all night to discuss some calamity that had occured? No, no, after their conversation yesterday they surely would have included him.

"Rhea has clearly lost her wits," Hubert said. Ferdinand nearly snorted but retained his composure. "Had we not already confirmed that?" he asked. Edelgard and Hubert stepped out of the doorway, shutting Edelgard's dorm behind them. Ferdinand noticed that neither of them were carrying any of their books or even a bag. Maybe they had stored those in the classroom?

"Rhea has hired Byleth as a teacher this year," Edelgard said. Ferdinand froze for a second, before laughing. "Very funny. Seriously ,what is going on?" he asked. After a few seconds with no response, he realized they were being perfectly serious. "That...does she even have teaching credentials?"

"No, but then again, Professor Hanneman and Professor Manuela are not exactly teachers either," Edelgard said. Ferdinand supposed that was true; Manuela was a skilled doctor and Hanneman was a dedicated scholar but neither were really qualified to teach. The credentials were not nearly as important as their understanding of the material they taught.

"Any idea why this Byleth character accepted the job? She was a mercenary before, was she not?" Ferdinand asked. Edelgard guided them both down the hall, probably because having this conversation in the middle of the dorms was a bad idea. "Nothing sticks out as an obvious motivation. Her father was the former Captain of the Knights of Seiros, but he does not seem all that thrilled to have returned," Hubert said.

"Well, is there any reason to keep a closer eye on her then we would with, say, Professor Manuela?" Ferdinand asked. Surely if that was all there was to it, they would not have to devote too much spare energy to keeping an eye on her. They already had a lot of work to do, they really could not afford to add more to their plates.

"Rhea seems to have an..interest, of some sorts in her, which is why I am concerned," Edelgard said. Ferdinand frowned. "An interest? What kind of interest?" Ferdinand said.

"It seems as if she has some sort of prior connection with her and her twin brother. Who is also named Byleth," Hubert said. Ferdinand stopped in his tracks, and it was then he had noticed they were already outside. The cold air ruffled his hair slightly, and he wondered how he could be so wrapped up in a conversation so as not to even notice a change in scenery.

"Wait...both of them are Byleth?" he asked. Hubert nodded, clearly agreeing with him that it was a ridiculous notion. To name both of your kids the same name, and twins no less! What were their parents thinking? "Yes, but I suppose that is not the strangest thing we have ever encountered. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go find Byleth. She's supposed to make the rounds today to introduce herself to everyone," Edelgard said.

"Ah. Well, I hope that goes well for you. I'll head to class," Ferdinand said. Hubert looked over towards Edelgard. The two of them discussed something together in their heads, and then Hubert walked away towards the classroom. Ferdinand followed, watching as people passed them by as the world around them began to wake up.

The two of them were the first into the classroom, which Ferdinand had expected. Hubert moved over to the bookshelf on the right side of the room, and Ferdinand walked to the other side to set up his own study materials. Neither of them attempted further conversation. Whether that was due to personal grievances or simply a focus on other activities was debatable.

After a few minutes, the next couple of people filed in. Petra, Caspar, and the girl from the day prior all came in one by one. Or, more like Caspar and Petra came in and Bernie was carried in. Caspar had her flung over his shoulder, as if it was a completely normal occurrence for them. The blue-haired boy dropped her off at a desk near the back and made a beeline for his own seat.

Ferdinand watched as Hubert approached Petra, and the two of them began talking. He considered walking over to join them, but looking over to the cowering girl to his left, he figured he ought to apologize for yesterday's events. He placed his notebook back on his desk and walked over, making sure she saw him so as not to startle her. He had a feeling she did not appreciate being snuck up on.

"Hello! I feel I must apologize for yesterday. I did not mean to upset you," he said as soon as he was in earshot. The girl looked at him in suspicion, which admittedly he was rather used to. Many people interpreted his friendliness as forced, and so he knew her distrust wasn't personal. Also, he had sort of sent her running across the grounds in a fit of panic less than twenty four hours ago.

Instead of continuing to speak, he smiled, focusing on appearing as non-threatening as possible. He really did not want her to start screaming again, as Hubert would certainly hold that against him. He was almost ready to simply walk off, when finally Bernie sighed. "It's...it's okay. Um, I'm sorry for running off yesterday, I really didn't mean anything by it I swear, I hope I didn't hurt your feelings or anything. I'm uh...I'm Bernadetta," she said.

Ferdinand vaguely recognized that name, but shrugged it off as mere coincidence. "Well, it's nice to meet you Bernadetta. Are you excited for class?" he asked.

She shook her head. "Not to be...not to be rude to the teachers, I'm sure they're working very hard but I would really rather stay in my room," Bernadetta squeaked. She seemed to do that a lot. Her voice and mannerisms seemed very skittish, like she was expecting to be attacked at any moment. Ferdinand suspected that that was likely the case.

"Really? I would think that would get rather boring," Ferdinand said. Bernadetta shook her head rapidly once again, not bothering with a verbal response. He had a feeling she wanted out of this conversation. He had to admit it was a little awkward when they had nothing in particular to talk about yet.

Just then, Caspar hollered and jumped from his seat. "Yo, Lin, you made it" he shouted. Bernadetta started from her seat and dove for cover, and even Hubert flinched a little. Ferdinand rubbed at his temple. He was definitely going to have quite a few headaches this year.

He turned to watch as Dorothea and Linhardt finally walked through the door, the latter looking like he was still half-asleep. Dorothea made a beeline over to Petra and Hubert, clearly cheerful even this early in the morning. Linhardt reluctantly shuffled over to Caspar, probably not as thrilled to be here as Caspar was.

Not even a second later, two new people entered the room. One was taller with shorter hair, and one was shorter with longer hair, and they had different body types, but otherwise they looked nearly identical. They also looked young: the taller one could not be much older than he was.

The two of them approached Caspar and Linhardt. A short conversation followed, and Ferdinand watched quietly. The two people were dressed almost eccentrically, with the shorter one looked almost comical. The strange cut of their shirt revealed at least half an inch of belly, and the boots seemed nearly impossible to walk in comfortably. He should know, his own school boots had half an inch of heel and even those were hard to manage.

Caspar began loudly nagging Linhardt for his 'poor manners', which even with his limited interactions with the two felt ironic. Byleth and...Byleth, goddess was that stupid, seemed to agree, as they turned away and walked over to Hubert, Petra, and Dorothea. The three of them talked together for a moment. Ferdinand could actually hear this conversation, which he enjoyed.

And then the twins approached him and Bernadetta. He smiled warmly as they approached. Getting a good look at their eyes revealed that they seemed very blank, as if they were not really present.

"Oh no...strangers," Bernadetta mumbled from behind him. Ferdinand stood up straighter, eager to make a good first impression. "Bernadetta, these are no strangers. This lovely lady right here saved Edelgard's life the other day," Ferdinand said.

Byleth nodded, and then gestured to her brother. "Ah, yes, and this is her brother. A pleasure to meet you both, I am Ferdinand von Aegir," he said. He was saying that a lot lately, huh? Bernadetta sighed from behind him.

"My name is um, Bernadetta von Varley, now please leave me alone," she squeaked. She then buried her head back in whatever book she had brought with her.

Byleth nodded, and then she and her brother exited the room as quickly as they came. Looking around at each other, the general consensus was that they were oddd, but seemed harmless. Certainly not as aggressive as some other teachers could be.

They found later that day that Byleth had been assigned to their class. Ferdinand found himself happy about that for some reason. Byleth, or Professor Byleth he supposed now, seemed pleasant enough. Her brother apparently decided to continue his work with his father, so he would still be sticking around the monastery.

Their first class with her was the next day. They had all ended up showing up early, preparing for whatever class activities the Professor had prepared. Edelgard chose a seat up front and away from Hubert, which had shocked Ferdinand. They usually insisted on being near each other. Hubert selected the row across the aisle from Edelgard, two rows down. Caspar joined Edelgard up front, and Linhardt and Bernadetta both sat in the back, which left Petra, Ferdinand, and Dorothea.

He had expected Dorothea to sit with him, because they were in fact friends, so he was a little miffed when she chose instead to sit with Petra. But he was not a child, and Dorothea was a grown woman who could do as she pleased. Instead, he reluctantly moved and sat with Hubert. He did not, of course, want to but he did not particularly want to sit alone either.

"Ready for class?" he asked. Hubert looked over to him, and for a second he almost seemed surprised. "Ah, Ferdinand. Have you managed to secure an understanding of the school's layout?" Hubert said.

"I believe I have. There are a few points on the grounds that seem insecure enough that we may be able to come and go from the monastery undetected," he said, lowering his own voice. Hubert nodded. "I believe I know the points you are referring to. I am surprised you actually noticed them. I did not think you were all that observant," Hubert said.

Ferdinand scoffed. "And how many times, pray tell, had I snuck into the Imperial castle undetected?" he asked. Hubert gave him the look he always used when he was annoyed with him. "I'm afraid I did not keep an exact tally. My apologies," Hubert retorted.

"That was rhetorical and you know it! Goddess, you always do this," Ferdinand said. Well, maybe not always, but close enough. Hubert mock-gasped and Ferdinand wanted to groan out loud. "My my, Ferdinand, using the Goddess's name in vain?"

"Oh, knock it off! And you call me dramatic," Ferdinand hissed. Hubert opened his mouth, no doubt to say some clever retort, but he was interrupted by a light smack of a book against their desk. "Boys. I know you're good friends or whatever, but I do have a lesson to get to," she said, a hint of mirth in her voice.

"My apologies, Professor, " Hubert said. Byleth just shook her head. "It's fine. Now..." Byleth trailed off, walking up to the front of the classroom.

"I figured that today we would discuss some strategies for the upcoming mock battle, as well as get a feel for each other's individual strengths," Byleth began. She scribbled down a t-chart on the board. One side was labeled strengths and the other was labeled weaknesses.

"Hell yeah! We're gonna crush this mock battle!" Caspar shouted. Edelgard winced, scooting away ever so slightly as Caspar leaped out of his seat. Bernadetta looked like she was going to flee, and even Dorothea looked a little chuffed. The only person not affected was Linhardt, who was somehow still asleep.

"Yes, Caspar, I have faith in our victory, but please keep the shouting to a minimum," Byleth said. Caspar sat back down, not disheartened in the slightest.

"It is important to understand both your enemies weaknesses and their strengths. And it is equally important to keep track of their own. Does any want to provide an example of their own?" Byleth asked.

The whole class remained quiet. Ferdinand avoided making eye contact with the professor. It was very, very clear that no one really wanted to answer that question. Who would want to admit their own shortcomings? Surely Byleth could understand that.

"No one? Well, I suppose I'll have to call on somebody," Byleth said. Immediately everyone went into panic mode. Bernadetta hid behind her own arms and slid down into her seat to avoid being called on. Everyone else did their best to not make eye contact or draw any attention to themselves. "Dorothea?"

"Of course," she sighed. "Well, I'm a very talented mage and I have some skill with the sword." Byleth seemed pleased with the answer, even if she didn't show it. She wrote Dorothea's name on the board followed by the two strengths.

"And your weaknesses?" Byleth asked. Ferdinand saw the look on Dorothea's face and fought back a groan. He knew that look all too well by now. "I wouldn't say I have any weaknesses. Except maybe for a pretty face," Dorothea said with a wink.

Ferdinand shook his head. "That's not a weakness," Byleth pointed out. "Pretty faces aren't going to affect you in combat." Ferdinand glanced over at Hubert, who was wearing the same unamused look that Ferdinand was. "Did she really just hit on our teacher?" Ferdinand whispered under his breath.

"I mean, they could if she gets, like, distracted," Caspar said. Ferdinand sighed. He supposed Dorothea's intentions had gone right over his head. Maybe that was a good thing.

"Hmmm...I suppose distractibility would lead to dangers in combat. Can anyone explain the importance of focus in combat?" Byleth asked. Hubert surprisingly raised his hand. Ferdinand had expected him to just silently survey the class like he did in every other situation. "Yes, Hubert?"

"If one is distracted in combat, they may miss important details or be caught off guard by their enemy's movements or attacks," Hubert said. "You can use this to your advantage in combat by creating distractions while another part of your army gets accomplished other tasks."

"Very good," Byleth said. "Thea, were you not telling me that you struggle with Faith magic the other day?" Petra asked. Dorothea looked a little red but a little embarrassment never stopped her. "Oh, yes I did. I suppose I forgot to mention that," Dorothea said.

"That's two weaknesses for Dorothea then. Petra, how about you?" Byleth asked. "I am being good with swords and bows, and I am being told I am very fast. I am not very good with axes or magic," she answered.

"Thank you. Now, a thing to know about magic…"

The lecture continued on with few interruptions, until finally Byleth set her chalk down. "Now, why don't we go do a little training? I want to see where you all are at combat wise," Byleth said.

The class filed into the room, Byleth going to stand off to the side. Edelgard seemed right at home on the training grounds, immediately going for an axe on the side of the room. Ferdinand looked around and spotted Petra reaching for a sword, Dorothea on her heels. "Hubie, why don't you join us?" she called out.

Hubert did not look like he wanted to. However, Dorothea put her hands on her hips and that was the end of it. He walked over to the two of them, presumably to join in on their training. Ferdinand looked over to Edelgard, for a moment wondering whether or not he should ask her to spar.

Then he felt a tapping on his shoulder. Ferdinand turned around to see Linhardt and Caspar. "Ah, hello. Did you two want to train together?" Ferdinand asked.

"No, actually, I just wanted to ask you some things," Linhardt said. Ferdinand noticed that he seemed more interested than he usually was. His voice was still quite even and flat but he appeared to be more alert. Next to him Caspar was bouncing off the walls with energy. Maybe some of Caspar's excess energy had finally rubbed off on Linhardt.

"Well, go ahead and ask away. I am going to practice some axe work," Ferdinand said. He walked over to grab a training axe and Linhardt and Caspar followed. "Is it true that you have the Minor Crest of Cichol?" Linhardt asked.

Ferdinand nearly scoffed and made some offhand comment about Crests not being the blessings they're made out to be, but years of instruction on diplomacy and manners kicked in at the last second. He needed to be more cautious about who he was...openly skeptical with. The last thing he needed was to draw attention to his uncommon and 'borderline' heretical beliefs so early into the school year.

"Yes, I do," Ferdinand said. He turned towards a training dummy and took a practice swing. The axe felt a little too light in hands, probably because it was made of wood and cheap scrap metal. Whoever had made the handle had cut corners at some point, as it felt a little flimsy even for a training axe. Still, it was manageable.

"Did you get your crest from your mother or your father?" Linhardt asked. Ferdinand took another swing at the training dummy. He half-wanted to simply walk away. He did not need to be interviewed on the exact details of his lineage. Well, at least not in relation to his father. He could talk about his mother and the rest of his ancestors for days if they let him.

Still, it would be rude not to respond. "My father also has the crest of Cichol," he said. He figured that would be the end of the questioning. "Does anyone else in your family have a crest?" Linhardt asked. Ferdinand truly did not want to answer that. There had been another person in his family with a crest...but she...Ferdinand refused to think about it.

"Why are you so interested in my crest, anyhow?" Ferdinand asked. In the background, he heard a loud thud. Dorothea laughed. Linhardt shrugged, yawning a little. "I'm just curious. Crests can be truly fascinating," he said. "So can I ask you some more questions?"

Ferdinand smiled. "Of course," Ferdinand said. He could humor Linhardt for now. Caspar grabbed an axe of his own and joined in on his training. It was actually...pleasant. Aside from some of the oddly specific and vaguely uncomfortable questions. But Linhardt didn't seem to mean anything by them, so Ferdinand did not hold it against him.

Once Linhardt and Caspar finally wandered off, Linhardt to presumably take a nap and Caspar to spar with the professor. Which left Ferdinand to continue smacking around a training dummy for the remainder of their training time. It was nice, though Ferdinand could not help but wish he was with Madeline instead. She had experience enough with battling, bandits were not an uncommon occurrence on the road, but he wanted to work on keeping her calm when it came to loud noises.

Once their professor called out to dismiss them for the day, Ferdinand hurried over to put up his axe. There was still commotion in the corner of the room, so he peeked over to see what was happening. It seemed that Dorothea, Petra, and Hubert were still practicing.

Dorothea knocked the blade out of Hubert's hand and then turned to parry Petra's. The two of them began to duel by themselves, because clearly Hubert was taking any chance he could to get out of that fight. Ferdinand could not blame him; training with Dorothea always felt like a grand ordeal, and she was relentless.

Hubert reached into his pocket and pulled out a white handkerchief. It was then that Ferdinand realized Hubert was dripping with sweat. The hair along his forehead was a little shinier than usual, probably from the aforementioned exertion, and he was breathing heavily. Ferdinand had never seen him that winded. Then again, he had never seen Hubert use a sword. He knew, theoretically, that he could, but had never had a reason to see it for himself.

His face was flushed as well. The red of his cheeks was oddly bright compared to how ghostly his skin was. He was almost tempted to ask if Hubert needed to sit down, it just felt so unnatural. Hubert glanced over, and he could tell he was just now noticing Ferdinand's presence. When their eyes locked, Ferdinand felt...strange. He figured it was just because he had not been expecting eye contact, or maybe it was concern for Hubert's well-being.

Hubert looked away again, this time towards Edelgard who had flagged down the Professor and was now speaking to her with a smile he had not often seen. The feeling, whatever it was, remained. Ferdinand found himself swallowing a lump in his throat.

He should go visit Madeline.


	22. Before the Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few moments before the mock battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wooohooo let's go motherfuckers!

The mock battle approached steadily, and with it looming ever nearer, the air was charged with excitement. Perhaps it was the thrill of competition singing it's siren song, swaying them to devote hours to practice and strategising. Or maybe it was just because it was a break from the routines they had already begun to form.

Either way, it made everyone walk around with purpose, talking to each other at length about strategies and combat. When they all gathered to train together, they found themselves sticking to groups. Edelgard would jump between all of them, sometimes sparring with Caspar and Ferdinand, sometimes practicing with Dorothea and Petra, and sometimes completely disappearing.

Ferdinand figured out quickly that she would leave to practice with Bernadetta. She preferred to practice somewhere secluded. Well, he was sure that ideally she would prefer to stay in her room all day, but the Professor had already made it firmly clear that Bernadetta needed to practice during the school day, even if she did so somewhere remote.

Linhardt practiced by himself mostly. Sometimes he would join Dorothea and Hubert for magic practice, but he usually just practiced magic in a corner somewhere while Caspar beat a dummy up nearby. Sometimes he didn't even bother trying to look busy. He just catnapped for a while until Byleth woke him up.

Hubert typically focused on his magic, but occasionally he would spar with Dorothea and Petra. Every time, Ferdinand would develop that strange feeling. He was starting to worry that he was falling ill. The more he thought about it the weirder he felt, so he endeavored not to think about it. Instead, he poured his focus on weapon training.

It was two days before the mock battle, and Ferdinand figured he'd spend a good chunk of the day with Madeline. He always made sure to give her some time out of the stables every day, but he figured she'd enjoy a longer ride. When he opened the door to the stables, Madeline immediately whinnied in greeting.

As he turned around the corner, he realized that the stranger from the other day had also come to the stables. They seemed to be talking quietly to the horse in the next stall. Dorte seemed to be speaking back to them in a way, snorting and chattering like the two of them could understand each other.

It made him smile. He loved horses and he was glad to see someone else share that passion. He walked up quietly. Madeline stuck her head over the stable door, vying to be pet. Her chattering alerted the stranger and Dorte to his presence. They turned around slightly, face completely red. Maybe they were shy about talking to the horses? Why would they be? Ferdinand talked to Madeline all the time.

"Good morning," he said. He finally reached Madeline and gave her the attention she demanded. Pleased, Madeline snorted and straightened back up. Ferdinand fiddled with the gate's lock as he waited to see if they would return the greeting. The last time they spoke, she had seemed uninterested in speaking to him.

The stranger avoided eye contact, busying themselves with brushing Dorte's pelt. "Good morning," they mumble, just barely audible over the buzzing of the world around them. Ferdinand smiled a little. It felt like a victory.

"You know, I never did get your name," he said. He grabbed a brush of his own and began combing through Madeline's mane. Madeline kept moving around as he did so, clearly having too much energy. "Woah there, Madeline, calm down now. We'll get out of here in a moment, I promise."

"...Marianne," the stranger said. Ferdinand turned again to that Marianne was now combing through Dorte's mane. The horse was a full head taller than her, and she had to lean upwards a little to reach the top of his head. "Well, nice to meet you, Marianne," he said.

"What class are you in?" Ferdinand asked. Marianne went to put away her brush, Dorte settling back into what seemed to be his preferred position. Madeline bumped Ferdinand slightly with her head, forcing him to resume preparing for their ride. Her saddle had been polished recently, it seemed. He was almost a little sad. He always enjoyed the little details of caring for Madeline. He'd have to arrive earlier next time.

"...Golden Deer," Marianne said quietly. She left the stall next to him. Ferdinand turned around to ask another question or at the very least keep the conversation going, but she was already gone. She seemed to move much faster than he had expected, almost as if she had never really been there at all.

Ferdinand sighed and saddled Madeline up. "Let's go," Ferdinand said quietly. Leading her out of the stables, he walked alongside her all the way to the outer gates. He had to tell the guard where he was heading, but once he was out those gates he was completely alone.

He was a people person, sure, but there was comfort in being alone with his horse and his thoughts. It let him consider things and piece things together. That particular ride he was thinking about the mock battle. He couldn't help but feel a little nervous.

He had seen some combat, it was unavoidable if you were traveling for the length of time he had, but he had never fought in a group before. He was unsure if he was even prepared for it. Yet, somehow he was sure that Byleth would have everything under control. She was a mercenary after all! Surely she knew how to command an army....or, a group of teenagers as it were.

He spent an hour or two riding along the mountain, learning the layout of the nearby woodlands. Madeline seemed to enjoy the new scenery, occasionally stopping to poke at some strange plant or some skittering animal crossing the overgrown paths. By the time he had finally put her up for the day, he was sweating and a little redder than before.

He wandered away from the stables and past the busy marketplace. The monastery seemed to always be in the middle of something, everyone who ran around seemed to be in a hurry. Nuns and servants and priests and children all raced around, never stopping to take a breath. Although, among the organized chaos were pockets of refuge, quiet areas where people talked together or studied by themselves.

For a moment, Ferdinand wanted to sit down. He was a little tired after his ride and he figured he could allow himself a little rest. And then someone called out to him from a doorway. He turned around on his heels towards the entranceway to the dorms, and sure enough, it was Edelgard. Her hair was braided, but otherwise she looked perfectly normal.

Well, except for the black gloves. Edlegard never wore black gloves. Which meant, of course, that something was up. Ferdinand looked around to see if anyone was watching him, and then he strode over to the staircase. The two of them walked up to her dorms, Edelgard fidgeting with her sleeves.

"What's with the gloves?" Ferdinand asked. Edelgard glanced at him and then quickly behind her, as if checking to make sure they were alone. "That's what we're going to show you. And we also need to fill you in on some things," Edelgard said.

Ferdinand scowled a little. "If this is like the last time you 'filled me in' on something-" Ferdinand started, but Edelgard cut him off. "No, no one was almost murdered this time. Hubert just decided it might be...better, if you knew about certain third-parties, in case you run into trouble."

"...Hubert. Willingly giving me information. Is he alright?" Ferdinand asked. Edelgard glared at him, not appreciating his question. "It's for your own safety. The people we're dealing with are not to be trifled with."

"Who...are we dealing with? The church?" Ferdinand said. Edelgard looked back at him and then opened the door to her dorm, ushering him inside. Hubert was standing in the middle of the room, looking ever so slightly impatient.

"We aren't talking about the Church of Seiros. I wish we were, but..I have never been that lucky," Edelgard said. She closed the door behind her and checked to see if it was locked. "And these people are not something you can deal with unless you know beforehand exactly how they operate."

"Lady Edelgard is right. I know you tend to be rather...casual, when it comes to your own safety, but these people are far more dangerous than a few bandits," Hubert said. "You need to exercise caution when dealing with them. Normal espionage tactics will not work with them."

"Who are we talking about?" Ferdinand asked. It was seriously getting a bit worrying for them to be talking about some shadowy figure, unseen but dangerous. Wasn't one powerful hidden government enough? Did there have to be more?

"Do you remember Lord Arundel?" Hubert asked him. Ferdinand gave him a pointed look. Was that meant to be insulting? "'Do you think I am daft? Of course I remember Edelgard's very, very creepy uncle who made vague threats to my life. Am I to assume he is involved?" Ferdinand said.

Hubert and Edelgard shared a brief look. "What do you mean by him threatening you?" Edelgard said, her voice growing tense. Ferdinand realized belatedly that bringing that up may not have been the best idea. "Ah, Edelgard it is not that serious. I think he was simply offended that I was...not eager to interact with him," Ferdinand explained.

"In the future, any threats to your life, or anyone else's for that matter, need to be reported. What if that had been serious?" Hubert snapped. Edelgard sighed, placing not gloved hands on her hips. "Hubert, it is fine. It is certainly not the first thinly-veiled threat to our lives. Moving on, yes Ferdinand, he is involved. But that...thing is not my uncle," Edelgard said.

"...Apologies, but what does that mean?" Ferdinand said. Edelgard walked towards the desk in her room and picked up a notebook. She did nothing with it, instead just staring blankly at the cover before tossing it back onto the table.

"Exactly what it sounds like. That was not my Uncle, but somebody pretending to be him. They belong to an organization that lives in the shadows and...well, is responsible for a great many horrible things," Edelgard explained. She seemed to get tense as she spoke about them, hand going instinctively to the ends of her white hair. Ferdinand's stomach formed a pit. Were they responsible for...that?

"We call them Those Who Slither In The Dark," Hubert said, voice low. Ferdinand knew this was a serious conversation, but at the same time, that name was the most theatrical thing to ever come out of Hubert's mouth. It sounded like something straight out of an opera. He could almost picture them on stage now, clothed in dark robes and eery masks, and cackling.

"Are these people...to blame for the events that led to your crest?" Ferdinand asked gently. Edelgard did not flinch, which is better than it used to be. When they were young the mere mention of what happened to her made her fear plainly visible, despite how hard she tried. Ferdinand could not blame her. Even now, just thinking about his own tragedy...he could hardly breathe.

"..Yes. They have experimented on not just me and my family, but hundreds and thousands of innocent civilians. They were also responsible for the Tragedy of Duscar," Edelgard said. Hubert looked towards, brow creased, but Edelgard bounded back, strength. returning to her voice. She was more resilient than she looked.

"If we had the resources, vanquishing them alongside the Church would be easy. But as it is...we have to tolerate them. Their help is a necessary evil," Edelgard attempted to continue, but Ferdinand cleared his throat. "You want to work with the people who murdered most of your family, and also thousands of others. Am I hearing this right?"

Hubert sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "We are in no position to fight them off on our own and as long as we have no other options, their help is needed. Neither of us particularly enjoy the idea, but simply rejecting them will not work," Hubert said.

"And what will we do if they continue to kill more innocent people while we simply...stand around, hand-wringing about the difficulty in killing them?" Ferdinand shot back. Edelgard looked between them, sensing an argument forming, and went to go mess with her closet. Perhaps she had learned that getting in the middle of their arguments led to nothing but hard work for no reason.

"We cannot afford to let your...morality crisis interfere with our plans, Ferdinand. I know the idea is distasteful but our options are limited," Hubert hissed. Edelgard rifled through boxes in the background, not checking to see whether her friends had begun cornering each other. Ferdinand began to pace slightly, mind whirring.

"If you ever bothered to listen, you would know that resources may not always be as limited as they are now. If you would just employ some basic diplomacy," Ferdinand began, but cut himself off as anger choked him up.

"That is too risky. We cannot reveal our hand so soon, you fool. If you are going to waver in your resolve then perhaps this is not the right place for you," Hubert snapped back. Edelgard cleared her throat, drawing their attention. "Neither of you are exactly wrong, but everything at this point is mere speculation. We don't know who our allies will be yet. All we can do is wait and proceed as planned," she said.

"Thank you, your highness. I knew you, at least, would not sacrifice your morals for some 'greater good'. No matter how wonderful the end result is it means nothing if we do not uphold our own ideals," Ferdinand said. Hubert groaned, shaking his head. "Did you listen to a word I said? We cannot afford to be picky right now," Hubert said.

"We cannot tolerate evil among our allies, or it makes us no better than them! Surely you understand that!" Ferdinand said. Edelgard pushed aside several heavy pieces of armor and a dresser in her closet. The screeching of wood on stone frustrated him.

"I do not think you understand what we're dealing with," Hubert said. It was dismissive, as if Hubert was chastising him for daring to criticize him. Ferdinand fumed. He was not some child clinging to silly ideals! These were human lives that Hubert seemed determined to disregard.

"Are you prepared, Hubert, to let innocent people suffer and die on your watch, just so things are a little easier for you?" Ferdinand hissed, voice coated in a venom he hardly ever used. The room went still. Hubert looked slightly taken aback, and then his face clouded so Ferdinand couldn't tell what he was thinking.

Ferdinand hoped he felt guilty at the thought of innocents dying horrible deaths because it was more convenient for them. It was a horrible thing to even consider doing! Sometimes, he worried that in Hubert's fervor to help Edelgard succeed in her goals, that he was losing sight of what made them...well, human. It wasn't their emotions or their lifespan or their feelings. It was their compassion. If they lost sight of that then how were they any better than Rhea, locked up in her ivory tower and never bothering to learn how the people truly felt?

Ferdinand knew he was better than this. They all were. Ferdinand could not pretend to be perfect, but he did know what Edelgard and Hubert lacked in the way of humanist ideas, Ferdinand more than made up for it. Honestly, what would they do without him to check them when they went too far? Surely, whatever they decided on would be far more extreme.

Then a click alerted Ferdinand to a hatch at the back of Edelgard's closet being pried open. "There's a secret compartment beneath your room? Wouldn't that lead into the dorm of whoever is downstairs?" Ferdinand asked immediately.

"Crawl space. Between the floors there's a gap that can be used for rather effective hiding spaces," Edelgard answered. "Now, let's show you the armor. Hubert?" Hubert squeezed in past her to help remove the pieces of armor. He was still quiet, and Ferdinand thanked whatever being resided over luck for that. Maybe he was actually thinking about what Ferdinand said.

Once the armor was completely pulled out, Ferdinand examined it. The black robes and feathers and the mask all contributed to making an outfit that felt....cliche? It looked like something out of a children's book. It just screamed 'evil'.

Edelgard turned back to him, smiling just a little. "This is the Flame Emperor's armor," she announced. Ferdinand bit back a small laugh at the name. It was just so dramatic! He quickly glanced at Hubert, who seemed busy examining some small metal box in his hand.

"So, why the disguise?" Ferdinand asked finally. Edelgard picked up the mask to examine it, perhaps searching for chips or cracks. "It's so if we need to move around, I can do so without worrying about being spotted," she explained.

"That makes sense, I suppose. Does Hubert also have a disguise?" Ferdinand asked. Edelgard shook her head, placing the mask back down. Hubert seemed content in his inspection of the small metal box, as he placed it back into the pile.

"Hubert's work is far less...easily detected, than mine. He also doesn't have to work with people, so a disguise seems unnecessary," Edelgard said. Ferdinand nodded, watching as they swiftly packed the armor back up and his it beneath the floorboards once again.

Well, at least this time it hadn't been murder. Even if he did have to question now whether the use of gaudy feathers in a disguise was even practical. They could have accomplished the same thing by sticking her in a suit of armor and being done with it.

He was still thinking about that the next day, as he practiced his axe work on a training dummy. Like clockwork, Linhardt and Caspar approached, the former half-buried in a book. He looked back at them, gesturing towards the open space nearby. "Do you want to spar, Caspar?" he asked.

Caspar beamed. "Hell yeah man! Lin, did you want to join in?" he shouted. Linhardt shook his head and sat off to the side. Caspar grabbed an axe, and the two of them set off to sparring. He wasn't a bad partner, though he was a little overeager and almost reckless. He often misjudged how strong his blows were.

After ten minutes of sparring, Linhardt finally put his book aside. "The story of how crests became a symbol of nobility does make me wonder sometimes...I understand she's the Goddess, but it seems awfully convenient that such specific people happened to get crests from her," Linhardt said casually.

Ferdinand paused. He sweared that there was a hint of dissatisfaction in his voice. Another one of his classmates opposed to the way Fódlan's power structure revolved around crests? He was starting to think that everyone around him was secretly a heretic.

"Well, nonetheless, I've actually been looking into the effect of crests on one's ability to combat illness," Linhardt said. Ferdinand did his best not to audibly groan. He could tell that he was going to be there for awhile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not confident about this ending but I couldn't get it to pan out as planned and I got,,,, 4 hours of sleep? Fuck. But the middle scene is one of the best i've written so far. Anyway have a good day folks!


	23. The Mock Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We finally get to the mock battle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Canon-typical violence.

The morning of the mock battle looked exactly the same as any other, but the air was different. When he woke up, the light just before dawn held a different quality than it usually did. Perhaps that quality had no tangible form, but it was different all the same. It sank into his very bones, making them hum with foreign energy. He had never been so eager to wake up in his life.

  
  
  
  


They all met outside on the dew-soaked grass in front of their classroom. Training weapons were everywhere among the small crowd, the flashes of painted wood surely not making anyone's nerves go away. After all, none of them had a particularly clean track record when it came to injuries on the training ground. The teacher wasn't there yet, so it was just the Black Eagles waiting patiently.

  
  
  
  


Or, given the path Caspar was wearing down into the grass, impatiently. There was an eagerness to his movement, like he just couldn't wait to get out there for this fight. Ferdinand couldn't blame him. This would be their first time fighting as a class. It was going to be a special day for everyone. And even after only a few weeks of routine, any deviation from it felt major.

  
  
  
  


Hubert seemed a little more energetic than normal. He held in his hands an older tome, one Ferdinand had seen many times before when he used to stand to the side while he and Edelgard studied battle tactics, writing sigils and text in scrawling handwriting. That scratching sound had become a constant during his visits to the castle, to the point where it's absence was noted almost immediately. Right next to him, Dorothea rifled through a few papers in her bag. 

  
  
  
  


Ferdinand joined the group, wet grass soaking slightly into his leather boots. They weren't water-proof, so he could feel the cold right down to his bones. "Good morning, everyone? Are you all ready for the mock battle?" Ferdinand asked. He noticed, immediately, that Edelgard wasn't there. Maybe she was still asleep? 

  
  
  
  


"I am being excited! I am ready for the fight!" Petra said. Ferdinand smiled, watching as Petra thrust the practice sword she was holding straight into the air. She was wearing gloves now, probably to protect her knuckles from bruising or callusing while she fought. Ferdinand had made it a habit to wear gloves himself, after all the time spent working in the forges. He almost missed it, even if his muscles complained every time he picked up a hammer. "Glad to hear that. I am sure victory will come easily to us!" Ferdinand said. 

  
  
  
  


Hubert raised an eyebrow...or, a lack of an eyebrow. Two years and Ferdinand still hadn't asked what had happened to his eyebrows. "Do not get cocky, Ferdinand. We cannot be sure of the outcome until we actually start the battle," Hubert said. Ferdinand wanted to groan. Leave it to Hubert to be realistic no matter what. 

  
  
  
  


"Hey! Don't be like that, Hubert. We're totally gonna crush this!" Caspar shouted. Hubert just shook his head, clearly not eager to argue the point with Caspar. Linhardt yawned loudly, reminding everyone that he had somehow managed to make it to the meeting on time. "I never will understand how you have so much energy. It is barely a respectable hour to be awake," Linhardt said dryly.

  
  
  
  


Dorothea laughed, looking away from her bag. "Linhardt, you never want to be awake," she teased. Linhardt just yawned again. "Can you blame me?" he asked. He then looked pointedly around the group. Ferdinand had a feeling that was supposed to mean 'with classmates like these'. 

  
  
  
  


"I suppose I can't. Where is Edie?" Dorothea asked. Nearly everyone else paused to briefly glance around, barring Hubert and Ferdinand who had noticed her absence immediately. "Huh. I guess she's running late," Caspar said. Hubert immediately glared at the shorter man and Ferdinand could already hear the lecture.

  
  
  
  


"Um...I...I think she was talking to Dimitri and uh, Claude, when I saw her this morning," came a shaky and quiet voice. Ferdinand jumped a little, realizing Bernadetta was behind him. He had not even noticed her arrival. His heart was racing in his chest, and he hushed it. He should not have been scared by the sudden appearance of the most harmless looking person in the world. 

  
  
  
  


"Ah, Bernadetta, there you are. Has anyone ever told you that you would make a good spy?" Ferdinand asked, a little breathless. Bernedetta seemed caught off guard by this. She rapidly shook her head, purple hair turning into a blur of motion. "N-no! Me, a spy? Little old Bernie? I could never! Um...I'm sorry for sneaking up on you, please don't be mad!" she said.

  
  
  
  


"Please tell me you weren't actually caught off guard," Hubert said. Ferdinand glared at him. "No! Well...yes, but you can hardly blame me! Bernadetta is very quiet," Ferdinand said. Dorothea rolled her eyes a little but Ferdinand could hardly notice that with Hubert giving him that damned look. His scowl could probably shrivel flowers. If he was made of softer stuff it might have been enough to scare him off.

  
  
  
  


Luckily, Ferdinand had a heart of steel. "Have you considered training as a....what was the class name? Oh, assassin? You are small enough that I bet you could waltz right over enemy lines without so much as a glance in your direction," Ferdinand said. Bernadetta startled at the thought. "Ah...Assassin?! Me? No no no, I don't want to be anywhere near the battlefield!" she said.

  
  
  
  


"Bernadetta is fast enough for that class, however...she doesn't look particularly strong. I doubt she'd last very long in the event she had to do melee combat," Linhardt said. "She'd be better as a ranged fighter. She does have some prowess with a bow," Dorothea added. 

  
  
  
  


"l...I would prefer that! If I have to go, I mean. I'd really rather stay away from all the fighting. Far far away! I could, uh....do paperwork! Yeah!" Bernadetta said. Petra looked at her curiously. "But are you not enjoying the thrill of combat?" Petra asked. Bernadetta shook her head again. 

  
  
  
  


"Man, all this talking is getting boring! Where's the professor? I wanna get on with this!" Caspar shouted. Ferdinand laughed a little. "Patience, Caspar. It will not do to have you get riled up before we are even on the battlefield! Save your energy," Ferdinand said. 

  
  
  
  


"I doubt he's even capable of tiring himself out," Dorothea joked. "That man always has far too much energy. No idea where he's getting it all from, but it sure is impressive." Ferdinand kept listening, but he picked up on the lightest sound of boots against stone from about...fifty feet away. Someone was approaching, and based on the exact sound of their heels on the pavement he was pretty sure it was their class leader.

  
  
  
  


"Don't tempt fate, Dorothea. With our luck the one time we need his energy he'll suddenly be tired," Linhardt said. Caspar laughed at that. "Hell no! I'm not gonna stop until I've beat up every bad guy in the world!" he said. An unrealistic goal, but it was...charming. His enthusiasm was infectious. 

Finally, the approaching footsteps stopped. Edelgard cleared her throat to summon their attention, face set in a firmly neutral position. Yet, Ferdinand could still see the light twinkle in her eyes, the faint amusement at the edges of her lips. He had learned to look for those small signs, when he was still desperately clawing for her approval, when he still felt that all-encompassing need to be greater than her, better than her, worthy of her time.

  
  
  
  


("When" he thought, as if he had ever stopped chasing after that approval. As if even now he wasn't puffing himself up, forcing himself to stand a little taller, take up a little more space, make it impossible for them not to notice him. As if some part of him wasn't still afraid of proving to everyone that he was just like his father after all.)

  
  
  
  


"Glad to see you're all in high spirits," Edelgard said. High spirits being an understatement, of course. If Caspar didn't stand still he was going to wear a hole straight through the ground. "How was your meeting, Lady Edelgard?" Hubert asked. 

  
  
  
  


"It was not really...a meeting. I was just talking with Claude and Dimitri. It was...enlightening. We should not underestimate them," Edelgard said. Ferdinand agreed with that. Dimitri had a look to him that seemed to hint at a slightly darker side hidden under the near-perfect manners.

  
  
  
  


"You don't have to tell me twice. I can definitely tell that Claude is the type of guy who always has six different plans for every possible outcome. Underestimating a guy like that is like handing the keys to your safe over to your worst enemy," Dorothea said. Ferdinans had to agree. Claude felt like the type of person one should be careful to make friends with early on. 

  
  
  
  


"Anyways, I was just coming to get you all. The professor has asked us to meet her at the site of the mock battle. It's not far from here, but make sure you have all that you need before we leave. We will not have time to come back before it begins," Edelgard said.

  
  
  
  


"I am having what I need!" Petra responded. Everyone else chimed in with similar affirmations. Ferdinand quickly checked to make sure his lance was at his side (it was) and that the axe strapped to his back was in fact an axe, and not a broom like he had done two days prior. Linhardt would never let him live that one down.

  
  
  
  


With a short nod, Edelgard turned on her heel and the group began to make her way towards the field. Edelgard took the lead, with Hubert directly behind her and Ferdinand to their right. Dorothea and Petra walked beside him, and the three of them made light conversation. Petra was discussing hunting back in Brigid, which she seemed to enjoy. And the way Dorothea looked, listening to her with a warm smile, made Ferdinand feel warm too. 

  
  
  
  


He could hear Caspar talking loudly about something he had witnessed on the training grounds the other day. Ferdinand rather hoped it was just a sparring match and not an actual fight, given the very specific details Caspar seemed to remember somehow. Linhardt seemed to be paying attention, though it was always a little hard to tell with him. A quick glance confirmed that Bernadetta was trailing behind the larger group, eyes locked on the ground below her. 

  
  
  
  


He thought for a second, about calling out to her, but evidence had shown that she was prone to suddenly starting and running off. He had no clue exactly why she was like...that, but it had to come from somewhere. Would it be rude to ask? He had a feeling it would be. And snooping around her personal life seemed...invasive. Maybe someday they'd be close enough for her to tell him. 

  
  
  
  


It took them an hour to finally reach the field. It was not too large, just wide enough that the edges of it were slightly blurry and he couldn't make out the other classes' bases. He could see a clump of woodlands in the middle of the field that would definitely make good cover for archers. Any commander worth their salt would take advantage of that cover. The wall in front, however, looked a little unstable. He could probably bash through it with little effort.

  
  
  
  


"Which side do you think the other classes are on?" Dorothea asked. Ferdinand considered the advantages of both positions, and the answer was immediately obvious. "Claude will be on the side with the most cover. I have not had the chance to speak with most of his classmates, so I can not say anything as to their skills, but he uses a bow. He will want the extra cover," Ferdinand said. 

  
  
  
  


"That does make sense. Do you think that we'll win?" she asked. Ferdinand shrugged, still gazing out over the field. He wanted to win, of course, but...nothing was ever set in stone. Every facet of his existence was malleable, like melted wax. He just had to hope that they would. That was all anyone could really do, when it came down to it. Hope. 

  
  
  
  


An hour later, their Professor and her brother arrived. Byleth, the male one, seemed to be focused on the horizon. Their Professor waved him off, and then called for everyone's attention. The whole class gathered in a tight circle around her. jostling each other as they made room. The professor took a quick moment to take attendance and then began to speak.

  
  
  
  
  


"This is our first battle together. As a quick reminder, any lethal or potentially dangerous levels of force are not to be used during the mock battle. No blows above the neck and no spells aimed directly at another student. If you fall and stay down for more than five seconds, are disarmed, or can no longer continue to fight, you're out," Byleth explained. 

  
  
  
  


"I will act as your commander once the fighting starts. Follow my orders, and do not advance without permission. I will permit you a great deal of freedom in your movement; do not make me regret it," she said, looking pointedly at Caspar. 

  
  
  
  


"What's your strategy for beating the other houses?" Linhardt asked. Ferdinand perked up, waiting to hear what someone who knew the reality of battle would propose. Having a teacher with such experience would be incredibly fortunate, if he was actually here to be a student. He felt a little guilty for almost forgetting that fact. He needed to slip out under cover of darkness and try to find an entrance into the sewers. Hubert had figured that it would be a good place to hold meetings unseen.

  
  
  
  


"We'll have to take both houses on at once. It'd be too difficult to maneuver around one of them to get to the other, especially with all this open space. If we can take over a part of the woods, that would be nice. We'll need the cover," Byleth said. Ferdinand surveyed the land and realized that yes, there was a lot of open space. It would definitely make targeting spells easier, assuming the other houses had spellcasters. Which...they probably did?

  
  
  
  


"Won't everyone else be trying to hide in the woods?" Dorothea asked. "It would make more sense to avoid it and let the other houses pick each other off." Byleth considered it for a moment, before shaking her head.

  
  
  
  


"I don't think we'll be able to stay out of the fight for that long. It's a good idea in theory to let your enemies weaken each other, but there's no guarantee they won't just gang up on us first. Besides, you won't get much practice if you don't fight," Byleth said. 

  
  
  
  
  


"So, any idea what the other houses are planning?" Linhardt asked. Everyone looked hopefully at their new teacher for insight. It was a valuable asset, having a battle-hardened commander training people who were generally new to combat. Surely she had some sort of idea what the other houses might attempt.

  
  
  
  


"I do. But I think you should figure it out yourselves. Consider it a hands-on exercise in tactics," Byleth said. Ferdinand groaned internally at that. This was no time to be cryptic! The battle could start at any minute! 

  
  
  
  


"That is being fair! I am thinking Claude will be wanting to use the walls for cover," Petra pointed out. Dorothea nodded in agreement. Now that Ferdinand thought about it, those walls did seem like they'd be a good height for an archer to pop out from behind, shoot, and dive back for cover before anyone could react. 

  
  
  
  


"Those walls look unstable," Bernadetta said. Ferdinans beamed, glad someone else had noticed that too. "Yes, that was exactly what I was thinking! Caspar, do you think you could knock them over?" he asked.

  
  
  
  


Caspar took a good look at the walls. "Hell yeah I can! Let's start already! I wanna get out there and punch some stuff!" he said. Ferdinand bit back a small laugh. Out of the corner of his eyes he could see a faint hint of a smile on Edelgard's face. They might not have all known each other for very long, but Ferdinand could tell Caspar was going to be essential to the balance of their little class.

  
  
  
  


Even Hubert seemed less annoyed and more quietly fond when Caspar began punching at the air. He had a look in his eyes that Ferdinand had never seen directed at anybody before. It was not dissimilar to the way in which he looked at Edelgard, albeit less revenant and protective.

  
  
  
  


It made him feel strange, somehow, but he brushed it off. He didn't have time to think about it, anyways, as Rhea announced that the mock battle would begin shortly. His class quickly took up positions they had only ever discussed in theory. 

  
  
  
  


"Let the mock battle begin!" Rhea said. And with that, they were off. Byleth led from the back, shouting commands and advice as they quickly made their way through the tall grass and towards the aforementioned woods.

  
  
  
  


The first few people they encountered were easy enough to handle. Petra took out the man with the strange haircut easily enough. He went down with a few choice swipes of her blade and then he retreated. The archer, a small grey thing, was forced to retreat by a well-timed fireball. Dorothea looked pleased as pudding at that. 

  
  
  
  


Then came the hard part. Byleth split them in two, taking Edelgard, Hubert, Bernadetta, and Dorothea to one side, and sending Petra, Caspar, Linhardt, and Ferdinand towards the others. Ferdinand figured this was as balanced as they were going to get, as they still only had one healer and he had to go somewhere. Ferdinand wondered idly whether Hubert or Dorothea would train in faith further along the line. 

  
  
  
  


As soon as the wall was in sight, arrows began to fly from overhead. Petra hastily shoved her sword into its holster and reached for her bow. Caspar tore off towards the wall, shouting and making it very clear as to their exact position. Ferdinand could almost hear the lecture now. 'Caspar, you need to be more careful. You could get yourself hurt like that. Don't shout before you attack!' He agreed, of course, but the Professor had a tendency to ramble.

  
  
  
  


Caspar reached the wall and began absolutely demolishing it. With every punch, loose stone flew and the wall crumbled. Petra quickly dashed around him just in time for the wall to collapse. In the momentary confusion, Petra managed to land several hits on a startled Hilda. Caspar, ever the go-getter, immediately launched himself at a nearby archer, a mousey boy with green hair. 

  
  
  
  


As Ferdinand rushed to join them, he glanced quickly through the woods towards the other half of the fight. He could make out a flash of white hair rocketing past the treeline and towards some figure in the distance. But...it wasn't Edelgard. There was no axe in sight. 

  
  
  
  


Then he heard a loud explosion. He almost lost his balance, and some girl with orange hair took that chance to lodge a practice arrow in his knee pads. He was almost glad now, that he had padded some parts of his uniform. Practice arrows weren't lethal but they hurt like hell. 

  
  
  
  


With a cry Ferdinand could barely make out, the tallest man Ferdinand had seen to date went barrelling towards Caspar. Ferdinand winced at what he assumed was the collision of their gauntlets. The orange-haired girl was distracted by this new development, and Ferdinand took his chance to knock her off her feet. She sighed loudly, brushing mud off her uniform. "Good play," she mumbled, and then rejoined her retreating friends.

  
  
  
  


He rose to his feet with haste. Turning back, he saw that Caspar was busy with the tall blonde and Petra and Linhardt were taking on Claude. It seemed like they were handling it, and Ferdinand had a feeling his help would not actually be appreciated. He would just get in the pay of Petra's sword or a spell. So instead he tore through the remaining woods towards the back of the field.

  
  
  
  


There were only two people there, Professor Manuela and Marianne. Healers. He felt sort of useless for getting the easy fight...and then Marianne nearly knocked him out with a sword. Ferdinand didn't have time to catch his breath, rolling away from an explosion and swapping the lance for an axe. It was heavy enough that he had to hold it with both hands. 

  
  
  
  


Fighting the two of them at once was incredibly difficult, but Ferdinand managed it. Marianne put up one hell of a fight, and even though Ferdinand did manage to overpower her through sheer willpower, it was not an easy victory. "Good job," he said through waterfalls of sweat as Marianne helped Manuela to her feet. 

  
  
  
  


Marianne just nodded, turning to retreat just as the rest of his group burst out from the woods. "We did it!" Caspar cheered. Petra looked absolutely exhausted, but she was beaming like she had just had the best fight of her life. Linhardt looked dead on his feet, which was not new. Ferdinand waved at them and then pointed to the still ongoing fight nearby. 

  
  
  
  
  


Their group rushed over to see that only a few members of the other class were left. Dimitri and Edelgard were fighting in the middle of the field, and a taller, buff man was fighting off Dorothea and Hubert himself. The last person, a small orange-haired girl was chucking spells at Bernadetta, who seemed a little out of her element.

  
  
  
  


"I'll go take care of the tall one!" Caspar shouted. With that he was off leaving the rest of them to fan out on their own. Ferdinand went to aid Edelgard, while Petra took pity on poor Bernadetta and went to help her. 

  
  
  
  


Dimitri was fast and strong. It was difficult to keep up with him and Edelgard, as they went barreling through the field. They were very, very well-matched in strength and experience. Ferdinand genuinely couldn't tell who was winning. Luckily, Dimitri was distracted enough by his brawl with Edelgard that Ferdinand could come up behind him...mostly undetected. As soon as he got too close, Dimitri whipped around to defend himself and that was enough time for Edelgard to very gently hit him in the back.

  
  
  
  


Dedue and Annette finally fell at the same time. Dedue might have outclassed all of them in strength and was probably very intelligent, but Caspar was a determined little man and no one could last forever against him. Annette might have won against Bernadetta, but Petra had the upper hand in close combat and she never stood a chance. 

  
  
  
  


"And the winner of the mock battle is...the Black Eagles!"

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long and IS way too long, but we've finally done it folks! Now onto the real fun :))))


	24. A New Month

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The next mission is discussed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! We're finally picking up the pace so the tone is starting to shift just a little. Less rambling in this one too, as I managed to restrain myself from discussing international politics in this one. (It took a LOT of effort on my part.)

Getting back into the classroom after the mock battle was a challenge. Everyone had too much energy; it felt like they were seconds away from erupting into chaos and rushing around like overexcited children. Well, except for Hubert, who was as calm as always. 

Once they had all finally filed into their classroom, Byleth turned to the mass of excited, smiling students. "We did great," she said simply. Her voice was even and a little flat, but Ferdinand could hear just the slightest hint of pride in it. It was certainly not as devoid of emotion as it had been during their initial meeting. Perhaps she was warming up to them?

"We totally killed it! Did you see me take down that Rapheal guy? It was awesome," Caspar said. Ferdinand smiled to himself. Apparently even a hard physical encounter like the one they'd just had wasn't enough to dampen Caspar's enthusiastic energy. He was even more hyper if such a thing was even possible. 

"We know, Caspar. You've managed to tell that story six times since we ended the battle," Linhardt said. His voice seemed disinterested but there was a lighter tone underneath it, like he was teasing poor Caspar. Which, knowing them, Linhardt probably was. The banter between the two of them was some of the most natural feeling conversations Ferdinand had ever witnessed. Maybe this was what it was like to grow up with someone? 

"It was being a great fight," Petra assured him. Caspar beamed at the compliment, another frankly endearing trait of his. Ferdinand almost wished he had his confidence, though it did seem exhausting to always be so sure of oneself. "Thanks, Petra! You did really well against Claude!"

"It was being a difficult fight. Claude has much strength," Petra said. Dorothea lightly nudged Petra's shoulder with her elbow. "That didn't stop you from completely wiping the floor with him," Dorothea said. Ferdinand almost opened his mouth to comment that it had actually been a rather close fight, but he realized that maybe it would be wiser to not say anything that might ruin the mood. 

"How was I wiping the floor with Claude? Claude is not a mop," Petra said. For a moment, Dorothea paused, looking at Petra in momentary confusion. Petra smiled just a little and Dorothea began to laugh. "You really had me for a second there," Dorothea said. 

" I am knowing that expression, at least," Petra said back. "The people of Fodlan are having too many odd expressions, but the mopping of the floor is similar to one from Brigid." Ferdinand briefly recalled their prior conversation on expressions, and figured that there was some sort of related inside joke between the two. That or it was an obvious joke that Ferdinand simply wasn't getting.

"I'm sure we can all agree that Lady Edelgard's leadership secured us the victory," Hubert said. Ferdinand shot him a look because he was almost certainly doing the thing again. "Professor Byleth was leading, though," Ferdinand pointed out.

"Yeah, Edelgard was just a soldier. A strong one, of course, but Byleth was calling the shots," Dorothea added. "Not that there's anything wrong with that. Being able to step aside from controlling the situation and allowing others to lead is a great skill to have!" Ferdinand nodded in agreement. Hubert had the tendency to attribute any success in which he or Edelgard were involved in to Edelgard's own influence and wisdom. Which, truthfully, was very frequently correct, but sometimes it felt like he was forcing himself to perceive it that way.

(Edelgard was owed no credit for Hubert's own personal achievements, after all, whatever he may think.)

"I feel like we're missing the point here, everyone. We all know that the only reason we secured a victory is because we worked together. Not a single one of us did all of this alone. We should be proud of our teamwork and coordination," Edelgard said. No one responded, not from shock or anything of the sort, but because it felt strange to be acknowledged by someone who was by all accounts their superior as...well, equals. Important. 

Ferdinand felt strangely proud of how thoughtful that statement had been. Edelgard could get so mired in logic and politics that she sometimes forgot to think about how other people felt. It was good for her, really. It was always a concern of his that she might forget what it's like to not be in control, and lose sight of her beliefs in the pursuit of a better world. Or ignore people who genuinely care for her and want her to succeed out of distrust. Seeing her analyze a situation and come out with an answer that was people-centric rather than logic-based spelled good things for the future. 

And maybe he was also a little concerned about her social life. Humans are very social creatures and he didn't think it could be healthy for her to only interact with him and Hubert. So this felt like a good step towards her putting faith in other people. And as far as he could tell, their classmates were exactly the kind of people she could afford to trust. Maybe he was a little biased because Dorothea was among them, but she had proven herself to be an excellent confidant and a very smart person regardless of his personal feelings for her. 

"That's correct, Edelgard. Our victory today could not have been achieved if we all had not worked together and applied our individual strengths. But before we get into any sort of discussion about what we did or how we can improve, I was thinking that perhaps we should get some rest? It was a tough battle," Ferdinand said.

"Good idea, Ferdie. Why don't we celebrate a little? We certainly deserve it," Dorothea said. Edelgard looked between all of her classmates, and then sighed. "We really should go over the battle while it's still fresh in our minds...but fine. I suppose a little celebration couldn't hurt," she said. 

"Yes!" Caspar said, pumping his fist in the air. Linhardt mumbled something about noise levels, but Caspar was already herding him out of the classroom. "You guys coming?" he called back.

"One second, let me put my tomes down," Dorothea responded. The professor tapped Petra on the shoulder and pointed to the sword on her back. Petra's eyes lit up like she had just remembered something. "Oh, right! We should be putting our weapons away."

"I can take them up to the training grounds for you all. Hand them here," the professor said. Ferdinand removed his own axe and lance, but paused before he could hand them over. "Are you sure you would not like some help with these?" Ferdinand asked.

"I'll be fine. Go have fun," Byleth said blankly. "I need to go to the training grounds anyway. Byleth will want to hear about the mock battle." Ferdinand nodded and handed over his axe and lance. Soon, Byleth's arms were filled with weapons and she gave a curt nod before exiting the room.

"I will never be understanding how strangely the two of them are named," Petra said. It was true. Who gave both of their children the same name? Why would someone do that? And how was it in that neither of them had a nickname by now? What kind of lives had these two led?

"Captain Jeralt is a bit of an eccentric, I believe," Edelgard said simply. Dorothea scoffed. "A kind way to say the man's crazy," she responded. Ferdinand gasped.

"Thea! You cannot just say that!" he said. hushing her. "What if he had heard you?" Dorothea looked at him in the way that made it clear she thought whatever he had just said was stupid. She didn't do that a lot but whenever she did he knew she was going to calmly explain to him exactly why he was a moron without ever saying the word.

"Ferdinand. It's the truth. He gave both his kids the same name and from what I've heard, he was letting them work with the Bladebreakers from the age of twelve, " Dorothea said. It was true, or at least that first part was true, but she didn't have to say it! It just seemed better to politely ignore it.

"Still....well, nevermind. Let's get going," Ferdinand said. He gestured towards the door. They all made their way towards the ending, except for Edelgard and Hubert. "Bernadetta, are you coming with us?" Edelgard asked. 

"Um...no, no thank you. Um, the dining hall is a bit...loud," Bernadetta admitted. Edelgard seemed to understand that, even if Ferdinand couldn't really get it himself. Sure it was loud, but it wasn't like you couldn't hear in there. But dragging Bernadetta along with them if she didn't want to join would probably just upset her. 

"Would you like someone to bring you food?" Edelgard asked. Bernadetta shook her head rapidly. "No! I'll, I'll eat later!" she said.

"Alright then. See you later, Bernadetta," Edelgard said. With that, the rest of their class filed out of the classroom and made their way to the dining hall. It was a bit crowded and busy, with lots of people shouting and moving around, but it was a pleasant sort of buzzing. When this hall was empty, it often felt.....well, it felt haunted. 

The meal they had was jovial and the rest of the day passed by quickly. By the time their next class rolled around, Ferdinand felt completely recharged. It was amazing what a good meal and a day of rest could do for a person. It had been some time since he'd taken a real break. Even when he wasn't studying or training, he was preparing for...well, a lot of things. 

It was on his way to class that morning that he was stopped by a messenger. In his hand was a letter, and upon inspection, Ferdinand realized that it was from his mother. He quickly tipped the messenger, and then found someplace private to open it. He found himself smiling warmly as he took in her loopy, scrawled handwriting. 

My Dear Ferdinand,

I hope this letter finds you in good condition. How is school? The Officers Academy is a wonderful institution, and I hope you enjoy your time there. I attended many years ago, and as I recall it has a very, very different feeling to it then any tutor you could have had here. 

Your father is doing well. He is spending more time at the capital, which gives me far more time to myself here at the estate. I admit it is getting lonely, with all my birds having flown the nest so to speak, but I trust that wherever you and your sisters are, it is where you need to be. 

Please write to me if you are able to. I would love to hear from you. I do worry about you, you know. The world is a cruel place sometimes, and I feel as if a sweet boy such as you will be taken advantage of if you aren't careful. Promise me you'll be careful. 

Have a good day, dear. Also, I have a small inquiry. I cannot get your father to answer me clearly on this, so I'm asking you. I'm not sure why you would know, but I have a feeling you do. Why is Lord Arundel returning to the Aegir estate so frequently? I cannot wrap my head around what he wants with my husband, aside from his official duties which he should be carrying out at the capital. 

With Love, 

Emily von Aegir.

Ferdinand pocketed the letter, gnawing on his cheek. What was Arundel doing there, really? Perhaps Edelgard and Hubert would have an idea. He'd have to ask. But until he could, he needed to stop thinking about it. No point in worrying about things he could not change.

Instead, he replayed the mock battle in his head, over and over, while he made his way to class. They had briefly discussed what had gone well and what had gone wrong, and all his own mistakes were so blindingly obvious it was painful. 

He just had to keep practicing. There would be no room for mistakes like that in a real battle. Every moment would be life or death. Every movement would count against him. Luckily, he had a long time before he would need to see actual combat.

"This month's mission is to go out and take care of some bandits in the Red Canyon," Byleth said. 

Ferdinand tried very hard to keep the look of shock disbelief off his face. But this was just unbelievable! How could this possibly be real? Surely the Church would never allow their students to waltz into active combat, even if the professor insisted it would be perfectly safe. 

Dorothea raised her hand. "Yes, Dorothea? Do you have a question?" Byleth asked. She. nodded, and then opened her mouth to speak. "Has this assignment been approved by the Church?" she asked.

Byleth nodded. "This is not my assignment, actually. I was given this task by Archbishop Rhea," she said. If Ferdinand had been drinking water he would have spat it directly out. They were being sent into active combat by the goddess damn Church of Seiros? 

He thought that even with all their flaws, that they would be unwilling to use actual child soldiers. Did their...well, villainy know no limits?! He shot a quick look over to Hubert to see his face had not changed. It was still grim as ever. However, he could see something turning behind his eyes.

"That sounds scary, um, can I say no thank you?" Bernadetta asked. Byleth once again shook her head. "Students, I promise you this is much safer than it sounds. It's a few bandits in a well-controlled area, and we'll have the Knights of Seiros at our side. And besides that, I would never allow harm to come to you. You have my word, " she said. 

"How come we're handling these bandits? Shouldn't they be handled by the government whose territory they're on?" Linhardt asked. 

"The Red Canyon is being owned by the Church. It is sacred land," Petra piped up. "So it would be unwise for the ruler of the land to send troops there." Ferdinand paused. He had never actually heard of the Red Canyon before. Then again, he only really knew the layout of Adrestia himself.

"Exactly. Traditionally, only members of the Church of Seiros would be allowed there, and even so no one has walked those canyons in decades. It was said to be the former home of the Goddess, when she walked among us," Byleth said. 

"A place no one has seen in person for decades...I wonder what it's like," Dorothea said. She had that air to her voice that she always got when considering something through the lense of an artist. He could already hear her coming up with poetic lyrics and monologues about it.

"It's probably red," Caspar said. Edelgard sighed and shook her head. "What? They call it the Red Canyon," Caspar said. 

"I believe Dorothea meant that in a metaphorical sense, rather than an actual physical sense," Linhardt said. 

"We can have this discussion later, can we not? Let's please get to the lesson," Edelgard said. She gestured to their professor, who was now patiently waiting by the chalkboard. They had spent a good twenty or thirty minutes talking, after all. 

"I agree. We have wasted enough time on this pointless conversation," Hubert said dryly. Ferdinand elbowed him without thinking, and they both shot each other a dirty look. "Can you not keep your limbs to yourself, Ferdinand?" 

"Can you not keep your negative comments to yourself?" Ferdinand snapped back. Hubert opened his mouth to say something, no doubt some scathing remark about his personality, but Edelgard cut him off. "Boys." 

"Moving along, please get out your notes, as today we'll be discussing some of the issues I noticed we had in the Mock battle. To start with-," Byleth began, and the lesson continued for some time. 


	25. Raised Stakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Violence, blood, murder, death, vomiting, descriptions of injuries, loss of conciousness. 
> 
> Hey so I'm not sorry. 
> 
> Skip to the end for a quick summary.

After the news he received that morning, Ferdinand felt the burning need to just make some tea and think for a while. He had been planning to invite Dorothea to join him, but she had been talking with Petra when he found her and he figured she'd rather not be interrupted.

And Edelgard was nowhere to be found, which left Hubert. Hubert hated tea, and probably him, which meant inviting him was a bad idea. Which just left Ferdinand to drink his tea by himself. He didn't mind, necessarily, but it got rather boring to sit alone for as long as it took to make and drink tea. And he couldn't just sit with Madeline because...well, tea and hay don't mix very well.

He sat there, drinking his tea and thinking about their mission. He knew the month would pass by before he even knew it. Time was slippery like that. He was just so worried about everything that could go wrong. This wasn't a mock battle anymore. People could die if he messed up. 

He was so wrapped up in his thoughts, that he was taken aback when he finally noticed the figure stood directly across from where he was sitting. There were plenty of students in this outdoor area, enough that he figured he couldn't keep this table to himself for very long, but it still caught him off guard.

"Oh, sorry, did I startle you? I was just checking on you since you were sitting alone and you look a little upset. Is everything okay?" the person asked. He looked up and nearly immediately recognized her. His father had only had a few guests at their estate growing up, so he remembers each family very clearly. 

"Mercedes?" Ferdinand said. The woman in front of him blinked and then smiled very brightly. "Oh, I recognize you now. Is that you, Ferdinand? It's been too long!" Mercedes said. Ferdinand smiled and then motioned for her to sit down, procuring her a cup of tea. Let it never be said that Ferdinand was anything less than a gentleman.

"I was always wondering why you stopped visiting, you know," Ferdinand said. At that, Mercedes looked at him with a sadness in her eyes that...didn't fit her at all. It was like all of a sudden all the light behind it had been suppressed, like placing a basket over a candle. 

"My mother and I moved to Faerghus," she said, with a tone that indicated she didn't wish to elaborate further. Ferdinand decided not to press the matter. "I take it that means you're in the Blue Lions house, then?" he asked. 

"Oh, yes! Everyone there has been very nice to me, actually. I'm sure you'd like them," Mercedes said. "And Professor Hanneman has been a good instructor so far. I really feel like I'm learning a lot!"

"That's good to hear. What have you all been working on recently?" Ferdinand asked. The conversation continued like that, as the two caught up on what had happened in the intervening years since they had last seen each other. Honestly, Mercedes had hardly changed. His vague memories of her from when she had visited many years ago seemed to hold up rather well to the person she was now. 

Afterwards, he made his way to the library and began searching for a text or two on the Red Canyon. Knowledge was power, after all, and he needed to know the layout and perhaps the significance of the land. Besides, he was curious to see what it looked like, if he could find a book with paintings, or perhaps a woodcut.

By the time he retired to his quarters to write back to his mother, it was already dark outside. Even with a candle lit, the hallways were barely visible. Ferdinand half-worried that he would turn his ankle and end up lying motionless on the pavement until a guard walked past. 

He would certainly never be able to look anyone in the eye ever again if that were the case. It would be such a silly way to get injured in a school where they regularly wielded sharp weapons. And besides, he did not want to sit out on the mission due to one moment of clumsiness. Truthfully, he did not want to go out on the mission at all, as it didn't sit right with him to be killing people for the Church, but he supposed he had no choice.

He was just approaching the stairs to the second floor, when the hairs at the back of his neck began to rise. At first he assumed the temperature had simply dropped...but there was just something off about this area. He could sense someone nearby. He whipped around, expecting to spot a guard or another student, but no one was there.

Ferdinand didn't believe in ghosts. He had spent ages praying for the ghost of his sister to appear before him, so he could see her just one more time, and he had long since given up on that. Malicious spirits were no different in his eyes. They just weren't a possibility, even in this world of magic and secret dragons. 

And yet he tensed up, listening for any sign of human life and fighting back the growing sense of wrongness. Something was here, he was sure of it, but he couldn't see or hear anyone else. Was it an animal? No, he'd be able to hear it move. So what was it?

Then there was a snapping noise behind him, and he nearly dropped his candle in surprise. He made an undignified noise of distress, fumbling to stay on his feet. Ferdinand cleared his throat and turned to the source of the noise.

The dim lighting cast stark shadows over Bernadetta's face, but pale as she was, she was certainly no ghost. Just a pale young woman who now looked very, very panicked. He winced at that expression, hoping that she wouldn't start screaming. He didn't want to wake anyone up (although he had been pretty loud himself). 

"My apologies, Bernadetta. I had not seen you. Are you alright?" he asked. Bernadetta nodded, the quick movement blurring her pale features into an indistinct shape. She really did seem to be glowing in the dark. 

"Sorry for scaring you," she mumbled. Ferdinand flushed a little. "I was not...scared. Just caught off guard, that is all. Should you not be asleep?" Ferdinand asked.

"Um...shouldn't you?" Bernadetta asked. Ferdinand realized that yes, he was in fact supposed to be asleep. They both were. He looked away, focusing instead on the stairs in the distance. "I saw nothing if you saw nothing."

Bernadetta nodded. "I, I saw nothing!!! I promise!" she said. Ferdinand walked past her, and towards the stairs. "Good night Bernadetta," he said. 

"Good...good night!" she called back. With that both of them disappeared into the night. It was only as Ferdinand was fumbling with the key to his room that he realized that he had just had his first full conversation with Bernadetta that didn't end uncomfortably. It brought a small smile to his face. Maybe there was hope for them after all. 

The month passed quickly. Ferdinand spent much of it training with everyone else, writing letters to his mother, and having tea with Mercedes and eventually Lorenz. Lorenz had simply walked up to him one evening and struck up a conversation about his tea, and that had been enough for a sort of kinship to form. 

Truth be told, Garreg Mach was beginning to feel safe. Well, as safe as any institution run by the Church could be. His teacher was kind, even if she was a bit odd, and his classmates were friendly towards him. It had already begun to feel like they all liked and knew each other. He was sure that in a couple of moona they would all be thick as thieves. 

The day they left for the Red Canyon, it was raining. It would be a two day hike up to the canyon, and Ferdinand loathed having to do it in the rain. At least they had allowed him to bring Madeline along, to carry supplies and, if it came down to it, injured classmates. 

He hoped no one would be injured. It just wasn't possible to guarantee that they were safe, yet part of him wished there was. The idea of someone getting injured in a real battle where the stakes were high made him a bit uneasy. Everything about this made him uneasy.

Their group hiked close together, cloaks pulled tight around them to prevent rain from seeping in. Ferdinand could still feel the mud soak up into his boots, leaving him chilled down to the bone. The only person not bothered by the cold was their professor, who simply seemed used to it. She walked ahead, talking to her brother quietly. He had apparently tagged along in place of their father. 

Edelgard walked right in front of him, and surprisingly Bernadetta walked next to her. Probably because if she had been at the back of the group and they were attacked..she'd die. There was no avoiding the fact, she was small and not a melee fighter. Besides, it seemed like the two of them were having a lovely conversation. Bernadetta wasn't even running away!

He walked in a group of four, with Hubert to his right and Petra and Dorothea to his left. Behind them, Caspar and Linhardt were having a conversation. Or Caspar was just talking at Linhardt, who was humoring him. It was hard to tell. He might have tried to listen in, but it was cold and he could barely focus on his own conversation.

"I'm telling you Hubie, he was staring at that lake for at least an hour. He wasn't even fishing!" Dorothea said. Ferdinand realized he had no clue who they were talking about. Had he been zoning out? He had thought he'd had a better grip on that. 

"Maybe he was learning the movement's of the fish," Petra said. Dorothea shook her head. "The fish in our lake? They're slow. Easy to catch. Even I could get one! He's just...odd," Dorothea responded. 

"Perhaps he just likes watching the fish?" Ferdinand said. "A hobby is a hobby, even if it is a little...unorthodox." God knows it was better than whatever Hubert did when he wasn't hovering ominously in the background. Maybe that was all he did. Scheming and being scary was just his thing. 

"Still...he and his sister are talking and yet he hasn't said a word! He's just staring at her and she's acting like he's talking back," Dorothea said. Ferdinand shook his head. "Non-verbal communication is just as valid as verbal communication, Thea. Maybe he's just quiet."

"It's just strange. You can't tell me you don't think something is...off about the two of them," Dorothea said. She gestured to where they were walking. Ferdinand could admit that they were...different. But different hardly meant sinister or untrustworthy. So far they both had been nothing but polite. if a little standoffish. 

"Give them some time, Dorothea. Maybe they're just adjusting," he said. "And it's not as if they're doing anything wrong." Dorothea seemed to reluctantly agree. He knew she was coming from a good place, but sometimes she jumped to conclusions too quickly. Then again, the life she had did not make trust come easily to her. He couldn't fault her for being wary. 

"Do you think this rain is gonna let up soon?" Caspar said, breaking the silence. He slid between Ferdinand and Hubert, tugging Linhard along with him. Linhardt's cloak was comically pulled to cover almost all of his face. His hair was completely soaked, and he looked rather like a cat who had just had a bath. Ferdinand fought to keep the amused grin off his face.

"Unlikely," Hubert said. He seemed completely unaffected by the weather, mood-wise at least. He hardly seemed to notice the streams of water rolling off the hood of his cloak or the mud nipping at his heels. Ferdinand almost envied his complete disregard for simple things like weather and temperature. This hike would be the same for him whether it was raining, hailing, or the sky itself was on fire. 

"There is not much rain in Brigid this time of year. Is this your rainy season?" Petra asked. Linhardt scoffed. "No, that's not for a while. I believe we just have bad luck," he grumbled. Ferdinand couldn't help but feel glad that someone else was bothered by the constant downpour. Everyone else seemed to take it in stride. 

"Rain is being important, Linhardt! Good rain means good harvests," she said. "And it is pretty, isn't it? Rain is blessings from the sky given to the Earth. There is no bad luck here." 

"Rain is nice enough until it rips trees from the ground and floods villages," Linhardt said. Ferdinand sighed. Why could he feel an argument coming on? Who is doing this?

"It's hardly raining hard enough for any of that," Hubert said. "It's just a little water. Hardly cause for alarm." Ferdinand wanted to roll his eyes. It was easy for him to say that, he wasn't a normal person. The mud hardly seemed to phase him at all. 

"Well, at least we don't have to sleep in the rain!" Caspar said hopefully. 

They did. 

  
  


The Red Canyon stretched before them. It was just as strange to see as he expected. It was hot, despite having just rained, and his clothes stuck to his skin. Their professor and her brother paused for a moment, staring down into the canyon. They didn't seem to be looking at the enemy, but right through them. For a moment, Ferdinand worried they would get lost on whatever world they were seeing. But they shook free rather quickly and led them into the canyon. 

There weren't as many bandits as he expected, but it was still a busy battlefield. Even held in a tight formation, he could feel how easily it was to get seperated from the group. One misstep and you were out in the open, exposed and easily defeated. Maybe that was just his nerves. Those were easy to swallow down, and he plastered a practiced confidence all over himself. He could not afford to appear weak. 

It started off slow as they made their way towards the bridge. He had moved to the front with Edelgard, as Bernadetta fell behind to walk in front of Linhardt. Caspar began running to join in the front. It seemed likely that he would try to get ahead of him and Edelgard, and he braced himself to grab the smaller man before he charged straight into enemy fire. He could see a few archers dotted around and he doubted that they would be using blunted arrows. 

It was as they hit the bridge that all hell broke loose. A brigand clutching an axe charged him and it was all Ferdinand could do to get out of the way of the blow. He fumbled with his lance and realized in that moment that it was the real deal. The weight of the situation hit him all at once. He was going to be sick. 

Gripping his lance, he struck out at his attacker, pushing them backwards. They swung once more with their axe, barely grazing Ferdinand's shoulder. With great effort, Ferdinand heaved the lance and slammed it into their chest. He heard a sickening crack and the man fell backwards in defeat. Blood pooled at his feet. Ferdinand felt bile rise in his throat. He hadn't wanted to kill him. It felt wrong, unclean. 

Next to him, someone screamed. He heard the voice choke off into a weak sob. "N-no, I didn't...oh my goddess, she's dead. I killed her!' Bernadetta cried. He wanted to turn to her, to offer her comfort, but another thief rushed him and it was all he could do not to plummet off the bridge to his death. 

They fought through a thicket of men to get off that bridge. Every time someone died by his hands, he felt his stomach turn. He didn't know their names, whether they had families, if someone was waiting for them to return home. Flashes of his sister's dead form haunted him. Had he doomed some other family to that same sorrow? Had he insured that some other family would receive a lifeless loved one, that some other person would now be mourning? 

It hurt to think about. No words left his throat. He watched from the corners of his vision as every one of his classmates came to that same conclusion. Hubert and Edelgard seemed the least affected, both of them doing 'what needed to be done' even as their boots became soaked with blood. He couldn't blame them for not feeling sick or guilty. These bandits had tried to kill Edelgard (who kill someone that hired them?) and both had seen far worse. 

Still, Edelgard's hand trembled everytime she dislodged it from a soon-to-be corpse, and Hubert's voice seemed strained. Despite everything, neither of them were ready to kill on this scale. They were still just kids. (Maybe Hubert was 20 now and he had just turned 18, but Edelgard was just a kid, and turning 18 hadn't magically made him immune to horror.) 

Petra sliced through opponents with confidence, and yet her hand also trembled after every kill. She kept saying that this was the reality of combat, but he could see fear in his eyes just like everyone else. No one wanted to take another person's life. Not really. 

Linhardt seemed to be faring even worse. He hardly had to kill anyone, his job was to heal, but that bandit who had slipped past all of them as they finally pushed off the bridge met an unpleasant fate. Linhardt stumbled and nearly vomited at the sight of his own handiwork. "Too much blood," he said weakly. Caspar broke from the front to help his friend stay upright. He had taken this whole 'killing people' thing in stride. It most likely hadn't hit him yet. He'd have a meltdown on the way back and that would be that. 

Dorothea threw spells around with great effort. She managed to keep a hold of her mask of confidence, looking completely calm and collected. She wasn't of course, but if you didn't know her you would never be able to tell. You wouldn't know to look for that particular crease near her eyes or the slight stutter that she worked so hard to suppress normally. 

Their teacher and her brother had moved far ahead at that point. Byleth would shout orders to them occasionally, but mostly she stayed quiet. If it weren't for the trail of bodies in their wake, he might wonder if they were really there. 

They fought their way through the canyon, a blur of motion. Ferdinand could hardly believe how cohesively they were moving. It was as if they were all one person, limbs lashing out in tandem. That or Ferdinand was just slightly dizzy from all the commotion. He vaguely saw their teacher cross another bridge, Caspar hot on her heels and dragging a faint Linhardt. Ferdinand hadn't noticed someone approaching Bernadetta, too busy knocking the blade out of one thief's hand.

It was the worst sound he had ever heard. The wet chopping of flesh was masked by a horrible scream. He whipped around, knocking the thief in front of him to the ground. Bernadetta went tumbling down, and just as the man who had stuck her went in to finish the job, he exploded in a ball of flame. Dorothea came stumbling out from behind her cover. She shouted something, but Ferdinand couldn't hear her over the ringing in his own head. Blood rolled down his shoulder. When had he gotten hit? 

Someone dragged him to his feet. Had he been on the ground? A cry went off in the distance. Edelgard shouted at someone to surrender. Hands went to his shoulder and back. He watched someone drag Bernadetta over to a priest who had not been there before. Petra's hands gripped so tight to Bernadetta's arm that he was worried it might be hurting her. Petra's leg was bleeding. There were too many things to keep track of. He was not ashamed to admit he vomited when someone began healing his wound. 

He heard vague talks of victory, but he barely remembered them. He passed out from the pain, still being gripped by a pair of coarse black gloves. He'd think about it later when he didn't feel like he was dying.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Ferdinand has tea wirh Mercedes, and has a quick conversation with Bernadetta later that night. Ferdinand and his class discuss Byleth and Byleth and their oddities on the walk to the canyon. It's raining and no one is happy. They then get to the canyon, fight and win, but at the end Ferdinand and Bernadetta are injured.


	26. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hurt/Comfort Baby!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Descriptions of injury, repeated mentions of death, vomiting, blood, general levels of violence, and canon-typical trauma. 
> 
> Haha I'm sorry this is so funky I had no energy to write this week.

They decided to take a break before making the journey back. Everyone but the Byleths stumbled away from the center of the canyon and to the first mildly shaded area available. Ferdinand was sat on the nearest flat surface, and Dorothea immediately hovered over him, worried. It took Ferdinand an hour or so to finally reawaken, though he was still delirious.

"That looks bad," she said. He shook his head, looking at the ground. "It doesn't really hurt," he said faintly. It wasn't even a lie, as he was so out of it he doubted he could feel pain at all. Everything felt just a touch unreal. Someone was vomiting. He had a feeling it was Linhardt. Judging by the worried shushing from Caspar, he was probably correct.

Petra was sat across from him, leg fully patched up. Bernadetta was halfway across her lap, completely unconscious. Next to Petra, Edelgard sat carefully inspecting her bandages. It was difficult to see them all hurt like this, but at least no one was dead. That was all they could really hope for. 

Hubert was the only one not sitting down. He was pacing back and forth through the canyon, clearly still on edge. It must have been harder on him than Ferdinand had first thought. That or he was worried for Edelgard. She was pretty beat up. 

"Hubert," he called out. His voice sounded like it was coming through several layers of cloth. Hubert still managed to hear him though, and his gaze turned to him. It was strangely lacking the cold, analytical quality Hubert usually had. Ferdinand wasn't sure if he liked it. 

"Sit down, please. Your pacing is making me dizzy," he said. Well, the dizziness was probably just from dehydration or blood loss but the point was that it was distracting. Hubert made a face, which Ferdinand pointedly ignored. "Besides, shouldn't you be resting anyways?"

"I wasn't injured," Hubert said. Ferdinand narrowed his eyes. Hubert was usually a better liar than that. "You're limping," Ferdinand said. At this, Edelgard and Dorothea both turned to examine him closely. Petra continued to soothe a sleeping Bernadetta, who seemed to be shaking even in her sleep. 

"You are!" Edelgard finally gasped in disbelief. He could hear the accusation in her voice, something along the lines of 'why did you not mention that'. Dorothea immediately marched over to him and grabbed him by the shoulder. "Sit," she commanded. 

Hubert relented and was made to sit next to Ferdinand. Now that he was closer, Ferdinand could see his black gloves were damaged and his sleeves were torn. He'd have to get them fixed soon. Linhardt finally came stumbling back to the group, leaning on Caspar in support. Ferdinand could see that Caspar was going through something internally. The shock must have finally settled in. 

"How are we all holding up?" Dorothea asked. She sat down, wincing at the brief pressure placed on her abdomen from the thin cut. Petra placed a hand on her shoulder to help her remain upright through the pain. Caspar had his head in his hands, mumbling to himself. Linhardt still looked sick.

"I hope the dizziness is blood loss and not a concussion," Ferdinand remarked. Dorothea and Edelgard both winced simultaneously. "You're still dizzy," Hubert asked, though it was more of a statement than a question. Ferdinand nodded, which made the pain in his head even worse. 

"Have you had water?" Edelgard asked. Ferdinand blinked, and then reached for a nearby flask. It was just out of his range. and straining caused his shoulder to begin screaming at him. He winced, but managed to snag the bottle anyway. 

He drank some water. The rest of them began to drift away themselves. Petra and Dorothea both fell asleep, practically fused together. Linhardt finally stopped vomiting and was now trying to coax Caspar into drinking some water. Ferdinand sat there blankly, staring off into the horizon. All he could think about was how lucky they all were to be alive. 

  
  


In the end, it was Bernadetta who was crowded up onto Madeline's back. Her injuries seemed to be healing as best as they could, given the circumstances. She, however, seemed badly shaken. Edelgard's concern was obvious on her face, and as they made the journey back, Edelgard stuck to her side like glue. Everyone stuck together, actually. 

Byleth and Byleth seemed unaffected, but concerned. The male one seemed particularly worried about Caspar, who had not uttered a word since Linhardt had stopped vomiting. He just stared at his feet, gripping Linhardt's hand so tightly it was a wonder he hadn't ripped it off. 

"Are you feeling okay?" Dorothea asked him. Caspar didn't respond, still completely out of it. Ferdinand gnawed on his lip, pushing forward to walk next to him. He winced, his shoulder still uncomfortably sore. "Caspar, can you hear us?" he asked. 

Caspar nodded, the first sign of thought in a while. Linhardt gave them both a pointed look. "Give him some time. He's stressed," Linhardt said. There was hostility in his voice, like he was worried they were going to hurt him. Ferdinand instinctually backed up. jostling Petra. "Sorry," he mumbled, but she shrugged it off. "No worrying, Ferdinand. I am fine. Dorothea, you should be slowing down, your side is not healed," she said. 

"I'm fine, Petra, I promise," she said. "Just a little tired. How's your leg?" she asked. Petra looked down at her leg and then back to the group. "It is not hurting anymore. I think I am lucky to not have gotten injured more," Petra said. 

"I'm glad," Dorothea said softly. Ferdinand smiled to himself, and then strained slightly to catch Edelgard and Bernadetta's conversation. Edelgard was doing most of the talking, her voice seeming no less strong despite how tired she had to have been. 

"You did fine out there Bernadetta, I promise. No one was perfect, of course, but you did a fine job. No one is upset with you for getting injured. It wouldn't be fair," Edelgard said. Ferdinand wanted to call out in agreement, but he figured Edelgard had it handled. Besides, he was so tired it was all he could do to keep pace with everyone.

"I know...I think. But I just feel so..." Bernadetta trailed off. Edelgard gave her a pained smile. Ferdinand watched her reach up slowly, giving Bernadetta ample time to lean away. Then she gently patted her on the shoulder in what had to be her idea of comfort. Edelgard had never really been the best at that. Ferdinand never let himself be vulnerable for too long around other people and Hubert absolutely despised appearing weak.

She was trying though. And as they marched on, he swore that he could see Bernadetta smile faintly at Edelgard. He turned away to focus on Petra and Dorothea. It almost felt wrong to interrupt their moment. 

"Um, guys?" Bernadetta said eventually, after a few hours of relative quiet. Ferdinand realized that she hadn't spoken in quite some time. She had just had her face buried in Madeline's mane since she woke up. Only now Madeline was moving a little more erratically. In fact she was...pushing Hubert forward with her nose. Hubert seemed completely embarrassed. 

"Oh. Madeline, please don't harass Hubert," Ferdinand said. He turned and walked backwards to calm down his horse. He reached over to gently rub at Madeline's temple. Bernadetta flinched away from his hand, and he bit his tongue to keep from asking why. Edelgard had caught it too, and was now looking at her with an unreadable expression. 

Madeline whinnied and shoved Hubert again. This time he stumbled, and Ferdinand shot out to catch him before he toppled over. One of his hands gripped Hubert's arm, and he realized how boney he felt. Was the rest of him like this or was it just his arm? He almost wanted to check, but he had this deep seated feeling that Hubert would not appreciate it. 

Then he noticed that Hubert was deliberately avoiding placing pressure on his right leg. He frowned, mostly to himself. "Your leg still hurts," he said. Hubert grimaced, clearly not wanting to admit he was injured. "I'm fine," he said. He was not fine.

Ferdinand sighed. He reached out and carefully wrapped an arm around Hubert's waist, moving him as quickly and safely as possible so that Ferdinand was supporting most of his weight. It was vaguely uncomfortable, especially as one of his shoulders was injured and couldn't bear any weight, but it was better than watching Hubert limp around. 

Hubert seemed upset, and if Ferdinand wasn't seeing things, a little flustered. "What are you doing?" he hissed. Ferdinand rolled his eyes. "Carrying you. Don't be difficult, Hubert. You can't risk making your leg worse by overusing it," he said. Hubert looked like he was going to argue, but Dorothea cut in.

"Really, Hubert, would it kill you to take it easy? You don't always have to be 'on' you know?" she said. Ferdinand nodded in agreement.

"I'd hate to see you do permanent damage to that leg, Hubert," Edelgard chimed in. "I know you'd hate getting stuck inside all month because you damaged your muscles from something as silly as neglecting to rest properly." Ferdinand realized how clever that line was. Framing allowing himself to be helped as both something she would like him to do and as a necessity was genius. Edelgard really knew how to coax Hubert into doing something. 

Ferdinand usually just did the thing that needed doing and Hubert went along with it because he knew that while he could win many of their battles, self-care was something Ferdinand would not budge on. Even if he had, Hubert didn't always get along.

And they walked back like that, over the rolling countryside. For the whole of that next week, their class stuck together. Ferdinand found himself shadowing Edelgard alongside Huvert for the first time in a few months. He wasn't worried for her, as she seemed to be handling things pretty well, Ferdinand just didn't want to be alone. 

And he wasn't. When he wasn't shadowing Edelgard's every move, he was training with Caspar or Petra, or having tea with Dorothea and Lorenz, or holeing himself up in the library with Linhardt or Mercedes. Sometimes he even spent time with Bernadetta, helping her with work or simply sitting with her. She was pleasant company. 

It was strange. That mission had somehow only strengthened their bonds. They were all thick as thieves, as if nearly dying had allowed them to truly understand each other. Or perhaps seeing someone at their worst simply had that effect on people. He had certainly never seen Hubert or Caspar look that downtrodden. 

He tried very hard not to think too much about the battle outside of class. When it was part of a discussion on tactics or skill, he could sort through messy, complicated feelings with ease.

Rather than dwelling on how helpless Hubert seemed when Ferdinand was lugging him across the country side, he could debate spells and positions. There was no need to picture blood-soaked Dorothea standing over corpses with shaking hands, or Petra toppling over into mud and filth, voice laced with pain. No need to think of Caspar, shocked and quiet, or Bernadetta screaming and writhing on the ground. 

No need to compare any of it to how his sister died. He tried very, very hard to keep that thought away. Not to mix the images of his sister, lying still and covered in blood with the feeling of slicing through opponents. He tried very hard indeed to keep those thoughts away. It was harder when he was alone, so he simply avoided being alone and avoided sleeping.

Still, he figured that no matter what their next mission was, they could handle it far better than the first one. And it couldn't possibly be as horrible as the first one! Then he heard the word's kingdom and rebellion and that dream died very, very quickly. 


	27. Rushed Recovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone recovers somewhat, as new battles approach.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Depictions of violence, break downs, panic attacks, murder, blood, dead sisters, and light religious themes.
> 
> Took a long ass break, came back and wrote this. It's not as good as some of my previous work but I finished it and that's what I'm focused on. Thanks for being patient! Life kicked my ass.

By the time they announced next month's mission, Ferdinand was still completely exhausted. It had only been a week since their last mission after all. Still, he sat in class with the rest of his friends and discussed strategy and timelines and all the things pertaining to this fight. They shouldn't actually have to fight anyone, but it always helped to be prepared.

Afterwards, he went on a walk by himself. Hubert and Edelgard were planning for the mission and Dorothea and Petra were both training, so he figured he'd stretch his legs a bit by himself. It always helped to get a little fresh air, and he knew if he tried to stay still right then his mind would drift to unhappy places.

It was odd, thinking about their new mission. He knew next-to-nothing about the Kingdom or its nobility, but everyone else seemed to think that an uprising there wasn't too far of a stretch. He figured he ought to do more research into it. Hubert probably had some material lying around. He was meticulous about the sort of politics that might affect Edelgard's plans. 

He was a little surprised that this mission hadn't been assigned to the Blue Lions. After all, it was in the Kingdom. Surely it would be better to allow them to handle their own affairs? Unless they were worried that the personal feelings the students had would interfere with their ability to do their job. But no, that didn't make any sense. 

Nothing about this made much sense at all. He itched to discuss it with Edelgard and Hubert, but there were too many people lingering near the classroom and it would look suspicious if the three of them were constantly disappearing together. He would just have to wait. 

He debated joining Dorothea and Petra for a moment, but he could see that Professor Jeritza and Byleth were lingering near the entrance to the training grounds. It wasn't like either of them were very talkative, but Jeritza gave Ferdinand a funny feeling whenever he spoke. It was similar to the feeling he had when he had interacted with Arundel for the first time. 

And Byleth, not Professor Byleth, just Byleth, was odd. He wasn't one to judge for strange behavior, he himself had plenty of odd quirks, but the way he stared at Ferdinand made him feel like he could see into his soul. It was an unpleasant sort of feeling, being seen like that. He hurried past them. 

He kept wandering, his mind slowly going still like the surface of a lake. It was a stillness that could be easily broken, if someone were to charge up to greet him, but it was still all the same. It was the closest thing to quiet his mind could ever get. There was still movement under the surface but it was still enough that he could focus on something if he wanted to. He didn't want to right now, but it was the thought that counted. 

He rounded the corner of the greenhouse, and froze when he heard quiet crying. The surface tension of his mind shattered, but this new development took center stage. He quickly looked around, spotting no one nearby. So where was the crying coming from? Ferdinand moved slowly around the building and checked nooks and crannies for the person who, he assumed from how well they were hidden, must be a child.

He was wrong, of course. Instead he found a small, thin person with grey hair. Despite the grey in his hair, he was young, round faced and covered in freckles. But he wasn't too young. He looked to be one of the other students, albeit he was a student in one of the other classes. And he was crying, in a way that seemed to indicate he had been trying desperately not to be heard. 

Ferdinand felt painfully awkward. He had never been good at comforting people. Despite being able to strongly empathize with their emotions, he never understood how to go about helping people handle them. Especially not crying. The only person he had ever been able to help when they were crying was Stephanie, and she had always preferred a hug. But you can't just hug strangers, even if they are bawling their eyes out. 

"Hello?" he said, trying to keep his voice quiet and unthreatening. He crouched in front of him, and waited to be acknowledged. The grey-haired boy started up as if he hadn't noticed him approaching until just now, which very well might be true. He frantically wiped at his tears.

Ferdinand reached into his back pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. He held it out for the other boy, and he hesitantly accepted it. He wiped tears away from his eyes. "Are you alright? Are you hurt?" Ferdinand asked. He almost hoped it was physical pain. That was easier to manage.

"I'm fine," the boy said. His voice was hoarse, but underneath Ferdinand noted there was a perfect sweetness to it. It was not unlike Mercedes's voice, except his was...maybe a little cooler? Like silk compared to soft wool. Why was Ferdinand even thinking about this? 

He chided himself to focus. "Well, nice to meet you. I am Ferdinand von Aegir! And you are?" he asked. The grey-haired boy pulled himself up from the cranny he was curled into, and attempted to brush hair out of his eyes. It was endearing, if a little sad. "My name's Ashe, Ashe Ubert," he said.

"What house are you in?" Ferdinand asked. The other boy handed him back his handkerchief, and he took a few seconds to politely fold it back up. Maybe that was pointless but he couldn't imagine just shoving it into his back pocket. 

"I'm in the Blue Lions," Ashe said. Ferdinand nodded, and then remembered about the mission they had just been assigned. "The Kingdom, right? Are you by any chance aware of the situation there? I had some questions-" Ferdinand cut himself off when Ashe flinched. 

"Sorry, sorry, just...I don't want to think about it," Ashe said. Ferdinand stared at him for a moment as he processed everything. Then he spoke up again. "Are you sure? It might help to talk about it," he said. It did help some people. after all, even if Ferdinand didn't see the appeal.

Ashe looked as if he was about to say something when someone rounded the corner. "Ashe, there you are! Everyone's looking for you," someone said. Their voice wasn't particularly loud but it did have a commanding presence. It was a voice you couldn't ignore. Ferdinand glanced over his shoulder to take note of this tall, ginger stranger. 

"Oh, Sylvain. Sorry, I was just getting some fresh air," Ashe mumbled. They both stood completely up, though Ashe seemed like he had wanted to crawl back into his hiding spot. 

"Yeah, I get that man. We were all just a little worried about you being alone right now," Sylvain said. Ferdinand barely processed his words, too focused on how he was moving while he spoke. He was a very animated person, but not in the same way that Caspar was an animated speaker. Caspar seemed to have an overflow of energy, while Sylvain moved as if he was deliberately choosing every motion. 

"I'm fine," Ashe said again. He didn't really sound fine. Ferdinand watched Sylvain's face flare up with concern. "You sure Ashe? You've been real quiet ever since we found out about Lord Lonato," Sylvain said. 

It took Ferdinand a second to recognize the name but when he did it took everything he had not to gasp. He must have been close with the man his class had just found out was staging a rebellion. No wonder he was so upset; anyone would become distressed if a loved one was declared an enemy of the people (or really just the Church). 

"I...there has to be some sort of misunderstanding Sylvain! He would never betray the Church! He's the most faithful man I know," Ashe said. Sylvain placed a hand on his shoulder and Ferdinand was overcome with the sudden feeling that he was somewhere he should not be. 

"I wish I could say you're right, Ashe, I really do. But it really doesn't look good for him, y'know?" he said. Ashe looked at him pleadingly. Ferdinand shuffled away slightly, still feeling like he was intruding on their moment somehow.

"I swear, Sylvain, he has to be innocent. Or mistaken! He would never just endanger everyone like this," Ashe said. "I know, Ashe, but we just can't be sure until they bring him in. But I believe you, I promise. Something fishy is going on," Sylvain said.

"I'm just..." Ashe trailed off. Sylvain nodded and pulled him into a hug. Ferdinand had to admit this was a very sweet moment that he probably should not be watching. He finally slipped away, confident that Sylvain had everything handled. He'd think more about Lonato and his relationship with the Church later. Ashe was right, from everything he had heard it was a little fishy. 

Ferdinand went to class the next day feeling a little weird. He'd slept awkwardly on his back and woken up later than normal. It was not an ideal start to a day that otherwise promised to be perfect. The sky was a beautiful blue and everything had the kind of energy to it that usually promised a day of peace. 

When he walked into the classroom and someone was in his seat, he froze. There were only a few people in the classroom so far, just Hubert and Edelgard, but there was someone new in his seat. And on further inspection, it was Sylvain. He was a Blue Lion! He shouldn't even be there!

And it was his seat. Right next to Hubert, the same seat he had sat in every day since he'd arrived at the Officer's Academy. No one else had ever sat in that seat. Yet Sylvain was casually lounging in it, jabbering away at a clearly annoyed Hubert. It took everything Ferdinand had not to be filled with an unbridled rage at the sight before him. Instead he kept an easy smile and took a nearby empty seat. 

"Hello everyone," he said. Hubert and Edelgard turned to greet him. Hubert looked like he was very tense, and Ferdinand couldn't blame him. It seemed Sylvain was a chatterbox, and Hubert hardly put up with Ferdinand talking to him.

"Hey, nice to see you. Ferdinand right?" Sylvain said. Ferdinand nodded, trying his best to seem polite even if internally he was five seconds away from commiting a murder. It wasn't even that serious but for some reason it bothered him that Sylvain had taken his seat. It upset some unspoken balance. 

Edelgard seemed to realize this, and shot Ferdinand an apologetic look. "Did you bring your book, Sylvain?" Edelgard asked. Sylvain shrugged and pulled out a single textbook. It was ragged and worn, with dog-eared pages and ink stains. Ferdinand winced at how poorly the book had been cared for. 

"So, any idea what we're doing today?' Sylvain asked. Hubert seemed to be glaring at him with an intensity that would make most people turn around and flee, but Sylvain somehow managed to not even notice it. "We are reviewing practical applications of advanced magic theory," Edelgard said primly.

"Do you know how to use magic?" Hubert said. Ferdinand guessed by the state of his books that Sylvain did not, and he was right. It made sense; no mage would ever treat a book so purely even if it wasn't a tome. He was sure Linhardt would drop dead at the state of it.

It made no sense that this one book was so defeated, though. Ferdinand had vague memories of seeing him around campus, and he seemed like a very careful person, at least when it came to objects. Had he chosen the book on purpose? But why? 

Then an explosion of sound signified the rest of the class had finally entered. Petra and Dorothea made their way to their usual spot, and Caspar and Linhardt followed suit. Everyone seemed immediately taken aback when they finally spotted Sylvain. Bernadetta wrung her hands at the sight.

"Professor, what is he doing here?" Dorothea asked. Byleth turned away from whatever work she had been doing up front. "He's a member of our class now," she said simply. 

"You can do that?" Caspar asked. Byleth nodded, and Ferdinand felt that she was not interested in explaining further. Ferdinand tried not to stare at Sylvain like he had just grown a second head. Hopefully it worked. 

  
  


"Yeah. Hope I can get to know all of you," Sylvain said. Then, looking directly at Dorothea and Petra, he winked. Petra raised an eyebrow just as Dorothea rolled her eyes. Ferdinand wanted to groan. It seemed the nice man who had comforted Ashe yesterday had been replaced by a seat-stealing charlatan.

Maybe he was being a little unfair. Sylvain didn't seem that bad. "Sure are a lot of babes in this classroom though. Does Adrestia like, make that a requirement to apply?" Sylvain said. Ferdinand couldn't read his voice, but suddenly his prior assessment seemed much, much fairer.

Hubert looked like he was going to commit a murder, and Edelgard looked similarly disgruntled. He caught her eye and exchanged a look. It seemed both of them had come to similar conclusions. Sylvain casually complemented Caspar on his hair, the only good thing he had said since entering the classroom. Then Byleth called for their attention.

"Now, before we start the lesson, I'd like to point out this chart here," Byleth said, gesturing to a small chart on the wall. "I've set you all up with a weekly task. You have a partner for these tasks, so don't think you have to do any of it alone. This may change, so please keep an eye on the chart."

The lesson passed by quickly, and afterwards Ferdinand rushed to see what assignment he had this week. He could hear Edelgard and Caspar loudly discussing their duty pulling weeds in the garden, and Petra and Dorothea had Pegasus duty. Checking the board, he passed by Bernadetta's name, which had no partner and simply read 'Kitchens', and Linhardt and Sylvain were slated to help in the library. 

When he saw his name, he beamed. He had been assigned to the stables! This wasn't even a chore anymore, just an excuse to hang out with Madeline and maybe Marianne. Then he saw Hubert's name and nearly groaned. Hubert hated horses. This was going to be a long week. 

That night, before he went to bed, he wrote another letter to his mother. He had yet to hear back from her after the first one, but he missed her terribly, and writing was cathartic. He wrote until the motion in the building had settled down for the night, and then collapsed into bed, exhausted. 

He was cold. 

The rain and mud soaked his every sense, and he fought desperately to stay upright against the howling wind. He fumbled with the sword in his hand as all around him people screamed. Figures locked in fierce combat flew past him. It was all one final dance, to the tune of its participants' own screams. 

Ferdinand fell forward. No, he hadn't fallen, he was running. His opponent hacked away at him, chopping pieces of him off and reducing Ferdinand to nothing but an ache. There was a searing pain in his shoulder, a burn that threatened to consume him. 

He raised his lance and struck his opponent over and over and over again. Blood pooled at his feet. He choked back bile and tears. When he looked down at his fallen opponent, Stephanie stared back. He screamed, though he could not hear himself. 

He jolted awake. It was late at night, his eyes not yet adjusted to the near-complete darkness. Still, he could make out a figure at the end of his bed. Details evaded him, but the figure was there. He sat up, ignoring the phantom pains on his shoulder. That wound, at least, had already healed. 

"Who is it?" he whispered. His voice sounded strained, and his mouth was dry, unlike his eyes. The figure stepped a little closer. Ferdinand realized he recognized them from the way they were standing. As his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw Hubert. 

"You were screaming," Hubert said. "Be glad you didn't wake up anyone else." Hubert's voice seemed at first glance to be full of his usual malice. Yet the edges had been dulled, and somehow Ferdinand felt like he was distinctly worried. He gnawed at his own cheek, trying to distract from the panic still caught in his chest.

"I apologize if I woke you up, but I can assure you I am alright," Ferdinand said. Hubert glided away from his bed and for a moment Ferdinand thought he would leave. He would never admit the panic that had brought, the thought of being left alone. 

Instead, he returned with a glass of water. "Drink," he commanded. Ferdinand accepted the glass, draining it. Had he been that thirsty? Hubert sat on the bed, proving one again that Ferdinand was completely unable to predict him. "I found an entrance into the underground," he said simply. Ferdinand raised an eyebrow. "Really?" he asked. 

"It was not hard, really, once you know what you're looking for. I have yet to do much exploring, however I think there will be some benefit if I can gain even a basic understanding of those tunnels," Hubert continued. Ferdinand nodded along, setting aside his glass. Hubert continued to talk about the underground and the tunnels and what he believed to be signs of an underground society. 

Ferdinand tried to pay attention but soon his eyes grew heavy again, and he found himself drifting off. When he awoke the next morning, Hubert was gone, the only evidence he had been there previously was the indentation in his bed and the empty glass of water on his desk. 

He would never understand Hubert. But maybe that was alright. 


	28. Pride Of Lions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand interacts with the Blue Lions!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Mentions of nightmares, arguments, mentions of past child abuse, 
> 
> This is 5K words and barely any plot. But I! Love! Dedue! Seriously I adore him. He'll be showing up a LOT.
> 
> 12/17/20: My favorite part of this chapter is Ingrid grabbing something with "her free head".

Ferdinand trudged along the path towards the stables, fiddling with a loose string on his bag. He was still thinking about what had happened the night before. It had felt like a dream, the whole sequence of events clouded over in a dull fog. It was likely because he had just woken up from a horrible dream.

It was honestly quite embarrassing. Ferdinand couldn't quite recall if this was the first time he had actually woken up screaming. He hoped that it was and that the rest of his classmates hadn't simply been avoiding telling him. Surely they would have said something if they were being woken up in the middle of the night by his panicked cries, right?

Still, if that was all he had to think about, he would have dropped it by now. But he was still thinking about the events that occurred just after he had woken up. Had Hubert been summoned by his screaming? Why did he stay for as long as he did? Ferdinand had thought, initially, that he had simply been checking to see if he was being attacked and that after he had confirmed that he was in no physical danger he would leave. But he hadn't. Why?

It made no sense, and Ferdinand hardly had enough energy to worry about it. He walked into the stables and was surprised to see that three people were standing in the middle of the room. Hubert was glaring intently at Sylvain, who seemed oblivious to the man's foul mood. Next to him, Ashe stood looking like he was more than aware of Hubert's glare. Peeking past them, Ferdinand could see that Marianne was standing in Dorte's stable, looking out at the scene before her with wide eyes.

Ferdinand had a deep feeling that whatever he was witnessing, it wasn't going to end well. At least he knew why Hubert was there, even if he desperately wished he wasn't. But why on earth were Sylvain and Ashe there? Well, maybe that was too harsh. Sylvain had mentioned in class that he rode horses as well, so he probably just there to collect his horse. So why was Hubert looking like he'd swallowed a lemon?

"Good morning, Sylvain, Ashe, Hubert. Good morning, Marianne," Ferdinand said. Sylvain looked over to him, with an easy smile on his face. Hubert continued to look bitter, but he did turn to look at Ferdinand as well, and that was at least something. "Ready to start our assignment, Hubert?"

Hubert's face relaxed somewhat. Admittedly, Ferdinand hadn't been expecting that. Somehow he had been convinced the events from last night would create some sort of tension between them. He was sure being woken up in the middle of the night was not a pleasant experience. If Hubert had even been sleeping at all. The bags under his eyes were certainly deeper than they had been for a while. Hubert had thrown himself right back into his work as soon as his leg had healed. Ferdinand could not fathom how he had healed so quickly. His shoulder still ached.

"Yes, of course. Let's just get this over with," Hubert snapped. Ferdinand had to fight not to sigh dramatically. Whatever small moment he had just witnessed, it had passed just as quickly as it had arrived. Ferdinand turned to Sylvain and Ashe. "Did you two need something?" he asked.

"Nah. Just thought I'd pop in and talk to my new classmates. Ashe said he'd tag along, so here we are. Right, Ashe?" Sylvain said. Ashe startled a bit like he'd been spacing out.

"Oh, yes, that's correct. Nice to see you, Ferdinand," Ashe said. Ferdinand smiled slightly. He seemed to be doing a little better since the last time they had seen each other. Ferdinand didn't even sense the bitterness and despair he had felt last time. Or maybe it was there and Ashe was just hiding it better.

"Well, you've talked to us. If you'll excuse me," Hubert said, turning and walking over to grab a bucket. Ferdinand looked at Sylvain apologetically. "Awww, Hubie, don't be like that," Sylvain said.

"Don't call me that," Hubert said. Sylvain made a face. "Not a fan of nicknames?" he asked. Ferdinand could see that Hubert was about to respond with a suggestion that would not be pleasant. He was quick to leap into action. "Sylvain, we do have work to do here. Do you mind?" he asked.

Sylvain sighed. "Fine, fine. I'll be on my way. Come on Ashe, let's go see if Edelgard is busy," Sylvain said. Ashe's eyes widened as he was grabbed by the arm and dragged out of the stables. Ferdinand silently hoped that they didn't find her, for their sake and his. If they upset her, Hubert might actually commit a crime.

"Well, they are certainly full of energy today. We should get started on these floors. I think a few of these stalls could do with a little cleaning," Ferdinand said. Hubert, for his part, did not look all that bothered at the prospect. He did seem disgusted by the smell, but that was to be expected. Ferdinand was just used to the odor by now.

Hubert lugged the bucket over towards a stall and the two of them got to work. In the background, Marianne finished up whatever she had been doing with Dorte and quietly exited the stables. Ferdinand and Hubert tried in vain to work quietly for about ten minutes, but as they went through and cleaned each stall, they began to bicker. It wasn't Ferdinand's fault of course! Hubert was simply being difficult.

"If you are unable to keep your limbs to yourself, Ferdinand, then perhaps you should stay out of my way," Hubert snapped after Ferdinand jostled him for the third time. He sighed heavily. "Hubert, this stall is meant for a singular horse. It is hardly large enough for the two of us to be moving at once. Stand still and let me grab the-" he was cut off when Ferdinand once again bumped into him.

"Are you incapable of watching where you're going?" Hubert snapped. Ferdinand fought to keep himself from raising his voice. He was fuming. Why had the professor paired them up? He would rather work with anyone else. Even Lindhardt would have been better, even if would have ended up doing all the work. At least doing it alone would have been faster.

"Are you incapable of refraining from goading me? Do you not have anything better to do with your time?" Ferdinand said. Hubert did not respond, opting to heave the soiled hay into a wheelbarrow for that specific purpose. "Let me take that," Ferdinand said, reaching for the handles. Hubert just shot him a dirty look and pushed the wheelbarrow towards the door. It appeared to take him great effort to do so.

"No, seriously Hubert. That is clearly too heavy for you. Allow me," Ferdinand said. Hubert gave him a pointed look as if he was being forgetful. "With your shoulder, it would take you far too long. Get out the horse feed," Hubert said.

As he wheeled out, Ferdinand shook his head. "That man...my shoulder is perfectly fine! He is just eager to leave. Not sure why he hates horses so much," Ferdinand mumbled. He walked over to the feedbox and lugged out a bag and one of the scoops. The horses still in the stable began to make excited noises at the sight of food. Particularly Madeline, who snorted and nipped at Ferdinand's shoulder.

"Madeline, no biting," he said, though his voice was by no means firm enough to actually discourage her. He had been accused multiple times of spoiling his horse, but in his mind, Madeline was a gentle creature who deserved to be treated with kindness. He had seen how easily other riders took to using a whip and was keen to avoid ever utilizing methods like that with Madeline. He never wanted to so much as raise his voice at her.

Besides, he knew how much a riding crop hurt. As if sensing where his mind was heading, Madeline proceeded to attempt to gently eat the hair on his head. Ferdinand yelped slightly and then pushed her head away. "Madeline, my hair is not food!" he said. Madeline just snorted.

"Talking to your horse again?" Hubert asked. He pushed the wheelbarrow back into place and then went to wash his hands in the available basin. Ferdinand made a face.

"Yes, I am. Have a problem with that?" Ferdinand said. He could not help but get defensive at the tone Hubert was using. It was as if he was being mocked for genuinely caring for his quadruped friend. So what if he talked to his horse? It was no different than talking to a baby; neither of them are capable of human speech.

"You do realize she cannot understand you, right," Hubert asked. Ferdinand's face grew hot. It was exactly what he had expected Hubert to say and he still didn't have a response for it! If the Goddess existed, she was having a great laugh at his expense.

"Horses are very intelligent, actually," Ferdinand finally said. Because that somehow made him talking to Madeline seem more reasonable. And it was true! As a bonus, she was certainly more empathetic than plenty of the humans he knew. She never lied to him and everything she did was done openly. Her emotions and motivations were obvious and uncomplicated. It was refreshing, especially when humans had the tendency to be needlessly complicated.

"Sure they are," Hubert said. Ferdinand rolled his eyes as hard as he could. "What is your issue with horses?" Ferdinand asked. Hubert shook his head and took the scoop for Ferdinand. They began to feed the horse, still bickering amongst themselves.

"I just don't understand why you're so fond of them. Madeline does nothing but attempt to eat your hair and push you around," Hubert said.

"That's just how she shows affection," Ferdinand retorted. Just as he said that Madeline pushed Hubert forward. Ferdinand quickly caught him before he could fall face-first into the water trough. "See? She likes you."

Hubert scoffed. "Very funny. This isn't proper behavior for a horse. What if she had done that during a fight?" Hubert said Ferdinand helped Hubert steady himself against the wall. His leg was clearly still a little strained from that fight. Ferdinand almost wanted to ask if he was okay, but he had just insulted his best friend.

"She would not injure someone on the battlefield. She is very well behaved, I assure you. She is just adjusting to the new routine," Ferdinand said. They left Madeline's stall and moved on to the next one. They worked their way through the rest of the stables, and by the time they were finished, Ferdinand was exhausted.

"I will be taking my leave now," Hubert said. Ferdinand nodded, and he was not at all bothered with how quickly Hubert left. He had no obligation to stay and talk with Ferdinand, and it was not like Ferdinand himself wanted to speak with him.

He didn't. Nothing could even hint to the contrary. He definitely didn't linger on the open stable door, half-hoping that Hubert would walk back in. Anyone who said as much was a liar.

By the time he and Hubert were finally done with the stables, Ferdinand was famished. He stood for a few moments, enjoying the relative quiet within the stables. Madeline nipped idly at the ends of his hair. It wasn't nearly long enough yet for it to be an issue, but he still shooed her off. Then, after taking a moment to pet Madeline, he wandered off.

He made his way to the dining hall. The sky was clearer than it had been in a long time. It seemed to him that the rain that haunted his dreams was far away now, but the smell of coppery-mud still followed his every step. He was almost scared to look down at his feet, wondering if he would see that mud clinging to his boots. He entered the dining hall and saw Ashe exiting the kitchen with a tall man.

He was definitely not from Fodlan, but not like Petra. He seemed vaguely familiar, and upon further inspection, he realized he had seen him with Dimitri. He waved, almost instinctively, and Ashe noticed him. He waved him over, and Ferdinand quickly crossed the dining hall to join them. It was busy as usual, and Ferdinand spent a good few minutes trying to politely make his way across without bumping into anyone.

"Hey, Ferdinand! Have you met Dedue?" Ashe asked. Ferdinand shook his head and then turned to the man whose name he now knew. "It is nice to meet you Dedue. My name is Ferdinand von Aegir! Are you also in Blue Lions?" Ferdinand said.

Dedue nodded his head. Ferdinand got the sense that Dedue wasn't a talkative person. He seemed nice though. Something about him made Ferdinand feel calmer. Which was a feat, considering Ferdinand was usually a very energetic person. Even when the energy was more of a manic, panicky feeling than anything else.

"We were just helping out in the kitchen. A lot to do back there, you know? Are you done with the stables?" Ashe asked.

"Yes, I am. It did not take as long as I thought it would. Quite honestly, compared to the chores the other Black Eagles were assigned, I was assigned a relatively easy task. Even if Hubert slowed me down significantly," Ferdinand said. He felt strangely guilty as soon as that sentence left his mouth. Memories of the previous night sat front and center in his head. Hubert wasn't quite as horrible to him as he could have been. Was it unfair to speak of him like that?

It made his head swim, trying to make sense of his relationship with Hubert. He almost missed when he could simply say that he hated the man. But now it was mixed in with well-earned respect and a strange sense of fondness that had somehow taken root in him. He disliked his mannerisms and he thought Hubert often failed to consider smaller-scale consequences, he could be very dismissive of other people, he constantly underestimated him and undermined his every decision...he was just horrible to him for no real reason.

But that wasn't all he was. He had proven to be kind in a way Ferdinand never would have thought of before. He was surprisingly patient with Caspar, he was seemingly friendly with the others in their class, and he had come to check on Ferdinand. He didn't have to do that really, just like he hadn't had to stay as long as he did either. His motives were enshrouded in dark clouds and he was impossible to get a read on, except when he wasn't.

He hated Hubert, but he didn't. It was just confusing, really. Ferdinand could feel the headache coming on just thinking about it. So he simply stopped. Nothing bad ever happened from refusing to address your feelings, right?

"...so Hanneman is making the three of them clean the classrooms for the next week," Ashe finished. Ferdinand blinked as he looked down at the food he had apparently been eating. How had he not noticed moving? How could he have been so wrapped up in his head he had tuned everything out? "You okay? You look a little pale?" Ashe asked.

Ferdinand nodded, and then cleared his throat to respond. "I am fine, I was just thinking for a moment. My apologies," Ferdinand said.

"Ashe, your sleeves," Dedue said. Ferdinand watched Ashe curse and fumble to remove the sleeve from his bowl of soup. Ferdinand had to stop himself from telling Ashe to be more mindful of his surroundings. Dorothea had already teased him for being the 'mom friend' at least three times this week. She did not need more ammunition.

"What has your class been doing lately, training-wise? I am afraid I have not heard much about what the other classes have been up to," Ferdinand said. While Ashe tried in vain to clean his sleeve with a napkin, Dedue turned to him.

"This month we've been asked to assist the locals with a wolf problem. Training is fine. It feels different without Sylvain. I believe his highness is still in shock over his transfer," Dedue said. Ferdinand nodded. If one of their classmates transferred, he was pretty sure Edelgard would have a heart attack.

"I'm not surprised. I think Sylvain just transferred so he could hit on Professor Byleth," Ashe said. There was a strange quality to his voice. Contempt, maybe, though Ferdinand couldn't be sure.

"I think the same, but his highness is convinced that we must have driven him away. Though, even if that was the case, it would probably be Felix's fault," Dedue said. Ashe laughed at that.

"Exactly. How many times has Felix threatened him this week alone? It's a wonder they still hang out," Ashe said. Though, this time Ferdinand could tell he was joking. He didn't get why that was funny, but then again he had never met this 'Felix'. Maybe that was just how Felix was. Hubert certainly made plenty of empty threats himself...he brushed that thought aside. He had just decided not to think about Hubert!

Ferdinand shook his head. "Sounds hectic. How did you manage it when he was in your class?" he asked. Ashe smiled slightly. "We didn't. Felix and Sylvain usually worked it out themselves."

"Or Ingrid would. I don't think she misses having to chase both of them around. Though, I hope he isn't giving your class too much trouble," Dedue said. Ferdinand reached over for his glass and chugged some water.

Ferdinand removed the handkerchief from his pocket. He wiped away the water from around his mouth, as even at a casual lunch with friends, he could not forget his manners. He had already been rude enough today. It was completely improper to zone out during a conversation. "He is not that bad. Talkative and a little too...comfortable with the ladies in our class. And Caspar, though I doubt he notices."

Ashe clears his throat. "He's just like that. He doesn't really mean any harm by it, although I would expect to have a few angry young ladies come by your classroom soon." Ashe sat aside his utensils and looked away from the table, and his eyebrows creased in thought.

"Thank you for the heads up. I will be sure to warn Ede- her highness. She would not be pleased if our class was interrupted like that," Ferdinand said. Edelgard would actually strangle Sylvain, he was sure of it. She was rarely ever violent but she hated being interrupted in her routines. She was a creature that needed stability to thrive and something like that would drive her up a wall.

"I think Prince Dimitri just got used to it after a while. Professor Hanneman was not having it though. I swear he was so red he looked like a tomato," Ashe said. Ashe smiled a little, looking back to the table.

"Mercedes had to leave the room if I am recalling this correctly. She looked like she might have died of embarrassment if she had stayed," Dedue said.

"Oh yeah, she definitely looked like she was in pain just witnessing that. Even Annette looked like she was going to phase out of existence." Ashe stood up with his plate, and the wooden bench he was on rattled slightly.

"We should get to class before it starts," Ashe said. Dedue nodded and stood up as well. Ferdinand looked towards the nearest clock. It was almost ten in the morning, and if he did not leave soon he would be late. Standing up himself, he collected his own dishes. "I will see you both later, Have a pleasant day!"

"You too, Ferdinand," Ashe said, walking away from the table. Dedue followed, but not before giving Ferdinand a small nod as a way of saying goodbye. Which left Ferdinand to hover over his seat, staring off into the distance. They seemed nice enough, Dedue was certainly quiet but he appeared to be rather intelligent and a pleasant enough person. But Ferdinand had this inkling of suspicion towards Ashe. Something seemed off with him, and at times it was like he was thinking of something else entirely when he spoke. He couldn't help but wonder if the situation with Lonato might cause him to do something drastic. He had no idea how Ashe was connected to Lonato, but he figured he would need to find out.

Classes that day went better than Ferdinand could hope for. Hubert was the same as ever, quietly taking notes and occasionally answering a question or rebuffing someone who made an incorrect statement. Today was a discussion on lance techniques and training, something that Ferdinand knew plenty about. Sylvain seemed to know a fair bit as well, and they even traded a few tips. He was actually not that bad of a classmate, although if he ever had to hear another pick-up line ever again he would have to challenge him to a duel.

At the very least he wasn't being too crude. He was actually very polite, all things considered. Most of their classmates had quickly dismissed his flirting, save for Caspar who Ferdinand was pretty sure wouldn't know Sylvain was flirting if he literally asked him out on a date. Linhardt didn't seem to appreciate it either, although Sylvain seemed to sense that hitting on Linhardt would end poorly for him. He learned that quickly with Bernadetta as well. The first time he had tried...well, he learned not to get too close to Bernadetta. Ferdinand could still hear the smack he got for that one.

Bernadetta had felt bad for him, but Dorothea had insisted he got what was coming to him. But really, most of their classmates had gotten used to his presence. It was remarkable how easily he had fit into their little group. Dorothea was quick to turn on him at a moment's notice, though he couldn't blame her. She had had plenty of experiences with overly-flirtatious nobles of a much different breed. Ferdinand did not think he was necessarily like them, but he had enough similarities that her defensiveness was understandable.

He definitely seemed to be, on the surface, the same spoiled noble he saw in so many noble families in Adrestia. But looks could be deceiving, and Ferdinand had a feeling there was more to Sylvain than he could see. So when their professor announced they would be training with the Blue Lions, Ferdinand figured there was no harm in keeping an eye on how he interacted with his former classmates.

So he stood in the middle of the training grounds, practicing with his lance. He was trying to smooth out his movements and exercise a little more precision when attacking. This next battle might not be as difficult as his first one, but he didn't want to make any obvious mistakes. He wanted to practice fighting with Madeline, but for now, he needed to get his lance-work down perfectly.

Sylvain stood nearby, casually attacking the training dummy with his lance. He seemed more interested in talking to Linhardt though. Or more accurately, politely dodging every question Linhardt asked him and filling the science with some story of a date he had had recently. Ferdinand knew from experience that Linhardt was probably grilling him on his crest. Ferdinand shuddered at the thought. Lindhardt was a difficult person to distract when he was interested in a topic.

Nearby, Caspar and Edelgard were sparring. Edelgard had recently taken up gauntlets alongside her axe and sword, and she seemed to be getting the hang of it fast, as he knew she would. She was holding her own against Caspar fairly well despite Caspar having more experience. As Linhardt would put it, it all came down to the height difference.

And also, he had seen Edelgard sling a grown man over her shoulder and toss him aside, so she had a significant amount of strength to back up her height advantage.It was interesting to watch them fight. Ferdinand could have done so for hours if all the motion didn't make him a little dizzy. Looking around, he spotted Dorothea and Hubert casting spells in a corner and Petra shooting targets while the professor watched. He found himself scanning the doors for the other class, waiting for them to arrive.

As it turns out, he was looking at the wrong door. From behind him, he heard mutter cursing and then watched a stranger with dark blue hair march past him and towards Sylvain. He winced, seeing that the stranger clearly looked confrontational. "Sylvain quit slacking off. You're supposed to be training, idiot."

"I am training, Felix. And a 'hello' would have been nice," Sylvain responded, lowering his lance. Felix just rolled his eyes. "If you can't even take your training seriously in your new class, why did you even bother transferring?"

"You know why he transferred, Felix." A stranger with a head of bright blonde hair and wielding a long lance stepped into view. "Sylvain, your stance is off."

"Wow, Ingrid. didn't realize this was bully Sylvain day. It's not even on my calendar," Sylvain said. Ingrid scoffed and used her lance to gently knock Sylvain's out of his hands. "Get a grip on your lance, Sylvain. I shouldn't be able to knock it out of your hands that easily."

"I wasn't expecting that!" Ferdinand worried for a moment that this might turn into a fight. He turned back to the professor, who wasn't even looking their way. Should he grab the teacher?

"You should always be ready for a fight," Ingrid and Felix said simultaneously.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. I always gotta be on my guard. Seriously though, nice to see you two as well. Goddess," Sylvain said. Felix rolled his eyes. "Spar me."

"Like...right now?" Felix shoved him slightly with his elbow, and Sylvain rubbed at it with a wince. "Right, stupid question. Okay then, fine. Ingrid, you joining us?" Ingrid shook her head, grabbing the training dummy with her free hand. "I'm going to train on my own today. You two try not to break anything, alright?" she said.

Sylvain laughed. "We won't, promise," he said, just as Felix responded with, "I can't promise I won't break Sylvain's neck." Ingrid glared at Felix, clearly unamused. "I mean it Sylvain if Professor Hanneman has to pull the two of you aside again-"

Ingrid was cut off by a loud shriek as Bernadetta ran through the training hall and out the door. Cursing, Byleth (the male one) ran after her. Before he left, the professor stopped him. "What happened?" she asked. Byleth simply looked at her, and then their professor sighed. "Damn it Caspar," she said.

"I didn't know she was here!" Caspar called out. Ferdinand just shook his head. This was the third time this week he had accidentally startled poor Bernadetta. He couldn't help it really, but it was massively inconvenient. He had a habit of just suddenly shouting and causing everyone to either flinch or in Bernadetta's case, run away. Volume control was not his strong suit. Linhardt, who had apparently moved sometime in the past few minutes, stood next to Caspar and gently patted his shoulder. "It's okay, Caspar. It happens. You really gotta try to keep it down in the training room though, just in case."

"I know," Caspar said. The look on his face was just a little sad and even Hubert seemed upset at that. Edelgard placed a hand on Caspar's shoulder, which made this the second classmate to get comforted by Edelgard. Ferdinand had to split his attention between being concerned for Caspar and weirdly proud of Edelgard. "It's really okay, Caspar. We all have our moments. Now, can we get back to our match? You almost beat me that time," she said. Caspar perked up at that. "Heck yeah! I'm definitely gonna win. Oh, Linny, join us?"

"Absolutely not, but thanks for asking," Linhardt said, retreating into the corner of the room. Caspar shrugged that off and turned back to Edelgard. Everyone moved on from the moment and Ferdinand watched from the corner of his eye as Ingrid stalked off to train with Dimitri and Dedue, who had apparently just arrived. Felix and Sylvain had already begun fighting. Sylvain seemed to be at an advantage with his lance, but Felix had more technical skill compared to Sylvain's raw strength. Though, Sylvain was not without skill either. It was a fairly close fight, but Sylvain seemed just slightly distracted, and that was what gave Felix the win in the end.

"You need to train more," Felix began, and Ferdinand turned back to his own dummy. There was no need to listen to that conversation, as he had heard it before between many different parties. Usually, it was Caspar nagging Linhardt or Hubert about taking up a weapon. He agreed that both of them needed a back-up plan in case their magic failed, but that was not a fight any of them were likely to win.

Besides, Hubert had some experience with weapons. It just wasn't the sort of skill you could share with the class. Unless you were trying to use it on them, but hopefully Hubert knew better than that by now.

From the corner of his eye, he watched Mercedes and a smaller ginger practicing magic in the corner. Ashe stood nearby firing arrows at a target. The three of them were talking, though the ginger was by far the most animated of the bunch. Ferdinand smiled to himself as he began training again. It seemed like the Blue Lions had some fairly interesting and pleasant students.

Now to figure out their feelings on organized religion and specifically their loyalties to the church. Which might be difficult, all things considered, but it was the kind of difficulty that made him excited. He had so much to do, and he couldn't wait to get started.


	29. Marching Forward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Setting off for the next battle, and all that entails.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Mentions of genocide
> 
> Next chapter is gonnna be super heavy. So this one is just very light. Fairly light. Thanks for reading :D

  
  
The next few weeks passed in much the same way. Ferdinand spent his mornings in the stables with Hubert and most of his day in class. They spent a good deal of time training with the Blue Lions, and in doing so Ferdinand learned a great deal about the other class. He spent a great deal of time with Mercedes and her friend Annette. They were sweet girls, and he found that the two of them made for pleasant company.  
  
He also spent a good deal of time with Ashe, and consequently Dedue and Sylvain. It was rare to find Ashe without at least one of them nearby. Sylvain often hung off of Ashe, either dragging him off to walk around the monastery or 'take a break' or talking loudly about whatever book Ashe recommended him. It was during one such conversation that he learned that Ashe had a deep love for the tale of the knights of old. Ferdinand had tried one such book himself after Sylvain shoved him at it during a brief break one day. It had been decent, not what Ferdinand would normally read, but he could see why Ashe liked it.  
  
Dedue was almost always with Dimitri, but the few times he saw them apart, he was with Ashe. They were usually gardening, as Ashe had a bit of a green thumb and Dedue seemed at home in the greenhouse. Sometimes they even let Ferdinand help out, though he was honestly useless dealing with anything other than flowers. Once he had named the uses of a flower without thinking about it, and his descriptions of poison were apparently unsettling, as Ashe had to leave. He felt bad about that. But what was he meant to do, ignore the stream of thoughts in his head? That might actually kill him.  
  
On that day, however, Ashe was nowhere to be found. Ferdinand's class was set to leave tomorrow for their mission, and Ferdinand had been hoping to check in on him. Despite his best efforts, his confusion and despair over Lonato's actions was clear. Ferdinand was a little worried he would do something drastic. As he rounded the corner, her spotted Hubert and Edelgard whispering to each other. They were partially hidden behind some shrubbery, but it was hard to miss Edelgard's bright hair.  
  
He walked over quickly, making sure his steps were just loud enough that he wouldn't accidentally sneak up on them. He did not want to sit out on this mission because Edelgard broke his arm. Or because Hubert murdered him.  
  
"Ah, Ferdinand. We were just discussing the mission. Hubert has been doing a little digging into this Lord Lonato," Edelgard said. Ferdinand nodded, sliding himself next to Hubert and standing with them among the shrubbery. A few branches scratched at his arms and he silently thanked whoever had designed these uniforms. Short sleeves would be horrible right now.  
  
"It seems Lonato was a pious man until recent years. After the Tragedy of Duscur, he began to resent the church and clearly showed signs of...well, the Archibishop would call it heresy, I would call it having a mind of one's own rather than filling it with meaningless garbage." Hubert stopped and looked at Ferdinand. Was his confusion that obvious? Ferdinand cleared his throat. "I understand the genocide of the entire country of Duscur was a horrible thing to happen, however I'm a little confused on how it links to the Church?"  
  
Edelgard's made a face of clear contempt. "When people speak of the Tragedy of Duscur, they are almost always referring to the murder of the king. You'd be hard pressed to find any Faerghus nobility who actually feel bad for the people they massacred. Just another symptom of the corrupt society we live in," she said. The malice and anger in her voice was plain to hear now that she was among people to be trusted. "In the aftermath, the Church tried and convicted Lonato's son of conspiracy and had him executed. That is why Lonato turned away from the Church of Seiros. At least, that is why he has left the Central Church."  
  
Ferdinand's blood boiled. "You mean to tell me that the Tragedy is the death of a few nobles and not the mass genocide? Goddess, that is...horrible. I mean, it is sad that the king died like he did, but to have no sympathy for the innocents murdered is just..." Ferdinand trailed off, taking a deep breath to regain his lost composure.  
  
"It is. Moreso in the fact that their justification for it isn't even correct. The assassination of the King was done by Those Who Slither In The Dark," Hubert said. Ferdinand blinked in surprise, and then he clenched his jaw. "You mean to tell me that the people we are working with directly caused the genocide of an entire nation of people, and you're just willing to ignore that?"  
  
Hubert sighed. "Ferdinand, we have discussed this already. You know why it has to be this way." Ferdinand shot him a dirty look. "Actually, no I do not. We have the potential for other allies. Think about this, Lonato is not the only man in existence who hates the Church. I know we are in a rather precarious position but if you would just-"  
  
Hubert cut him off abruptly and Ferdinand itched to strangle him. They had been getting along fairly well, but as always as soon as business was involved they fell to the same old routine. "We cannot risk revealing our hand because you want to play house with nobility who know nothing of the real world, Ferdinand."  
  
"I wish you would stop interrupting me, Hubert. It is trying my patience. And despite what you may think there is so much more to nobility than what meets the eye. Not every noble is corrupt, even if they grew up in corrupt households. Unless you mean to imply that even I suffer from the same...supposedly inherent evilness!" Ferdinand said.  
  
Hubert grimaced. "That's...different," he said. Ferdinand shook his head, throwing his hands up in defeat."How, pray tell, is it different?" Hubert looked like he was about to respond, but stopped when Edelgard held up her hand. "Ferdinand, i understand your concerns, and we are currently looking to address the issue ourselves, but right now we are not in a position to be actively fighting Those Who Slither In The Dark. Trust me on this," Edelgard said.  
  
Ferdinad sighed. Despite his concerns, he knew Edelgard had no cause to lie to him. Usually. And perhaps it would benefit him to give her that trust. She had more than earned that. "Of course. Well, anything else I should know about?" Edelgard smiled slightly, and Ferdinand knew he had made the right decision. "Ashe Ubert will be accompanying our class on this mission. Please keep an eye on him. I have a feeling...well, I'm sue you understand."  
  
Ferdinand truly did not, but he nodded along anyways. Afterwards, the three of them took a walk around the grounds. It was nice to spend time together without prying ears. It was hard to be themselves when they had to play the part of regular students, and sometimes Ferdinand found himself missing his days at the castle. But he wouldn't trade his new friends for anything in the world.  
  
The next day, Ferdinand grabbed his bags and made his way to the gate where they were all supposed to meet, Madeline in tow. Surprisingly, Marianne had been waiting for him there, and she had quietly told him to be safe out there. Somehow they had ended up being friends despite having barely spoken to one another. Maybe that was just how Marianne was, she never really seemed that talkative, and they had spent quite a bit of time side by side in the stables. She was always very sweet with Dorte, and their horses seemed to like each other. That got him thinking about his training with Madeline, which quickly had him lost in thought. In fact, he was so distracted he very nearly walked past the whole group.  
  
"Ferdinand, where are you going?" Dorothea called out to him. He stopped abruptly, causing Madeline to snort in annoyance. "My apologies. I did not see you all standing there." He turned around and joined the group. There was a person standing in the back that Ferdinand had never seen before. They seemed important, judging by the quality of their armor and the relic they clutched in their hands.  
  
"Eager to get out there?" Byleth asked. Ferdinand laughed slightly, shaking his head. He scanned the crowd to see who else was there and found that aside from the professor and the stranger with the cool sword, there was only one Byleth's brother stood nearby, looking through a bag of supplies. "Well, now that Ferdinand is here, we can leave. Does everyone have all their things?" Everyone nodded to themselves as they checked for their belongings. With a small wave, the group began to file through the gate and out to the world surrounding them.  
  
They were meant to arrive at their destination in about three days, so the walk would be a long one. Ferdinand had offered to let Bernadetta ride Madeline, as her back still hurt from her injury. The whole class walked alongside her, not out of concern for her safety (Ferdinand would trust Madeline with far more fragile things, and there was no concern with him that Madeline would buck her off or run away) but because they all could feel the weight of battle upon them. Ferdinand's shoulder ached in a way that was less physical and more emotional.  
  
They walked for some time before anyone spoke. Then, quietly, Bernadetta spoke up, which surprised him. "Um, where exactly are we going?" she asked. Caspar shrugged and then turned to their professor. "Uh, Professor Byleth? Where were we headed again?"  
  
Their professor didn't respond, too busy conversing with Ashe and Sylvain. But the other Byleth startled out of his daydream and turned to Caspar. "You say something?" He asked. His voice was slightly more monotone than usual, as if he wasn't really paying attention.  
  
Caspar shook his head. "I was talking to the professor," he said. Byleth's face morphed into a sheepish smile as he mumbled something to himself. "We really need to come up with a nickname for you. Calling you both Byleth...it gets confusing," Dorothea said. Ferdinand nodded in agreement. It had gotten pretty confusing, trying to differentiate between the two of them.  
  
"Um, I mean...Dad calls me By," Byleth mumbled. Ferdinand couldn't help but smile a little. This was the most they had ever really interacted with him, and it just felt nice to talk to him. "By it is then," Dorothea said. Just as she finished her sentence, he heard anotber conversation begun loudly behind them.  
  
"How are you holding up, Ashe?" Caspar asked. Ferdinand had not even noticed him slowing down, but now both Caspar and Linhardt were walking in time with Ashe and Sylvain. Their professor was quick to break away from the four of them and reach out to her brother, pulling him aside. By looked a little relieved.  
  
Ashe looked like he was trying to answer Caspar, but the words wouldn't come out. Ferdinand frowned. Perhaos he was more shaken up by this then he had seemed to be when they left the monastery. "He's still coping with this whole thing," Sylvain said. "It's hard to come to terms with a family member doing horrible things."  
  
Ashe made a face at that. "I know Lonato has to have a reason for this! He's not a bad person!" His voice was so desperate that Ferdinand winced.  
  
I believe you, Ashe, but we won't know what his reasons are unless he tells us," Sylvain said. "For now we just have to wait." Ashe frowned deeply, staring down at the dirt road beneath him. Sylvain reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. It's going to be fine."  
  
"If you say so." Ashe had begun picking at the sleeve of his shirt and Ferdinand found himself chewing on his bottom lip. Evidently, Dorothea had noticed both, as she elbowed him squarely in the side and then clapped her hands together. "So, I was thinking, and I realized I never really asked any of you about your childhood. We all lived in such different places, you know. Caspar, what is it like in Bergliez? I've never been," she said. Caspar paused for a moment and then grinned. "Bergliez is amazing, seriously! It's got some of the best lakes in all of Adrestia."  
  
Linhardt shook his head. "You and your lakes. I still don't get the appeal." Caspar gasped loudly, bouncing forward to lightly shove him. Linhardt rolled his eyes at that. "This is Hevring propaganda. You're just jealous because all you have is a river!' Dorothea began to giggle a little.  
  
"Brigid is having the ocean, so I think we are...we win," Petra said. Ashe seemed to perk up at that. He began asking Petra about Brigid and what it was like, and slowly the conversation dissolved into a pleasant hum of noise as Ferdinand's mind left their little group and soared out over the horizon. He probably should have fallen over at least once, but unnoticed by him every time he missed a step, a gloved hand shot out to steady him.  
  
They set up camp about an hour or two before the sun went down. Tents went up, despite the initial setback that came when someone (Sylvain) lost a stake down the hill and had to go chasing after it. Their professor loudly spoke about tent assignments with Catherine and By, but Ferdinand was more concerned with keeping an eye on Bernadetta as she made her way down the hill towards the lake with the help of Petra and Edelgard. She had healed almost completely, but the hill was rather steep and everyone could almost hear the scream that would occur if she fell.  
  
Hubert stood next to Ferdinand, quietly pitching a tent as Caspar helped. Caspar, for his part, was doing his absolute best, but he kept accidentally letting go of the rope and smacking himself in the face. He was actually going a bit red from him being hit that much. Ferdinand pushed the last stake in the ground and then reached over to help Caspar with his part.  
  
"At least it's not raining this time," Caspar said loudly. Hubert's face twitched ever so slightly, and Ferdinand knew they were having the same thought. If this man jinxed them again they were going to have issues. Sleeping in a tent in the middle of a thunderstorm was not fun in the slightest.  
  
"Yes, at least there is that. I would be rather unhappy if I had to sleep in the cold again. Honestly, the weather in this part of Fodlan is dreadful," Ferdinand said. On instinct, he turned to Hubert. "Wouldn't you agree?" Hubert looked up from the stake he had been pressing into the dirt with little success. "It is rather unpleasant. Not as bad as it is in Varley, I believe. Their rainy season lasts for months."  
  
As they finished putting up the last tent, and in the distance Sylvain, Ashe, and Linhardt assisted in making dinner with the Professor, a scream shot out across the open fields. Ferdinand immediately dove for a sword, and the flutter of pages behind him indicated that both Hubert and Dorothea had reached for their tomes. The scream, however, was quickly folllowed by Edelgard shouting from the lake. "It's alright! Bernadetta just fell into the lake!"  
  
Ferdinand sighed with relief, putting his ax aside again. The small group quickly put up the last tent and then dispersed. Caspar went to trail Linhardt, chatting away about whatever caught his mind. Linhardt stirred something in a pot, as nearby Dorothea attempted to keep the fire going. It appeared that the flames kept trying to escape into the night, and Dorothea did her absolute best to keep them at bay while she loudly talked with Hubert about some sort of magic theory Ferdinand had no hope of understanding. Ashe and Sylvain had mysteriously disappeared some time ago, leaving the Professor and By to tend to the rest of the cooking by themselves.  
  
Ferdinand stood by himself for a time, looking out over the horizon. By the lake, Edelgard and Bernadetta were sitting alone. Bernadetta had a coat draped over her shoulders as she dried off. Ferdinand smiled to himself when he watched Edelgard turn to Bernadetta, speaking though Ferdinand was too far away to hear what she was saying. Petra was approaching up the hill, and Ferdinand turned to speak with her, leaving Bernadetta and Edelgard to their moment. Somewhere deep down, he hoped that perhaps Edelgard was beginning to feel a little less alone. The new friends they had made so far would do Edelgard some good.  
  
Dinner was a loud affair, as it usually was with their class. Despite the gloom that hung over them, they all did their very best to keep things light-hearted. Ashe was crowded into the center of the group, almost as if everyone had silently agreed he needed all the support he could get. Sylvain started a loud debate about weapon quality (he was maintaining that Warren's work was some of the best on the market, but personally Ferdinand found his craftmanship to be a pale imitation of Blackwood's sheer genius) and quickly the group began to chime in with their own opinions. That soon devolved into a rather interesting discussion of the different weapon styles across Fodlan and in other regions. Ashe knew a great deal about Duscarian weaponry and Ferdinand soon lost track of time as the group spoke well into the night.  
  
By the time their professor began ushering the group towards the tents, the moon was high above them in the sky. The pale glow made Ferdinand feel more tired than he usually was. Say what he would about sleeping on the ground, nothing was quite as peaceful as the moonlight. He used to leave his window wide open at night to let as much of it as possible, even if his mother had nagged him about catching a cold.  
  
Their professor stopped in front of each tent and motioned for their inhabitants to get in their tent. Petra and Dorothea, Bernadetta and Edelgard, Caspar and Linhardt, Sylvain and Ashe....which finally just left him and Hubert. The two of them said good night to everyone and then entered the tent. It was small, barely wide or tall enough for the two of them. They worked to get ready for bed, and Ferdinand found that for some reason he felt...nervous. He chalked it up to being worried that the tent would collapse on top of them as they slept and quickly got into some mockery of a comfortable sleeping position. Hubert tried to push himself as close to the side of the tent as possible.  
  
It took him a while to fall asleep, listening to the almost imperceptible sound of Hubert's breathing. Some part of Ferdinand wanted to reach out, but it was quickly suppressed as he instead focused on trying to fall asleep.  
  
He didn't get much that sleep that night.


	30. Death Of A Dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Ashe. Seriously, get this boy some tea and a hug.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Injuries, violence, medical discussion.
> 
> Battle chapter folks! Proceed with caution

When they finally arrived at their destination, it was foggy and dreary and dreadfully quiet. Catherine had reminded them multiple times how it was unlikely they would be seeing actual combat, but he had still expected something more than just a foggy, wooded clearing with not a soul in sight. It felt eerily empty as they stood in their cluster of students and a few knights.  
  
"Looks like the knights already cleaned everything up," Sylvain said, gesturing at the wide-open field. Ferdinand sighed and turned to their professor. "Should we head back?"  
  
"Let's give it a few minutes. Maybe some of the other knights are still around dealing with stragglers," Catherine said. Byleth and By both nodded, and By walked around the small group to stand at the front. "It seems empty to me. Well, it's less work for us I guess."  
  
"I'm just glad we won't have to do any fighting. I think we've all seen enough of battle as it is," Dorothea said. Murmurs passed through the crowd in quiet agreement. Ferdinand's eyes darted towards Edelgard's stony face. She was staring out into the fog determinedly, and Ferdinand frowned to himself. He had no clue what she was thinking but it couldn't be good.  
  
"It's not usually so foggy this time of year," Ashe said loudly. His voice sounded strange in the open space, and Ferdinand realized how infrequently he had heard any of his classmates speak without the dull roar of the monastery around them. Somehow it made the space feel smaller even though they could not possibly be in a place more open.  
  
"Well, the weather is not always being predictable. Perhaps it is just a bad day to be here," Petra said. Ashe looked unconvinced. "I just have a really bad feeling about this."  
  
"It's fine, Ashe. Look, let's just start heading back to the monastery. This place is giving me the creeps," Sylvain said. Ferdinand wrung his hands anxiously. He could feel that something was off but he had no idea what that could mean. Edelgard, whose gaze was still fixed forward, mumbled something in agreement. Then he spotted Bernadetta peering out from behind her at the horizon as well. She was chewing at her bottom lip like she was trying to gnaw it right off.  
  
"Lady Edelgard, is everything alright?" Ferdinand asked. At this, Petra and Dorothea both turned towards the soon-to-be emperor. Edelgard did not answer, instead stepping forward as her right hand drifted towards the ax on her belt. "Lady Edelgard?"  
  
Linhardt yawned loudly, rupturing the strange atmosphere in the field around them. "Look, Sylvain's right Professor. No need to hang around any longer. Not like we can do anything," Linhardt said. Their professor nodded, turning back to Catherine. Just as she opened her mouth to say something, an arrow whizzed past her, barely grazing Byleth's cheek. A small trail of blood moved down her face, and all at once, their little group exploded.  
  
Bernadetta immediately pulled her bow from its holster and strung an arrow, darting back to allow Caspar to rush past her. Ferdinand whistled loudly and Madeline broke rank from the small cluster of horses to his side. Silently, he prayed that even if something happened to him, Madeline would remain unharmed. Maybe that was a silly thought to have in the middle of a fight, but he thought it nonetheless.  
  
"They're using the fog to stay hidden! Stick together," Byleth called out. In less than a second, she caught eyes with her brother and exchanged silent nods. Then By took off running parallel to the line where the fog ended. The rest of them all pushed forward, scrambling to ready their weapons as more arrows flew out of the fog. It was only then that Ferdinand recognized why he had felt so uncomfortable. The fog was not behaving like normal fog. It wasn't moving at all like it couldn't push past a certain point. Like it was-  
  
"Magic! The fog is magic!" Dorothea shouted. "We should be able to clear it if we find the source!" Ferdinand gripped his lance and in one smooth motion pulled himself onto Madeline's back. Their small army began to move towards the fog at a rapid pace as By disappeared over the horizon. Maybe he was going for help? Although he may have been going to try to loop around the perimeter and approach their enemy from the other side. Though, if that was the case, wouldn't he have taken someone else with him?  
  
Suddenly, a warrior charged out from the fog towards him. He prepared to strike, but Caspar was faster. He launched himself directly at the warrior with a horrible clash of metal. Ferdinand winced but quickly gathered his composure. He had no time to waste. Soon a steady stream of soldiers and townsfolk pushed out of the fog as they fought their way forward. With every death. Ashe looked more and more distraught. Ferdinand could only spare a few glances towards him, as he was busy flinging soldiers away from him. The blood coating his lance was beginning to make him feel ill. These weren't bandits or trained knights, these were average people swept up into a cause that they still had no idea about.  
  
Hubert flung spells out over them, leaving explosions in their wake. He seemed to be more and more tired with each spell, but by now they had only covered half of the ground they needed to clear, and the fog had yet to clear. By pushed through the fog, flanked by a few church knights. So he had gone for help after all. Bernadetta shot a soldier before they could stab Edelgard in the side, and then Edelgard charged directly at a mage who was giving Petra trouble. They seemed to be working as a whole unit rather than individuals, responding almost by instinct to each other's every move. The only outliers seemed to be Ashe and Sylvain, but they were quickly learning.  
  
Ferdinand found himself sticking close to Hubert. Those that thought they would have an easy time picking off their mages met their ends quickly. Dorothea was keeping as many of the enemy forces as possible back with well-timed volleys of fire and miasma. Petra threw a man over her shoulder when he attempted to overpower her, and he went crashing into the wrong end of Sylvain's lance. Ferdinand watched Ashe take down an opponent, and noted that his eyes seemed shinier than normal. He could feel bile rise in his throat as Madeline brushed aside the corpse of a man who had once had life in his hollow eyes.  
  
What reason did these people have to fight so? What cause did Lord Lonato have, what noble aspiration had taken root in his heart that would have him call these people to die for him? What loyalty must he command of these people for average citizens to take up arms for their lord? It saddened him, to see these people die for some unknown cause when it should never have had to come to this. Edelgard had told him not to pity these people for dying for what they believed him, but the loss of life saddened him all the same.  
  
Dorothea shouted in the distance, and all at once, the fog dispelled. Caught off guard, Ashe released an arrow too soon and nearly got wiped out by a stray mage. Luckily Edelgard was quick to jump in and chase them off. In the distance, a group of men came out onto the battleground. He could hear Catherine cursing up a storm. "Everyone, be careful! These guys are the real deal!"  
  
The man at the front of the group looked upset. Ferdinand couldn't hear him over the wind, but whatever he said made Catherine look angrier. Ashe started forward. "Lonato, please! This isn't like you!" he pleaded. The pure desperation in his voice was enough to shatter Ferdinand's heart. Sylvain reared forward on his horse to block Ashe from running towards him. Ferdinand dodged an arrow and watched as the archer who shot it disappeared in a cloud of fire. Caspar rushed over and punched a brigand straight in the jaw. Linhardt grabbed for Edelgard and surrounded her arm in white light. Petra traded her sword for a bow as Bernadetta retreated further away from the front.  
  
"Surrender Lonato!" Catherine shouted. Lonato looked at her with anger in his eyes like nothing Ferdinand had ever seen before. He had to turn away for a second to take care of an assassin who seemed very, very determined to murder Hubert. "(Lonato's quote hereee)" Hubert quickly moved around him to fire off a blast of magic at some target in the distance and the two of them rushed to join up with everyone else.  
  
Their professor and Catherine shared a glance, and then the two of them rushed forward together. Caspar popped out from his cover once the archer harassing him was taken out by Petra. All of them scattered around the field to pick off the people surrounding Lonato while their professor took care of the lord in question. After what seemed like ages of fighting, Lonato finally fell. Ferdinand hopped off of Madeline's back and led her to where their small class had gathered. Lonato's body was being moved by a few of the church's knights.  
  
"Everyone alright? If you need any wounds attended to, speak up now," their professor said over the dull roar in Ferdinand's head. Rubbing at his temple, Ferdinand pulled his hand away to see it stained with blood. Immediately, someone grabbed him by the arm and steered him over to a cleric.  
  
"Looks like you got a rock to the face," By said, letting go of his arm. Ferdinand nodded, fighting to keep the pain off his face. The nurse tending to him assured him that it wasn't that bad; all head wounds bleed like that. Once they had all been patched up, their class was directed to walk away from the field while the knights spoke. Their professor followed them, inspecting the hilt of a sword that had apparently snapped sometime during the fight.  
  
Everyone seemed to be unharmed for the most part. Petra was nursing a twisted ankle and Caspar had a nasty cut on his upper arm, but otherwise, they had gotten off a lot better than they had last time. Physically, anyway. Ashe still seemed out of it, staring off into the distance with a look Ferdinand had seen in his own eyes. He itched to walk over and comfort him, but Sylvain seemed to be handling that well. He was standing in such a way that no one could really get close to Ashe, with an arm on his shoulder like he was afraid Ashe might fall over, although Ferdinand himself was worried Ashe might turn to stone and never leave this field.  
  
Bernadetta sat down on a nearby log, mumbling to herself. She seemed to be hard at work trying to fix her bowstring. Ferdinand thought vaguely about checking his own weapons for damage, but his arms felt heavy and his shoulder was screaming. He rubbed at it absentmindedly. "So, that was...something," Dorothea said, breaking their relative silence. Petra nodded, tugging her boot back on correctly, as it had come off strangely a few minutes prior when she fell and twisted her ankle.  
  
"Honestly, I still don't understand what we were fighting for," Caspar said. He was bouncing back and forth on his heels, one hand gripping Linhardt's and squeezing it periodically. If it weren't for that, Ferdinand might have thought he was completely unbothered by what just happened. He glanced at Linhardt, who seemed okay as well until Ferdinand noticed he was chewing on a loose strand of hair. All of them were, in their own tiny ways, betraying their anxiety. Edelgard was unusually quiet, leaning against a nearby tree and staring out over their group, mouth moving as she silently took stock of their situation.  
  
"Lonato was upset. He lost his son during the aftermath of the Tragedy, and as a result, he had that deep-seated anger towards the Church. That's all there is to it. Just a man grieving the loss of his son," By said. Ferdinand jumped slightly, just now noticing he was standing next to him. Dorothea cocked her head to the side. "His son? How was that the Church's fault? I thought it was-"  
  
Sylvain coughed loudly, cutting Dorothea off. "Cristophe was accused of treason. The Kingdom was in disarray, so the Church took it upon themselves to help out. Lonato never forgave them for it. And clearly he wasn't alone in that sentiment," Sylvain said. Edelgard frowned and suddenly stepped away from the tree. Ferdinand followed her gaze to the clearly distressed knights coming towards their group. Their professor moved to approach the group, and her students followed.  
  
"Bad news, Byleth. It looks like Lonato wasn't working alone," Catherine said. Ferdinand noticed that in her hand she was gripping what appeared to be a letter with an intensity that Ferdinand knew meant trouble. Byleth's gaze noticeably darkened, and Ferdinad glanced around to see that everyone shared that concern. "What do you mean?"  
  
"We found a letter detailing a plan to assassinate Rhea during (look up the event here). It looks like we have something more serious than just a rebellion," Catherine said. Immediately everyone tensed up. Rebellion was one thing, but an assassination? Ashe made a strangled noise from the back of the group. "He wouldn't!"  
  
"Maybe he would. People surprise you," Linhardt said. Ferdinand cracked his knuckles anxiously while he considered what this meant for them. He wanted to glance over to Hubert, gauge his reaction to the news, but he was too worried about looking suspicious. That, and he was also more than a little concerned that they were somehow involved in this. If he found out they had planned another assassination this early into the year Ferdinand might consider treason. Edelgard would have told him though, he was sure of it, so he just had to trust that this was unrelated.  
  
By cleared his throat and stepped out in front of the group. "We need to head back now then. Send someone ahead of us with that information. We can spare one rider." Catherine nodded, and then gestured to all of them. "Pack up your class and start high-tailing back to the monastery. We have a couple things left to do here, but we can catch up." Byleth nodded, and then turned to the class. She didn't have to utter a word, as everyone had already begun grabbing what they needed and getting ready to move. Ferdinand worked to saddle Madeline back up, making sure to give her plenty of affection. The battle had shaken her ever so slightly and he did not want to risk her getting ill.  
  
They walked back to the monastery at a much faster pace. Everyone tried to keep the atmosphere light on their way back, even with the news hanging over their heads. And it was pleasant, actually, even though they were all badly shaken up. Ferdinand felt safe with all of them around him. And seeing Caspar loudly joke with the group, and Bernadetta dart in and out of conversations, and everyone conversing with everyone about everything was worth any sacrifice. He couldn't, he realized, imagine a world without these people in it anymore. It was funny what a few months could do to your world. All of the most defining moments of his life had come from the smallest decisions.  
  
By the time they began to stop and set up camp, Ferdinand's belly hurt from laughing and his face was red from exertion. Tents went up much faster now that they had all had more practice, and then they all scattered about to unwind before they ate. Linhardt and Caspar had volunteered (or more accurately Caspar had volunteered the both of them) to help cook, and Ashe and Sylvain had both disappeared somewhere between setting up the camps and collecting firewood. Petra, Dorothea, and Edelgard were all sitting nearby talking amongst themselves. Bernadetta was...somewhere. He couldn't blame her for needing some alone time after the day they just had.  
  
Ferdinand took a few moments to stretch out his shoulder and back. Lances were generally his favorite weapon to use, but they always put too much pressure on the muscles in those areas. His shoulder still felt stiff. Once he was done stretching, he decided to drop by his tent and change shirts. The one he was wearing desperately needed to be washed.  
  
Ferdinand approached the tent and noticed that he could hear movement from inside. Silently he prayed that it wasn't another rabbit. How that last one had gotten in unnoticed was still a bit of a mystery. Once he got closer, he noticed the faintest outline of a person standing in the middle of it. Presumably, it was Hubert. He opened the flap carefully, unsure whether he was intruding or not. The last thing he wanted was to walk in on Hubert changing. Just the thought made him want to crawl in the smallest hole possible and never emerge. Hubert's back was turned to him, and he quickly finished entering the tent. "I hope I am not intruding on anything, I just wanted to change my shirt before dinner."  
  
Hubert turned on his heel quickly, and Ferdinand noticed that he was holding his arms rather strangely. He seemed to be hiding his hands in a way that struck Ferdinand as odd. Ferdinand stepped forward and gestured vaguely at Hubert. "Everything all right?"  
  
"I am fine, Ferdinand. Go ahead and change, I was just-" Hubert stopped mid sentence and winced, a pained expression on his face that Ferdinand had never seen before. He frowned, placing a gentle hand on Hubert's arm. "No, you are not. Are you injured? You should have told one of the clerics if you were injured." It was just like Hubert to be self-sacrificing even when there was no need to be. But if he had some sort of injury and was unable to work because he ignored it, all of them would be miserable.  
  
Hubert groaned, stepping away. His grimace was more pronounced now. "It's not from the battle. I can handle it myself," he insisted. He turned around to grab the small first aid kit he always carried. However, Ferdinand noticed that even moving his hands slightly seemed to be causing his pain. Ferdinand reached over him and plucked the kit from his hands. Hubert made a small noise of protest, but Ferdinand shushed him. "Let me. You don't need to be dressing your own wounds."  
  
Hubert opened his mouth to protest, but Ferdinand was faster. "I will go get Lady Edelgard. Do not assume that I would not do so. I have no issues with...' tattling ' so to speak." Hubert made a face, but as expected the idea of Lady Edelgard getting involved was enough to dissuade him from arguing. He hated having to make threats like that, but Hubert would sincerely never allow anyone else to help him if he was not persuaded to do so. Ferdinand hoped that someday he would allow himself to be vulnerable, but for now, this would have to be enough. Ferdinand held out his hand expectedly, and with great effort, Hubert finally revealed what was wrong with hands.  
  
The skin was the first thing Ferdinand noticed. It was twisted and warped in a way that hurt Ferdinand to look at it. The edges were black and purple, though whether from discoloration or bruises Ferdinand could scarcely tell. The scarring was some combination of burn scars and healed-over lacerations. Ferdinand swallowed the bile that rose in his throat. This was what Hubert's hands looked like, and that was okay. Well, not okay. But it was his reality and Ferdinand would rather swallow live worms than do anything that might legitimately hurt him. For all their banter, Ferdinand recognized that some things required compassion. He had so many questions. but he recognized that this was not the time.  
  
He reached into the kit and rifled around until he found the salve. "Do you want to try some herbs for your pain? I think I have some in my bag," he asked. His eyes threatened to start watering. Just looking at the gruesome injuries Hubert had suffered made his own hands ache. He did his best to keep his hands steady as he began applying salve to the affected areas as gently as possible. "No, I will be alright without them. They don't really help anyways."  
  
Ferdinand continued to gently rub the salve into Hubert's scarred hands. It smelled slightly sweet to him, and it made him wonder what this salve was actually made of. Linhardt probably knew, somehow. He knew pretty much everything when it came to medicine. Even if it wasn't magic, it was certainly very complicated and the sort of thing Linhardt would be interested in. Well, if Linhardt was ever consistently interested in anything other than crests. He couldn't fault him for that specific fixation. Crests could be interesting, though Ferdinand's interest had dwindled in recent years.  
  
He finished applying the salve on one hand and reached for the bandages. There was a slight moment where he expected Hubert to protest further, but he was being surprisingly quiet. Suspiciously quiet, in fact. He hadn't expected an argument, but a quip or two on Hubert's part wasn't entirely unexpected. He looked up from his work and froze in place, nearly dropping the bandages. Hubert's face was entirely red. There was more color in his cheeks than Ferdinand had ever seen before. Sometimes he wondered if Hubert was even capable of it. And yet here it was. Happening. Right now.  
  
Ferdinand had made many very, very stupid decisions in his entire life. Hll, the only reason he was here now in this moment was because he ran away from that wall all those years ago. But never in his life had he been presented with a stupider decision than the strange, foreign urge to kiss Hubert. It seemed to come from absolutely nowhere. He did not even find him attractive! He forced himself to look away and begin bandaging his hands. He silently prayed his own face had not begun to color.  
  
The bandaging of the other hand went faster. By the time he was finished treating his wounds, he had mostly forgotten the thought from earlier. Mostly. It still lingered in the corners of his mind as he smiled sheepishly. Hubert mumbled something that sounded like a 'thank you' as he pulled his gloves back on. He was practically tripping over himself as he escaped the tent, probably to return to Edelgard's side. And Ferdinand remained there, blankly staring at the tent's wall and wondering what had just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ya'll can have a lil gay,,, as a treat.
> 
> Anyway so, last 24 hours, huh?


	31. Anger and Grief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand and Hubert have been getting along so well recently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Mentions of death, murder, violence and injury, implied/referenced child abuse. 
> 
> So uh...I promise I'll write a nice chapter eventually?

Ferdinand stood in silent bewilderment for an undetermined amount of time, until eventually Caspar came to get him for dinner.

Ferdinand followed him out to the fire, noting the air had grown cold as night fell over the fields of Faerghus. It really was colder here than it had ever been in Adrestia. Ferdinand rubbed slightly at his arms as he sat next to Dorothea and Petra. Across the fire, Hubert was sitting next to Edelgard and their professor. Ferdinand purposely avoided meeting his gaze. He still felt peculiar after what happened. It was like nothing he'd ever felt before. Just thinking about it made Ferdinand want to hide. But there were more pressing matters to attend to.

Ashe was sitting towards the middle, completely silent. He was leaning into Sylvain ever so slightly. Sylvain kept glancing from his bowl to Ashe, concern plastered over his face. Ferdinand was handed his own bowl, and he began eating quietly. Linhardt seemed to be falling asleep in his bowl. Caspa nudged him, and he jolted forward, nearly spilling his rice.

Finally, the silence seemed to have gotten to Dorothea, because she gently cleared her throat. "Ashe? Are you okay? Do you need to go lie down?" Ashe looked up from the fire and tried to smile. It was not at all reassuring, as it was such a weak thing as to be almost imperceptible. It made Ferdinand wince, though he did his best to hide it. "I'm alright, Dorothea. Just tired."

The silence remained for some time. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Bernadetta fidgeting in place, tearing at the ends of her sleeves. Ferdinand began gnawing at the bottom of his lip and was promptly swatted at by Dorothea. He quickly put more food in his mouth to stop chewing at his own face. Dorothea was always nagging him about scarring over his lips. He noticed Edelgard begin to move and sat up to take notice.

Edelgard turned to look Ashe in the eyes. "Ashe," she said gently, "It's okay if you're upset. It's...hard to lose someone. Especially the way that you did. I know how horrible it can feel." Ferdinand watched her face as she spoke. He could see behind her eyes that mournful quality she possessed whenever she thought of her family. He ached to reach out but he knew she would just be embarrassed. Even if she told the rest of them they should never feel bad about asking for help. Well, they all had their quirks.

"I just...I still don't understand why. I mean, I know why, but I don't..." Ashe trailed off, leaning further into Sylvain.

"And maybe you never will. And that's okay. We don't always understand the actions of other people. It can hurt when it's someone you care for, but at the end of the day, Lonato chose the path he did. The only thing you can do is choose where to go from here." Ferdinand fought to keep from tearing up. Edelgard had a way with words that Ferdinand almost envied. She always lamented how difficult it was to understand people, but when it came down to it she was just as compassionate as anyone could be.

"I don't know where I want to go. He was...I just don't know what to do," Ashe said. "He was family. And now he's just...gone."

"It is hard to be...to lose family. But I believe that the wind will keep blowing. That is all we can be hoping for." Petra shifted forward to place a hand on Ashe's shoulder.

Murmurs of quiet agreement went around the fire. Everyone began to chatter amongst themselves as quietly as they could, while Ashe just continued to lean into Sylvain (whose arm was surely asleep by now) and stare into the open flame. Ferdinand could see a sort of happiness in Ashe's eyes and he knew he would be just fine. Eventually.

The day after they got back to the monastery, Ferdinand passed out as soon as he was through the door to his quarters. He spent a full day sleeping off the ache in his shoulder and the new pain in his back from sleeping in a tent for that long. By the time classes rolled around the next morning, he still felt like death, but slightly less so than he had before. He dragged himself out of bed and to the classroom. He was, for the first time in his entire life, not early. In fact, looking around the room, he was the last one to arrive. Even Bernadetta had gotten there first, and taken up her usual spot as close to the door as possible.

"Glad to see you've decided to join us this morning." Byleth stood at the front of the room, arms crossed and staring at Ferdinand. It took him a few seconds to realize she was just teasing, and he laughed rather uneasily. "My apologies, I slept in longer than intended." He made his way across the room and sat next to Hubert. His eyes darted around the room, desperate to land on anything but the man beside him. For some reason, his heart was racing. Maybe he had fallen ill while they were away, and he was just only now feeling the symptoms. He should go see Professor Manuela.

"Well, now that everyone is here, I do have a few announcements to make." Professor Byleth crossed her podium and picked up a textbook. Ferdinand reached into his bag and pulled out a matching copy, setting it aside on the desk. It looked like they were studying more combat formations today, although Ferdinand doubted they would be able to focus on anything with the threat of Rhea's assassination hanging over all of them. "We have a new student joining us today. Everyone, please take a moment to say hello to Leonie."

Ferdinand turned with the rest of the class and instantly recognized the orange-haired girl from the mock battle. She had shot him in the foot or the leg as he recalled. Ferdinand made a point to give her his best, friendliest smile. They sure had gotten a significant number of transfers, all things considered. Two whole students switching classes was apparently unprecedented. The reaction to Sylvain's transfer had made it clear how rare the occurrence was, especially for a member of the nobility. Idly he wondered how Sylvain's father had taken the news if he was even aware yet. He chanced a glance over to him and their eyes met. Sylvain made a show of winking at him, and Ferdinand groaned in his head.

"Well, it is nice to have you with us, Leonie. I hope you enjoy your time here," Edelgard said. Leonie smiled a little, sticking out her hand for Edelgard to shake.

"I'm glad to be here too. Honestly, you all were so lucky to get Professor Byleth as your teacher from the start. It must be awesome being taught by someone so close to Jeralt," Leonie said. He could tell by the way she spoke that she clearly held a deep respect for Byleth and her father. Then again, their professor was pretty amazing.

"I suppose it is nice to finally even out the number of students in the class. Honestly, having nine students was driving me a bit crazy," Dorothea said. "It's just such an ugly number. Nothing is ever done in nines." Ferdinand shook his head, laughing a little to himself.

"Does that mean Bernadetta will finally have a partner for her chore?" Caspar asked. Bernadetta went still for a moment, and Ferdinand felt sorry for her. He hated seeing her so nervous. "Yes, actually. Edelgard, I'm switching you over to kitchens. Leonie, you'll take over her chore."

Immediately the tension dropped from Bernadetta's shoulders. Ferdinand looked over to Edelgard and saw the smallest twinkle in her eyes. It was subtle, but he could tell she was thrilled. Well, at least one of them was happy with their assignment. Maybe he was being unfair to Hubert, but he was not cut out for stable duty."Now, I wanted to discuss fighting on difficult terrain." Ferdinand turned back to the front of the room as their professor began to discuss terrain around the monastery. She didn't say it, but they all knew why they were discussing fighting within the monastery. Something was going to happen, and it was happening soon.

The rest of the class passed by in a whirlwind of activity. The only notable moment was when the professor passed back their last test. Ferdinand had beamed when he saw the grade, a nearly perfect score. He was only a little sour to see that Edelgard had beaten him by a single point. He would win one of these days. The rest of the day was spent training with Caspar and Petra, with Dorothea and Linhardt sitting nearby. He was exhausted by the time he excused himself to go tend to the chores, but he was still excited to see his beloved horse. He also knew he had to stay awake for long enough to write to his mother, so he wasn't particularly eager to sleep, despite how much his muscles were screaming.

Ferdinand entered the stables and saw that Hubert had already begun cleaning up hay with a pitchfork. Ferdinand trotted over to join him, stopping to pet Madeline for a bit. She was still relaxing from their trip. Her first real battle had gone as well as he could have hoped, and he was being careful to give her plenty of gentle attention. She deserved some time to rest after that. Even if he himself scarcely had a moment to breathe. Once he had given her a few minutes of attention and an apple slice (for she was a spoiled creature) he joined Hubert in his stall. Hubert grumbled something in greeting, and the two of them set to work.

The air was still and silent for some time, their normal quips gone. Was Hubert still thinking about that moment in the tent earlier that week? Ferdinand wished he could say that was why he was being so quiet. In reality. Ferdinand found himself replaying the recent battle in his head. Hardly anything had happened to him, so really he had no right to be so badly hurt from the experience. But memories of his sister's quiet corpse were strongly woven into memories of villagers crying out in agony as their life slipped away at the end of his lance. And he couldn't quite stop himself from thinking of it.

Eventually, though, he managed to knock over a rake, nearly hitting Hubert in the head. He made a noise that, if Ferdinand was a braver man, he might have described as being similar to a cat in water. "Watch it, Ferdinand." Ferdinand rolled his eyes, plucking the rake from the ground and setting it aside.

"My apologies. I did not mean to knock that over. I was not paying enough attention." Ferdinand went back to his work, trying to ignore the eyes fixed on him. Eventually, they finished moving hay from the stalls and replacing it. Ferdinand went to tidy himself up a bit before he began feeding the horses. Still, Hubert's eyes were following him, though he said nothing. The air in the stables had changed from tense to nearly suffocating. Ferdinand itched to escape into the open air, or at the very least to open a window.

"What's wrong?" Ferdinand turned to Hubert, and though his voice was even and calm, Ferdinand could see the frown etched deep into his face. Ferdinand wanted to dismiss his concern and continue his work but found that to be impossible. He was simply...he simply did not want to lie to Hubert. At least one of them should practice honesty. He grabbed a bag of feed, passing Hubert as the taller man finished washing his own hands.

"I am...thinking," he began, reaching for the scoop in the bag of feed. A horse nipped gently at his hair, pleading to be fed first. He smiled a little, pained as it was, and gave the creature a pat on the head. "About the battle. I still cannot...quite get past the weight of what we did there."

Hubert made a noise somewhere between curious and disparaging, and Ferdinand felt his hackles raise ever so slightly. "You might think me foolish, but I still do not think we did the right thing there. Surely we could have simply refused to kill them? They were civilians. Who are we to play judge and executioner?" he said. Hubert poured water into a trough, and the splashing nearly pulled Ferdinand back to the muddy terrain of the Red Canyon. He was able to compose himself, focusing instead on keeping his breathing intact.

"It was not something we had a say in, Ferdinand. It was unfortunate but unavoidable. You need to stay focused on why we're here instead of getting caught up in the Church's games. We cannot change what has been done, but we can continue forward," Hubert said. Ferdinand wished desperately, but he felt a nagging sense of injustice somewhere deep and unreachable within his chest.

"I do not think murdering people is "unfortunate". Honestly, sometimes you talk about people like they are just...chess pieces to you. How are you not shaken up by the fact that the Church just had us kill people? Even if those people were being led by those with bad intentions, is it not our duty to prevent the Church from exercising such powers? Should we not have tried to intervene?" Ferdinand moved from stall to stall, barely looking up from his task. Hubert

"Ferdinand, I want to make this perfectly clear. I will do anything to make Lady Edelgard's dream a reality. If that means some lives are lost for the sake of appearances, so be it. I am only concerned with ensuring that Lady Edelgard does not lose anything else." Ferdinand dropped the bag of feed and scrambled to pick it up, hands shaking with rage.

"You say that as if she would want you to be so callous with human lives! Have you forgotten what we are fighting for? Because what just happened was not okay. I do not want to just pretend like nothing is wrong! There had to have been other choices to make there, you just didn't want to risk them!"

"I did not want to risk one of us dying. It would reflect poorly on me to allow Lady Edelgard or any of our classmates to incur the wrath of the Church prematurely. You are being ridiculous!" Ferdinand whipped around, seething with rage.

"You did not even give them the choice to make any other decision! You simply decided for us, for me, that the risk was unacceptable! Perhaps I would have been willing to risk death for my ideals. You are not the only one allowed to judge a situation! If I am willing to stand up for what is right, that is my decision to make!"

"Lady Edelgard would not want to lose you. And if you think your death would not affect our cause, you are mistaken. I am not going to allow you to do as you please if I have to worry about you throwing your life away on a whim!"

"Do not mistake my willingness to sacrifice for foolishness! I understand the severity of death, but you all would not be as impacted as you think. You would move on and move forward just like you did after the last battle. I think you just can not imagine a situation where you are not completely in control!" At this, Hubert finally stepped forward into Ferdinand's space. The rage and tension in that room was so choking it threatened to consume them.

"You speak of loss, but clearly you have no clue what it actually feels like to have a loved one die. I will not allow you to inflict that onto Lady Edelgard no matter the circumstances. Drop it."

There are no words to describe what Ferdinand felt hearing those words. It was as if all the grief and pain and anger he had barely contained over the last few years erupted all at once. In the future, looking back on this moment, he would have described himself as a wounded animal, lashing out at so much more than the man in front of him. He would admit that Hubert was coming from a place of concern and good intentions. He would even admit, perhaps, that if Hubert had known about his sister he would never have said something like that to him. But in that moment, the only thing Ferdinand could clearly think about was the anger.

He does something he never would have thought he was capable of. Even in some of their most heated arguments, Ferdinand had ever laid hands on Hubert. He was above that. He was better than that. Yet faster than he could truly comprehend, he shoved Hubert away from him. The taller man stumbled, barely catching himself on the wall, and just like that Ferdinand was gone. He ran as far as he could manage, legs shaking wildly, and ended up crouched behind the greenhouse, desperately trying not to cry.

He had no clue how long he sat there. He was reeling from their argument, flipping between boiling rage and bitter sadness. He wanted to melt into the ground beneath him and never return. He wanted to run as far away as possible and never come back. But he couldn't run on his shaking legs. He leaned against the wall, his lungs heaving as he strained to keep the air in his lungs. It felt like he was dying. Maybe he was. Perhaps Hubert had reached into his chest and crushed his heart without even trying to. Maybe if he wasn't so distressed, he might have been able to think about it in detail. He would have realized Hubert had not said that with any cruel intentions. Perhaps he would have gone back to speak to him.

But as it was, he could not imagine speaking to him for a while. He couldn't imagine looking him in the eyes after what had just happened. It had felt so unlike their usual arguments. Maybe this was it for them. Surely Hubert would tell Edelgard of his incompetence and then she would send him packing. Or perhaps he was being hysterical. He certainly didn't feel very stable right now. He couldn't close his eyes without seeing Stephanie. Some part of him wished she would go away, but he also knew if he ever forgot her face he would never recover.

When he looked up, Mercedes was crouched next to him, another person hovering beside her, picking at their sleeves. He quickly realized that the other person was Marianne when she began to speak. "Ferdinand? Are...you okay?" Ferdinand tried to force himself to speak, but he could hardly push air out of his chest, much less words. He just shook his head.

"I um...I'm sorry, you probably want to be left alone right now, but I saw what happened and I thought you might want to...talk about it?" Marianne winced as she spoke. But she was right, sort of. He knew he needed to speak about this, he was in no state to be puzzling this out on his own. But it just seemed unfair to dump it all on the two of them. They might have been his friends, but that didn't make it alright for him to worry them with his own issues.

Mercedes sat next to him, offering him a small bottle of water. Did she carry that around with her, or had she stopped to grab one before she came to see him? How had she even known where he was? Goddess, he hoped he hadn't been being loud. He could never face the others if he had been heard crying like some sort of-

"Ferdinand, what happened? Marianne said you and Hubert had a fight?" Mercedes asked. Ferdinand chugged some water and tried to calm down. It worked, if only because he was worried that if he didn't respond Marianne might run off to grab a teacher. The last thing he needed was trying to have this conversation with Professor Manuela, or goddess forbid Hanneman. He would actually die of embarrassment. He took a deep breath. "I apologize for that, Marianne. Had I known you were there I would have stepped outside before it got so heated."

Marianne made a face. "Ferdinand, It's...what on earth was that even about?"

"Nothing really. Hubert is just stubborn and I am just...fine. I am fine, really. There is no need to worry about me, I just needed a bit of fresh air." Ferdinand handed Mercedes back her water bottle. The woman looked frustrated for some reason, a face she hardly ever made.

"If it was nothing, you wouldn't be this distraught. Did he say something to you?" Mercedes was looking at him so intensely that Ferdinand could swear he felt the holes in his skull.

"He...I do not think he really meant to upset me."

"Intentions are important, but so are action, Ferdinand." Ferdinand wiped the stream of tears from his eyes with his sleeve. Scandalous.

"It was not his fault. He could not have known," Ferdinand said. For some reason, the idea of Mercedes thinking of Hubert in a bad light upset him almost as much as what Hubert had said. He tried to tell himself that was just what it was like having friends. He could be mad at Hubert and also not want anyone giving him any trouble. Not that Hubert couldn't handle himself.

"Known what?" Mercedes asked. At this, he clammed up. It seemed unfair to tell her something he had not even discussed with Edelgard. But then again, she was asking. And it wasn't like it was a secret. He just didn't like talking about it. It hurt too much. Like a fire iron held directly to his throat, a searing pain that burned away coherent thoughts and left him voiceless. Sometimes he wished he hadn't loved her so much, that it didn't hurt like a pain worse than whip-marks and bruises, but then he would be no better than his father.

Ferdinand told them. It took more strength than he had ever thought to have possessed within him, even if it "should' have been easy. But he was starting to think that the things he was taught as a child could be done by anybody were anything but universal. Marianne and Mercedes both listened to him, though at a few different points he remembered to stop and ask if he was okay to continue. By the end of it, Marianne looked pale, and Ferdinand felt god-awful. But then she began to talk about her life, and before they knew it, they were trading stories and talking through things Ferdinand never would have had the courage to speak about otherwise. And it felt good to talk about her. They moved from talking about their trauma to just light, nice conversation eventually, and that felt good too. He wasn't fixed by any means, but he felt better. And he hoped they did too.

Maybe he wasn't 'normal'. He certainly didn't feel normal. But that was okay. He would be okay. He just had to keep looking forward.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It would be a shame if I changed that :)
> 
> I am so sorry but I had to.


	32. Study Hall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand continues to navigate Garreg Mach and his own emotions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is lowkey short and took way too long, sorry y'all! But hey, I finished it and that's what counts. Stay safe and eat ur greens.

The next day in class, Byleth announced that rather than spending their day training or studying, she wanted them to sweep the monastery. "The assassination means that we'll be working security the day of, and I want you all to be familiar with the layout in case things go south."

Ferdinand drummed on the table, staring off into the distance. Hubert was sitting next to him, and normally this would be the point where he would turn to him and make some quiet remark on the situation. But this was an unusual day, and Ferdinand instead kept his thoughts to himself.

The whole class had agreed that it was highly likely that the assassination plot was a distraction, and that left the question of what the real plan was hanging over them. But he couldn't speak to Hubert about it despite wanting to. Or, well, he could, but he was certain that would result in an argument. He was still upset about their last conversation, and even if he knew that they would have to talk about it eventually, Ferdinand didn't want to reopen that wound just yet.

Then his eyes caught movement in the corner, and he turned to see that Ashe had sat beside Sylvain. He was clutching a few books like they were the only thing keeping him from floating off into space. He looked a bit pale. Ferdinand idly wondered why he was here. Ferdinand wasn't the only one to notice Ashe's arrival. Caspar turned around in his seat and leaned over to grab Ashe's attention. "Ashe! What brings you here?"

Ashe smiled uneasily, his whole body appearing stiff, as if a light breeze might render him into dust. Ferdinand couldn't blame him, everyone had turned around to look at him and that many eyes fixated on a person at once was bound to feel unsettling. "I transferred classes," he said. Caspar beamed.

"Heck yeah! Welcome to the Beagles man! We're stoked to have you here!" Caspar leaned over the table in between them, nearly lying across it so he could high-five Ashe. Leonie scooted her chair to lean away from the small man now practically sprawled over her desk. "Beagles? Like, the dog?"

"No Leonie, Beagles! Like the Black Eagles? I mashed the word together!" Caspar shot up a little, moving further from the surface of the table, so that he now appeared to be planking it rather than laying across it. Dorothea giggled a little, mumbling the word under her breath. 

"Would that make the Blue Lions the Blions?" Linhardt asked, startling poor Bernadetta. He was unsure if she had even noticed Linhardt sitting down next to her this morning. She had had her nose buried in a book for at least an hour now.

"Huh, I guess it would. That's actually a really cool name, Lin!" Caspar said. Linhardt waved his praise off, but he did hide his mouth slightly, which Ferdinand took to mean he was pleased. Bernadetta shoved the book she was reading into her bag, her face red.

"Why mash up the name, though? It seems kind of unnecessary." Leonie said. Caspar frowned in response, his forehead creasing like a wrinkled shirt.

"It's just faster to say it like that!" Caspar finally returned to sitting fully in his own seat. Ferdinand winced watching him take up his previous position, legs and arms positioned at odd angles. He could hardly imagine it being comfortable to have one's limbs contorted like that. Leonie looked relieved, scooting her chair back to its original position.

"Yeah, but you have to explain what you mean every single time you use it." Sylvain pointed out. Caspar frowned. "But I only have to explain it once per person! It saves time in the long run!"

"Beagles is a cute name for us. I like it!" Dorothea wrote something else down on her paper. Ferdinand was certain it was another nickname, maybe for the class as a whole. She took great pride in her nicknames, a quirk which Ferdinand had grown quite fond of.

"What would that make the Golden Deer?" Petra asked. Ferdinand watched as several of his classmates began mumbling to themselves. Dorothea pulled out yet another piece of paper and began scribbling some things down. Edelgard sighed, but she was clearly more amused than frustrated. "We are supposed to be leaving, aren't we?"

"Right. Class, break off into groups and head out. Come back to the classroom after lunch, and we'll discuss the layout and assignments." Byleth said. Quickly, everyone turned to discuss among themselves who would go with who.

"Petra and I can pair up. Leonie, would you like to join us?" Dorothea said.

Leonie nodded, reaching for her bag. "We should talk to the guards out by the market. Maybe they heard something?"

Meanwhile, Ashe and Sylvain gathered their things. "We're going to go ahead and start exploring, is that alright Professor?" Ashe asked. Byleth nodded, turning back to write something in her journal.

"Where should we start?" Sylvain slung his bag over his shoulder along with Ashe's. Ashe protested that he could carry his own but was quickly waved off. "Let's go up by the church first," Ashe said, pouting a little. The two of them quickly left the classroom.

Edelgard stood up from her desk, stretching her arms out. "Bernadetta? Did you want to come with me?" Edelgard asked. Bernadetta nodded quietly, grabbing her things and trying to stuff the book all the way into her bag. Eventually she was successful, and she and Edelgard went off into a corner to discuss where they were heading first.

Which just left him, Linhardt, Caspar, and Hubert sitting at their desks. Ferdinand busied himself with collecting his things, trying to avoid eye contact. Hopefully Caspar and Linhardt would ask them to tag along. He really did not want to be alone with Hubert right now.

Luckily, Caspar was an absolute saint. "We should all go together! Four heads are better than one," he said. Ferdinand smiled slightly to himself. He had to admit, it would be nice to spend some time with Caspar and Lindhardt. They often broke off from the rest of the class to do their own thing, so time with the two of them was precious.

"I'm okay with that. Better than going alone," Linhardt said. Caspar shrugged his bag over his shoulder, and then reached out for Linhardt's. The mage handed it over seemingly without thinking.

"Less work for you, huh?" Ferdinand teased. Linhardt glared at him, though Ferdinand could tell he wasn't really upset. He tended to simply walk away if he was angry or frustrated with someone.

"Let's just go," Linhardt said. The four of them exited the classroom, the class separating as each group went their separate ways.

The small group decided to head down to the Knight's hall first because Caspar recalled that the wall near it was easy to scale. Someone looking to say murder the Archibishop would have an easy enough time getting in.

They walked up and down the walls, making sure to mark the weak points along them. They eventually made it all the way down to the stables. Madeline was out of her stall, being walked around by one of the stablehands. As soon as she saw Ferdinand, she whinnied loudly and trotted over to him. Ferdinand began to pet her absentmindedly. 

As he did so, he made an offhand comment about a strategy he had seen on occasion of burning down the stables in order to distract people. He quickly dismissed the idea of their enemies using that particular tactic, as it simply did not feel right. None of this felt right. The assassination plans had been too visible, too easily discovered. Something else was going on, he was sure of it, and he said as much to his companions.

"Yeah. I heard Professor Byleth say something about a Holy...Holy...Maw?" Caspar said. He scratched his head, clearly scrounging for the lost word. Just like the key to his quarters, he had a habit of placing a thought down and immediately forgetting its whereabouts. Not that Ferdinand was any better.

"The Holy Mausoleum?" Hubert said.

Caspar perked up. "Yeah, that's the one! Apparently, it's only open to the public during this ceremony. She said that it's likely they want to go down there. Can't tell why, it probably only has bones and stuff. Not exactly valuable."

"Maybe not to an average person, no, but they are holy items. Perhaps these assailants want to undermine the Church's authority," Linhardt said. He stopped for a moment, leaning down to pluck something off the ground. "Look, an owl feather."

"Ah! That is good luck, is it not?" Ferdinand turned away from Madeline, and she moved away from him to nudge at Hubert.

"What are you doing," Hubert said flatly. Madeline nudged at his hand insistently. " I am not petting you."

Ferdinand snorted, turning to hide his smile within his sleeve. Hubert made a small noise as Madeline kept attempting to get him to pet her. Caspar took the feather from Linhardt. "It is good luck," he mumbled. Linhardt, unlike Ferdinand, openly laughed.

Hubert grumbled to himself and finally relented. He turned sharply on his heel and gave Madeline a very quick pat on the head. Ferdinand smiled to himself. He was still a little mad about what had happened, but if there was anyone whose opinion he trusted it was...well, Hubert. But also Madeline. And Madeline was an excellent judge of character. They still had to talk, but maybe not right away. They would just argue again, and watching Hubert be beaten by a horse was far more entertaining.

"Are you satisfied?" he snapped. Madeline gave a horse's equivalent of an eyeroll and nudged him again. Hubert begrudgingly continued to pet her. Linhardt and Caspar began talking amongst themselves, and Ferdinand glimpsed Caspar attempting to stick the feather in Linhardt's hair. It wasn't working all that well, but Ferdinand could tell Linhardt didn't mind.

After all that was over and they had made a lap of the entire monastery, pointing out spots where people could enter and bantering amongst themselves, they went their separate ways. Ferdinand floated into the dining hall, spotting Edelgard at a table with Lysithea, Leonie, Dorothea, and Petra. He grabbed something to eat and headed over to join them.

"Find anything interesting during your walk?" Ferdinand asked as he sat down. Dorothea scooted over to give Ferdinand more space, reaching across him to snatch her glass from it's position. "Yes, actually. Did you know there are tunnels under the monastery?"

"They look super cool. I wanna check 'em out sometime," Leonie said through a mouthful of ham. Lysithea winced, tossing a napkin at her friend. "Please don't speak with your mouth full like that. Where do the tunnels lead?"

Ferdinand tried his best not to give away the fact that he had, in fact, been aware of the tunnels. Hubert mapped out some of them during the night. He shot Edelgard a look, confirming that she also knew about the tunnels before this conversation. Both of them took large bites to avoid answering that particular question.

"I think it's probably some sort of church thing. Maybe they store documents down there?" Leonie inspected the apple she was about to eat, taking a knife and carving a bruise off the surface. Petra shook her head. "Underground would be too moist. That is not a good environment to store paper in. It would rot."

"I was just about to say that! Besides, most of that would end up in the library anyway. Maybe they use the tunnels during events so that servants and staff can avoid crowds?" Dorothea said. 

"That would make sense. But I still want to explore them," Leonie said. Lysithea finished off the last of her green beans and set her fork aside. "We should go together. Do you think if we told Claude he'd want to come along?"

Leonie shook her head. "I think he's still mad at me for transferring." Lysithea huffed as she wiped a small spot from her sleeve. "He's not mad at you Leonie. He was just shocked you transferred."

"Really now? With how much Leonie talks about Captain Eisner anyone could have seen it coming," Edelgard teased. Leonie frowned, stabbing a piece of potato a bit too aggressively. "Anyone would be excited to talk about the leader of the Blade Breakers! It's not just me."

"You know Leonie, one might think you have a cru-" Dorothea was cut off by Ferdinand, as he elbowed her in the side. He had seen Lorenz imply the same thing once and it had not gone over well. Dorothea shot him a dirty look, but switched topics as gracefully as she could. "So, anything else interesting happen recently? Besides, you know, the obvious."

"Dimitri and I have been training together recently," Edelgard said. Dorothea leaned over the table to exaggerate giving Edelgard her full attention. That made Petra giggle slightly, and Ferdinand smiled when he saw just how happy that made Dorothea. They must have become really good friends over the past few moons, just like the rest of them. It was good for her, not that Ferdinand had ever doubted she would make friends. She was always far better at that then he was.

"Really? Has it been fun?" Dorothe asked, sitting back up.

"Yes, actually, it has been. Dimitri can be a bit stubborn but...well, I'm used to stubborn," Edelgard said, looking very obviously over to Ferdinand. Lysithea snorted and dropped her fork. "Good one."

"Wow. I cannot believe I am being slandered in front of my salad," Ferdinand said, his voice pitching into that stuffy tone he learned to keep around his father's friends. Petra and Leonie both began laughing, and even Edelgard bit back a smile. "No, but seriously, I am glad to hear you two are getting along. You will be the future leaders of Fódlan after all."

Leonie stood up. "I'm heading back to class. See ya Lysithea," she said. A chorus of goodbyes followed her out of the hall, and then they turned back to their conversation. Dorothea popped the last of her berries into her mouth, leaning her chin on her hand. 

"Maybe we can train with the Blue Lions again soon. That was fun," Dorothea said. Edelgard nodded, finishing up her lunch. "Annette actually taught me a shortcut for healing on the battlefield! Did you know-"

By the time Dorothea finished her story, the five of them were already walking to class. Ferdinand didn't mind it at all. He certainly knew more about faith magic than he had before. And when Byleth called for everyone to pay attention, Ferdinand found himself drifting off into daydreams about underground tunnels and owl feathers.


	33. Lessons Learned

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ferdinand and Hubert spend some time apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Emotional repression, strong language, Linhardt smacks someone, negative self talk, mentions of death/grief.
> 
> Originally this had a scene with Edelgaed but I moved it to the next chapter.

Later that day, Ferdinand found himself tucked into a corner of the library. He was sitting at a table with Dedue, Ashe, and Sylvain around him. Ashe had several books strewn out in front of him. His eyes drilled holes into the cover as he quietly murmured to himself.

Finally, he pointed at one of the books, a small thing with a rough leather cover. "This one." Immediately, Sylvain groaned, shaking his head.

"That one's so cheesy Ashe. I don't know how you could pick it over Loog and the Knights Of The Holy Temple. It's a classic." Ashe rolled his eyes. Ferdinand was honestly a little lost in this conversation. He had only read the largest book, Legends Of Hrelsveg, and even that had been so long ago he could barely recall any of the details.

This little book club had apparently started when Sylvain recommended a few novels to Ashe. Soon it had become a regular event, meeting in the library to discuss the books they had read and pick out new ones. Somewhere along the way Dedue had joined, and now Ferdinand was along for the ride.

"I just think Lady Red and The Knights Of Colossus is better! I'm a sucker for anything with Loog in it but the Knights Of The Holy Temple is arguably the worst book ever written about him. It's not even accurate! They totally butcher his character," Ashe said.

Ferdinand looked over to Dedue, who was busy thumbing through the book on question. They made eye contact, and Ferdinand mouthed, "Is it any good?" Dedue shrugged, placing the book back on the table.

"I think I prefer The Holy Temple as well. No offense Ashe, but the villain of Lady Red is insufferable. Not to mention the author is far too fond of his descriptions and barely even attempted to make the dialogue interesting," Dedue said.

"Okay, yes, admittedly Chevalier is a bit long-winded but The Holy Temple spends six pages describing a character who only shows up for that one scene! How is that better than a fondness for trees?" Ashe asked.

"That was satire. It was criticizing the genre," Sylvain said. Ashe laughed slightly, pushing the book away from him. "Okay, fine, I'll admit it's not that bad. I still prefer Lady Red though."

Ferdinand shook his head, picking up Loog and the Knights of The Holy Tomb. "Did any of you try Tales of Hrelsveg?" he asked. Sylvain turned to him, looking at the book in his hand. He took that to mean Sylvain had not read it. He couldn't blame him; it was a very long anthology.

"I did. It was...interesting. I found there to be much that did not make sense about the world, although perhaps that is because I don't live in Adrestia," Dedue said. Ferdinand handed Sylvain the book, and he began flipping through it. He pursed his lips as he read, and Ferdinand hoped he was interested. He himself had always been fascinated by the history of Adrestia and it's leaders.

Ashe and Sylvain began to discuss what books to read next, and Sylvain set aside the books they had read. Ferdinand got a piece of paper and scribbled down the titles they mentioned. Hopefully he could keep up, though with everything going on he doubted he'd have the energy. "Well, if you read anything Adrestian, let me know. I'll be happy to answer any question."

"Thank you," Ashe said quietly. "Since we're in the Black Eagles now, we should learn a little more about Adrestia." At the mention of their transfer, the room went quiet. Dedue stood up with the list of books in hand. "I'll go get the books in question."

"Let me help," Ashe said, standing up as well. Dedue nodded and the two of them walked off. Ferdinand leaned on the table, waiting to see if Sylvain would speak. Eventually, Sylvain looked over to him.

"I'm sure we made the right decision when we transferred but Ashe keeps worrying that the other's think we're like traitors or something. And it's just been weird talking to Felix and Ingrid. Like something's changed there and none of us are willing to discuss it, you know?"

Ferdinand thought about him and Hubert. The situation was different, but when you boiled it down it certainly felt similar. Something had happened that increased the rift between them. "You just need to talk to them, Sylvain. Things can't go back to normal between the three of you unless you work things out. And Ashe...has a lot on his mind right now. I think he just needs time. He'll figure it all out eventually. For what it's worth, I don't think they think you two betrayed them."

Sylvain sighed, leaning back in his chair. "I needed to hear that, didn't I? Fine, you're right. It's just...difficult to talk to them sometimes," he said. The room went quiet once more, as Sylvain was clearly thinking. Which left Ferdinand to ponder his own relationships.

He had to talk to Hubert, but the thought daunted him. He hadn't....well, he had told three people about his sister. The idea still hurt him to think about, but if he didn't tell Hubert he'd have no way of knowing why he reacted so badly to what he'd said. And then he'd tell Edelgard. He needed to do it himself, and he was certain when he told Hubert he'd tell her anyway. Better to get it over with quickly. Like ripping off bandages, except this wound was still festering.

Then Ashe and Dedue returned, and that moment of thought was lost. Ferdinand was still worried about many things, but he figured they would just have to wait. It would be incredibly rude to space out during a conversation, after all. Not that that had stopped him before, but with his friends he really did try.

That afternoon, he made his way to the kitchens. As soon as he entered Mercedes ushered him over to a bowl and handed him a spoon. He started mixing, since he assumed that was what she was going to ask of him, and when she didn't object he carried on doing so. In the corner of the room, Marianne sat on a stool, peeling apples with a knife. The quiet atmosphere of the kitchen was disturbed only by the soft humming from Annette and Mercedes. It was pleasant, and Ferdinand found himself easily slipping into the rhythm of the task.

A clatter sounded through the kitchen, and Ferdinand looked over his shoulder to see Annette scrambling to pick up the platter she had dropped. Luckily, the platter was empty. Mercedes gently nudged him with his elbow. "Keep mixing please!" she said. Ferdinand jumped, and immediately set to work.

"What are we making?" Ferdinand asked, still mixing the batter, or maybe it was dough, he couldn't really tell. It felt too light for even batter. Like a soft foam. He imagined that this was what a cloud would feel like if he could hold it in his hands. He used to dream about it, floating high above the ground among the clouds and the stars. It gave him a strange feeling in his stomach, but it was not altogether unpleasant.

"We're making a few pies. I think...apple, lemon, and peach. I thought the lemon one could use some whipped cream," Marianne said quietly. Ferdinand smiled slightly. Marianne seemed to be gaining a little more confidence, and Ferdinand was proud of her. He knew it would be difficult to meet new people or speak for herself, and after everything, she went through it was completely understandable. It was just amazing to see how far she had come.

Honestly, it made him feel like he wasn't doing enough. Everyone was changing so rapidly but he felt...stagnant. He tried to argue with himself that that was unfair, that he had changed. He was far more open than he had ever been before. But it felt like even with that he still hadn't improved.

Before he could begin brooding, a word he had hoped would only ever describe Hubert, he felt hands grab the bowl he was holding. "You'll over mix it," Mercedes said. He relinquished his grasp, and Mercedes whisked the bowl away to the icebox. Next to him, Marianne began pulling pans out of the cupboard. "Will you go help Annette with the dough?"

Ferdinand nodded, crossing the room to where Annette stood, patting flour across the counter. She had flour all over her face and hair, and for a moment Ferdinand wanted to tell her to wash up. He swallowed it, however, as he was reminded once again that he had been accused of mothering people one too many times.

Annette stepped back to allow Ferdinand to take his place beside her. He looked down at the dough, appreciating how smooth and perfect it looked. He reached out and grabbed two rolling pins, handing one to Annette. She rolled up her sleeves, a very determined look on her face. Silently, he prayed she would not be too rough on the dough, or it would turn out to be a poor pie crust. He hadn't made a pie in a few years, not since the inn. Thinking about the inn made him smile to himself. He hoped Smokey was doing well, and that inn was getting regular business. Maybe he should write them a letter.

Annette began rolling out her dough, and Ferdinand quickly followed suit. The feeling of the dough beneath the pin as it spread out over the counter was calming. It was meditative like all his worries were flowing through the dough and dispersing everywhere. He hoped it wouldn't affect the dough negatively. Marianne walked over to them with four pans, mumbling something herself. Nearby, Mercedes was finishing up the filling.

"So, how have classes been?" Ferdinand asked. Annette stopped rolling her dough and reached over to take a pan from Marianne. She placed it upside-down on top of the dough. "Can someone bring me a paring knife?" she called.

Mercedes set aside her bowl to go grab a paring knife. At the same time, Ferdinand finished rolling his dough out. "Classes have been great. It's not as loud with Leonie gone. I kind of miss her though, it was...nice, having her around. She used to tell Lorenz to shut up when he was being...Lorenz," Marianne said quietly. Ferdinand carefully removed a pan from her pile as Mercedes came over with a knife.

"Lorenz can be...difficult. I think he's got his strengths. If only he would get a haircut. It looks like someone cut his hair with garden shears," Annette said. The contrast between her cheerful, bubbly tone and the casual way she dragged poor Lorenz was so funny Ferdinand nearly choked to death.

Marianne bit her lip, trying not to grin like a maniac. "It is...questionable. But if he likes it, who are we to judge?" Annette triumphantly finished cutting the dough to fit her pan and began fitting the crust into it. She leaned all the way forward into the counter, concentrating intensely on moving the dough.

"You're too kind Marianne. He looks ridiculous. Whoever gave him that undercut should go to prison," Ferdinand said. He carved out his own crust, though his knife work was nowhere near as precise. He wasn't used to precision blades anymore. He needed to work on that, especially since you never knew what combat might require you to do.

Before he could spiral down that particular train of thought, his knife cut through the last of the dough. He set to work getting it into the pie. His crust looked nowhere near as impressive, but it was still an earnest attempt. It would be edible, at the very least. Marianne passed him another pan, and he set it aside. "Do we fill it now?"

Mercedes nodded, handing him the apple filling and a spoon. "Not too much, or it won't bake right!" Ferdinand began filling the pie, stopping every once in a while to gauge his progress. Next to him, Mercedes finished the lemon pie, and then set to work preparing the lattice for the apple pie. Annette and Marianne finished the other two pies much faster than Ferdinand, but that was alright. Once they were all finished and in the oven, Mercedes turned to the group. "Tea, anyone?"

The group sat down to have tea while the pies baked. It was nice. Annette and Mercedes told stories from class, Marianne talked about how she had picked up lances recently, and Ferdinand gave a dramatic retelling of Madeline harassing Hubert. Marianne had laughed loudly at that story, and the warmth he felt from that genuine joy was worth its weight in gold.

By the time the pies were done, Annette was nearly asleep at the table and Ferdinand himself was tired. How long had it been since he'd felt relaxed enough to genuinely want to sleep? With the nightmares and the stress from school and his mission, he hadn't slept well in...ages.

Perhaps an afternoon nap was in order.

Across the monastery, in a pocket of shade that few people even noticed, Linhardt and Hubert sat with books spread between the two of them. Hubert had found that Linhardt was an incredible resource on a variety of subjects if only he could stay focused for long enough to extract it. He was especially skilled at white magic, a skill that Hubert himself did not possess. But he needed to learn, and he could not stomach the idea of admitting to the professor that he was struggling with any of her curricula. So, Linhardt.

Though he was by no means a skilled teacher, Linhardt at least knew how to recommend what texts to read. The books Hubert read while they both worked silently on their own projects provided him insight into exactly why he was struggling so much with faith-based magic. He had always assumed that faith magic required one to be religious to wield it, but the more he read the more he began to understand that it was simply the act of faith itself that made faith magic stronger. It did not have to be based in religious ideology whatsoever, one simply needed a cause, something to believe in. Perhaps that was why Dorothea was competent in the medium, despite her relative agnosticism.

That sort of unshakable faith in something greater than oneself was not unfamiliar to Hubert. He had always believed that Lady Edelgard was destined for greatness. Perhaps if he pulled from that faith he could improve his own skills. Assuming, of course, that he could memorize all the components and movements. Even a simple healing spell required so much memorization and precise details. He could hardly see how something like this came naturally to anyone. Even casting the smallest fragment of healing light along the tips of his fingers took extreme effort.

Then again, it was nothing compared to the sacrifice and effort he expended for his dark magic. It was more mentally taxing, certainly, but at the very least it would not be as physically punishing. There would be no need to tree his hands after he healed someone's cut leg.

At the mention of hands, he remembered that moment in the tent with Ferdinand. And thinking of Ferdinand...upset him. Something had changed between them, and now it seemed that Ferdinand could hardly look at him. He wasn't sure what exactly had gone wrong. The fight that they'd had a few days ago in the stable had been no more heated or severe than any of the others they had. Usually, they would have made up by now, even if Dorothea or Lady Edelgard had to force them to speak with one another. He couldn't wrap his head around it. He had thought briefly about bringing it up with Dorothea, but he was pretty sure she would get upset with him and he really couldn't deal with that at the moment. He was already stressed about the upcoming attack and the Agarthans plans. Plans which he had yet to fill Ferdinand in on. He'd be upset when he found out, he was sure of it, and they were already not speaking with each other.

He was shocked out of his own thoughts by the sound of a book being smacked on the table in front of him. "Hubert, pay attention. Your magic is freaking out and you're going to hurt someone," Linhardt said. Hubert quickly snuffed the light spewing out of his fingers, cursing under his breath. He needed to concentrate. He needed to not get distracted thinking about that ginger menace. Immediately, he regretted calling him that, even in his head. Why was it that insulting him now felt so wrong, when not even a year ago he'd have gleefully called him names to his face?

"Okay, what's going on? You're not usually so...mopey. And don't say you're not moping, I know it when I see it," Linhardt said. Hubert glared at him, but Linhardt didn't budge. The upside to his inability to feel shame was that he was able to ask the questions no one else could, or say exactly what he thought about a situation without faltering. The downside was he sometimes used those abilities on Hubert.

"It's nothing you should be concerned with," Hubert said. Linhardt, the dastardly fiend, kicked him beneath the table. "Don't lie to me. You're clearly upset about something. Haven't even made a thinly veiled threat once today," Linhardt said.

"I don't....you aren't going to drop this, are you?" Hubert groaned. Linhardt shook his head, setting his book aside. "So, tell me what happened, and don't tell me it was "nothing," because if it were nothing, you wouldn't have needed to lie about it."

Hubert looked down at the tome in front of him, frowning. He didn't really want to talk about it, but perhaps it would help. Linhardt might even alleviate some of his nonsensical guilt. He was also unlikely to hold anything back for the sake of sparing Hubert's feelings. He hated that word. Feelings. Every time he said it he felt like a child, too concerned with emotions and ignorant of the way the world really works. The things out there don't care about your emotions, only your actions. So in the end, what did talking about them amount to?

Still, he had been silent for far too long and he could feel Linhardt's patience wearing thin. Best not to waste his time, as he was already doing Hubert a favor. But how would he even begin to describe what was wrong? Could he even describe it if he barely understood the role he played in it? Eventually, he decided he had to just get it over with, or he would be stuck staring at the table in front of him till the day he died. "Ferdinand and I had an...argument a few days ago and we haven't really spoken since."

Hubert looked up to see Linhardt staring at him, his expression unreadable. "What was it about?" Linhardt asked. Hubert winced. Of course, he would ask about that. But the context for that argument were things that he couldn't tell Linhardt without having to kill him. He couldn't very well tell him about Lady Edelgard's plans.

(Yet. Despite his cynicism, he was beginning to trust the other members of his class. It was too soon to tell, but some part of him wanted to believe these people would be on their side. That sort of foolish optimism would only hurt them in the end, the rational part of his brain cried. But the small part of his brain that still believed people were good had gotten stronger as of late. He wanted to blame Ferdinand, somehow.)

Finally, he decided to omit some details and give the closest thing to an accurate account he could. "He's still...shaken from the fight with Lonato. We were discussing the battle and somehow it got to talk of sacrifice. I said I wouldn't even tolerate the notion of him --or anyone else -- sacrificing themselves on the battlefield. He said that should be hi- their decision to make. I said I would never allow Lady Edelgard to lose someone like that, he asked me if that was what she would even want and I said-" at that, Hubert cut himself off. Was  _ that _ why Ferdinand was upset?

"You said what?" Linhardt asked. Hubert was quiet, staring off into the distance as horror crept up his spine. A rare moment of self-reflection as the conclusion that perhaps should have taken him less time to come to dawned on him. "Hubert? Hubert what did you say?" The panic in Linhardt's voice was evidently a sign that his expression was one of sheer mortification.

"I told him he had no idea what it was like to lose someone and then he stormed out," Hubert said quietly. Linhardt's expression morphed from concern to horror to anger in mere seconds. Then, faster than he thought Linhardt was capable of moving, he reached across the table and smacked Hubert upside the head. Hubert flinched, cradling his temple, but he couldn't bring himself to be mad. He wanted to smack himself too.

"What were you thinking? You know what, don't answer that question. Goddess Hubert, you couldn't have said anything worse if you were actively trying to ruin your own life," Linhardt said, defeated. "You have no idea what kind of life Ferdinand had before you met him, right? That's the most careless thing you could say to someone whose history you barely understand! Even Caspar wouldn't be rash enough to say that. Wait, no, that's unfair. Caspar is emotionally mature enough to recognize when something might be hurtful. You, however, have the emotional maturity of a  _ cranberry _ . I'm going to hurt you. Honestly, you should be glad Ferdinand didn't punch you!"

Hubert remained quiet. Linhardt looked at him, bewildered and furious. " _ Did _ he punch you for that?"

"He shoved me after I said that. And then ran away. I was too...upset and confused to chase after him," Hubert said. Admitting the emotional part of it still stung, but at this point he was hardly in the position to feel ashamed of that.

"Good, you deserved it. You need to apologize or I will take this straight to the professor," Lindhardt threatened. "Goddess, poor Ferdinand. How he ended up liking someone so emotionally constipated is anyone's guess. He deserves so much better."

"I am a pretty poor excuse for a friend," Hubert said bitterly. "I suppose it was inevitable. He has already seen me at my weakest, so I suppose seeing me at my worst was the logical conclusion. I wouldn't blame him if he never wants to speak to me ever again."

"Your weakest? You know what, I also don't want to know that. Don't feel sorry for yourself either. Fix this and move on because if you break his heart and I have to deal with you two moping I will actually lose my mind," Linhardt said. Hubert nodded, and even though he would kill anyone for mentioning it, he looked incredibly sheepish. How was it that Linhardt somehow understood Ferdinand better than he did?

Hubert hated it. But talking about it had helped. He just needed to think of a way to make it up to Ferdinand. Apologizing was a great first step but he felt somewhere deep down inside that he owed Ferdinand so much more than that. Maybe it was the guilt talking, but he hated the idea that something he did so carelessly could have actually hurt him so badly. Anxiety pooled at the bottom of his stomach, and he retreated to the last part of his brain that had yet to be infected by  _ emotion _ .


	34. Holy Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twins get their sword.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT: I FORGOT THE TW'S! IM SO SORRY!
> 
> CW: Violence, death, injury, implied/referenced child abuse.
> 
> *looks at title* GET IT? GET IT?!
> 
> To any of my Jewish Readers: Happy Hannukah!

Edelgard, Lysithea, and Leonie stood in a dark corner, not far from the dorms. Edelgard stood perfectly still, trying to appear composed, though her heart raced in her chest. She had known these tunnels existed well before the others, as Hubert had informed her immediately when he stumbled upon them. She had hoped to keep them a secret from the other students, as they would prove invaluable for quick get-aways. Besides that, she was certain there were people living down there, and the last thing she needed was more rouge elements. She had already had to plan around one mysterious person crash-landing into her life, god forbid they find a whole town down here like Hubert had speculated. And what if it was unsafe? Edelgard had come to like Lysithea, and it would be a shame if something were to happen to her.

Leonie dragged a hand across the stone wall, looking peeved. "The entrance was just here, I think. How did Claude open it again? (FACTCHECK). Lysithea shrugged, gently kicking the base of the wall. "I didn't see him do it."

Edelgard sighed, walking up to inspect the wall herself. The rational part of her wanted to take this confusion as a chance to persuade the others not to go down into the spooky tunnels. But well...despite herself, she was curious to see them. Hubert had told her of his own findings, but there was a difference between second-hand knowledge and experience. She had the first in spades; what she wanted was a chance to get her hands a bit dirty. Hopefully not literally, but maybe a bit of sewage water wouldn't hurt.

It was preferable to blood.

She placed her own hand on the wall, and instinctively it drifted to the part of it that seemed the weakest. Even with a light amount of pressure, she could feel it giving way beneath her hand. She was almost a little surprised; surely if these tunnels were supposed to be a secret they would be a little harder to get into? Then again, perhaps the church wasn't so great at hiding secrets. After all, the archbishop looking identical for hundreds of years was suspicious even if you knew nothing about the Nabateans. And Edelgard knew plenty about Nabateans.

Or she thought she had. She had been...overzealous in her hatred of them. She had yet to voice this to Hubert or Ferdinand as she was still developing this idea and was keen to avoid it getting muddied by outside opinions or biases but well...maybe she had been too quick to judge an entire race based on the actions of one person. She still didn't like how the church was being run and she still believed that Rhea was unfit to be a leader but she was hardly the only Nabatean in existence. And the ones she had encountered were certainly not the violent, amoral monsters she believed them to be. She wasn't sure Flayn or Linhardt could hurt someone even if they wanted to.

With that thought, she pressed harder into the wall, and it slid out of place with ease. Lysithea made a noise of surprise, slipping past Edelgard and into the entrance. "Woah. That was cool," Leonie said. Edelgard stared down into the abyss before her. The darkness of the tunnels stretched out beneath her feet, and she took a step back instinctively. It was too familiar, that deep darkness. Her back ached. She wanted to turn and run.

Then all at once the darkness illuminated bright red and gold and orange. Lysithea stood in the middle of that light, hand flaring with fire. "There! Didn't bring torches but luckily I just learned this spell," Lysithea said. Edelgard let out a sigh of relief, stepping into the now lit tunnel. Leonie followed her, and the three of them began walking into the bowels of the earth.

"So...tunnels. How far do you think they go?" Lysithea asked.

"No idea. Do they just go straight down?" Leonie asked. Lysithea shook her head, gesturing further down the tunnel. "At some point, they level out and start looking more corridor-y. Lots of turns and stuff, kinda maze-like. I have chalk in my bag so we can mark the turns we make." Edelgard nodded along, focusing on the wall. The brickwork in this area was interesting. She'd always had some interest in architecture, and though she hated the Church on principle, she couldn't help but admire the work put into raising it from the ground.

Leonie stopped abruptly, and Lysithea nearly crashed into her. The light went out for just a moment, and Edelgard used up all her strength trying to hold back the scream that threatened to rip out of her. She leaned against the wall for support and prayed it was just water on her sleeves. She cursed herself silently. It had been years since those horrible days and yet still she couldn't so much as exist in the dark without that agony coming back to her. She wished she could talk to someone about it, but no one else would believe her but Hubert and Ferdinand, and they already had so much to deal with.

"You okay?" Lysithea asked, reaching out towards her. Edelgard smiled weakly, standing up straight and taking a few deep breaths. Leonie continued down the corridor, and Edelgard listened as the sharp clack of her boots on uneven stone faded into the background. "I'm fine. Just stumbled a little when the lights turned off. Not...a big fan of the dark," she said quietly. Lysithea still looked concerned, but she shook it off.

"We should keep going. Leonie's going to get herself lost, she doesn't have the chalk," Edelgard said. Lysithea nodded, turning around. "Leonie, wait for us!" The two of them walked down the corridor at a faster pace than before. Edelgard scanned the walls as they passed. Along the top, she noticed that strange sigils were carved into the stone. She wished she knew more magic. Perhaps she should ask Dorothea to teach her a few things. It might even be fun...suddenly in the distance, she heard a crash. Lysithea jumped, scurrying backward, though thankfully the light didn't turn off again. The two of them shared a look, and then Leonie came barreling down the hallway.

"Someone else is down here. Huge weird machine things. Not sure what's going on down here. We should leave and come back some other time. More people," Leonie said, wheezing. Edelgard bit her lip, watching as Leonie leaned on Lysithea for support. Machines? If they scared Leonie, they might be a threat for further exploration. She should warn Hubert. But first, getting out of these tunnels was a fantastic idea. She reached over and grabbed Lysithea by the wrist. "Let's leave."

Lysithea nodded, pulling Leonie along as they made their way back to the surface. Edelgard sighed with relief as soon as sunlight hit her skin. She never wanted to leave the surface ever again, exploration be damned! She turned around and watched as Lysithea secured the door to the tunnels. "So, tea?"

Leonie smiled. "Yeah, tea sounds nice after whatever that was. I think we've had enough adventure for one day." Lysithea and Leonie walked up to Edelgard while readjusting her gloves. Edelgard instinctively reached for her own. Lysithe noticed, and for a moment a sad understanding passed between the two of them. Maybe she did have someone to talk about her past with after all.

"For the day? I think that was enough exploration for the year." Lysithea teased. Edelgard laughed. It was nice, having friends she could joke with. Friends who weren't privy to all the plots and schemes happening just under the surface, Just something casual and simple she could savor. Some part of her even thinks she could deserve it.

On the day of the ceremony, the professors gathered their students together in the courtyard. Ferdinand stood beside Hubert and Edelgard, digging the heel of his boot into the cobblestone. The air was thick with anxiety as each and every person present tried to ignore the elephant in the room.

Finally, someone broke the silence "So, are we sure we have the right idea? I would hate to get this wrong," Dimitri said. He seemed so composed, like the tension in the courtyard wasn't drowning him. Ferdinand almost envied it. He could hardly handle mundane conflict, nevermind something like "someone may or may not be trying to break into the church today and steal ''. Or kill the Archbishop. They still weren't entirely confident on which.

"Seems like the most logical explanation. From what Professor Eisner told us, it seems like whole assassination thing can't be real. What kind of assassin doesn't code their messages?" Claude said, leaning back against the wall. "Besides, if we're wrong, well, they won't exactly have an easy time escaping, even with all the people here. There are guards covering every inch of the monastery."

"What if they use the sewers?" Lysithea asked. "We've been down there before and they look like they might lead outside the monastery." Ferdinand blinked. Why would the sewage system need to go outside the monastery? It seemed off. Then again, he didn't know that much about architecture. That was more Edelgard's area of expertise.

"That's a risk we'll have to take," Claude said. Everyone murmured to themselves. Ferdinand watched as Ignatz and Rapheal stepped to the side to discuss something. Nearby, Hilda was showing Marianne something on her axe. She might have been talking loudly, but it was drowned out with Ferdinand's own racing thoughts. He hadn't had a moment to breathe in a while. He wished the hammer hanging over their heads would just drop already. He was sick of waiting around for the bad news.

"Is there any way to tell what route they'll use to get in?" Dimitri asked. Claude and Edelgard both shook their heads. "Too many variables. And people. It's not exactly easy to tell who's a civilian and who's the enemy in disguise. We can't risk innocent bystanders being caught in the crossfire," Edelgard said. Claude turned around and called Hilda and Marianne over to the group,

"We got a game plan for taking these bad guys on? Cause I have a few suggestions!' Caspar called out. Linhardt shook his head, mischief in his eyes. "Does that suggestion include 'punching them really hard', Caspar?"

Caspar gasped, clutching the space where his heart would be. "Hey! That's not the only thing I know how to do!" Caspar proclaimed. Dorothea laughed a little, stifling it with her hand.

"That is true. You are also suggesting "just getting 'em" as well," Petra teased. At this, Caspar mimed being shot in the heart.

"Awww, don't tease poor Caspie! He's trying his best," Dorothea said, though her voice betrayed her clear amusement. Caspar turned to Hubert, grabbing him by the arm. "They're bullying me! Can you believe this?"

"You all sure are in high spirits today," Hubert said flatly. "But they aren't wrong, Caspar." Caspar gasped again, throwing his hands into the air. "Betrayed at every turn! What is this world coming to?"

Dimitri turned to Edelgard. "So is your class always like this?" Edelgard smiled fondly, gesturing to where Caspar was now hounding Linhardt about his 'pride', and getting absolutely no reaction from the healer whatsoever. "Always. It's certainly livelier with the new additions though."

Hilda tossed something across the courtyard, narrowly missing Lorenz. The noble gasped indignantly. "Hilda! You simply must be more careful! What if you had hit me?!" Lysithea mumbled something under her breath, and Annette and Felix, who had been standing nearby, burst into laughter.

"Sorry, Lorrie! Next time I won't miss, kay?" Hilda said. The contrast between her sing-songy tone and her vicious joke set half the Golden Deer into a fit of laughter. Leonie clapped a peeved Lorenz on the back. "Lighten up man! That was funny,"

Claude shook his head. "We really can't be serious for five minutes, can we?" Nearby, Mercedes began organizing tomes, speaking easily about the magic she had been studying recently. Annette and Felix watched on in fascination. Ferdinand hadn't pegged Felix as a magic-user. Maybe he should pick up a few spells himself.

"I think that's impossible," Dedue said quietly. Ferdinand watched Bernadetta tug the professor aside, pointing to where Sylvain and Ingrid were locked in some sort of battle-of-wills. Next to Sylvain, Ashe stood looking incredibly weary. Ferdinand's eyes kept darting around the busy group. It was near-impossible to focus on any one thing.

"You know, honestly the crypt has a lot of history. Supposedly it was built before the monastery itself," Linhardt said. Ferdinand could sense he was about to start rambling and settled in for a decent lecture. It was always nice to see Linhardt participating in discussions.

"Really? The monastery itself is pretty old, when was the crypt built?" Dimitri asked. Ferdinand watched as Felix began threatening Sylvain with a sword. That was going to end badly. Someone should really have stopped them by now. Ferdinand turned to look for a teacher just in time to see By come around the corner, looking alarmed. "Everyone! Arms to the ready, we've got a situation!"

Their professor tore off to the front of the group. "Where?" Wordlessly, By gestured behind him, and Byleht nodded. "Everyone, to the crypt. Keep an eye out, and don't separate from the group!"

The classes rushed towards the crypt, quickly readying themselves for battle. Ferdinand fumbled with the lance on his belt and watched as Ashe attempted to yank his bow out of the holster. Hubert cursed under his breath as he dodged a rolling barrel. "Sorry, didn't mean to knock that over," Raphael called out. Then, abruptly, their group was cut off. Shamir reached out and grabbed Manuela by the shoulder. "Trouble at the gates. We need to take some students," Shamir said.

Manuela turned to the group. "One second...Hilda, Ignatz, Rapheal, Lorenz! Go with Shamir. Hanneman?" Professor Hanneman turned to his students, looking them all up and down. "You can take Mercedes, Ingrid, and Felix," he said.

Quickly, the chosen students dispersed from the rest of the group. Leonie motioned to their professor and then took off after them. Silently, he prayed everyone would be safe. They had the nights at least. Maybe no one would get hurt this time. Edelgard, Dimitri, and Claude made their way to the front of the group, and the rest of them followed their leaders as they made their way across the monastery and into the tombs.

The tombs were dark, save for the far-off glow of torches. They were bigger than Ferdinand had thought, and the air down there tasted like dust. How long had these tombs gone undisturbed? They were open to the public once a year and yet they felt ancient. The hairs on the back of his neck rose at the thought of staying here for longer than necessary. He wanted to turn and run; something here was horribly wrong.

Then Ferdinand's eyes adjusted to the dark and he saw the cloaked figures swarming the tombs. They were draped in black cloaks and hoods, almost a comedic parody of a villain. But there was no humor in this. Ferdinand gripped the hilt of his lance tighter, waiting for the inevitable confrontation. Then the booming voice echoed through the tombs. "You're too late! Any moment now I'll have this coffin open!"

Ferdinand grimaced. They had discussed the likelihood of them coming into the Holy Mausoleum to steal but...bones? What in the Goddess's name were they going to do with a skeleton? Linhardt had mentioned it might be an attempt by the Western Church to seize power but he still had no idea how that would actually work. If gaining control of an entire faith was as easy as possessing a coffin, the whole religion would be far more unstable.

He didn't have time to muse over the inner-workings of the Church, however. Their professor turned to the group, her brother at her side. "We're going to separate into three groups! Hanneman, take Dimitri, Dedue, Petra, and Annette to the left. Manuela, take Marianne, Lysithea, Claude, Bernadetta, and Sylvain to the right. The rest of you come with us! Retreat if you're injured; that is an order!" she commanded. Manuela and Hanneman paused for a moment but rapidly did as they were told. It was strange, seeing someone so young commanding people with far more life experience, but then again, Byleth and By had something about them that made everyone want to listen. It was almost hypnotic.

The group dispersed, quickly reorganizing. It was odd how their personalities seemed to be even more visible in moments like these. Dimitri took easy command of his group of students, Claude seemed even calmer than before. Edelgard seemed to be constantly calculating every minute change to their position, Hubert looked even more grumpy than usual. Dedue took to the front, a few steps ahead of Dimitri, assessing the situation with the sort of intelligence that comes from experience. Manuela seemed fired up, Hanneman looked like he wanted to flee but was putting on a brave face for his students. Those were the expected results of conflict, the ones that seemed obvious. But there were more subtle, even contradictory changes Ferdinand witnessed. Sylvain had shed his normal carefree attitude, Bernadetta seemed a little more confident with a bow in her hand. Annette looked like she was itching for a fight, he almost completely forgot Lysithea was there, she was being so quiet.

The battle started as soon as they stepped out from behind their meager cover. He heard a loud explosion from the corner of the room, and he just barely dodged debris. Lysithea stood, looking triumphant. He had no time to think about that though, as someone came barrelling towards him. He swung hard with the lance in his hand, and was more than a little proud that he hadn't stumbled from the force of it. All that training had paid off it seemed.

The enemies in the center were clumped together, apparently having decided to put their faith in numbers rather than individual strength. And honestly, if they hadn't had such a competent leader, perhaps their opponent's strategy would have worked. But their professor and her brother kept them working like a well-oiled machine. They were in front with Edelgard and Caspar, managing the brunt of the wave. Caspar had recently learned to throw people and it turned out that was a fantastic strategy. At least for Caspar. Turns out that being punched repeatedly and then thrown bodily at your allies does little to increase morale within a unit. And you know, breaks quite a few bones in the process.

From the back, Ashe volleyed off round after round of arrows. Honestly, it was almost overkill, but at the very least it kept everyone off their back. Combined with Dorothea's expert use of Fire and Thunder, the numbers the melee fighters had to deal with were considerably thinner. Hubert had taken a different approach. He had gone right into the thick of it, which made sense given his spells had area effects. He was also not afraid to get his hands dirty. Ferdinand caught flashes of daggers and knives just as often as he saw Hubert's flashier magic. Let it never be said that Hubert was a one-trick pony.

Linhardt, for his part, had become an incredibly efficient healer. He was probably just relieved to not have to be up front with all the bloodshed. He looked a little sick whenever someone got too close and he had to quickly switch to Reason magic. Luckily, most people fell before they even had the hope of reaching him. He wasn't sure he could deal with another round of group panic-attacks. The last battle had been rough. He tried not to think about it. Ferdinand would probably cry about this battle later. He was trying not to think about it. He dug his nails into his lance. From across the tomb, he heard Dimitri roar. Something smashed. Ferdinand had to hope it wasn't some priceless artifact. Could they go to jail for that?

Edelgard stopped them short, and Ferdinand strained to see past the magic flowing through the air ahead of them. Lysithea and Annette were talented mages but their magic had a tendency to produce smoke. And lots of it. That was probably not good for anyone's lungs. Someone went flying at least ten feet, and he heard the bones snapping. He was pretty sure that had been an enemy. Sylvain shouted something about Hanneman retreating. Ferdinand watched Marianne smack someone over the head with a sword. Ferdinand ripped his own from what he hoped was an already dead enemy. He switched weapons at some point, but he couldn't remember when. He just followed the group and tried to leave his brain behind.

Up ahead was a demon. That was the only explanation for what he was seeing. Black, jagged armor, a horned helmet, an obsidian scythe, a ripped and stained cape. Every part of Ferdinand screamed to run, to get out of there, to avoid him. He was not surprised to hear his thoughts echoed from Edelgard's mouth. He hoped that would be enough to discourage his classmate's from doing anything rash. Everyone stormed for the stairs. Somehow all three groups had converged to the same spot. He was thankful to see no one had been injured too badly.

Ferdinand should have kept that thought buried deep down in his soul. Caspar charged directly at the scary demon knight in the center of the room. Ferdinand promised himself that if Caspar survived he was going to kill him. Foolhardy. Rash. Irresponsible. Reckless. He raced to catch up with him. If this boy got himself killed because he wanted to play the hero- maybe he understood why Hubert had been upset with him now. Maybe it takes actually witnessing someone you care for being careless with their own safety to understand what it means to be protective. Linhardt shouted something. Petra drew her sword and joined Ferdinand in their pursuit.

Metal clashed on metal. Petra stood her ground. Ferdinand grabbed his ax and hammered down on him. It barely dented his armor. This was a crazy thing to do. Flames lit up at his feet. Hubert was shouting something. Ferdinand watched Sylvain yank Caspar backward. Linhardt looked distraught. Caspar's leg was bleeding profusely. Ferdinand felt hands on his shoulder. He was pulled away just in time to see spikes of pure black form around the Death Knight. The spell wore off. The death knight disappeared. Ferdinand shook off his haze and followed the group up the stairs. Byleth and By were farther ahead, confronting the cloaked figure in front of Seiros' tomb. He took quick stock of his friends. Ashe leaned on Sylvain for support.

Ashe was leaning on Sylvain for support. Lysithea inspected a wound on Marianne's upper arm. Hubert looked five steps away from collapsing. Without even thinking, Ferdinand drifted over to him. It was easy to just reach around and pull the tall mage into his side. Claude, Dimitri, and Edelgard followed Byleth and her brother to the coffin. Ferdinand could vaguely hear Petra and Dorothea talking nearby. The deafening crack of metal on stone ringed in his ears. By was on the ground, his sword too far to reach. Byleth lunged for the hooded figure. Something tumbled out of the coffin. Hubert groaned, trying to look up.

"Easy now, Ashe. You'll pull something," Sylvain said. The fight was still going on in front of them. By scrambled for his sword. The mage struck Byleth. Their professor's weapon tumbled out of reach. Manuela pushed past her students, shouting something about retreating. Lysithea looked upset. Ashe slumped over.

"What's going on?" someone else murmured. It was probably Caspar. It sounded like Caspar. Ferdinand felt like someone had stuffed cotton in his ears. Hubert grimaced. Petra grabbed him by the arm. "Ferdinand, you are straining yourself. Give him here." Linhardt tried to reach for the wound on Hubert's leg

Hubert leaned away from the grabbing hands. "Don't touch me," he growled. Linhardt frowned. Dorothea's hands shot out just in time to catch Annette before she fell. "Professor Manuela! Annette passed out!"

Manuela cursed something under her breath. It appeared that she was out of uses for her tomes. Everyone eyed the ongoing struggle anxiously. It felt like hours. It had only been a few seconds, but Ferdinand had no way of knowing that.

"Everyone stay back!" Edelgard shouted. Dimitri looked like he was going to jump into the fight. Claude placed a hand on his shoulder. "Let them handle it. You go charging in there and get in By's way and there'll be hell to pay. You don't want to run laps with him. Man's scary. In a good way, but still."

"How are you so calm?" Dimitri hissed. Claude shrugged. "Edelgard's teacher isn't dumb, and I've seen By take on like, six people at once. They've got this. Have a little faith?"

Dimitri looked unconvinced. Suddenly, something skidded away from the tomb and landed at Byleth's feet. "What is that?" Bernadetta said, pushing her way to the front. Marianne followed, Lysithea close behind. "Oh, my goddess," Marianne whispered.

In Byleth's hand was the strangest sword Ferdinand had ever seen. It looked almost...boney. It was boney. It was a relic weapon, he knew what they looked like and what they were made of. But why was it in the coffin? Saint Seiros wasn't dead so then where did the bones come from? He looked over to Edelgard, whose expression was unreadable.

Then Byleth swung it, and Ferdinand watched in awe as it lit up in her hands. He couldn't see her eyes, but somehow he knew they were different. Everyone around him went perfectly still. Byleth rushed at the mage, swinging and swinging. They nearly backed straight into the coffin, but at the last second pulled away and dashed down the stairs towards their group. Dimitri grabbed his lance. Claude readied his bow. Edelgard stood, staring at their professor. Ferdinand wished he could read her mind.

Byleth tossed the sword over to her brother. In the air, it shined golden and green and bright, so blinding that Ferdinand was forced to look away. Hubert made some sort of noise in the back of his throat. "Fascinating." As soon as By caught the sword, the glow changed. In her hand, the sword had been a warm orange, in his, it was a blinding blue-green. By looked in awe of it. He swung at the approaching mage and the sword extended in his hands. Ferdinand couldn't look away. The mage fell over.

The mausoleum was silent. Every person there eyed the professor and her brother as they stood, panting. Ferdinand could barely tear his eyes away long enough to scan the crowd. He saw so many different emotions on the faces of his friends and allies. Yet no one spoke, no one moved. It was as if some sort of spell had come over them, and no one wanted to risk shattering it.

Then Catherine and a group of knights rushed into the room, and the spell was broken. By held the sword out in front of him, staring at it. Ferdinand turned away to carry Hubert over to someone who could heal him. But the image of that glowing weapon and the look on their faces when they wielded it stuck with him.


	35. Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hubert and Ferdinand finally talk to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Mentions of death, violence, and grieving.
> 
> This chapter had so many planned scenes and I ended up only being able to fit two of them because they WERE SO LONGGGGG. 😂😂😂😂
> 
> But the emotional impact of these scenes is so worth it. 
> 
> I

  
Once all of their classmates were examined by healers and given a clean bill of health, save for Ignatz and Felix, who were both made to spend a few days in bed to recover, they were shuffled off to their rooms. The consensus, it seemed, among the adults at the monastery was that the students needed to spend some time recovering.  
  
Ferdinand had watched several of his classmates slip away together. Notably, Edelgard had disappeared and so had Ashe and Sylvain. He was sure the latter were together, probably to discuss what had just happened (and so that Ashe could be monitored, since it was clear he was still distressed over the business with the western church) but he was uncertain as to where Edelgard had gone. Hubert hadn't disappeared, so clearly whatever she was doing, it was unlikely to be related to their mission.  
  
He had tried to stop and chat, but one of the knights waved him along and he helplessly trudged towards his quarters. He really saw no benefit in being alone after what had just happened. Actually, he wanted to know what had just happened. What was that strange sword, and why was everyone freaking out? It looked so familar, but Ferdinand couldn't quite place it.  
  
Ferdinand slipped out of his room as soon as the staff were out of sight, and crept down the hall. Just as he had suspected, everyone was crammed into the common rooms, barring those who were bedridden and the aforementioned disappearances. Petra, Dorothea, and Annette had commandeered one of the couches and were huddled together. Rapheal was trying to corral Lysithea into sitting down. Mercedes and Ingrid stood off to the side, mumbling to each other. Dedue, Dimitri, and Claude were hunched over a table, staring down at a diagram of some sort. Hilda, Marianne, and Leonie were comparing bruises for some reason. Linhardt was somehow asleep, laid across Caspar's lap in an uncommon display of affection.  
  
Hubert was skulking off in a corner. Bernadetta appeared to be hiding behind him. All together, they looked like a bunch of...shocked and battered children. Ferdinand felt a little sick. Maybe he should be lying down. Instead, he addressed the group before him. "So, what just happened? With the sword? What does any of this...mean?"

Claude looked up from the diagram in front of him. "You didn't recognize it?" he asked. Ferdinand frowned. Was he meant to? It just looked like a relic weapon. Sure they were rare, but hardly unheard of. When he said as much, Claude shook his head.

"It's the Sword of the Creator. The very same sword used by Nemesis," Hubert said. Ferdinand didn't even attempt to hide the shock in his face. It had to be impossible! Nemesis's bloodline had died out, and as far as he was aware the only person living with the Crest of Sothis was Edelgard. 

"Does anyone else find this a little...strange? Rhea picks up two mercenaries straight out of nowhere to work here at the Monastery and they just happen to be able to wield a weapon no one even though still existed?" Dorothea said. Annette nodded thoughtfully next to her, standing up from the couch and speed-walking over to a bookshelf. 

"It is strange. I was thinking it was odd that the sword was in Seiros's tomb. Why would she bury the sword and not herself?" Petra asked. Ferdinand grimaced, crossing over to peek at the diagram in the table. It was some sort of cross-section of the aforementioned sword. Something about the diagram was different to the one he had seen, however, but he couldn't quite place it. 

"Yeah, where is Seiros's body anyway?" Ingrid asked. Mercedes pursed her lips, crossing her arms. "Maybe they keep it elsewhere? Certainly stopped the Western Church from stealing it, as it where." Ingrid shrugged. Ferdinand had to keep from saying anything about Seiros. He really wasn't good at keeping secrets.

"Why keep the sword there though? There's no particular protection in place. Besides the seal of course," Claude said. "Anyone could break into that tomb. Why risk it?" 

Dimitri sighed. "The Church works in mysterious ways. Maybe it's some sort of holy thing none of us get. You think Seteth would tell us?" he asked. Claude shook his head, rolling up one of the diagrams and setting it aside. "Seteth doesn't do straight answers. Trust me, I've tried."

"That's a bit unfair, don't you think? Seteth has a lot on his plate right now. I'm sure he'll answer you in time," Mercedes said. Annette finally selected a book and brought it over to Dedue. "Look!" Dedue took it and began reading whatever Annette had selected.

"The Church isn't big on answers, Mercedes. They're mysterious by nature," Dorothea said. "It was like pulling teeth to get anyone to tell me about the previous Archbishop." 

"I'm sure they had a reason for being so mysterious about that. Maybe it's some sort of tradition?" Leonie said. "It's not like they're evil."

Hubert muttered something under his breath. Ferdinand shot him a look. Now was not the time for any of that. "I'm sure there's an explanation for all of this. We'll just have to wait and see," Ferdinand said.

"It's still weird how By and Byleth even got the same Crest in the first place. Isn't that like, super rare?" Hilda said. Marianne nodded, sitting up in her chair. "I was thinking that too. It's like...like they've been blessed by the Goddess herself."

Lysithea rolled her eyes. "Unlikely. The Goddess doesn't do blessings," Lysithea said. "She hardly even does anything apart from sit up there all menacingly." The room went still for a moment. That was dangerously close to blasphemy, something none of them would even dare to think about.

At least out loud. Lorenz interjected, to the annoyance and relief of every person in the room. "While I think it's my duty to disagree here, I must admit this being some divine blessing is...unprecedented."

"It's just like in the story of Nemesis. Maybe they've been chosen to ward off some great evil," Marianne said dreamily. 

Dedue set the book down, finally. "You're right Annette, it is impossible," he said. "The Crest stone wasn't in the sword. It shouldn't have been any more functional than a regular blade. Forgive me for saying this, but I think there's something going on here."

Dimitri turned to Dedue. "What do you think it is, then? Some sort of plot? Maybe we're seeing the beginnings of some sort of...Church revolution? They would certainly make good figureheads," Dimitri said.

Dorothea groaned. "Oh Goddess, that's just what we need. A revolution," Dorothea said.

Ferdinand shook his head. "Whatever it is, I think we should keep an eye on them," Ferdinand said. Murmurs of agreement sounded around the small room. Trepidation, excitement, fear, and contempt held equal shares of the room. Whatever was to come, the consensus seemed to be that no one had any hope of predicting it.

Hilda sighed. "Can we like, do something? I understand everything is super duper serious, but we need a break," she said. Several people nodded in agreement, but no one had any suggestions. 

Eventually, Dimitri waved everyone over. "So, did you all hear about what happened with Manuela last week?" Dorothea asked while everyone got seated. They ended up just talking for a few more hours, until someone came to send them all back to their rooms.   
  
The rest of the day passed slowly. Ferdinand sat down on his bed for most of it, too tired to even think. And too anxious. He itched to do something productive. Anything productive. Finally, he made his way over to his desk and pulled out some paper. Perhaps writing to his mother might calm him down some.

Dearest Mother, 

I hope everything in Aegir is going well. Your last letter brought me great joy to read; I am ecstatic to hear that you have been getting out more recently. I think some fresh air would be good for you.

I miss you. A lot has been happening here at the Monastery, and I struggle to put it all into words. I think it would be easier to say it out loud than over writing. I have never been as eloquent a writer as you are. I cannot wait to see you once this year is over. 

Have I told you about Marianne yet? She has been nothing but amazing to me. Marianne has recently taken to learning to use a lance. When I say she is improving quickly, I mean it. She very nearly took me out the other day. She is truly invaluable to me as a friend and as an ally. I think the two of you would get along.

Forgive me for the length of this letter. I find the more I write the quicker I tire. I will pen a longer missive at a later time. I have a lot to catch you up on, but that letter may take some time to draft. Please write if anything is amiss, and stay safe. 

Love,  
Ferdinand von Aegir

The next day, Hubert flagged him down outside their classroom. "The professor asked us to go into town and pick up a few things for her," Hubert said. "Alright then," Ferdinand responded, following Hubert away from the classroom He knew they would have to talk soon anyway. They couldn't just leave things like this. And Ferdinand...missed being able to spend time with him. He had no clue when it had happened, but clearly he was attached to Hubert now. The thought was...more than a little scary. It was downright terrifying.

The two of them made their way through the monastery, stopping at the stables to pick up Madeline. Ferdinand stayed quiet as he saddled his horse. They weren't going to be riding her on the way to the market, since Ferdinand felt the need to stretch his legs. He simply wanted her to get some calm, low-stakes exercise. And if Hubert needed to rest, she could carry him. That was one of the perks of having a horse. Alongside having a longtime companion of the loyalest variety. 

The road into town was not a long one, but they had somehow managed to hit the sweet spot where no one was traveling along it but them. Ferdinand kept his eyes glued to the floor in front of him. He was...a bit embarrassed, all things considered, to be alone with him. It was the first time they had been alone together since the incident. Ferdinand had no clue how to even begin broaching the subject. What if he made it worse? What if they started fighting? If Ferdinand ruined their friendship he could never forgive himself. 

He was so wrapped up in his head that he missed a rock in his path and nearly tumbled over. Luckily, Hubert caught him byt the arm and dragged him forward. Ferdinand meekly mumbled something in thanks, but still he couldn't bring himself to make eye contact. He wondered if it was too late to run back to class. But that was likely to upset Hubert and he definitely couldn't risk that. He'd rather perish. The two of them were almost into town when Hubert began to speak, answering the question of who would broach the difficult topic first.

"Ferdinand?" He turned to look at Hubert, trying to keep himself calm. He wasn't doing a very good job of it. He gnawed at his cheek, even though it stung like crazy. "Yes, Hubert?"

"I would just like to...apologize for my actions," Hubert said quietly. Ferdinand heart neatly lept out of his chest. Somehow, he had doubted that Hubert would actually apologize. He felt almost guilty for that. It wasn't like Hubert was completely insensitive. He could actually be quite sweet sometimes. "What I said was insensitive. I should have considered your feelings. I understand if this doesn't make it better, but I want you to know that I regret it and I will never do that again."

He almost said it was fine on reflex, but he stopped himself. In truth, it wasn't fine. He was hurt by what Hubert said. Even if he hadn't known the exact reason why it had affected him so much, Hubert still should have been more careful. But just because he had been hurt didn't mean that he couldn't forgive him for it. And at the end of the day, he still cared about Hubert, even if he had hurt him. He took a deep breath. "I understand Hubert. I am not mad anymore. I was but well, you could not have known. I forgive you."

Hubert nodded, and Ferdinand was a little surprised at how relieved he looked. Had he been that worried? Ferdinand's heart thrummed in his chest. He looked away for moment to compose himself. "I suppose I should...tell you why I was so upset by what you said, should I not?"

Hubert immediately jumped in as soon as Ferdinand paused. "You don't have to. I understand if it's too much for you," he said. Again Ferdinand's heart stuttered. Hubert was really trying to be kind to him and it made Ferdinand feel...strange. Not in a bad way. But it was in way that Ferdinand was having trouble describing.

"No, no it's fine Hubert. I have been wanting to talk about this for awhile. I just did not have the words for it until recently. It is difficult for me to talk about what happened," Ferdinand explained. "But I can talk about it now. I once had three sisters who lived with me at the Aegir estate, Christine, Amarantha, and Stephanie. However, as you are well aware, the conditions at the estate were not ones that any person could survive in. Amarantha and Christine managed to escape during my early childhood, so for a few years it was just me and Stephanie. Around the time I began to fully understand my father and his crimes, Stephanie began sneaking away from the estate to meet a friend."

Hubert said nothing. Ferdinand kept his eyes glued on the path in front of him. "It was about a month before my departure from the estate that it happened. I...she...." Ferdinand took a deep, shaky breath. The tears forming in his eyes were threatening to spill over. Ferdinand could hardly continue his story. "She snuck out in the early morning to watch the sunrise with her friend. I caught her before she could leave and she begged me to let her go. And I let her go, because she looked so happy and that was all I ever wanted for her. And then she didn't come back that morning. Or that afternoon. And when she did turn up, she was....she was dead. Bandits, apparently. It was just bad luck. But it still feels like it was my fault. If I hadn't let her go that morning, she'd still be alive."

By then Ferdinand had stopped walking. Tears streamed down his face, his nose running and his eyes stinging. He hated it. He missed his sister so much he could hardly stand it. He wished he could turn back time. He wished he could just see here again, if only for a moment. He wished he could stop crying about it, in the middle of the path. Madeline whinnied slightly, nudging his arms. Then he felt himself being pulled into a hug.

It was clearly not something Hubert did often. He held him tightly, but less as a gesture of protectiveness and more as one of inexperience. Hubert had never really been a hugger. He very rarely even tolerated being touched. Yet here he was, trying to comfort Ferdinand. He laughed a little, and it ended in a series of small hiccups. He squeezed Hubert for a moment, and then broke away from the hug. "Thank you, Hubert. I am sorry I got so worked up."

Hubert frowned. "You are allowed to be upset over the death of your younger sister. Clearly, she meant a lot to you,," Hubert said. Ferdinand smiled at that, turning away to clear tears from his eyes. "Let's finish up these errands, all right? What were we meant to be getting?" Ferdinand asked. Hubert paused for a moment, and he could feel his eyes at the back of his neck. He took a moment to even out his breathing before he turned back to him. 

  
"The Professor said she needed us to pick up some weapon oil and as she described it "a metric fuckton of arrows". Whatever that means," Hubert said. Ferdinand snorted. It was honestly a little funny to her Hubert curse like that. "Language, Hubert," he teased. 

Hubert rolled his eyes. "My apologies, oh noblest of nobles. Did I offend your delicate sensibilities?" Ferdinand pulled him along into a nearby weapon shop. He found himself looking through a shelf of different weapon oils. He knew what kind he preferred, but he had no clue which one the professor wanted. Especially since the different blends had different effects on metal. The last thing he wanted was to bring her something too abrasive for the weapon she was using. "I am only saying that such language is unbecoming of you."

"Oh, of course. My reputation is obviously very important," Hubert said. Ferdinand finally selected a bottle of oil. Hopefully it was generic enough that it would work for her. He turned to see that Hubert was holding a basket full of arrows. "Need help with that?" Hubert shook his head. "Well then, let's head back. I want to get in some training before the sun goes down."

"Ever the diligent student, huh?"

"Oh hush you. One of us has to at least attempt to pretend to be a normal student."

"Now Ferdinand, whatever do you mean by that?" Hubert said, steering them towards the clerk. 

"I mean you spend so much time skulking about in the shadows that it's a miracle we haven't been found out yet." Ferdinand pulled out his coin purse. "Good day, ma'am. We have about twelve bundles of arrows and one vial of weapon oil."

The clerk nodded, pulling out a notebook from somewhere and thumbing through it. "You wound me, Ferdinand. I am not that transparent in my motives. I could not call myself a Vestra if I was."

"You're as transparent as glass, Hubert," Ferdinand teased. The clerk cleared her throat. "That'll be 200 gold." Ferdinand opened his coin-purse and removed 200 gold from it. "Mind taking the arrows out to Madeline?"

Hubert nodded. "Don't spend too much time chatting with the townsfolk Ferdinand. I would like to be back my sunrise." Ferdinand scoffed, glaring at Hubert's retreating figure.

The clerk counted the gold in front of her and nodded approvingly. "You're all set! Thank you for your business sir." 

Ferdinand smiled at her. "Truly, it's my pleasure. Your shop has some of the best quality oil in the area. Thank you," he said. He always made a point to thank whoever was working here when he visited. He knew dealing with the general public can be difficult sometime.

"Oh, no need to thank me. And forgive me if this comes across as odd, but the two of you make a very cute couple. How long have you been seeing each other?" the clerk asked. Ferdinand stopped in his tracks for a moment, slowly feeling his face turn red. Did she...did she think they were a couple? What would even make her think that?

"Oh um, oh no. We're not...we're not dating. We're just friends," he said quietly. The clerk flushed as well. "Oh, I'm so sorry!"

'No, no it's fine! Have a good day," Ferdinand said, escaping quickly. He made his way back to Madeline. He saw that Hubert had already put away all their items and was now reluctantly giving Madeline some affection. "Let's go," he said, grabbing Madeline's reigns.

The two of them made their way down the path back to the Monastery. Ferdinand took in the sights around the path, trying not to look at Hubert. The clerk's words were ringing in his ears. Eventually, though, Hubert cleared his throat, and Ferdinand turned to look at him. "What was she like?" Hubert murmured. It took him a moment to realize who he was referring to, but once he caught up, he sighed. "She was the kindest person I have ever known. She used to have a Pegasus named Daffodil, she loved gardening, she was smart and creative and just...amazing."

Hubert smiled to himself. "She sounds lovely," he said.

Ferdinand continued to speak about his sister all the way to the monastery. When they went their separate ways, Hubert to bring the supplies to their professor and Ferdinand to return Madeline to the stables, Ferdinand began to dwell on his brief interaction with the clerk. He couldn't grasp why her words flustered him so. He found himself replaying it over and over in his head. He held a hand to his chest, and felt the way it was racing in his chest. 

He had this deep-seated feeling that he was utterly screwed. 

  
  



	36. Secret-Keeping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miklan's mission approaches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fact that the title has nothing to do with the actual plot is so valid of me.
> 
> Please enjoy this 5000 word behemoth.

A few days later, Ferdinand entered the classroom to find that their professor and her brother, along with all the house leaders and their right-hand men (and woman), Professor Hanneman, and Professor Manuela were standing at the front of the room. Ferdinand slinked up to stand next to Hubert, who acknowledged him with a slight nod. He focused on the conversation, ignoring his increased heart rate. Whatever happened a few days ago, he was putting it behind him. If he dwelled on those feelings he would never be able to get anything else done. 

"Why are we only sending the Black Eagles? Why wouldn't the other classes not go as well?" Claude asked. Ferdinand frowned. Another mission? Why did everything seem to happen close together? Well, maybe it would be something simple this time around. A few bandits, maybe some wild animals?

"Rhea said she just wanted us to go," Byleth said. "And I'm not exactly going to argue with the Archbishop. She might know more than we do." Ferdinand chewed on his bottom lip to prevent himself from making some snide comment on how she definitely knew more than she was sharing. He definitely couldn't be openly antagonistic towards the archbishop while surrounded by people she employs. 

"I still think the Blue Lions should be going with you. This is in Kingdom territory," Hanneman said. Dimitri nodded in agreement. Ferdinand watched him lean into Dedue as he began speaking. He knew the two of them were always together, but he had assumed it was a business relationship. But looking at them now, they seemed very friendly. It reminded him of how close Caspar and Linhardt seemed to be. He was glad the two of them had each other; Dedue seemed to have a few friends in his class but Dimitri had always seemed to be a little more distanced from everyone else. 

"Which is exactly why they won't send you! It's a conflict of interest. There's too many personal feelings involved," Hilda said loudly. "And besides, Professor Byleth has the Sword of the Creator. There's no one safer to send out on this mission."

Edelgard cleared her throat. "Trust me, when I say my class will ensure that everything goes smoothly. We'll recover the relic and hopefully no one will get hurt. It's a shame about Miklan, though. I was doing some preliminary research and he seemed to be a very intelligent young man. Why did he even get disowned?"

Ferdinand leaned over to Hubert. "Miklan?" he whispered. Hubert looked at him from the corner of his eyes and whispered back, "He's Sylvain's older brother."

"He tried to murder Sylvain," Dedue said. Everyone went quiet for a moment. "Oh. Well, that would certainly do it. Is it...is it safe to bring Sylvain on this mission? Should we leave him with you?" Edelgard asked. Ferdinand scratched at the back of his neck. That did seem like something that might cause undue stress on their classmate. And what if Miklan was trying to lure him out? It seemed absurd, but so did their professor being able to wield the Sword of the Creator.

"If we tell him he's not allowed to come with us, he'll probably just do it anyway. We need to keep him where we can see him," By said. "I would rather him be reckless while he's near one of us to keep him from going too far than have him run off and end up dead somewhere."

Manuela nodded. "That's a good idea. Do you think Rhea will let us lend you some students? Our mission this month isn't anything battle-related, so we can spare some kids," Manuela said. By mumbled something to his sister, and she nodded. "I'll ask."

"We can send Ignatz and Marianne," Claude said. "They need more healers, and I think some real battle experience would be...well, not good for Ignatz, but informative." Hilda stretched her arms into the air, yawning. "Claude, can I go? I promised Lysithea I'd bring some of her books back to the library." Claude sighed.

"Go on, do what you need to do. I'll catch you up later," Claude said. Hilda smiled and bounded away. "See you later everyone! Have a good day!" Claude shook his head as she ran away. "She's not bringing books to the library. I still have no clue why she feels the need to lie about needing a break." 

Manuela laughed a little. "Ah, to be young and have all that energy." 

Hanneman snorted. "She only ever has energy when she's not supposed to be doing anything."

"Well, I've gotta go see someone about getting a few extra hands for the upcoming mission. See you Byleth," By said. Byleth waved him goodbye with a small smile. Ferdinand smiled a little. It was sweet to see the way the two of them interacted with each other. They seemed like they were very close as siblings, and it reminded him a little of how he and Stephanie used to be. The thought hurt, just a little, but not as much as it used to. Time was a funny little thing. Or perhaps it would hit him later and he'd spend a few hours crying. 

"Maybe it's just me, but doesn't it seem like the Kingdom always has something going on? I know the death of their king and the upheaval that followed created a lot of stress among the nobility but all these things happening so close together just seems odd to me. And how did Miklan even get the relic weapon in the first place? You say he stole it, but surely even a competent thief would have a difficult time breaking into the Gautier estate," Claude said. Ferdinand caught an odd look on Edelgard's face. At this point, Ferdinand had a good enough understanding of their shady allies that he had no problem guessing what she was thinking. It was definitely TWSITD's influence. He had yet to ask if they were involved with the incidents involving the Western Church, it did not escape him that many of the supposed "soldiers'' they had used in their last fight looked nothing like any church soldier he had seen before. It was easy enough to put two and two together and determine that if it wasn't the church, it was probably them. Unless there was yet another shady organization hiding in the shadows.

Goddess, he hoped there wasn't. "It's all because there's no king on the throne. If it weren't for the fact that I am too young to take the throne, things might be different," Dimitri said, his even voice wavering for just a second. Ferdinand winced. He had almost forgotten that the dead king in question was Dimitri's father. He wished he could reach out and comfort him. They might not be friends, but he knew how hard it was to deal with grief. 

"I promise we will handle things. At least it is only a few months before you turn eighteen," Edelgard said. Ferdinand smiled a little to see how Edelgard treated Dimitri. He was happy to see that the two of them were getting along well. She deserved to have friends, and all the better that it was someone who could understand the stress of being the future ruler of an entire country.

Hanneman cleared his throat. "Well, I need to go prepare for class. Byleth, Manuela, I'll see you later. Your highness, Dedue, don't be late for class," he said. DImitri and Dedue both nodded.

"I should go do the same. Claude, will you make sure to grab Hilda and Marianne before you come to class?" Manuela said. Claude nodded to her with a smile. "Don't worry, Teach. See you."

Manuela and Hanneman left, and Byleth quietly moved to her desk, mumbling something about getting her own lesson in order. Ferdinand watched as the three future rulers of Fodlan stared at each other in silence. He wondered, quietly, what it felt like to have the weight of a whole country on one's shoulders. Sure, Ferdinand and Hubert were heavily involved in their plans for the future of all of Fodlan, for the silent conflict brewing beneath the surface of the nation, but Edelgard had to deal with the additional stress of being such a prominent figure within the political scene of Fodlan on top of all that. No one really cared about what Hubert did, and in turn Hubert was completely apathetic to the state of his own reputation, except for where it concerned the fear that cloaked the Vestra name. And Ferdinand, despite his own idealism about the purpose of nobility, couldn't spare the energy to worry about what other nobles thought of him. Better to focus on the things he can change. But for Edelgard, her reputation was essential. An unpopular ruler is seldom one who rules long, and although her goal was never about power, she could hardly achieve her goals if the other nobles turned on her.

And Dimitri and Claude both had their own problems in the background. Dimitri's country was constantly in conflict with itself, even more so in recent years, and he was completely powerless to do anything to fix it. He had no clue how it might feel to be forced to stand and watch as the country you were raised in, the country everyone you know and love lives in, fall apart because of something completely out of their control. He knew that all of it must weigh heavily on his consciousness. And when it came to Claude, even though on the outside the Alliance seemed like a cohesive unit, Hubert had told him of the complicated and frankly absurd amounts of infighting within the Alliance. Claude was in a sense inheriting an alliance that was one strong wind from falling apart. Yet it was difficult for Ferdinand to tell just what he was thinking. What he was planning, how he navigated the messy politics of the Alliance and all the other things that happened this year, all of it was unknown to Ferdinand. Hopefully, he might find out more about him the longer they knew each other. Some part of him even hoped they could all be friends. 

Hubert gently nudged him, and Ferdinand snapped back into the present. "Can I ask something of you, Edelgard?" Dimitri asked. Ferdinand glanced over to see trepidation on her face. "Of course, Dimitri. What is it?"

"Will you keep an eye on Sylvain? I know he doesn't have a good relationship with Miklan, but I can't imagine this has been good for him," Dimitri said. Ferdinand couldn't help but agree. Sometimes when it comes to family, emotions can run high and messy. He had seen it with Ashe, and if Sylvain's reaction was even half as strong as Ashe's, then he was in a bad place right now. "I just don't want something to happen to Sylvain. Despite everything, we are friends. I would hate for him to throw his life away because he rushed into this situation and let his emotions overtake him."

Dedue placed a hand on Dimitri's shoulders. "I am sure he wouldn't do something that rash. But I do think he will be far more affected by this then he will claim to be," Dedue said. 

"We will keep an eye on him, I promise," Edelgard said. She paused for a moment, before clearing her throat and continuing, "You're free to come see him if you would like to. I think it would be good for both our classes to spend some time together."

Dimitri smiled slightly. "I think that would be a good idea," he replied. Ferdinand leaned onto a nearby table, looking out the window. The group began to discuss something to do with recent skirmish near the monastery, and Ferdinand's mind drifted off. 

Once the other students began filing in, Dimitri, Claude, and Dedue took their leave. "See you soon, princess. I'll let you know what Rhea says about sending Marianne and Ignatz with you," Claude said. Edelgard waved them away with a small smile. "See you, Claude. Your class should join the rest of us for training tomorrow."

"Sounds like a plan," Claude said as he left. Dimitri and Dedue both waved goodbye as they followed him out, and as they left, Mercedes came into the room. Ferdinand beamed, waving her over. As she passed through the room, all of their classmates followed her to the front of the room. Their professor was busy at the front of the room writing something at the board. 

"Mercedes! What brings you here?" Dorothea said. Linhardt sat down near the group, nose buried in a book. "Are you transferring?" Petra walked to her own desk, removing her bag. 

"I just came to check on Ashe and Sylvain," Mercedes said. "And also, I just wanted to visit. The past few days have been a little hectic." Petra grabbed a few books from her bag and placed them at her desk. She then turned back to the group. 

"Thank you, Mercedes, but I'm fine. Everything just keeps happening all at once. Can't get one month off, huh?" Sylvain said. Mercedes laughed a little. "We really can't."

"So, what have the Blue Lions been up to recently? Besides, well, you know," Dorothea said. Everyone winced at the allusion to recent events. It was still a sore subject for most of them, for good reason. Ferdinand glanced over to see Hubert leaning on their desk, looking a little pained. He turned and mouthed at him to sit down. Hubert made a face, but he sat down anyway, so Ferdinand counted it as a win. 

"Oh, well, we've just been focusing on group formations for battle. We actually did a few practice skirmishes in the training hall that got a little out of hand," Mercedes said. Ferdinad watched the others giggle a little. Did he miss something? "I wouldn't call that 'a little out of hand'. How long did it take to clean up all the pieces of that wall, exactly?" Dorothea teased.

Mercedes laughed, clapping a hand over her mouth. "Forever. I swear I think I still have pieces of it on my uniform," she said, making a show of dusting off her skirt. 

"Felix is being stronger than one would think. Did he really send that poor man through the whole wall?" Petra asked. 

"Oh no, not quite. There was a big dent in it though. Hanneman looked like he was going to strangle him to death. I dont think By minded it much, he didn't seem upset at all. In fact, he didn't even have a single bruise. I swear he could be crushed by a building and come out with nothing more severe than a sore thumb," Mercedes said. 

"Yeah, he is pretty tough. I still can't beat him in hand to hand. It makes no sense either! He's not even muscular!" Caspar said, throwing his hands up into the air. Linhardt raised his head off the table. "I'm pretty sure it's because he has a height advantage." Caspar gasped, grasping his...stomach. "Are you calling me short? You're breaking my heart, Lin!" 

"That's not where your heart is, Caspar," Petra said. Ferdinand coughed into his elbow to hide the snort he made when Caspar looked down at his stomach, confused. "I knew that! I'm not stupid!'

"It's okay Cas, no one's calling you stupid," Dorothea said, patting him on the shoulder. "Besides, maybe your heart is in your stomach. How do we know you're human?" Caspar stuck his tongue out at her. "I'm human! Probably." Caspar paused for a moment, frowning. "I think."

"Please don't have an identity crisis. We have class," Edelgard said dryly. A few people chuckled once they realized she was joking. "And if you weren't human, what would you be?"

Caspar perked up. "What if I'm a dragon like-" Casper was cut off by a loud slam. Linhardt stared down at the tomes now on the ground. "Oops," he whispered. Ferdinand made a face, turning to make eye contact with Hubert. He mouthed something along the lines of 'somethings up with Linhardt' before turning back to the group. Why would Caspar think dragons could look human unless he somehow knew about the ones at their school? The stories never mentioned dragons turning into humans, although sometimes humans would be turned into monsters as punishment. So unless someone was familiar with Rhea and her colleagues....situation, it was unlikely that would register as a possibility. He made a note to do some poking around and see what he could find out about Caspar. 

Bernadetta, who Ferdinand had almost forgotten was in the room, poked her head from around the corner. "We'd know if you were a dragon, Caspar. You don't even have wings!" 

"Magic can do anything, Bernadetta! Maybe I've been cursed!" Caspar said with a flourish. Linhardt returned to his nap, looking a little antsier than before. Ferdinand was certain that something was up with him. 

Hubert cleared his throat. "Magic can not just do anything, Caspar. There are rules," he said. Caspar rolled his eyes. "Who made that a rule?"

"Mother nature, Caspar. Mother nature makes all the rules," Dorothea said. "It's like gravity. You can't...not obey gravity." 

"I could if I wanted to," Caspar said firmly. "You just gotta try hard enough."

Ferdinand pursed his lips. "That is not really how that works, Caspar. You cannot just decide that the laws of nature do not apply to you. That is like saying I could photosynthesize if I put my mind to it," Ferdinand said. Though maybe he could...it was just chlorophyll that let plants process sunlight into energy. Perhaps if you could get someone to have enough of that in their systems, they could become photosynthetic? He would have to look into it.

"If you could disobey gravity you'd be able to float. Like a ghost," Bernadetta mumbled. "Maybe even phase through walls. Are you a ghost, Caspar?"

"Did you just ask me if I'm dead?" Caspar asked. Bernadetta laughed a little. "You could be! How would we know if you were a ghost?" Ferdinand shook his head, deciding to sit down. His knees were starting to ache. 

"Speaking of ghosts, did you hear about the one out by the greenhouse?" Mercedes said. Ferdinand watched Ashe and Caspar both visibly pale, and had to hide the smile on his face with his sleeve. He had always thought it was hilarious how easily spooked the two of them were. For all Caspar's posturing, as soon as someone started talking about the supernatural, he was running for the hills. 

"I did hear about that, actually. Some poor girl fainted at the sight of it," Hubert said. Ferdinand turned to see the mischievous glint in Hubert's eyes. Ferdinand bit his lip trying to keep himself from giggling. Hubert acted so very serious all the time, but when he got that look on his face Ferdinand just knew things were about to get entertaining.

Ashe nervously looked towards Mercedes. "What happened?" he asked. Mercedes smiled. "Well, apparently one hundred years ago, one of the priests had a daughter who just adored gardening. She spent hours in that greenhouse tending to her plants. Apparently she always seemed to be in the greenhouse no matter the time of day." Dorothea, clearly disinterested in the ghost story, moved away to sit at her desk. Edelgard followed her, and the two of them began talking quietly. 

"But how did she end up becoming a ghost? Did she trip on some roots or something?" Bernadetta asked. Caspar looked at her with wide eyes. "We don't really need to hear that, do we?"

"Scared?" Ferdinand teased. Caspar puffed out his cheeks, crossing his eyes. "No! I'm not scared! Come on, tell us Mercedes!" Well, at least his attempts at bravery were admirable. He was still clearly freaked out, eyes permanently widened on his small face. 

"Well...did you know that the greenhouse used to have a well nearby?" she asked. Petra nodded. "I saw a well near the gardens, but it is always boarded up." 

"Well, apparently one day she was late to dinner, so her father went out to check her. When he approached the greenhouse, he heard wailing coming from the well. When he looked down, his daughter was lying at the bottom of it. By the time they were able to retrieve her, it was already too late. Now she's supposedly haunting that well. Apparently anyone who opens it will be dragged down to join her," Mercedes said. Ashe made a small noise at the back of his throat and began inching away from the group.

"So why did that girl faint then? If she didn't open the well, surely she wouldn't have seen the ghost," Bernadetta said. Hubert chuckled darkly. "Oh, but she did. And I heard her describing it to someone earlier. Want to know what she saw?" Hubert said.

Ferdinand looked towards Caspar, who had moved to sit next to Linhardt. He looked about five seconds away from bolting. "I am a bit curious," Bernadetta said. 

"Her hair was matted and gnarly, spilling over the sides of the well and reaching towards her like grasping hands. 

Everyone looked incredibly pale. Ashe suddenly bolted towards his desk on shaking legs. Ferdinand winced. "Maybe that was a bit much," Ferdinand said. 

"Apologies. I suppose I went a bit too far trying to scare you," Hubert said. "It's fine, Hubert. I wasn't scared!"

Linhardt mumbled something under his breath, and Caspar elbowed him. Ashe stood up straight, clearing his throat. "Well, um, it was an interesting story at least." Sylvain placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't feel bad about being scared man. Hubert can make anything scary." Hubert sighed, turning back to his desk. 

"Well, that was a good story, but we do have to get started. Head to class, Mercedes. Everyone else, sit down please," Byleth said. Mercedes nodded, giving everyone a small wave before departing. They all went to their desks, and Ferdinand pulled out his notebook. He had planned to be a diligent student and faithfully take notes, but within an hour he was doodling all over the margins. If anyone said that most of those doodles featured Hubert, well, it was not like they had any proof. 

Once class was finally over and everyone had filed out of the classroom, Ferdinand decided to take Madeline out for a ride. It was pleasant, and the warm air invigorated him. He spent a few hours just admiring the untamed forest surrounding the monastery. Small critters scurried through the undergrowth dotted with wildflowers and ferns of all sorts. Ferdinand almost wished he could spend all of his time out of doors like this. Alas, eventually he saw that the sun was quite low in the sky, and reluctantly dragged himself back to the stables. Once he settled Madeline back into her stall, he turned to make his way to the dining hall for dinner. The monastery was quietly busy, as everyone rushed to get their tasks completed before nightfall. Ferdinand turned the corner and stopped once he saw Ashe and Sylvain sitting together on a nearby bench. He approached quietly. He figured he should check in on Sylvain, but he seems very engrossed in the conversation he was having. He was loath to disturb them. 

"It's okay, you know. To be upset about this," Ashe said quietly. Ferdinand stopped a few feet away from the two of them, suddenly feeling like he was intruding on something private. Should he say something? Ashe continued to speak, and Ferdinand kept quiet, not wanting to interrupt him. 

"He might not have ever been kind to you. In fact, he was horrible to you. But it's okay to wish things were different and it's okay for the idea of his death to upset you. Emotions are complicated," Ashe said. "Grief doesn't always make sense."

"I just...this whole thing is stupid. He wouldn't even be like this if he'd just had a crest. Why is it that the whole world seems to revolve around them?" Sylvain said, leaning back into the bench. Ferdinand stopped for a moment, just out of sight of the pair. Yet another noble who hated crests? It must be his birthday.

"It is stupid. But even without a crest, he still had the option to be a good person. He hurt you; there's no excuse for that. He's only getting what he brought upon himself, and anyone who says otherwise is blind," Ashe said.

Sylvain smiled a little. "I guess you're right Ashe. Can we change the subject? Feel like we're getting a little too serious," he said. Ashe shook his head. "Okay, okay. But you'll tell me if you need to talk to someone, right?" Ferdinand, having heard everything he needed to, left them to their own devices. Somehow he knew that the two of them were going to be alright.

Ferdinand crossed the hall to join Caspar and Linhardt. "Caspar, would you like to spar?" he asked. He had to admit that although he enjoyed spending time with them, he had ulterior motives. He needed to ascertain how loyal to the church his classmates were. He had a pretty good idea of where Dorothea stood, and Petra's stance was pretty clear, but where it concerned Caspar and Linhardt there was less evidence pointing them one way or the other. Neither of them were very open about their religious beliefs or their opinions on the Church. Ferdinand would just have to do a little digging. And he was still curious about Linhardt's reaction to Casar bringing up dragons. What could he be hiding?

Caspar looked up eagerly from his conversation with Linhardt. "Heck yeah! Did you bring your axe?" Caspar asked. Ferdinand nodded, gesturing to the training axe on his back. 

"Alright, let's spar then! I'm warning you though: I've gotten pretty good. I might just wipe the floor with you," Caspar said. Ferdinand laughed, shaking his head. "Sure, sure. Don't get too cocky though or you will definitely lose."

The two of them stepped into the training ring, and Ferdinand removed the ax from his back. Linhardt sat up straight and scooted closer to the wall. As Ferdinand and Caspar got into position, Ferdinand looked briefly towards him. "So what have you been working on lately?" 

"Crest research, as always. I was discussing some things with Professor Hanneman. The fact of the matter is that both the Professor and her twin brother possessing the same crest is astoundingly rare. Like seriously, the chances of having twins with the same crest are so minuscule you're more likely to be struck by lightning three times in a row. Add onto that the fact that the crest of flames hasn't been seen in anyone since Nemesis, and you have a real mystery," Linhardt said.

Ferdinand nodded, dodging a strike from Caspar and slamming him backward with the handle of his ax. He cursed, scrambling to stay standing. "You okay?" Ferdinand asked. Caspar nodded, readjusting his grip on his ax. "Almost dropped my ax there." 

"Which of course got me thinking about the story of Nemesis and his supposed heroism. Imagine how lucky one must be, to have the Goddess herself gift you some magic power. And then everyone just accepts that said magic blood makes you superior? The way some people treat relic weapons, you'd think they were part of the Goddess herself rather than just fancy magic toys for the rich and powerful," Linhardt said. "A sword is a sword. Doesn't matter if it's made of magic or steel or dragon bones or whatever weird material is popular at the time."

Ferdinand paused. "Did you just say dragon bones?" he asked. Caspar used this moment of hesitation to knock Ferdinand's ax out of his hands. "Hah! I win! I told you I would! " Caspar puffed out his chest, looking entirely too pleased with his victory. Ferdinand sighed, though he couldn't wipe the fond smile off his face. "I suppose that one is on me for getting distracted. Still, perhaps next time make sure to take your opponent down before gloating about your victory."

"I'm not trying to kill you, it's just training. I wouldn't do that on the battlefield!" Ferdinand crossed the ring to pick up his discarded ax. "Alright, alright. But Linhardt, dragon bones? Where on Earth have you seen a weapon made of dragon bones?" Ferdinand, of course, knew exactly what he was referring to. Edelgard had told him a few months into their friendship about the truth behind relic weapons. However, he had no clue how Linhardt might have obtained that knowledge. Hopefully, he would slip up and reveal something.

To Linhardt's credit, he seemed to instantly recognize his mistake. He muttered something under his breath, and then stood up. "It was a hypothetical material, Ferdinand. I just wanted to say something that would sound completely absurd. And I did. Are you two still sparring?"

Caspar nodded. "Come on Ferdinand, let's go again," he said. Linhardt yawned, stretching. "Well, have fun. I'm going to take a nap." Linhardt quickly walked away, leaving the two of them to their practice. Caspar whined a little about Linhardt leaving him, but otherwise, it was rather peaceful for a sparring match.

Even if it left him questioning just how much Linhardt was hiding.


	37. Rainy Season

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More snippets of everyday life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No CW warnings this time! This chapter took forever to write but I'm really happy with it so I hope you enjoy!

Ferdinand leaned back in his chair, the wood creaking beneath him. The soft chatter of students at nearby tables buzzed through the warm afternoon air that wrapped around him like a thin sheet of silk. The blooming flowers all around them filled the air with an almost saccharine smell, and Ferdinand had to cover his nose with a handkerchief to avoid inhaling pollen by the tons. It was worth it, however. Sunshine was a precious commodity during the rainy season, and Ferdinand aimed to soak up as much as he could before fall started to settle in. He was already beginning to see the beginning of autumn leaves on some of the trees around the monastery.

Currently, he was waiting for Dorothea and Petra to come back from their training. They had planned to have tea together and try to have a normal conversation for once. It had been awhile since they'd had the chance for idle gossip. Besides that, he also needed to probe the girls for what they wanted for their birthdays. They had been instrumental in planning for the other birthdays that happened that year, and he was determined to make sure their birthdays felt similarly special. 

(Thinking about those early birthdays felt so strange, so long ago. His and Hubert's had been uneventful, Ferdinand's having been on the day of the mock battle and Hubert having done everything in his power to not draw attention to it. Ferdinand had not even been at the monastery for his. He had said something vaguely about it, but otherwise it had passed by without a word. He doubted Hubert would get away with that again. Edelgard's and Caspar's had been the exact opposite. They had been loud, busy affairs, most of the planning done by Dorothea, though Petra had a way of making every event sparkle. He wasn't sure if Sylvain's had happened yet. He was...unprepared for whatever his birthday might entail. The only other birthday he could recall was Claude's, and he hadn't seen what the Golden Deer had done for that. Except that Marianne looked exhausted the next day. He thinks there might have been a party, but he was too busy to notice.)

The girls in question arrived a few minutes later, talking to each other in loud, excited voices. Ferdinand sat up and grabbed the teapot. He had been practicing heating up tea with fire magic, and he was keen on surprising them with it. He'd been rather secretive about studying Reason magic in his spare time thus far, and he couldn't wait to knock them off their feet. Hopefully only metaphorically speaking. "Good afternoon, Dorothea! Good afternoon, Petra!" 

"Afternoon, Ferdie. What tea is that?" Dorothea sat down at one of the chairs, and Petra took a seat next to her. Petra plucked a petal from the table and blew it into the wind, a smile on her face. It was amazing to see how at peace she appeared. She deserved that, after everything she had seen. They all did. 

"It's Bergamont. How did your training go?" Ferdinand placed his hand on the bottom of the kettle and began to recite a small spell to himself. It had taken him days to memorize the proper incantation and even longer to understand what all of it meant. Eventually, he had gotten it, but this was the first time he had gotten to use it outside of practice. 

"It went well. Dorothea and I were sword-fighting. I...won three times. Dorothea won twice. I believe that is....makes me the champion," Petra said. 

"It does, it does. I should practice more," Dorothe said. "I'm not as strict on my swordplay as I should be."

"I'm sure you are still stronger than most people, Dorothea. Tea?" Ferdinand asked, holding out the now hot teapot. Dorothea gasped, clasping a hand to her chest. 

"Ferdie! When did you learn fire magic? Have you been hiding this from us?! Here, let me see it!" Dorothea said, taking the teapot from him. She quickly placed some tea into her own cup and poured out the water. Then, with all the dramatics that only a professional actor could accomplish, she tentatively dipped her pinky into the water. She pulled it out quickly with a small noise of delight. "It's hot! Well color me surprised, Ferdie, I didn't know you had it in you!" 

Ferdinand beamed with pride. He was more than a little relieved that he had been able to pull that off. He watched as Dorothea dramatically poured Dorothea a cup of tea. Petra dipped her own pinky into the tea. "It is having heat, Ferdinand," she said solemnly. Ferdinand snorted, covering his mouth with his sleeve.

"I feel like we're pretending to be the first person to discover how to boil water," Ferdinand said. The three of them began laughing, heads bent over the tables. Ferdinand clutched his stomach, wheezing. "I love you guys, you know that right?"

"Awww, you sap. Trying to flatter me now, are you? I won't help you with your Faith homework even if you butter me up," Dorothea teased. Petra snorted, taking a sip of her tea now that it had steeped for long enough. Seeing that, Ferdinand immediately began to make his own tea. It had slipped his mind during the excitement of having heated up the water with magic all by himself. 

"Can't a guy just express affection for his dear friends?" 

Petra shook her head. "You are being okay, Ferdinand. Weren't we meeting to plan for Leonie and Dedue's birthday, were we not?" Ferdinand nodded, reaching down towards his bag. 

"I got the Blue Lions to tell me what they're planning for Dedue's birthday, and Claude asked Edelgard to tell him what we're planning for Leonie, so we'll have to plan for the Golden Deer to join us for her birthday," Ferdinand said.

"I hope it doesn't rain on their birthdays. Wouldn't that just be horrible?" Dorothea said. Petra shook her head, gesturing up towards the sky.

"I like rain. I would not mind it. Rain is a good thing," Petra said. Ferdinand smiled to himself, taking a sip of his tea. It was a tad more bitter than normal, so he reached for a sugar cube. He must have let the leaves steep a little too long. 

"We should ask what kind of cake Dedue likes. Are they planning on making a cake themselves?" Dorothea asked. "Or is Dedue not a cake kind of guy? These are important details, you know. I don't want to make him a cake and then find out that the Blue Lions already did that."

"I do not think anyone would be complaining about two cakes. Except maybe Felix," Petra said. Dorothea chuckled, covering her mouth with her hand. 

Ferdinand flipped through his notes until he landed on a mention of cake. "Ah, right. Dimitri said he was planning to make him a cake. Himself. He was actually rather insistent on that point. He didn't want any help with it whatsoever. Apparently he's making a yellow cake," Ferdinand said. 

"Oh, well in that case we should be good on the cake front. Let me see those?" Dorothea said, gesturing to his notebook. Ferdinand passed it to her and took a moment to drink his tea. Petra leaned over Dorothea's shoulder to read along with her, hands drumming on the wooden table. The noise was steady and methodical, like rain on the roof of the old inn. He wondered, distantly, how everyone was doing back in Enbarr.

"Sure are a lot of birthdays coming up," Ferdinand said, feigning absent-minded contemplation. "Aren't yours coming up next month?" 

"Oh, they are, aren't they! I'd almost forgotten everything that's been happening recently. Petra, your's is right after mine, isn't it? Did you have anything in particular you wanted?" Dorothea asked. Ferdinand nearly sighed with relief. At least he wouldn't have to dance around the topic himself. He might know diplomacy in theory, but he almost always bungled in practice. 

"I am not needing anything in particular. I am wondering more what you were wanting," Petra said. Ferdinand's relief immediately subsided. Were they really going to do this?

"Oh, come on, you must want something!" Dorothea said. 

"I have everything I want, I promise. You are avoiding my question," Petra said. 

"Do you need new boots? A new bow? Is there a book you've been wanting?"

"Were *you* wanting a new book? Jewelry? A new quill set?"

"Oh, jewelry is a good idea. Do you have a particular stone you fancy?"

"Thea."

"Petra."

Ferdinand poured himself another cup of tea. He was definitely in for a long, long conversation. They truly could be difficult sometimes.

Not that he was any better. 

Ferdinand half-jogged into the training hall, bracing himself for the roar of noise beyond the doors. All three classes had crammed themselves into the training hall, and Ferdinand almost felt a little dizzy in the presence of so many people. Edelgard had insisted this would be a wonderful opportunity to probe for foreign allies. Secretly, Ferdinand suspected she was simply eager to spend time with her newfound friends. He couldn't disagree with her- in fact, he himself was quick to scan the room for his own friends- and he figured they could do both at the same time.

Hanneman and Manuela stood off to the side, heads bent as they discussed something. Hanneman looked annoyed, Manuela frustrated. Not a particularly rare sight, but it was a bit peculiar to see Jeritiza standing next to them, silently looking on at the group. Usually, once the training grounds got this full, he'd disappear and no one would see him for at least a few hours. It was rumored he spent most of his time training with By anyways, and By hated crowds almost as much as he hated fish.

Ferdinand shuddered, remembering the pickled fish incident. He was pretty sure the only people who could stomach that were Leonie and Hubert. He wouldn't call himself a picky eater. but he had barely managed two bites. He was almost certain someone had actually vomited. He jolted out of that particularly revolting line of thought when Byleth tapped her sword (glowing gold and green, ancient power beneath her fingertips) against a nearby pole. "Class."

Ferdinand slid over to stand with Mercedes and Marianne. Most of the class stood in small clumps around the center of the room. Byleth sheathed her sword, taking a moment to look around at her students. "Since we're so rarely able to practice together like this, I was thinking we could do a little tournament, just for fun. It might also be useful to see how you all stack up against each other before the end of the year."

"Sounds like a plan, teach," Claude said. A chorus of assent erupted from their group, and Ferdinand found himself nodding along. It would be fun to see who wins. He would assume it to be one of the house leaders, but anything could happen. Anyone could theoretically come out on top. 

"Good to hear it. Give me a moment to decide on the first round of matches. And warm up! If any of you pull a muscle because you refused to stretch, I will not spare you any sympathy," Byleth said, looking very pointedly at Hilda. She mock gasped.

"Me, complaining about the consequences of my actions? Never!" Hilda said. 

"Liars never prosper, Hilda," Leonie teased. Ferdinand watched Jeritza shake his head and exit the classroom. Probably to find By for a sparring match. Did he...ever do anything other than fighting? 

"It's cheaters never prosper, Leonie," Ignatz said. Leonie rolled her eyes.

"I'm telling you, Catherine would win in a fight!" Ashe said, and Ferdinand turned to see him huddled in a group with Felix and Sylvain. "Jeritza's strong, sure, but Catherine is a knight!" 

"I'm not saying she wouldn't win, just that Jeritza is too unpredictable to count out of the fight. I wouldn't' take my chances," Sylvain said. Felix scoffed, shifting back onto his other leg. "I could take Jeritza, and so could Catherine. It's about strength first and foremost."

"You could not take Jeritza. Please don't try, you gotta learn to pick your battles," Ashe said. Sylvain nodded in agreement, and Ferdinand immediately anticipated Felix's response.

"I do, and I'm picking all of them," Ferdinand said. "Maybe you guys are just getting soft."

"I am personally offended by that. I hope I face off against you in its tournament because you will be eating your words," Ashe said.

"Dorothea are you sure you want to use your sword for this? You're a lot stronger with magic," Ingrid said. Ferdinand turned away from Ashe, Felix, and Sylvain. Goddess, there was a lot to pay attention to in this room. 

"I need the practice. Besides, I'm sure I can still do pretty well. Though we all know who's winning," Dorothea said, looking pointedly at the house leaders and Dedue. Ingrid nodded, leaning against the wall behind her.

"Well, I am excited to get started!" Petra said. Just as that escaped her mouth, Byleth returned to the group. "We're ready to start! The first match is Casar vs. Sylvain."

Caspar pumped his fist into the air. "Heck yeah! Prepare to lose Sylvain!" His opponent laughed, reaching for his lance. 

"Don't get cocky little guy," Sylvain said. Caspar said something in protest, but Ferdinand tuned him out to preserve what little clarity he had. There were just too many things to focus on. 

The matches passed by in a blur. Ferdinand held onto the highlights: Mercedes and Marianne both made it pretty far before they got knocked out, Petra was knocked out by Dorothea, and Hubert lost to Caspar (which he suspected was on purpose). Ferdinand had had the unfortunate luck of facing off Rapheal in round one, but he didn't mind much, because seeing Dimitri win was worth it. HE had joked after the match that it was revenge for the mock battle, and everyone had gotten a good laugh out of it. The final four had been exactly as everyone suspected, with Claude taking fourth (it wasn't his fault he was a bow fighter against three melee-based combatants) and Dedue and Dimitri facing off in the final round (Edelgard had been surprisingly chill about losing). 

It had been great fun, and he was glad he'd dragged himself to the training grounds that morning. 

Two days later, the rain was pummeling down on their classroom, and Ferdinand was preparing to venture out into the storm. Linhardt was late for class, and he had volunteered to go get him. Not for any ulterior motives, no sir, he was simply doing his duty as a classmate. He was not trying to pry into his friend's relationship within the church. That would be ridiculous. 

The rain kept most people indoors, so he was one of the few people walking across the grounds that day. He carded his hands through his wet hair, part of lamenting that the rainwater was going to ruin all the effort he had put in that morning to style. At least it wasn't a particularly humid day, so he wouldn't have to worry about his hair turning to static at the ends. 

His hair had gotten rather long since he'd come to the monastery. He had been so busy with school work and warfare and conspiring against the Church, he had hardly had time to brush his hair, let alone sit down for a haircut. Strangely, he didn't mind it all that much. It was rather pleasant, all things considered, to have more hair on his head. He couldn't help thinking it looked good on him. 

His train of thought was interrupted by the opening door in front of him. A woman pushed past him carrying a basket of laundry, grumbling to herself. He sheepishly stepped out of her way and then entered the stairway. Once out of the rain, he took a moment to shake his head, expelling the water clinging to his entire being. He felt rather like a wet dog. A handsome one, but still a wet dog. He quickly climbed the stairs, hopeful to get to Linhardt's dorm and back before they missed too much of class. And without getting completely soaked on their way back. 

The hallway in front of Linhardt's dorm was completely empty. Ferdinand entered the space with bated breaths. Somehow, something was different here. He walked all the way to Linhardt's dorm, and was surprised to find his door ever so slightly ajar. Now, he was an intelligent person who made fairly good decisions. Occasionally. However, when he began to panic, as he was now observing the offputting atmosphere of a quiet dorm hallway and a normally closed door swinging open in the breeze, he could make some truly abysmal decisions. In fact, one such decision was the one that led to him being at Garreg Mach in the first place.

Having said that, it should come as no surprise that Ferdinand immediately pushed into the room. Linhardt was a creature of habit, and if his door was open when it usually wouldn't be, obviously something must be wrong. As soon as he entered the room, his heart stopped. Linhardt was hunched over his vanity, and Ferdinand knew instantly that he must be injured. Maybe he had scratched himself? He moved quickly through his room and dodged the books and various experiments around Linhardt's room. He placed a hand on Linhardt's shoulder, and the other student whipped around quickly, fangs bared.

Wait, fangs bared?! Ferdinand's brain stopped working for a few moments. He took a long look at Linhardt. His eyes had become yellow, his pupils shrunk down to small slits. His open mouth exposed fangs and sharper teeth. He could see, peeking out from beneath the boy's long green hair, pointed ears. His hands, from what he could see, now sported sharp claws. Ferdinand's brain felt like it was trying to think through cheesecloth. 

"Linhardt?" he managed to squeeze out. He stepped away, and his friend turned to him with wide eyes. Wide, yellow eyes. Ferdinand fumbled with the puzzle pieces in his head, trying to determine exactly what he was seeing. A side effect of a spell gone wrong? Some kind of grave illness? A very elaborate prank? Anything could possibly work in this situation. Ferdinand chewed absentmindedly on his bottom lip. 

Linhardt took a deep breath, leaning against his vanity. "Ferdinand. There is a reasonable explanation for this."

"And it is?" Ferdinand said, crossing his arms. Should he run and get Manuela? What if this was some sort of rare sickness? Was it contagious? 

"I'm a dragon. Now, are we heading to class? I'll need a moment but I'm almost ready to go," Linhardt said flatly. He then turned back to his vanity and began fiddling with a few glass bottles on the table. They were filled with strangely fizzy colored liquids. If Ferdinand wasn't reeling from what he'd just be told, he'd have probably asked what they were. He watched Linhardt drink one of the bottles, face scrunching up. Slowly, the yellow drained from his eyes and turned a dark blue, pupils blowing up to normal size. It was as if they had never been anything different.

"You're a what?!" Ferdinand said. He knew, distantly, that dragons existed, but of all people, he'd never have expected Linhardt to secretly be one! Not with his dark green hair...and slightly shiny skin...and his insistence on always keeping his ears covered...and Caspar somehow knowing about the existence of dragons...and the nail filer height sticking out of Linhardt's bag every so often....and the way he never laughed or smiled or talked with his teeth showing...well, now that he was looking at it, it was perhaps a bit obvious. 

"A dragon. I'm not sure how else to explain it," Linhardt said, tucking his ears back beneath his hair. 

"....Why?" Ferdinand asked.

Linhardt laughed. "You can't just ask people why they're dragons, Ferdinand!"

"I thought....most of them died out centuries ago, didn't they?" Ferdinand said, watching Linhardt fiddled with his nails. The claws retracted slightly, until it looked as if they were instead just particularly long nails. 

"Some of us did survive. My...great-grandparents managed to, somehow, though I'm the only person in my immediate family who looks like this," Linhardt said. "It's tied to my crest I believe."

Ferdinand nodded dumbly, watching Linhardt grab his bookbag and begin packing his school supplies. "Um...Linhardt? You're secret's safe with me," Ferdinand said.

Linhardt scoffed. "Not even going to tell Hubert and Edelgard?" Ferdinand shook his head, stepping backwards towards the door. 

"It's not my place. Let's head to class. We can...talk later," Ferdinand said,

"Fantastic. I actually do still have some questions about your crest," Linhardt said. The two of them walked out of LInhardt's dorm, and Ferdinand took care to shut it behind them. 

"Only if I can ask about yours," he responded. Linhardt laughed, shaking his head. 

"Fine. It's a deal. Just don't ask me if I can breathe fire: the answers yes I can, but I won't," Linhardt said.

"Not even a little bit of fire? As a treat?" Ferdinand said.

"Not even a little."

  
  



	38. Raining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Miklan Fight Begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Mentions of violence, murder, and childhood trauma.
> 
> :))  
> I'm so sorry this is kinda sad but also kinda funny. Please enjoy.

Days passed by in a flurry of activity and strategy, and by the end of the month the rainy weather had drained much of the color out of the normally vibrant monastery. Ferdinand was sheltered under the gazebo outside the stables, securing the waterproof harness over Madeline. He shushed her quietly when she whinnied, upset to be out in the rain. He'd done his best to make sure she'd stay warm out in the cold, but everyone had to put up with a little chill, and she was no exception. Ferdinand kissed her temple and then stepped away, hands gripping her reins.

They'd finally tracked Miklan down to a nearby fort, once an essential building for the Faerghus military. Now, however, it had fallen into the hands of a notorious group of bandits. Ferdinand was more than a little worried that this particular fight would be horrible. Clearly Miklan's forces were far stronger than anyone had expected. Ferdinand scanned the empty sandlot, waiting for his classmates to arrive.

He didn't have to wait long. Hubert and Edelgard were walking quickly towards him, with Caspar and Petra close behind. Presumably, everyone else was still preparing to leave. Or they, like him, were hoping to stay as dry as possible. Ferdinand rubbed at his arms, trying to ward off the chill deep in his bones. Madeline waited until Hubert got close to her, and then leaned over to nip at his hand. He grumbled, but reluctantly began petting her. Edelgard giggled a little, though she covered her mouth in an attempt to disguise it. Caspar and Petra crowded in next to them, Petra having donned a jacket, something that she usually never wore. He rather liked it on her. It was a soft red color and looked to be made of some kind of fur.

"It's pouring down. The rainy season has been heavy this year," Petra said.

"It has been rather stormy, yes. At least there has not been much thunder," Ferdinand said. "It always makes it so much harder to sleep."

"I'm going to miss the sun when winter comes around. Fodlan is always so cold," Petra said. "I am barely able to stop the shivering."

"It is pretty cold sometimes, but it's better than the summer! It's always boiling outside back home. Makes it hard to train," Caspar said. Rainwater was pouring from the ends of his hair down onto his shirt, leaving dark spots behind. Ferdinand frowned. Where was his jacket?

"Caspar. Why aren't you wearing a jacket?" echoed Edelgard, nudging him slightly. Caspar shrugged, and Ferdinand couldn't help but pinch the bridge of his nose. "You'll get sick, Caspar!"

"I'm fine," he said, crossing his arms. "It's not that cold!"

"Go get a jacket, Caspar. And change shirts before that one gets completely soaked," Hubert said firmly. Caspar paused for a moment, but relented under Hubert's haunting glare.

"Fine, alright, I'll be right back!" he said, turning on his heel and making his way back to the dorms. As he disappeared around the corner, Linhardt, Mercedes, and Dorothea appeared from around it. Linhardt shot the retreating figure a dirty look and mouthed something at him. The three of them were all dressed for the weather in thick jackets, but what stood out to him was the bright white hood on LInhardt's. He had never seen Linhardt wearing any colors other than black, gold, and the occasional green. Ferdinand thought it suited him, somehow making his friend seem more...ethereal in nature.

"Mercedes! What brings you here?" Ferdinand called to his friend. The three mages huddled underneath the shelter with them. Madeline whinnied as she was corralled further back, though she finally released Hubert from his duties. He joined the group, standing directly between Ferdinand and Edelgard. Ferdinand pointedly ignored his increased heart rate, deciding that it was simply a side effect of the cold weather.

"I'm joining the Black Eagles," Mercedes said.

"Really?" Ferdinand said, bouncing slightly on his heels. "I thought things were going well with the Blue Lions?"

Mercedes shook her head. "It's not that, Ferdinand, I just, " Mercedes looked over her shoulder," Would it be weird to say I wanted to be closer to Professor Byleth?"

"Not really," Dorothea chimed in. "After all, she's a pretty big deal. It's not every day the archbishop tells you you've been blessed by the Goddess." Ferdinand tried not to make a face at that. Was it a gift from the Goddess or blind luck? You could never tell with crests. He made eye contact with Linhardt (and now that he knew, didn't his eyes look different somehow? the pupils seemed a little too thin) and was unsurprised to see a similar look on his face. He had mentioned, once, that he thought Rhea was a little too eager when it came to the twins. Almost obsessive, really, and while Linhardt couldn't blame her for it, he definitely felt there was more going on there. Ferdinand was wary of explaining what he knew about Rhea; he didn't want his friend to think he thought all dragons were like her. It was just that Rhea was unfit to lead, that was all. Though he understood, somehow, the obsession with Byleth and By.

(wasn't their crest fascinating? when they entered the room, you could just feel the power rolling off them. it made people want to listen to them, want to be around them. you just knew something was important about them, they were something unique. who could blame the archbishop for craving such a holy presence?)

"Blessing from the Goddess aside, I'm sure Dimitri is wondering how he keeps losing his classmates," Hubert said. "I think by now I'd have some concerns."

"At this point, we might have to merge classes, unless we want the Blue Lions to end up with three people," Dorothea teased. Petra leaned out for a moment, peering into the cold, misty air. Ferdinand followed her gaze and saw Ashe and Sylvain making their way down the path. He waved, and the two of them waved back.

"You're joking but it sounds like something that could happen. We'd be the first class in history to have to merge because everyone really likes one specific teacher," Ferdinand said.

"I suppose it wouldn't be too bad," Edelgard said. "Would that make Hanneman our teacher as well?"

"If Hanneman had the choice, I'm sure he wouldn't teach at all," Sylvain said as he and Ashe joined the group under the roof. At this point, Madeline was huddled into the back. At least she was being kept warm. Ferdinand watched Ashe shake his head slightly, flinging water everywhere.

"Hanneman would sell his teaching job in a second if you offered him a research position where he didn't have to speak to people," Dorothea said.

"Oh come on you guys! Professor Hanneman likes teaching," Mercedes said. Linhardt mumbled something, and then shuffled backward. Ferdinand could see a worm on his boot, pink and wriggling. He wrinkled his nose a little.

"Hanneman likes teaching only if it is not getting in the way of his studies," Petra said. "He is being good at it though. He knows a lot about magic." Everyone nodded in agreement, and it went silent for a few moments.

"Oh, did I tell you about what happened on Tuesday?" Mercedes asked. Ferdinand shook his head, gesturing for her to continue. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Edelgard was fidgeting with her gloves. That of course, made him think of gloves in general, and then of Hubert's gloves, and then of that moment in the tent...and now his face was warm. Great.

"Marianne and I had just finished having tea, so we decided to take a little walk since the sky was clear. Marianne suggested we stop by the greenhouse because it was Annette's turn to water the flowers and maybe she'd like a bit of company, and obviously I was okay with that, so we both made our way down there. We had just gotten down the stairs-- it took us a little longer than usual to get there from my dorm because I kept stopping to look at the sky, the clouds were really lovely that day, weren't they? Anyway, we had just gotten down the stairs when we saw this...figure standing in the shadows near the greenhouse, and they made Marianne feel uneasy so I said, well, let's go see who they are, maybe it's nothing but also I was thinking about tht ghost story from the other day, and I'd always wanted to see a ghost so I dragged Marianne over to it-- well, I didn't really drag her but you know what I mean," Mercedes said.

Ferdinand nodded along to her story, occasionally making little noises of interest. When he glanced over to Edelgard and Hubert, they seemed similarly engaged. However, Sylvain and Petra both looked completely lost. He couldn't understand why they would be, Mercedes wasn't talking particularly fast. Still, he motioned slightly for Mercedes to slow down, and she did so, looking a little sheepish. He mouthed at her, "Don't worry about it, you've just lost a few people, that's all," and that look vanished immediately.

"Was it the ghost?" Ashe asked quietly. Right, he was scared of ghosts, wasn't he? Ferdinand really hoped it wasn't a ghost, come to think of it. He did not need the extra stress in his life.

"Maybe. Wouldn't it be great if it was?" Mercedes asked.

Hubert raised a single, non-existent eyebrow. The suggestion of an eyebrow. An ephemeral notion of an eyebrow. "I think most people would consider a death happening on holy grounds to be a bad thing."

"Don't be silly, Hubert! Only the actual church is considered holy, the monastery is just normal ground!" Mercedes said cheerfully. Ferdinand snorted, covering his mouth with his hands.

"So was it a ghost? If so, did you ask how it became a ghost? You know, most people would kill for the chance to meet a ghost," Linhardt said.

"You could, in fact, kill someone for the chance to meet a ghost," Edelgard quipped. Linhardt glared at her, eyes narrowing. Ferdinand had to bite the inside of his cheek to stay quiet.

"No murder," Petra said very sternly. "It would probably make you fail class, I think."

"I'm pretty sure there are worse consequences for murder then failing a class," Ashe said. Ferdinand could hear footsteps approaching. The boots sounded like their professor's.

Sylvain nodded gravely. "Like detention," he said, equally as serious. Mercedes choked a little, leaning against the wall. Ferdinand couldn't help but giggle.

Finally having found a jacket, Caspar returned, this time with Bernadetta and the Byleth's right behind him. Ferdinand waved at the group, watching as Bernadetta hurried over to stand under the roof and away from the downpour. Ferdinand was pleased to see that Caspar had changed, although he did notice that the jacket he was wearing wasn't his. It looked a bit big for him and the hood had a green trim. Ferdinand's face scrunched up, but he kept his questions to himself. Maybe he had just gotten a new jacket or perhaps he had always had this one, and Ferdinand had simply not noticed.

"Students! We leave in five minutes, so make sure you all have your things!" Byleth shouted. Her brother moved past them towards Jeritza, who was hovering along the edge of the building. When had he gotten here?

"So what happened?" Petra asked as they all began to check over their things.

"We approached to say hello, and they just ran off before we could get close to them! I think they had blonde hair, and they were wearing the strangest clothes! Honestly, it was a little rude of them to run away. Not a very polite ghost at all," Mercedes said.

"If I was dead and had to spend the rest of my afterlife here, I wouldn't be too polite either," Bernadetta mumbled. Ferdinand laughed a little at that as he reached for Madeline's reigns.

"We should sage the whole area," Linhardt said. "Maybe that'll scare them off!"

"What? No! The ghost was here first, man, we can't just kick them out!" Sylvain said, just as Caspar shouted, "There's a ghost?!"

Petra moved to explain, but their professor shouted at them to get a move on, and the conversation was lost to the wind.

The walk to the tower was far longer than any of them had expected. For the first hour, they marched on in silence. Madeline snorted occasionally, huffing about the cold weather, and although Ferdinand did his best to soothe her, she was clearly displeased. Not that he could blame her, as the dreary weather soured even his normally sunny disposition.

Mercedes eventually broke the silence. "How bad do you think this is going to be?" she said to no one in particular. By grumbled something under his breath, leaning into his sister. Their professor rolled her eyes and swatted at him. The indignant gasp that followed was perhaps the most dramatic he'd ever seen.

"Gilbert said it looked like there were a lot of them in the tower," Ashe said, gesturing forward to where Gilbert was leading his knights. Ferdinand looked off into the distance. The tower was just barely visible over the horizon. Somehow this fight in particular felt like it was going to be important. The last time he'd had this feeling, his professor had pulled a long-lost magic sword out of a coffin. He figured that he could safely assume something was going to happen.

"I have no doubt that it will be a difficult fight. Miklan's forces must be rather strong if they managed to capture such a well-defended fort," Hubert said.

"How well defended could it really have been if it was captured? Even the best army in all of Fodlan couldn't have taken it so quickly," Dorothea said. "It just feels suspicious."

Edelgard nodded, sweeping past Ferdinand to catch up with the group. Bernadetta quickly followed, which startled Ferdinand a little, as she usually preferred to walk farther away from the group. (Ferdinand was still, it seemed, getting used to seeing the two of them so close.) "It is. While I don't doubt Miklan's strength, I think there's more going on here."

"Do you think he had help? He did steal a relic weapon, maybe that explains it," Mercedes said. Ferdinand could feel her tense up at the implication of conspiracy. Which was to be expected; aside from him, Hubert, and Edelgard, conspiracies weren't something that one had to think about in Fodlan. The nobility kept them safe, and as long as everyone complied, no one got hurt.

Thinking about it like that made him nauseous, so Ferdinand tried not to. "Relic weapons are powerful, sure, but Miklan is no one-man army. He doesn't even have a crest, so he can't use the weapon," Dorothea said. "Not sure why he'd even bother stealing it."

"Spite," Sylvain grumbled, looking more than a little upset. "Dad disowned him and now he's out for revenge. Not sure I can blame him for it, really. It's a shiyty reason to be disowned, not having a crest," he said.

Mercedes frowned. "It doesn't excuse his actions, Sylvain," she said firmly. Ferdinand made eye contact with Edelgard, and both of them seemed to be thinking the same thing: the Faerghus nobility sucked. He was actually eager to see their classmates rise to power themselves: they were perhaps capable of real change. And he had slowly become certain that not a single one of their classmates, and anyone in the Blue Lions for that matter, were too fond of the Crest system. He'd never had a question when it came to the Golden Deer: most of them didn't have crests, and the few that did weren't exactly religious. He was starting to feel like the only thing keeping these systems in place was tradition and fear. Maybe those things went hand in hand.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," Sylvain said. Ferdinand had to hold himself back from scolding him for his dismissive tone. Mercedes was trying to be nice! He had to remind himself that Sylvain was under a lot of stress.

"No, Sylvain, I don't think you do," Ashe snapped. Ferdinand's eyes widened, and many of his classmates mirrored his surprise. Ashe was typically very mild-mannered. Seeing him openly upset was different. He watched Caspar anxiously inch further away from Ashe, along with Bernadetta. Neither of them handled anger very well. Ferdinand himself braced for some sort of explosion, hand twitching towards his axe. He would never actually hurt one of his classmates, but he was more than a little worried he might have to break up a fight. He really needn't have been concerned, however, as Ashe seemed less violent and more...exasperated.

"First of all, he wasn't disowned for "not having a crest", he tried to kill you! Stop pretending like trying to murder an eleven-year-old is excusable! He was a jealous asshole, and he got what was coming to him. Maybe your father's still fucked up for basically ignoring him as soon as you were born, but that was not your fault! No one gets to choose whether they have a crest or not! If Miklan wants to take out his frustration with the system on you then that's his problem, and as far as anyone should be concerned proves he never would have been fit to lead, crest or no crest! No well-adjusted person wants to commit homicide! Especially towards their kid brother! He knew what he was doing was wrong and he did it anyway! You weren't the reason he got himself thrown out and I swear if you say a word to the contrary...we're fighting! We'll spar right here and right now," Ashe said, throwing his hands up into the air. Ferdinand looked between the two of them. Someone coughed.

Sylvain looked at first confused and bitter, but slowly his face morphed into something a bit softer. "You'd lose," he teased. Ashe growled, slugging him (though definitely not at full strength). All at once the tension in the air dissipated. The underlying issue was perhaps still there, but it had faded into the background.

"I'd pay to see that fight," Dorothea said. "Ashe would destroy you." She stopped for a moment to grab Petra's hand, as if it had suddenly occurred to her that she wasn't holding it.

Petra laughed a little. "My money is also being on Ashe. He is small, but vicious. Like an Oncilla," she said. Mercedes giggled, covering her mouth. Ferdinand pushed closer to the group, giggling along with them. As he did so, his arm brushed against Hubert's and he had to hope that no one could see the color in his cheeks.

"Look, he is pretty vicious, but Sylvain could toss him around without breaking a sweat," he said. Ashe gasped. "It's true, don't deny it."

"Thank you! I can't believe everyone here is siding with Ashe! He doesn't train enough with the bow as it is, I'm pretty sure he's never even picked up a lance," Sylvain said. Ashe elbowed him, pouting. "See? Wimpy. That barely even stung."

"You need to work out more, Ashe! I know your whole thing is being light and scrappy but you gotta diversify! Even Hubert can pick up a sword," Caspar said. Ashe mumbled something about being able to use an axe, but it was mostly lost in the scuffle of boots as Hubert dodged a homicidal rock.

"I agree with Ferdinand, Sylvain would definitely win. Unless Ashe had the element of surprise," Hubert mused. Bernadetta whispered something, and Edelgard clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Bernie! That's horrible!" she mock-whispered, clearly laughing. "Ashe does not have toothpick arms!" Bernadetta burst out laughing, wheezing and doubling over. Ashe glowed bright red and moved to kick her, but Linhardt, who was for some reason crouched down, grabbed his leg and nearly toppled him.

"I mean, they do look kind of like sticks," Caspar said loudly. Ashe spluttered, and soon the group's conversation devolved into random bursts of intense laughter and light-hearted mockery. Ferdinand smiled so hard his cheeks were red, and he almost managed to forget about what was to come. Almost.

A few hours later, the group found themselves at their destination, the tower looming tall over all of them. Byleth quickly called for attention, standing in front of their group. "We're not going to be splitting up this time. I still want you in formation though. Sylvain, Edelgard, Ferdinand, Caspar, I want you up front. Bernadetta, Ashe, I want you directly behind Caspar and Sylvain. Petra, I want you to stick with Linhardt and Mercedes. Dorothea, Hubert, I'm trusting you two to know where you're needed. Don't break rank unless you absolutely have to," she said.

"Wait, Professor? Where's Leonie?" Mercedes said, looking around their small group. "Isn't she supposed to be in this class?"

Byleth's face fell, looking around the group. It was deadly silent for a few minutes before the professor sighed, hiding her face in her hands. "We forgot Leonie at the Monastery."

By chuckling a little, but shut up when he was elbowed in the side by his sister. "What? It's kind of funny! Besides, she just gets a day off. It's not that bad," Byleth said. Their professor shook her head, but she let the subject drop. Ferdinand really hoped Leonie wasn't going to be mad when they got back.

"We don't have time to stand around. We need to get in and get out. Stick with the knights, and don't do anything risky," Byleth said. With that, she motioned for the class to follow her, and everyone began to shuffle into position. Ferdinand watched Hubert position himself directly behind Edelgard, and Dorothea floated somewhere towards the center of the group. Then, the group made their way to the tower's entrance, where Gilbert and a group of Knights had already gathered and were sweeping the entrance.

It was surprisingly quiet as they climbed the tower. Apparently, all the bandits had gone up to the fifth floor. Ferdinand wished he could have brought Madeline into the tower, but there were too many stairs, so he had to go on foot. Ferdinand missed her, somehow. She always managed to keep him calm, and even though he'd found somewhere dry for her to stand, he was worried she'd be cold. At least the air had gotten slightly warmer.

As soon as they made it to the fifth floor, the battle began. Bandits rushed out of hiding towards them, and Ferdinand's mind melted into a haze of motion. He could never say it was pure instinct, as every part of him recoiled from violence and death, but it was getting easier to kill. At least in the moment, the pain of each death did not follow him. Surely it would bother him later, but he kept pushing forward regardless.

Petra shot a man trying to climb over a wall to jump at them, and then dived out of the way of a fireball. Hubert cursed, blasting a spell at the mage in question. Dorothea shouted something over the dull roar of clashing metals. Caspar was grappling up the stairs with someone. Ferdinand pushed a man aside with his lance, ignoring the crunching sound. He knocked into a wall trying to avoid a sword. Luckily, Edelgard was right there to push the bandit away.

They fought their way up the staircase. Caspar and Sylvain pulled Ashe off the floor when he toppled over, and Bernadetta had to move closer to the front to help pick off some of the archers in the tower, but for the most part, it went smoothly. They were at the top of the tower before they knew it. Ferdinand saw the look in Sylvain's eyes and braced himself for the confrontation. Mercedes moved past him to heal Edelgard, who had a rather nasty cut on her side. Ferdinand wondered how all of them still seemed to have so much energy.

Byleth and her brother circled the room on opposite sides, approaching Miklan slowly. "Surrender, Miklan! It's over!" Sylvain shouted. Miklan grimaced, clutching the relic weapon in his hands. Ferdinand saw the look on Linhardt's face and his stomach dropped. He looked terrified to see him holding it, and Ferdinand couldn't blame him, knowing what those weapons were made of. Though, other relic weapons hadn't seemed to bother him that much; he hardly flinched at Catherine's.

"What are you doing here, you spoiled brat?" Mikan snarled. Sylvain flinched, hand squeezing his own lance. Ashe put a hand on his shoulder, but Sylvain didn't relax. Byleth inched closer, motioning towards By to grab the sword. Ferdinand moved to grab his own weapon. In the background, Mercedes rushed to examine everyone else for injuries. Petra had a bow trained on Miklan, eyes narrowed in concentration Everyone else could feel the tension soaking the open rooms. In the distance, he could hear shouting as Dorothea and Caspar finished off the last of the bandits. Still, Linhardt just stared at Miklan, frozen in place.

"Give me the lance Miklan! It's over! You can't fight all of us by yourself," Sylvain said. Miklan growled, stepping forward. Immediately By pulled the sword out of his sheath and stepped in between them. It did nothing to dissuade Miklan from being rash.

"You're really going to stand in my way again? If it weren't for you-" Miklan said, but Sylvain cut him off, raising his lance. Rather than stopping him, Ashe readied his bow. Ferdinand stepped forward, but he was dragged back by Hubert. The taller man shook his head, and Ferdinand got the message. This was Sylvain's fight.

"That wasn't my fault!" Sylvain said. He paused as if waiting for a response, but instead he continued, his voice pitching towards hysterical. "You tried to kill me multiple times for something I can't even control! It's not my fault you've never cared about anyone but yourself. Give up the lance, Miklan. I don't want to have to hurt you."

Miklan raised the lance. By tensed. Byleth drew her sword. "I'll kill you! I'll kill all of you!" he screamed. Then he lunged forward and everything went sideways. By knocked him backward into Byleth's sword, but even that wasn't enough to keep Miklan down for long. Ashe began firing arrows at Miklan, but as he was engaged in combat with two other people, it was difficult to land a hit on him. Sylvain entered the fray, slamming his lance into Miklan's chest. It dented the armor, but Miklan still managed to land a hit on Sylvain. Several bandits suddenly rushed up the stairs, and Ferdinand quickly turned to help fight them off.

Edelgard tossed a man over the side of the staircase, and Bernadetta dived behind her to avoid a particularly determined grappler. They followed their comrade without much fuss, Edelgard clearly unamused with their audacity. Ferdinand pushed past Petra, who was busy pulling Caspar up off the floor. He took down a few bandits who were trying to pick off Dorothea. (Not that he didn't think Dorothea could handle them herself, but it was the principle of the matter. No one threatened his friends.)

The ground began to shake, and Ferdinand dropped his lance. Hubert turned away from the bandit he'd just dropped and stared up towards where Miklan had been fighting. The look on his face told Ferdinand something was horribly wrong. Mercedes screamed.

Ferdinand looked over his shoulder and instantly knew, somehow, exactly what Linhardt had been afraid of. 


	39. Discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's actually really messed up what happened to Miklan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Violence, Blood, mentioned death. 
> 
> Once again I am reminded that I write too much,,, Had to break this chapter into parts; the good news is that that means the next chapter will come faster!

A tower of black muscle, if one could even use such a word to describe it, writhing and pulsing and ripping outwards. It screeched like nothing Ferdinand had ever heard before. It was something straight out of a child's nightmare. He backed up, legs shaking. He could hear the screams of a few bandits as their former boss plucked them from the ground and...and...ate them. Ferdinand was horrified, stomach-turning over and over like a barrel on a hill. He was going to throw up.

"What is that?" Bernadetta shrieked, stumbling past him. Ferdinand followed her up the stairs, hardly even thinking as he drew his axe. If he thought too hard about what he was looking at, he would have a breakdown. Sylvain's brother just turned into a monster, somehow. Ferdinand couldn’t wrap his head around it. One moment he was a human, the next he had exploded into a mess of black muscle and gnashing teeth.

By tossed the sword back to his sister. She stared at it for a moment, and Ferdinand could see her lips moving rapidly. Praying, perhaps. He figured he would be too, if he was remotely religious. As it was, the only thing he could focus on was keeping everyone alive. Mercedes tore up the stairs and grabbed him by the arm. He could feel magic pouring into it. He dragged them both forward. "Everyone, behind me!" Byleth shouted. Edelgard skidded to a stop right next to her.

"What in the Goddess's name is that thing?" Caspar shouted. "Why does it look like that? Where's Miklan?" Byleth shouted something to her brother, and he darted around the space to approach the thing from behind.

"That is Miklan," Ashe said quietly. The monster roared, slashing at Byleth. Luckily she managed to dodge. Caspar went pale.

"Guys! Focus on getting rid of it first, please?" Edelgard shouted. Ferdinand stepped forward, hand gripping his lance. This was going to be a long fight.

A few hours later, their class stumbled back into the common rooms in their dorms. All of them felt like they were dying. Ferdinand could barely move his left arm, he was pretty sure Mercedes was having a breakdown, and half of the class looked like they were one light breeze away from shattering. The fight itself was a blur. Ferdinand remembered screaming and Sylvain's triumphant/aggrieved look as Miklan finally fell. Ferdinand wanted to take a nap.

Instead, they all sat in a circle around the fireplace. By had dropped off some food and then left, mumbling something about Byleth being in the infirmary, and they were all trying to eat. Linhardt had vomited several times on their way back, and he picked nervously at a bread roll. Ferdinand kept seeing the look on his face right before Miklan transformed. Did he know that would happen? Did anyone?

"That was messed up," Caspar said. "What even was that? Why would a relic weapon...do that? Aren't they supposed to be holy or something? Why would it do...that?"

Maybe it was a punishment from the goddess?" Ashe said. "If so, I think he deserved it." Ferdinand could hear the malice in his voice. He couldn't blame him. Miklan had done some truly awful things, especially to Sylvain, and since they were such good friends, it made sense that Ashe would hate him so much.

"No one deserves that," Linhardt said quietly. There was a hint of mourning in his voice, like he was personally aggrieved by what had happened. Ferdinand frowned a little. Out of the corner of his eyes, he could see Hubert looking directly at Linhardt, searching his face. Ferdinand felt a little guilty for not telling Hubert what he knew. But he couldn't betray Linhardt's trust either. He was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"Maybe it's because he didn't have the right crest for the weapon? So it judged him unworthy and that was the result?" Petra said. Dorothea nodded along, leaning against her.

"If that's the case, why doesn't the Church publicize that? I think "the goddess turns the unworthy into monsters'' would be much more compelling than "crests make you strong"," Dorothea said. Ferdinand squirmed a little. He would rather the Church not use what had just happened as propaganda. It seemed disrespectful to Sylvain and his family. Even if Miklan was a horrible person.

"It would cause panic. I mean, we've all been in dozens of fights, but look how we reacted! I'm pretty sure Linhardt's going to faint from all the fluid loss and Mercedes looks like she's seen a ghost," Ashe said. "I can't imagine how the people would react to this."

"Poorly. I'd imagine if anyone outside the monastery learned about this, there would be rioting in the streets. Rumors spread fast," Hubert said darkly. Ferdinand grabbed an apple. He needed to at least try to get something into his system. Preferably without vomiting it up again.

"The people riot over everything. Not that there's anything wrong with a little direct action. Only way to keep the nobility in line," Ashe grumbled. Then, almost as if realizing that everyone else here was nobility (except for Dorothea) he clammed right up. Ferdinand chuckled a little.

"How does rioting even work? Do you like, schedule it? 'Hey everyone, at this date and time we're all going to overthrow the lord of the land, don't be late!'" Caspar asked. Dorothea placed a hand over her mouth, looking slightly amused.

Linhardt shook his head. "No Caspar, they don't schedule their riots. The whole point of rioting is that it reflects the people's opinions on the government. You riot over like, people starving in the streets. No one's rioting without good reason," Linhardt said. "It's the only way the people have to tell us what needs to change."

"You guys don't have like, a legal system?" Sylvain asked. Mercedes accepted a glass of water from Petra (who at this point looked incredibly concerned for her well-being) and at that she nearly spit it out. "You guys can't like, stand before a judge and talk things out? How do the people dispute unfair laws."

Ferdinand sighed, placing his hands in his head. God, he hated the current system. Every day he read something that other governments did that worked far better than their system and wept. He understood why they were so messed up (goddess help his father whenever Ferdinand got his hands on him) but it was still frustrating. "Generally, they do not."

"Just another thing I'll have to change when I'm in charge," Edelgard said. "The times are changing, and I think those in power have a responsibility to change with it. If you refuse to allow that societal progress, inevitability the consequences of your actions will catch up to you."

"Oooh, getting political on us, are you Edie?" Dorothea teased. Ferdinand heard a popping sound and looked back to see that Ashe was rubbing his shoulder. Ferdinand winced. He hated the feeling of popping bones.

"Everything we do is political," Sylvain said. "We're all some form of nobility. All the world's eyes are on us all the time," Dorothea looked at him dryly. "Sorry. Most of us are nobility."

"Can't believe you forgot about us," Ashe joked lightly. Sylvain rolled his eyes and punched him softly in the shoulder. "Ouch! Jerk. Mean. Evil. I'm sending you to prison for crimes."

"Are we going to be going to be sending Sylvain to prison?" Petra asked. Dorothea snickered a little, leaning into her.

"No!" Mercedes said, just as Ashe responded with the opposite. Sylvain started laughing as well.

"Can't believe Sylvain is a criminal," Linhardt said. "What are we going to do with him?"

"Imprison him," Petra said very seriously. Bernadetta cackled.

"Damn, can't believe I'm going to jail," Sylvain mumbled. "Miklan would be so proud." Ashe gasped, but Ferdinand could tell he was probably joking. Ashe shouted something about Miklan 'not having a single positive emotion in his body' and the conversation quickly devolved from there. Dunking on Miklan's horrible personality, it seemed, was an effective way to put everything that had just happened to the side. And after what had just happened, they deserved a little bit of normalcy.

Their class was given the next day off. Ferdinand spent his morning with Madeline, but afterwards he found himself standing outside Hubert's door. He wasn't worried about him perse, but he did miss him. How he could miss someone he saw everyday, he wasn't sure.

Still, he found himself standing outside the door, tea in hand. The tea was Cinnamon (the only kind Hubert enjoyed). Ferdinand liked the smell of Cinnamon. Ferdinand couldn't bring himself to knock. Ferdinand was worried about bothering him. Ferdinand really wished he could stop referring to himself in the first person.

Then the door opened, and Hubert was on the other side. He looked down at him, the familiar sight of scorn on his face. It quickly softened, and Hubert sighed. "What are you doing here, Ferdinand?" he grumbled.

"I was unaware that you were studying magic," Hubert said. "You seem to have good control over it. Most people couldn't use Fire without...well, actual flames." Ferdinand beamed with pride. It had taken him weeks to get this down, but it was so worth it. Not having to start a fire to make tea in the morning was very convenient.

"I have been practicing. We always nag you for being too pigeon-holed into one area of combat, I figured I might as well take my own advice," Ferdinand said. Hubert nodded, and the room went quiet. Strangely, it wasn't awkward. Ferdinand marveled silently at how much had changed between them. When they'd first met (had it really been 4 years ago?) he could never have imagined being able to share space together without bickering, never mind the idea that he might actually enjoy his company. Their friendship had snuck upon him like a thief in the night. Perhaps he had gotten more mature.

"Glad to hear that for once you're focusing on something other than your horse," Hubert teased. Ferdinand puffed out his cheeks, glaring at him. He reached for the teacups, deciding to ignore that comment altogether. (The fact that Hubert had them even though he never drank tea was odd, but who was Ferdinand to complain? They were certainly very pretty, slightly faded with age but they still had their charm.

"Have your explorations in the tunnels proven useful?" Ferdinand asked. He could tell that Hubert could tell he was just trying to change the subject. He busied himself with preparing the tea, almost daring Hubert to say something. Hubert just shook his head, giving him a quietly amused smile. It was such a small thing, but it made Ferdinand's heart leap into his throat. He quickly silenced that reaction: this was Hubert. He had no reason to be nervous anymore. They were friends. 

"Certainly. I actually believe I've found people down there, though I can't say for certain just yet," Hubert began. He continued on for a while about his discoveries, while Ferdinand waited for the tea to brew. He really did try to pay attention, it was important information, but his mind kept drifting back to treating Hubert's hands. At first he thought it was just out of concern, after all they had been very deeply damaged. But he kept fixating on the feeling of holding them in his, calloused fingers working over gnarled skin. He kept thinking, almost against his will, of gently kissing his friends' knuckles. He was pretty sure he had a problem. 

He was startled out of his own head when he remembered he was supposed to be listening to Hubert. He carefully focused on removing the tea bags (they had been in for just a touch too long) and trying to ward off the heat in his cheeks. He convinced himself that all of that was just...weirdly misdirected concern for his friend's health. Some odd reflex bubbling up from some simplistic part of his brain. He definitely, absolutely, positively could not be at all interested in Hubert in any manner that was not strictly platonic. "I believe Jeritza and our associates are planning something, though unfortunately I have yet to determine what exactly that something is," Hubert said, and Ferdinand nodded. He had definitely been paying attention. 

"Should we keep an eye on him?" Ferdinand asked. Hubert nodded, accepting the cup of tea Ferdinand passed him. "If Jeritza is working with those associates of ours, which I'm assuming to be a reference to Those Who Slither In The Dark, then there is truly no limit to what he could be capable of." He was starting to get sick of keeping an eye on so many people. He supposed this was only a fraction of the work Edelgard and Hubert had to put into their cause. Ferdinand hoped that someday they would trust him with more. 

"Edelgard seems to think they want to access something beneath the monastery," Hubert said. Ferdinand poured some sugar and cream into his tea. He normally didn't take his tea with this much sugar with his tea, but Cinnamon was a particularly bitter blend. He had no clue how Hubert could stomach it, but then again he did enjoy coffee. It was just another one of their many, many differences. 

"Then we should probably keep an eye on all known entrances into the tunnels. I can cover the one out by the greenhouse," Ferdinand said. Hubert nodded, and then began listing out the other known entrances. At some point he procured a map, and the two of them spent the rest of their day hunched over the table, trading information and discussing strategies. His back ached by the end of it, but Ferdinand couldn't think of a better way to spend his time than with Hubert. 


	40. Chapter 40

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More little moments before the storm.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Mentions of murder/death and kidnapping.
> 
> I'm coming up on the end of my planning so chapters will be coming out slower as I'll be planning as I go! Is that a good idea? Who knows!
> 
> Anyway's, happy Valentines Day!

Across the campus, Dorothea and Petra sat on a grassy hill. The rain had finally ended, and Dorothea was determined to have a picnic. Picnics were normal. Picnics were casual. Picnics did not involve anything even remotely violent. Dorothea felt like they deserved that after what had just happened.

Dorothea popped a mini-sandwich in her mouth, taking a moment to just enjoy sitting with Petra. The light wind was pulling strands of hair from her brain, and Goddess she was gorgeous. Dorothea was almost a little jealous of how effortlessly pretty she was. If Dorothea was just a smidge less confident she suspected they might not have gotten along as well as they did. Small miracles.

"I was thinking something about Fodlan," Petra said, breaking Dorothea out of her haze. Hopefully, she hadn't just been staring at Petra like a dope. She preferred to be a little more subtle than that. She wasn't Ferdinand. "It is strange, how diverse you all are looking and yet how difficult it is for people in Fodlan to accept those from other places."

Dorothea nodded, shifting to sit up straight on the hill. The slightly damp grass on her ankles sent a shiver up her spine. "People don't like things that don't match up to their specific world view. It's horrible. People see you and they just decide who you are based on where you're from. And I'm not saying I'll ever know what that feels like, but you know...I get it," Dorothea said.

"I am knowing...I know what you mean. I have decided that if being like people here is being normal, perhaps I don't want to be normal," Petra said. She paused for a moment to eat something and then continued. "I have seen the nobility's idea of fun here. It makes no sense. They will sit around a table discussing crop prices in countries they do not trade with or hunt with dogs, but they do not hunt for food. Hunting is a game to them, they are not respecting their prey. Some will be cruel to their animals as if they do not feel as we do."

Dorothea laughed. "I suppose crop prices are politics just like anything else, but they're so boring. The nobility really struggle to have fun sometimes. I think it's all the...the...repression!" Dorothea said, snapping her fingers. "They're all horribly repressed. I think they like, breed the rebellion out of the bloodline or something."

"It would not be surprising me. Fodlan customs are strange to me. Then again, I suppose Brigadian customs would be strange to the people here," Petra said. "Or else...exotic." Petra's face scrunched up at the word, and Dorothea gave her a sympathetic look. She knew exactly what she was referring to. Dorothea had witnessed the way some people talked about her. Frankly, it was disgusting.

"Fodlan men really cannot go five minutes without dehumanizing women, and that goes double for any woman that isn't their idea of 'noble’, " Dorothea joked. Well, she supposed that was a little unfair. "Not all of them, of course. Our friends are very respectful...most of them, anyways."

"It is okay, Dorothea, you can be saying Sylvain," Petra said, a playful seriousness to her voice. Dorothea wheezed, clamping a hand over her mouth. Petra laughed as well, and honestly Dorothea wished she could laugh more often. It was unfair how tragic her life had been. She deserved better.

"Awww, he hasn't been that bad lately! Honestly, he hasn't hit on me even once in the past week or so. At first I thought it was because of Miklan, but, well..." Dorothea trailed off. Petra leaned forward and Dorothea grinned internally. It was always nice to know she could keep her attention, even if it was a bit of frivolous gossip. But it felt nice to talk about something cheerful. Much better than talking to Ferdie or Edie had been lately. It wasn't their fault, they had a lot on their plates and being the future leaders of Adrestia had to be stressful, but Dorothea missed having conversations that didn't lead to deep philosophical and political debates.

At least their friends who were into politics weren't dripping in classism. The amount of stuck-up nobles who spoke about people from her background like they were subhuman was ridiculous. You couldn't throw a stone in the monastery without hitting someone who said 'the poor' with the same tone of voice one would use to speak about a sick dog. Spoiled rich kids. Maybe some of them seemed a little sheltered sometimes, but none of her classmates treated her any differently. It was nice.

"Are you going to tell me what you saw?" Petra asked. Dorothea laughed again, leaning back down into the grass. Petra followed her, and soon they were lying side by side, staring at the clear sky above them. Dorothea was surprised at how romantic it felt. Maybe this wasn't as platonic as Dorothea had assumed it to be. Or maybe it was just Dorothea overthinking things again; she had on occasion stargazed with Edie, and there was definitely nothing going on there. There was nothing wrong with Edie, actually she was quite beautiful, but Dorothea was way too invested in whatever was going on with her and Bernie to interfere. Seriously, what were the odds that everyone in their class was queer? Did Byleth just like...exude some sort of energy that all of them picked up on?

"Well, if you insist," Doothea teased. She had every intention of telling her anyways, but it was fun to pretend like she could dangle it over Petra's head. Petra grunted (and it was the prettiest grunt she'd ever heard, goddess she was perfect) and elbowed her in the side. "Ouch! Okay, okay. I'm pretty sure he and Ashe have, like, a thing." Dorothea's voice dropped down to a conspiratorial whisper. "It's like, they're dating but they're also not dating?"

Dorothea giggled, rolling over as well. Yeah, definitely not as platonic as she had assumed. Don't stare, Dorothea, you're going to make yourself look weird. "Sylvain's been distracted too. Felix was complaining the other day that Sylvain was getting sloppy during practice. I think there's definitely something between the two of them, but they're both too stubborn or awkward to talk about it," Dorothea said. Petra half-nodded, though it was difficult to do so lying down.

"They are just as bad as Ferdinand and Hubert," Petra said solemnly. Dorothea cackled. Oh, how oblivious her dear friends were. Which was even funnier in Hubert's case, because usually, nothing got past him. He prided himself in knowing all the goings-on in Garreg Mach. You wouldn't think Hubert was one for gossip, but Dorothea knew better. She was always catching Hubert up on what happened around Garreg Mach. He claimed it was for 'research', but Dorothea thought that was maybe a little bit of a lie.

"You see it too?! Mercedes doesn't believe me at all, she says they just seem like good friends," Dorothea said. She paused for a moment to appreciate the way the sun was catching in Petra's hair. "Hubie and Ferdie acted like they hated each other, then one battle later and all of a sudden they're closer than anyone else? Not to mention Ferdie will just stare at him if he's not looking. Honestly, I don't know how Edie can stand being alone with just the two of them. The amount of tension between them would kill me."

"I am thinking she puts up with it because they are her advisors. Clearly, they are helping her with whatever she is planning," Petra said. Dorothea raised an eyebrow. "Were you not seeing it? Edelgard is always talking about her plans for the future of Fodlan. And it is clear to me that there are big changes coming for the empire. I am thinking the nobility are feeling too safe in their positions. Edelgard will not be showing them mercy."

Dorothea made a small noise of contemplation. "Well, good for her. Although if that's the case, I have some ideas about who exactly needs to get the boot," Dorothea said, only half-joking. Honestly, if it were up to her, she'd get rid of the nobility entirely. They were just leeches. The adult ones at least. And a lot of the spoiled, self-obsessed children they'd spat out in search of a crest. The whole system was messed up.

"I think she will make a great ruler," Petra said. "I think most of the nobility here is not as bad as the others. Perhaps there is something in the water?"

"Everyone in the Black Eagles is either world-weary or optimistic to a fault. I think there's something to be said about that," Dorothea said. "It makes us all kind. Or...kind-adjacent, for some of us. Petra laughed a little

Hubert is being the 'kind-adjacent' one, I assume?" Petra asked.

"Of course. I don't mean it to be cruel, but Hubert struggles so hard to come off as menacing. Sure he's a little scary, but I saw this man gently cradle a cat once. He's a soft-hearted person, just a little tough. Like a housecat with fangs," Dorothea said.

Petra nodded solemnly. "He is a domesticated tiger. But I think it is wise not to forget that he still bites. I have seen him tear through our enemies with precision," Petra said. Dorothea couldn't help but picture Hubert as a tiger. She snickered at the absurd image of a tiger with hair over its eyes, wearing a pair of incredibly puffy pants. Goddess, he was a sight to behold. How anyone took him seriously was beyond her.

"Then what animals are the rest of us? I'm thinking Caspar would be like...a puppy? Maybe a bear, actually. A really tiny, energetic bear," Dorothea said. Petra sat up, suddenly looking very focused. They spent a great deal of time discussing that, but even once all their animal counterparts were settled on, they continued to chat idly until the sun began to set. Maybe they hadn't gotten anything productive done, but they were finally able to relax, and that was worth its weight in gold.

It was late. Ferdinand was drifting in and out of consciousness, body fully relaxed. He was having a rather pleasant dream: he and Dorothea were watching a play and gossiping about the actors. It was the sort of strange half-memory that made dreams feel so real. It was better than dreaming about mud, at least. The dream began bleeding into tea time with Marianne and Mercedes when his door opened. He sat up, straining to look at his clock. He was pretty sure it was just past one o'clock in the morning. Ferdinand had many questions. Namely, who had died to necessitate someone waking him up?

"Ferdinand, get up," Edelgard whispered. Ferdinand immediately swung off the bed, sitting up and rubbing sleep from his eyes. He was panicking, just a little. She never woke him up this late. Hubert did, he preferred to talk late at night, but Edelgard never wanted to impose. Goddess, someone was probably actually dead. He really needed to stop putting things like that out into the universe.

"What's wrong? Is someone hurt? Do I need to get dressed?" Ferdinand said, watching his friend walk over to his desk and sit down. Ferdinand was quick to move from the bed towards her. He felt a bit silly in his nightgown, but Edelgard wasn't going to comment on that. He wondered if perhaps something had happened in the Kingdom again. It was a very unstable region. Then again, if a secret shadow organization of mages dedicated to using their extraordinary powers for their own gain was meddling with the Empire like it did the Kingdom, they'd be unstable too. Luckily, the Slithers (as he'd taken to calling them, much to Hubert's chagrin) were content with mere human experimentation and only a little bit of insurrection.

"We have to kill Count Varley," Edelgard said. Ferdinand paused for a moment, and then nodded.

"Alright. Is this a me and you thing or are we going to ask Hubert?" Ferdinand said. Maybe he was a little out of it this late at night, but Edelgard usually didn't rash decisions.

Then he remembered the whole "I tried to kill the future leaders of the other countries in Fodlan'' and reconsidered. He needed to ask a few questions, probably, before jumping straight into homicide. Not that they weren't planning on disposing of whole groups of the nobility, but maybe they should consider not killing any more people than they had to. The nobility wasn't evil; most of them were just messy and human and complicated. "Wait, why are we murdering Count Varley?" Ferdinand asked.

Edelgard launched into a fast, messy explanation of the conversation she had had with Bernadetta that morning. Ferdinand had trouble understanding her, but he got the gist of what she was talking about. Some of the things she mentioned made him feel sick. Who tied their own child to a chair? Why did the nobility go so far to make their children "marriageable"? She was a child for goodness sake! She should have been out...playing games and reading books and socializing, not being trapped in her room for days at a time. Ferdinand began to pace back and forth, thoughts swimming in his head. Once Edelgard was finished, silence filled the room. Maybe they were both sleep-deprived and irrational, but Ferdinand was one-hundred percent ready to charge out of this room and hunt Count Varley for sport.

"Well, we'll have to find some time we can get away from the monastery for a while," Ferdinand said. "Do you think Bernadetta might want a warning? Even if her father is a miserable waste of resources, she might still need to mentally prepare."

"...Right. Right. I'll think of some way to tell her," Edelgard said. "Hubert should be able to find an excuse for us to leave for a few days. As long as nothing goes wrong in the next week or so." Ferdinand winced. That felt like an ominous statement.

"Don't put that out into the universe," Ferdinand said. "With our luck, we'll wake up tomorrow and someone will be missing."

"We have to have at least one calm month," Edelgard said quietly. "We need that. I have so much planning to do as it is; we don't need yet another emergency slowing us down."

Ferdinand shook his head. "I think asking for peace is a little too much for Fodlan," he said, sitting back on the bed. He could feel sleep begin to overtake him. "Can we discuss this in the morning?"

Edelgard nodded, standing up. "Sorry for waking you. I'll see you in the morning," she said quietly. Ferdinand mumbled something as she walked out of the room. Sleep came for him quickly, and he allowed himself to slip back into his dreams.

"Ferdinand! Ferdinand!" shouted someone from outside his door. Ferdinand sat up, rubbing his eyes. He glanced over to his clock, noting that it was now close to nine in the morning. At least he had managed to get some more sleep before someone woke him up. He stood and hustled over to his dresser, quickly removing his uniform.

"One second!" he shouted back, quickly pulling off his nightgown and getting changed. Once he looked (and smelled) decent, he ran his fingers through his hair and then hurried over to the door, snatching up his boots. He pulled the door open to find that Marianne was behind it, looking distressed. "Marianne? Is everything alright?" He knelt down to pull his boots on, feeding off Mariane's panic and starting to worry himself.

"We're all meeting downstairs. Flayn is missing," she said, as Ferdinand followed her out the door.

"What happened to her?" Ferdinand asked. He could feel his heart sinking into the deep recesses of his stomach. Flayn, from their very few interactions, seemed like a total sweetheart. How could anyone want to hurt her? Maybe she'd just ran away. It wasn't unheard of, but if everyone was freaking out so much then clearly she hadn't left a note. Then again, neither did Ferdinand or Christine. Sometimes it was better to leave without a word.

"We don't know. Seteth can't find her anywhere. Everyone's convening to discuss where she could have gone," Marianne said. "Claude thinks she's been kidnapped, but there's no hostage note and Hubert says if murder were their aim, they wouldn't bother snatching her. Sylvain suggested she might have run away, but she doesn't have a motive for doing so. And we can't figure out how they'd have gotten out of the monastery."

Ferdinand didn't respond, focusing instead on tracing all available exits. He doubted they'd have headed out through the mountains or down to the village, as both areas were heavily populated. Perhaps the tunnels? If that was the case, they could be anywhere; those tunnels went on for what felt like forever. Still, it was a start.

They made their way into the meeting hall, where everyone was packed into the room. Ferdinand made eye contact with Edelgard, mirroring her grim expression. As Seteth began to call for attention at the front of the room, all Ferdinand could wonder was how it was that they kept having so many horrible things happen at the monastery. Maybe this place really was cursed.

**Author's Note:**

> I'M BACK Y'ALL WITH ANOTHER LONG ONE. LETS GOOO.


End file.
